He said
“Baby, I like the sound of you, and that reproduction’s balanced.
That ergonomic fit and water resistant
And you’ve a case, makes for easy stora-age.
Magnetic back
You’ll clip around my neck
And they made you really rugged
Your cable’s so symmetric, it’s almost like hers
I’m gonna choose how I want to use ya-a.”

Strut, pout
Play my sound
I’ll use you with my iPhone
MX70
This one is either/or
Strut, pout
Play my sound
Don’t have to have an iPhone
MX70
Got one that’s just normal

You won’t
Need a different pair
Need a
Different pair
You won’t
Need a different pair
Need no
Different pair

Strut, pout
Play my sound
I’ll use you with my iPhone
MX70
This one is either/or
Strut, pout
Play my sound
Don’t have to have an iPhone
MX70
Got one that’s just normal

Strut, pout
Play my sound
I’ll use you with my iPhone
MX70
Buy whichever you want
Strut, pout
Play my sound
Don’t have to have an iPhone
MX70
And it’s sweat resistant

Warranty: 2 Year Sennheiser

Features:

• Powerful neodymium magnets for balanced, detailed sound reproduction
• Ergonomic design delivers optimum fit and comfort during sporting activities
• Rugged earphones and cable
• Sweat and water resistant
• Magnetic surfaces, for easy storage
• Flexible carrying case and cable clip for convenient handling
• Symmetrical cable

Specifications:

• Transducer principle: Dynamic
• Frequency response: 18 – 21,000 Hz
• Impedance: 64 Ω
• THD: < 0.1‑%
• SPL (1 kHz, 1 Vrms): 117 dB
• Ear coupling: In ear
• Weight (without cable): Approx .17 oz
• Connecting cable: 2.6 ft (+ 1.6 ft extension cable); symmetrical
• Audio connector: 3.5 mm straight stereo mini-jack plug
• Packaging dimensions (W x H x D): 3.9in x 8.6in x 1.9in

In the box:

• Earphones
• Ear Adapter Set
• Cable Clip
• Extension Cable
• Carrying Case

It’s safe to say, without fear of exaggeration, that everybody on Earth intensely covets the Saitek GH30 Vibration
Gaming Headset for its immersive sonic experience, including realistic
in-game vibrations. Far less known is its role in several Miraculous Modern Medical Miracles!

• Porter
  Brummer of Toronto, Alabama had been deaf in his left ear for three
  years when he first used this Saitek Vibration Gaming Headset. After
  having his ears rocked for a few days by the headset’s realistic
  vibrations and deep bass response, a large spider was shaken free from
  his inner ear canal, allowing Porter to hear normally…a true Miraculous Modern Medical Miracle! The spider then bit Porter, who died from the bite the following day.
• After suffering from a chronic stuttering condition all her life, Bethany Beffeffer of Seaside, Nebraska tried the Saitek GH30
  headset. The vibrations compensated for her stutters, and when she
  wears the headset, she’s able to speak normally! Of course it doesn’t
  make any sense…that’s why it’s a Miraculous Modern Medical Miracle!
• Working on a conservation project in a remote part of
  eastern Congo, Timm Grimm of Wander, Indiana was stopped late one night
  by a rebel patrol. It looked like they were going to “arrest” him, and
  do God knows what to his lifeless, bloodied corpse…until he bartered
  for his safety with the few possessions he had on him: a Chicago White
  Sox cap, the July 2007 issue of People magazine, a flashlight without batteries, an empty pill bottle, and the Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration Gaming Headset! Not exactly a Miraculous Modern Medical Miracle!, but we needed a third example here!

Can you afford not to own the Saitek GH30 Vibration Gaming Headset? Remember: the spider you dislodge could be your own!

Warranty: Two Year Saitek

Features:

• Great For Internet Gaming, Voice Chat, Online Conferencing, Or Voice Command
• Cushioned Headband For Total Comfort
• Closed Leatherette Ear Cushions Cut External Sound And Increase Bass
• Extra Long, Low Distortion Shielded Cable for Maximum Sound Quality And Crystal Clear Voice Transmission
• Works With Any Voice Communication Or Voice Recognition Software
• Volume And Vibration Control
• Vibration Effects Powered By Usb Or 2 X AAA Batteries
• Closed leatherette ear cushions cut external sound and increase bass
• Extra long, low distortion shielded cable
• Works with any voice communication or voice recognition software
• Volume and vibration control
• Vibration effects powered by USB or 2 X AAA batteries
• Connects via Hardwired Cable
• Cable Connections: 3.5mm Headphone and 3.5mm Headphone
• Inline Controls: On/Off; Vibration Level; Volume Control
• Stereo Output
• Earpiece Design: Over-the-head Binaural
• Microphone Type Boom
• Interfaces: 1 x Mini-phone Audio

In the box:

• Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration Gaming Headset
• Cable with Rumble Control In Line
• USB Power Cable
• Battery Powered Power Cable
• User’s Manual

If you’re looking for tiny speakers you can either find Bizarro Tony
Robbins or take a look at these Audio Pro Allroom Series 5pc Satellite
Speakers w/Subwoofer. Like the real Tony Robbins, they’re loud and full
of life, with 550 watts of power, including the 150 watt subwoofer.
Unlike the real Tony Robbins, they’re high-gloss, hand lacquered red,
and magnetically shielded. The choice is yours.

Warranty: 5 Year Acoustic Sound Design

Features:

• 550 Watts Of Power Handling Capability (100 Watts x 4, 150 Watt RMS Powered Subwoofer)
• 4 Satellite Speakers: 2-Way, Bass Reflex With 1” Soft Dome Tweeter, 3.5” Woofer
• Center Channel: 2-Way, Bass Reflex With 1” Soft Dome Tweeter, 3.5” Woofer
• Subwoofer: 150 Watt ACE-Bass Powered Subwoofer, 6.5” Long-Throw Drive Unit
• Satellite/Center Frequency Range: 100 – 22,000 Hz
• Satellite/Center Sensitivity: 87 dB
• Satellite/Center Impedance: 8 ohms
• Satellite/Center Crossover Frequency: 6,000 Hz
• Satellite/Center Connectors: Heavy-Duty Binding Posts
• MDF Cabinet With High-Gloss Lacquer In 8 Layers, Red Finish
• Magnetically Shielded Satellites And Center Channel
• Subwoofer Frequency Range: 30 – 100 Hz
• Lo-Pass Filter: 50 – 100 Hz, Variable 24 dB/Octave
• Hi-Pass Filter: 100 Hz, 6 dB/Octave
• Subwoofer Connectors: Line And Speaker Level Input, Clip Terminal
• Adjustments: Auto Standby, Variable Level Adjustment, Variable Frequency Adjustment Between 50 – 100 Hz
• MDF Cabinet With High-Gloss Piano Lacquer In 8 Layers, Black Finish
• Satellite Dimensions: 4.3” W x 5.9” H x 6.3” D, Approx. 3.5 lbs
• Center Dimensions: 4.3” W x 5.9” H x 6.3” D, Approx 3.5 lbs
• Subwoofer Dimensions: 11.0” W x 12.8” H x 13.8” D, Approx. 23.15 lbs

This 8GB Apple iPod is available in all the colors of the rainbow! But
before you check the rainbow, please put on these special glasses.
There, that’s right. Now, take a look at our rainbow. No, not over
there, that’s a real rainbow. Ours is over here. See? Blue, Black and
Green, just like our 8gb iPod. No, no, don’t take off the glasses yet.
Not until the payment clears.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited

Features:

• Watch up to 5 hours of TV shows, music videos, movies, and podcasts
• Cover Flow, browse your music by album artwork
• 320 by 240 resolution display that is 65 percent brighter than the previous iPod nano
• Cased in anodized aluminum and polished stainless steel.
• 6.5mm thin

Specifications:

• 8GB storage capacity
• Up to 24 hours of music playback; up to 5 hours of video playback
• 2-inch (diagonal) color LCD with LED backlight
• Dock connector, stereo minijack
• USB
  through dock connector; component and composite video through dock
  connector (with AV cables or kit, sold separately); audio through
  headphone jack
• About 3 hours charge time (1.5-hour fast charge to 80% capacity)
• Audio Support – AAC (16 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), MP3 (16 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, and 4), Apple Lossless, WAV, and AIFF
• Photo Support – Syncs iPod-viewable photos in JPEG, BMP, GIF, TIFF, PSD (Mac only), and PNG formats
• Video
  Support – H.264 video, up to 1.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per
  second, Low-Complexity version of the H.264 Baseline Profile with AAC-LC
  audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file
  formats; H.264 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per
  second, Baseline Profile up to Level 3.0 with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; MPEG-4 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Simple Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats
• Dimensions – 2.75×2.06×0.26 inches (69.8×52.3×6.5 mm)
• Weight – 1.74 ounces (49.2 grams)

In the box:

• iPod Nano 3G 8GB
• USB cable
• Earphones

Software not included, click to download iTunes click to download iPod Nano manual

Has anyone ever cared about a potential vice president this much?
Ever? Ever in history? Have you ever seen a photo of Geraldine Ferraro
in her college dorm? What was Dan Quayle’s sports nickname in high
school? And yet, when we mention the Razer HP-1 Barracuda Gaming
Headphones, we suddenly open up a whole new kettle of large, deadly
fish.

It’s not easy, you know. We have to find a way to make
a joke about a microphone designed to cancel all conversation you
wouldn’t want other people to hear. And we have to mention the ear muff
style headphones that are designed to block out all other sources of
information. Plus the Razer HP-1 Barracuda Gaming Headphones are made
to work best with the sound cards designed by Razer, even though
they’ll be willing to get along with other sound cards as well. There’s
even a 99% oxygen-free cable.

So what are we to do with
these Razer HP-1 Barracuda Gaming Headphones? What would you do when
faced with such temptation? We’re only human.

Warranty: 1 Year Razer

Features:

• 8 Discrete Drivers: 6 for Mid-High Frequency, 2 for Bass.
• Individual Channel Volume Control / 1 Master Volume Control.
• 6 Channel Analog Inputs.
• Eight Amplifiers contained within its volume control units.
• Output power of 330mW.
• 99% Oxygen-Free Cable.
• Razer Fidelity™ gaming audio engine
• Individual volume controls: front, rear, center, bass and master
• Detachable uni-directional noise-cancelling microphone
• Razer High Definition-Dedicated Audio Interface™ (HD-DAI™ connector)
• 2m cable

Audio Characteristics (Headphones)

• Frequency response: 50~20,000Hz
• Total power rating: 330mW RMS

Audio Characteristics (Microphone)

• Frequency response: 50~16,000Hz
• Sensitivity: -58 ± 2dB
• Impedance: 2.2KΩ

System Requirements

• HD-DAI or USB port
• PC with audio output (5.1 or higher audio recommended)
• Mic input required for voice communications

In the Box:

• Razer Barracuda HP-1 Gaming Headphones
• HP-1 Audio Splitter Cable
• Microphone

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about FM Radio:

The
(L+R) Main channel signal is transmitted as baseband audio in the range
of 30 Hz to 15 kHz. The (L-R) Sub-channel signal is modulated onto a 38
kHz double-sideband suppressed carrier (DSBSC) signal occupying the
baseband range of 23 to 53 kHz. A 19 kHz
pilot tone, at exactly half the 38 kHz sub-carrier frequency and with a
precisely defined phase relationship to it, is also generated. This is
transmitted at 8–10% of overall modulation level and used by the
receiver to regenerate the 38 kHz sub-carrier with the correct phase.

Did
you skip over all that because you don’t know what it means? Yeah, we
did the same thing. But we searched that paragraph for the words
“little dinosaur inside” and we got no results so it seems like The
Flintstones lied to us. Why would you do that, Fred? We had your back
when that whole Gazoo thing happened!

Sadly, this means that the Arkon Wireless FM Transmitter doesn’t come with any dinosaurs. We even went and checked the purchase order to be sure. It has a big “NO DINOSAURS”
stamped on the front. Which on the one hand, makes us sad. But on the
other hand, we’re looking forward to finding a stamp like that to use
around the office.

Oh, and the Arkon Wireless FM Transmitter transmits from stuff like iPods, CD players, Cassettes, and probably FM Radios too, if you really want to get all meta. Don’t come whining to us if that last one makes a black hole.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Transmit the audio from any portable audio player to your car’s FM radio in stereo
• Tune SoundFeeder into any unused FM channel and you’ll hear your music player playing in stereo off the radio
• Works with any 3.5mm input connectors such as MP3, CD, Cassette, or Minidisc player.

In the box:

• FM Transmitter
• Audio Cable
• Instruction Sheet

Remember in high school when somebody in first period would tell a
guy that his girlfriend was cheating and then someone in third period
would tell the girl that her boyfriend was mad and then someone in
fourth period would tell the guy that the girl didn’t care any more and
then someone in sixth period would tell the girl that the guy was
talking to a different girl and then at the end of the day the whole
relationship was over and they were both in tears? Well, that’s
convection, and that’s how the Orion OC-1 Stainless Steel Convection
Cooker can give you perfect food fast.

The list
of what the Orion OC-1 Stainless Steel Convection Cooker can prepare is
pretty long and covers almost every type of meat, be it flesh or foul.
And it’s simple enough for tailgating too, you just add charcoal and
light a match. You might not even have to set down your beer. Try that,
mister fancy French chef!

You get three rib hangers, three
cooking grates, and a poultry stand with lifting handle that can handle
a 24 pound turkey. Easy to clean and you can even add wood for a smokey
taste. Who doesn’t love the flavor of balsa?

Put the power
behind jealousy and manipulation to work for you. Break out the Orion
OC-1 Stainless Steel Convection Cooker and convect your way to a
perfect breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Warranty: 3 Year Orion

Features:

• Outdoor convection cooker that uses three cooking processes simultaneously: convection, steam and smoke, no oil needed
• Uses
  100% indirect heat to create a convection current, there is absolutely
  no cooking maintenance with drastically reduced cook time
• Smoke six racks of ribs in 1 hour and 15 minutes, or a twenty pound turkey in 2 hours and 15 minutes
• Accommodates
  6 racks of ribs, 3 cooking grates providing 398 square inches of
  cooking surface, and a poultry stand and lifting handle which holds a
  24 pound Turkey
• No lighter fluid or charcoal taste since
  the charcoal is outside of the cooker, and the meat is inside, also
  there will be no toxins from fat drippings or charcoal
• 100% stainless steel so the drip pan and cooking grates can be washed in the dishwasher for easy clean up
• Easy ash removal, remove the ash removal door and use it to scrape out the ash though the opening
• Dimensions: 34” Tall, 19.5” Diameter (including charcoal pit), 16”
  tall cooking cylinder, 13” diameter cooking cylinder, 13” diameter grid iron

In the box:

• Upper Charcoal Ring
• Lid with Heat Resistant Coil Handles
• 3 Rib Receptacle
• 3 Rib Hanger
• Cooking Cylinder
• 3 Cooking Grates
• Lower Charcoal Ring
• Drip Pan
• Ash Removal Door
• 4 Triangular Legs
• 9 Nuts
• 9 Washers
• 17 Screws
• 3 “U” Brackets
• Poultry Post and Lifting Handle

Tools Needed:

• Phillips Head Screwdriver
• Crescent Wrench or Socket Wrench Set

Astroblak first thought he had a concussion. A bar full of tiny
cowboys with gossamer wings? A mechanical bull that only came to his
ankle? A wooden sign that read “At Big Molly’s Banana Corral, You Can
Throw The Peanuts On The Floor”? This wasn’t his scene at all.

But then he noticed they were singing about televisions. Was it the Viewsonic N3251W 32” LCD HDTV?
It had to be, he reasoned. What kind of idiots would sell two
equivalent televisions back to back? Astroblak let himself scan the
room as he listened to the band. ATSC, NTSC, HDTV, HDMI with HDCP, you know, they really weren’t half bad. Maybe he’d see if they had any cds for sale.

Before
he could go any further, the side window shattered into a million
pieces. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as the two gorillas flew
into the room. There were screams and the little cowboys went in every
direction.

Astroblak watched, briefly. After all, he thought
to himself, what kind of man doesn’t enjoy a good fight? But it was the
spittoon and broken bottle that made him step in.

“HEY!” he
yelled from the door with a voice so loud and so commanding that it
could be mistaken for gunfire. The room went silent. Some people would
even swear they saw a pistol. That was fine with him.

Astroblak
put his hands on his hips. “My name is John Astroblak,” he said. “And
why don’t we cut out this triflin’ crap and talk about what the hell is
goin’ on?”

Warranty: 90 Day Viewsonic

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

st_widget.create({bannerStyle : ‘wide’, widgetType : ‘quote’, itemCondition : ‘Refurbished’, itemPrice : 419.99, merchantID : ’subscrip_014793207843′});

Features:

• 32” 720p LCD with 1366×768 native resolution
• 8ms response time
• Integrated ATSC/NTSC tuner, built-in HDTV tuner
• 550 cd/m2 brightness
• 50,000 hour lamp life
• 170° viewing angle
• HDMI with HDCP, component, S-video, and composite inputs
• 3.5mm mini stereo audio in/out and RCA (left/right) audio in
• 2×10-watt Dolby® Digital sound speakers

Specifications:

• Type: 32” color TFT active matrix, wide LCD
• Display Area: 27.5” horizontal x 15.4” vertical; 32” diagonal
• Native Resolution: 1366×768
• Contrast Ratio: 1000:1 (typ)
• Viewing Angles: 170° horizontal, 170° vertical
• Response Time: 8ms
• Light Source: Long life, 50,000 hrs. (typ)
• Brightness: 550 cd/m2 (typ)
• Aspect Ratio: 16:9
• Glass Surface: Anti-glare, anti-reflective coat
• PC: RGB analog (75 ohms, 0.7 Vp-p)
• TV: TV/cable, composite (RCA), component YPbPr/YCbCr, S-video
• Audio: 3.5mm mini stereo audio in/out and RCA (left/right) audio in
• RGB Frequency: Fh: 30~64kHz, Fv: 60~75Hz
• Sync: H/V separated (TTL)
• Digital: HDMI (with HDCP and audio support)
• Tuner: ATSC/NTSC
• Speakers: 2×10-watt Dolby® Digital sound
• Power Voltage: AC 90-240V (universal), 47-63Hz
• Power Consumption: 150W (typ)

In the box:

• Viewsonic N3251W 32” 720p LCD HDTV
• Remote Control
• Power Cable
  

“Audrey! Audrey! I can’t get this crazy mixed-up ear thermometer to work right! What’s the big idea here?”

“Jack, you big lummox, that’s no ear thermometer!”

“Listen, I don’t care how bad a fever I have – I’m not sticking that thing anywhere else!”

“No, no! Why, it’s not a thermometer at all. It’s a 2-In-1 Digital Tire Pressure Gauge & Tread Gauge.”

“Well, that would be just perfect if I had a flat tire.”

“No, not you, you’ve just got a flat head.”

“Insulted in my own home, eh? One of these days…”

“Oh,
settle down, Jack. You use it to read your tire pressure and measure
how deep your tire treads are. Maybe you could use it on your bus
route.”

“I’m gonna be using it on an ambulance route if you don’t get me some aspirin.”

“Right here, Jack. And a -”

“Can I have a glass of water?”

” – glass of water. Now take that…that’s right…drink it down. That’s good. How are you feeling?”

“Better already. Baby?”

“Yes, Jack?”

“You’re the best.”

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Instant digital readout for your tire pressure
• Built-in ruler to measure how much tread you have left
• LCD readout
• Easy to use
• 3.0 – 99.5 PSI working range
• ±1.5 PSI measurement accuracy
• Measures in PSI, BAR, kPa and kg/cm2
• Auto power shutoff
• Ruler built into hand rest slides out for easy use
• Runs on two (2) LR44 1.5V batteries (included)
• Unit Dimensions: 5.25×1.25×2.5-inches (H x W x D)

Hello. I’m Arthur Sinclair-Smithe-Llewellen-Windsor, and this is my friend, a zombie.

blraaaag

The zombie and I are here today to discuss the Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration
Gaming Headset. Partly because we know how much our customers enjoy
zombies, and partly because zombies are notoriously harsh about their
headphones.

blraaaag

You’ll notice that the Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration
Gaming Headset has a cushioned headband and closed leatherette ear
cushions. This adds comfort to your listening, which leaves you free to
game, conference or chat without the discomfort that normally
accompanies the internet.

blraaaag

Yes, quite. The Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration
Gaming Headset also has a built in microphone and works with any voice
communication software. You can plug in and be talking right out of the
box.

blraaaag

Oh, of course. The Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration
Gaming Headset also captures the thrill of being shot in the head and
reproduces it with vibrations that move right across your skull. No
more wondering if that laser hit you directly or if it was just a
glancing blow. Now you’ll know, and right away!

blraaaag

Imagine
sending these to a friend and then giving him a virtual smack on the
back of the head. Imagine putting these on a baby and hearing them howl
in terror. The mischief is endless!

blraaaag

So let us say that, without question, the Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration
Gaming Headset is the best vibrating headset made by Saitek in the GH
line between numbers twenty-nine and thirty-one. And might I add, no
other headset dares to make that claim.

blraaaag

On behalf of the zombie, I’m Arthur Sinclair-Smithe-Llewellen-Windsor. We thank you for your time.

Warranty: Two Year Saitek

Features:

• Great For Internet Gaming, Voice Chat, Online Conferencing, Or Voice Command
• Cushioned Headband For Total Comfort
• Closed Leatherette Ear Cushions Cut External Sound And Increase Bass
• Extra Long, Low Distortion Shielded Cable for Maximum Sound Quality And Crystal Clear Voice Transmission
• Works With Any Voice Communication Or Voice Recognition Software
• Volume And Vibration Control
• Vibration Effects Powered By Usb Or 2 X AAA Batteries
• Closed leatherette ear cushions cut external sound and increase bass
• Extra long, low distortion shielded cable
• Works with any voice communication or voice recognition software
• Volume and vibration control
• Vibration effects powered by USB or 2 X AAA batteries
• Connects via Hardwired Cable
• Cable Connections: 3.5mm Headphone and 3.5mm Headphone
• Inline Controls: On/Off; Vibration Level; Volume Control
• Stereo Output
• Earpiece Design: Over-the-head Binaural
• Microphone Type Boom
• Interfaces: 1 x Mini-phone Audio

In the box:

• Saitek PH04AU GH30 Vibration Gaming Headset
• Cable with Rumble Control In Line
• USB Power Cable
• Battery Powered Power Cable
• User’s Manual

Back in the olde days, there was only one game you could play with a
mouse. How it worked was they built a big roulette wheel kind of thing
with numbered holes around its circumference. They’d give the wheel a
spin, and plunk some poor rodent down in the middle, who would
immediately run to one of the holes in a vain attempt to seek refuge.
You could put bets on which hole. You can still see this game at the
fair sometimes, but they use rats now instead of mice, for three
reasons:

1. Rats are bigger and easier for everyone to see.

2.
Rats are more brazen than mice, which will sometimes just freeze,
terrified, in the middle of the spinning game contraption and urinate
instead of trying to take control of their destiny by running for one
of the numbered cubbies.

3. No one gives a crap about rats,
so the fact that this game is kind of cruel doesn’t seem to bother
anybody the way it might if it was a cute, fluffy white mouse trembling
and nauseated in the center of the turntable.

So now pretty
much the only gaming mice you’re likely to see are not real mice at
all, but cursor-pointing gizmos like this one here. Is the Razer
Diamondback Plasma Blue gaming mouse have an adorable little sweet
fuzzy face? No. Is it soft and warm? Not especially. But it does have
seven programmable buttons, and is almost guaranteed not to poop in
your hand.

Warranty: 90 Day Razer

Features:

• 1600dpi optical sensor
• Seven independently programmable buttons
• On-The-Fly Sensitivity™ adjustment
• Always-On™ mode
• Ultra-large non-slip buttons
• 6400 frames per second (5.8 megapixels per second)
• 16-bit ultra-wide data path
• Up to 40 inches per second and 15g of acceleration
• GlowPipe™ non-slip side rails
• Ergonomic ambidextrous design
• Zero-acoustic Ultraslick™ Teflon feet
• Gold-plated USB connector
• Seven-foot, lightweight, non-tangle cord
• Approximate size: 129mm (length) x 63mm (width) x 38.5mm (height)

System Requirements

• Windows 2000 / XP / X64 / Vista
• Available USB port
• CD-ROM Drive (for drivers)
• At least 35MB of hard disk space (for drivers)

In the box:

• Razer Diamondback Plasma Blue Gaming Mouse

Welcome, subjects, to another session in our ongoing exploration of
the depths of the human psyche. This particular psychological
experiment has been going on for about four years now, and just like
those people who kept electro-shocking strangers just because a guy in
a lab coat told them to, you have confirmed our worst fears about human
nature.

Sadly for our souls (but happily for our
pocketbooks), we have seen that all it takes to siphon hard-earned
money from the 21st century consumer is a little bit of gimmickry, a
little bit of mystery, a lot of artificial scarcity, and the occasional
big TV. No matter how many times we tell you this garbage isn’t worth
the garbage in your garbage can, no matter how emphatically we warn you
that you’d be better off spending your money on used shoelaces or last
week’s TV Guide, it doesn’t matter. Your verbal, logical brain is subverted by that Pavlovian GIMME STUFF instinct. Up you queue, credit cards in hand – and woe betide any person (or web server) that thwarts your primal crap-drive.

We try to maintain a certain scientific detachment toward this experiment, but frankly, you sicken us.

HEY CRAP-FOR-BRAINS, SEE IF YOU CAN WRAP YOUR TINY LITTLE MIND AROUND THIS:

1. WHEN YOU ORDER THIS ITEM, YOU’LL GET ONE BAG WITH (up to) THREE CRAPS IN IT.

2. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SELECTING THE QUANTITY THREE WHEN YOU ORDER.

3. YOU WILL WASTE FREIGHT IF YOU ORDER FEWER THAN THREE.

In
return for your money, you’ll get some kind of bag and some quantity of
crap. We promise nothing more than that. You should expect even less.

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS:

01. Thou shalt not expect thy crap to be especially nice. The only possible exception: natives of Bizarro World.

02.
Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to
be nicer than yours. That’s life, them’s the breaks, you pays your
money and you etc.

03. Thou shalt take a moment to consider
whether you might be better off just not buying this crap. Then take
another, and another. If you’re lucky, it’ll be sold out by then.

04.
Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on our server. We don’t
take kindly to bullies who pick on defenseless machines.

05. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, if you don’t get the crap you want, want the crap you get.

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v2.0:

I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which should be THREE).

II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.

III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.

IV. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on anything but your own inattention.

V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.

• The crap will be shipped via SmartPost, the crappiest shipping method available to us.

Good morning, it’s eight am on this sunny sunny day and we’re gonna

Aw, geez, I can’t believe it’s eight already. Why did I ever let Scott talk me into going out

rock out with the brand new single from the Rolling Stones,

last night, he kept me up forever, I should have just left him.MROWWWWWOh, sorry!

man, they just never stop! What are they, about six hundred years

Sorry, sorry kitty! I didn’t see you there, sorry! Please don’t pee in my shoes! Wow, I gotta make

old? Anyway, we got that in about twenty minutes and we’re also

some coffee before I get going. At least I can look forward to that jelly donut, when I get

doing Great Moments In Politics in about ten minutes, that’s gonna

to work. Hey, why does that dj sound so familiar today? Did they hire a new guy or

be a blast, and, oh, hey Matthew, by now you’ve probably figured

something? I swear that…                  Oh, no.                  Oh NO! That stupid son of a…

out that this is Scott, and I’ve plugged the Sansa e250 into that

wait, if he recorded all this, then what time is it really… oh NO! No no no no no no no no no!

Timex Radio from woot.com’s main site and used the built in audio

I barely even have time to shower, why did I stay out so late last night? That no good, rotten

recorder to make a little morning show, just like the kind they

MROWWWW I thought you went under the bed! I saw you going under the bed!

play on the built in digital FM tuner. And I set the whole thing

Man, gotta find my pants, gotta find my shoes, I’m gonna pay you back for this, buddy, you

to go off an hour late, so now you’re late for work! Meanwhile, I

better believe that I’m gonna get you for this one, my so-called friend, there’s no way you’re

went in at seven, and I’m already eating that last jelly donut.

getting away with…                    NO! NO!                    NOOOOOOOOOO!

So you enjoy the 2 GB of music, and I’ll see you when you get in!
“Donut” be late! Ha ha! Hey, here’s that new Stones track too.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Sleek, thin design with large 1.8” TFT color screen for easy viewing
• Strong alloy metal casing provides excellent durability and scratch resistance
• Simple to use, backlit controls for fast device interface navigation
• User replaceable and rechargeable Lithium Ion battery for up to 20 hours of battery life
• Features microSD™ expansion slot for additional memory capacity
• Supports SanDisk TrustedFlash and Gruvi content cards
• Digital FM tuner, on-the-fly FM recording, and voice recording
• Supports Subscription Music Stores
• Standard player works with Sansa Media Converter software, Rhapsody version works with Rhapsody software
• Download the manual and the SanDisk Media Converter software or Rhapsody

Specifications:

• Memory capacity: 2GB
• Memory type: Flash memory
• External memory: MicroSD card slot
• Audio file format: MP3, WMA, WMA-DRM10 (PlaysForSure), WAV
• Hours of music content: 32 hours
• Still image file format: JPEG, TIFF, PNG, BMP, GIF
• Video format: AVI, MPEG-1/MPEG-2 in MPEG, MPG, MPE/VOB (unprotected), MPEG-4 in AVI format, DAT, ASF, QuickTime MOV (QuickTime 6.5 or higher required), WMV (Windows Media Player 9 or 10.0 required)
• Tuner type: Digital FM tuner
• Tuner memory: 20
• Display: 1.8-inch TFT color LCD display
• Power supply: Rechargeable lithium ion battery, user replaceable (included), USB charging
• Battery life: Up to 20 hours
• Connectors: Headdphone jack, USB 2.0 port
• Microphone: Built-in microphone
• FM recording: Supported
• Voice recording: Supported
• Microsoft PlaysFor Sure: Supported
• Dimension: 3.5×1.74×0.56 inches (WxHxD)
• Weight: 2.7 ounces

System Requirements

• Windows XP
• Windows Media Player 10+
• Intel Pentium class PC or higher
• USB 2.0 port required for hi-speed transfer

In the box:

• Sandisk Sansa e250 2GB Media Player
• USB cable
• Earbuds

Over the last two days, reports surfaced that a hacker had
gained access to the personal email account of John McCain’s running
mate, Republican vice-presidental candidate Sarah Palin, and posted
excerpts on the Internet. Turns out it was actually the email account
of Sandra Phalen, vice-principal at McCone High School in Republic
City, Iowa. But the resulting dirt is every bit as juicy. With that
nauseating mixed metaphor, let’s take a look…

From: Sandra Phalen, Vice-Principal
To: Athetic Department
Date: Wednesday, Sept. 3, 2008, 9:17 AM
Re: Wardrobe malfunction!!

After numerous
parental complaints following last night’s girls’ basketball game (go,
Lady Minutemen!), I’d like to remind all of our coaches that per school
board policy, undergarments are required at all MHS athletic events. This rule is NOT optional. Let’s leave the anatomy lessons to the science department, OK guys?

Thanks -
Sandra

From: Sandra Phalen, Vice-Principal
To: All Teachers & Staff
Date: Tuesday, Sept. 9, 2008, 1:39 PM
Re: “Big” Gus’s retirement

Hey all, as you may know our longtime custodian “Big” Gus will be retiring at the end of the month. After researching various options, we’ve decided to salute his 38 years of service with a special gift from all of us: a Soyo HS11 Freestyler
Bluetooth Stereo Headset. The A/V Club kids tell me you plug the
transmitter into any 3.5mm mini-jack and it transmits the audio to the
headset. It’s got a built-in microphone and everything. It’s real “Star
Trek” – may the force be with you!!

With “Big” Gus getting
on in years, the Bluetooth sound quality will really help. And since
“Big” Gus was never what you might call “wired out”, we’ll have to
remember to tell him that to sync the headset up, you have to hold down
the power buttons until it blinks red and blue. This manual is no help
at all – it reads like something one of our remedial students would
write. Well, maybe not that bad, hehe!!

To contribute to the
gift fund, come by my office. As always, all contributions are
voluntary and confidential, so don’t worry, Mrs. Olafborg. You’ll get
away with not paying. Again.

Thanks -
Sandra

From: Herman Ramsey, Principal
To: Sandra Phalen, Vice-Principal
Date: Wednesday, Sept. 10, 2008, 10:02 AM
Re: Seminar???

Hello, Ms. Phalen. Just
wondering if you need a ride to the Sexual Harrassment seminar this
weekend. It’d be no problem – especially if you promise to wear those
tight brown pants that show off those tasty buns of yours. Hit me back,
sweet cheeks!

From: Sandra Phalen, Vice-Principal
To: Gloria Wiltz, Cafeteria Manager
Date: Friday, Sept. 12, 2008, 12:42 PM
Re: Lost and Found

If anyone on the
cafeteria staff lost a “Kung-Fu-Pandas” band-aid today, you may pick it
up at my office. I just found it in my macaroni and cheese.

From: Sandra Phalen, Vice-Principal
To: Gloria Wiltz, Cafeteria Manager
Date: Monday, Sept. 18, 2008, 8:07 AM
Re: RE: “Big” Gus’s retirement

Well, guys,
good news and bad news about the gift for “Big” Gus. The good news is,
we’ve purchased the headset and it seems, if not spectacular, perfectly
adequate – just like “Big” Gus himself.

The bad news is, “Big” Gus passed away quietly in his home last night. In lieu of flowers, we will present the Soyo HS11 Freestyler
Bluetooth Stereo Headset to his widow as a token of our esteem. We hope
its convenient Bluetooth wireless communication will be a comfort to
her through this difficult time.

If anyone would still like to contribute, I am still accepting donations, Mrs. Olafborg.

Thanks -
Sandra

Warranty: 1 Year Soyo

Features:

• Wireless stereo headphones for your TV, iPod, Sansa, Computer, or anything else that uses a 3.5mm mini jack
• Built-in microphone to use with bluetooth enabled cell phones
• Gives you 5 to 6 hours of stereo music play time after 1.5 or 2 hours of charge time
• Bluetooth V1.2 compliant with 10 meter range and operates on 2.4GHz frequency
• Works with iPhone 3G

HS11 Headphone Specifications:

• Bluetooth Specification: 1.2 compliant
• Qualification: FCC
• Support Profile: A2DP - AVRCP – Headset – Hands free
• Power Class: Class 2
• Battery: 3.7V Lithium-Polymer battery Typical 250mAh
• Charge Time: At Least 1.5 – 2 hours
• Playing Time: Up to 5 hours
• Dimensions: 42.5mm x 37.9mm x 18.5mm
• Weight: 37.5g

TX10 Transmitter Specifications:

• Bluetooth Specification: 1.2 compliant
• Qualification: FCC
• Support Profile: A2DP
• Power Class: Class 2
• Battery: 3.7V Lithium-Polymer battery Typical 250mAh
• Charge Time: At Least 1.5 – 2 hours
• Playing Time: Up to 5 hours
• Dimensions: 44mm x 40mm x 15mm
• Weight: 20g

In the box:

• HS11 Bluetooth Ear-hook Stereo Headphones
• TX10 Bluetooth Stereo Transmitter
• 5V/1A Charger
• Mini USB 4 pin Cable
• RCA to 3.5mm Converter
• Spare Sponge
• Carrying Case
• User Manual
• Warranty Card

I’ve got news for the other ladies in the church Ladies’ Auxiliary.
I’ve suffered through my last humiliating Friday potluck. While you
were all showing off your fancy layered casseroles and meats stuffed
with other meats, I’ve had to get by with the same old boring potato
salad every week. It got really bad that one time I was out of potatoes.

And
all along, I knew I had the perfect recipe to finally show all of you
(and more importantly, God) how much better I am than you: my
world-famous hot ‘n’ spicy lemon meringue French fries. The only
problem was, I didn’t have a food processor capable of doing the recipe
justice.

Well, put this in your newsletter. With the six swivel heads and the nine chopping levels of the Bravetti FP110H Platinum
Pro Food Processor, I’m finally ready. My meringue fries will play a
symphony of lemon, potato, and cayenne on your tongues. You’ll wonder
how it can be so crunchy and so fluffy at the same time. And when I
deny you a second helping, you’ll feel ashamed for saying such mean
things about my potato salad. If God didn’t want me to be better than
you, why did he give me the Bravetti FP110H Platinum Pro Food Processor?

Warranty: 1 Year Bravetti

Features:

• Swivel head design with 6 cup capacity and 550-watts of power
• Makes everything from whipping meringue, to chopping ice and to slicing perfect French fries as easy as can be
• Swivel head design
• Off, 1 to 9, Max, Pulse/Turbo speed control dial
• Resettable safety thermal device to prevent from overloading
• Blade storage compartment
• Suction cups on bottom
• Easy to operate

Specifications:

• Food Processor Capacity: 6 cups (1.5-liters)
• Power Specifications: 120V, 60Hz, 550W

Unit Dimensions:

• 13.75×9.75×13-inches (L x W x H, approximate)

In the box:

• Bravetti FP110H Platinum Pro Swivel Head Food Processor
• Owner’s Manual
• Glass bowl
• Food processor food pusher
• Processor Lid
• Processor blades with protective blade guards
• Spatula
• Main Blade Holder
• Whipping blade
• Blade Holder with French Fry Blade
• One (1) Stainless Steel Julienne Blade
• One (1) Stainless Steel Grater Blade
• One (1) Stainless Steel Thick Shredding Blade
• One (1) Stainless Steel Thin Shredding Blade
• One (1) Stainless Steel Thick Slicing Blade
• One (1) Stainless Steel Thin Slicing Blade

Here’s what they’re reading over on Wine.Woot, in case you’re one of those weirdos who only stop by for the jokes:

Every so often, the cast of a popular sitcom decides to up stakes
for an episode and visit some exotic locale. This is usually right
before they add a new little kid to the cast because the old little kid
isn’t cute anymore. The Keatons in London, the Bradys in Hawaii, the
Conners at Disneyland: the traditional formulas are discarded. Our
familiar TV pals strike new, revealing shapes against an exotic
backdrop. Enchanted tiki idols may be involved.

And then they re-run that episode over and over to milk all the “very special” ratings juice out of it, while they can.

Well, we’re
not about to discover a precocious, wisecracking second cousin who
needs a loving home. But today, in a very special rerun episode of
Wine.Woot, we take you back to exotic Australia for a second look at our debut international
offer. And we’re not going there for any old kangaroo milk. We’re
talking Penfolds, mate. They’ve been romper-stomping the grapes of
South Oz since 1844, back when Australia was still His Majesty’s
biggest prison. Through everything since, through the triumphs of
Olivia Newton-John and the tragedy of Yahoo Serious, Penfolds has won
plaudits, kudos, and even some huzzahs from the global wine community.
And get this: both the 2001 and 2003 Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz
were harvested in, like, March or April or something. But that’s the
wacky Bizarro world of the Southern Hemisphere for you. We still
haven’t figured out why all their blood doesn’t rush to their heads,
with everybody walking around upside-down all the time.

But
good thing it doesn’t. Because then we’d never experience the sublime
Aussie thrill of these two Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz vintages. As
plush and substantial as the cushions in a sultan’s harem, the 2001
starts with aromas of dark fruit sprinkled with dark chocolate, cola,
anise, and licorice, joined after swirling by subtle touches of violet,
cured meat, and boiled fruitcake. It’s a real smorgasbord for the nose
– and it’s not all you want to smell, it’s all you can smell. That old Shiraz magic will have your palate in its spell with bountiful prune, plum, and spice notes. Maybe that’s why Beverage Dynamics
gave the 2001 Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz a score of 91 and a
four-star review. “Beautiful,” they said. “A must-have…any meal would
be honored to have this wine as its pairing.”

Don’t get
jealous, 2003 Penfolds Bin 28 Kalimna Shiraz, because people have said
some awfully nice things about your generous, voluptuous charms, too.
Christmas pudding, plum, cherry, spice, and demi-glace aromas! Mocha,
dark chocolate, spice, and plummy, berried fruit flavors! With 90
points from International Wine Cellar and 89 points from Wine Advocate, it’s the best-reviewed Australian import since Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
And this one won’t make you uncomfortable if you’re trying to enjoy it
with your grandparents in the room. Don’t leave this one in your cellar
too long – despite its younger age, Penfolds winemaker Peter Gago
recommends drinking the 2003 before its 2001 sibling.

Sure,
we could’ve hired Paul Hogan or Angus Young to lend us some Aussie cred
for this episode, but what do we need them for when we’ve got Penfolds
making an appearance? We hope this little Australian tangent has been
as enjoyable as watching the delightful young ladies of the Eastland
School drive all the boys in Montmartre wild. Tonight at midnight, we’ll be back
in our same old set, with the same old wacky neighbor telling the same
old jokes to the same old laugh track.

But at least it’ll be an episode you’ve never seen before.

Vineyard Region:
Barossa Valley, McLaren Vale, Upper Adelaide, Padthaway.

100% Shiraz

Maturation: Matured in 12 months in older American Oak hogsheads

Alc/Vol: 14.5%

THE truth about its 270Mbps networking speed

(270, number of ancient alchemical mystery)

Many “Important” individuals at
Democratic Convention
do not acknowledge existence of the UN-NATURAL Union of 3 (THREE) internal antennae and a built-in 4 (FOUR)-port switch which in reality is an

Will you

and let them

• Year United Nations founded = 1945
• addded up = 19
• minus number of Communist nations on Security Council (1) = 18
• 6 THREE TIMES = 6 6 6!!!

they call it WIRELESS “HOME” NETWORKING - ha ha!
will it SAVE US??? or SLAVE US??

RangeMax freedome is true freedom.

– “AMERICANS” FOR TRUE FREEDOM -

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 3 internal antennas deliver maximum performance and range
• Connect up to 4 other wired devices by using the built-in 4-port switch
• Advanced Wireless-N technology delivers exceptional range and speed
• Experience the Next generation – up to 270Mbps networking
• Surf, email, stream HD video, on-line game, make Internet phone calls–simultaneously
• Simple and secure way to share your high-speed Internet connection throughout the home
• Up to 15x the speed and 10x the coverage of Wireless-G technology
• High-performance wireless perfect for multiple users and multimedia streaming
• Maximum range for large homes and small offices
• Double Firewall protection from external hacker attacks
• Touchless WiFi Security makes securing your network easy
• Supports Windows® Vista™
• Maximum performance requires use of RangeMax NEXT Wireless-N adapters
• Multiple smart internal antennas take the guesswork out of set-up

Specifications:

• Standards – IEEE802.11n draft specification, IEEE 802.11g, IEEE 802.11b, 2.4 GHz
• Double Firewall
• Network Address Translation (NAT) to hide PCs and files from outside users
• Stateful Packet Inspection (SPI) firewall to deny outside requests for personal information
• Denial of Service (DoS) attack prevention
• Intrusion Detection and Prevent (IDS)
• WiFi protected Access (WPA2- PSK, WPA- PSK)
• Wired Equivalent Privacy (WEP) 64- bit, 128- bit encryption for IEEE 802.11b and IEEE802.11g
• Wireless Access Control to identify authorized wireless network devices
• MAC address authentication
• Exposed Host (DMZ) for secure gaming
• Time- based usage controls
• Web site logging
• URL content filtering
• Dimensions: 8.9×6.8×1.5 in (225.5×172 x 39 mm)
• Weight: 1.2 lbs (.56 kg)

System Requirements:

• Broadband (cable, DSL) Internet service and modem with Ethernet connection
• Microsoft® Windows® Vista, XP, 2000, 98, Me, Mac® OS, UNIX®, or Linux®
• 2.4
  GHz 802.11n/b/ g wireless
  adapter for each computer
• Internet Explorer® 5.0 or Netscape 4.7 or higher

In The Box:

• RangeMax NEXT Wireless-N Router (WNR834B)
• Stand
• Ethernet Cable
• 12V 1.0A Power Adapter, 110/220v
• Warranty/Support Information Card

Once upon a time there was a man named Charles Mason. And boy, did
he have a hard time. Any time he had to give his name, on paper, out
loud, when he got stopped for a traffic ticket, someone would comment
and poor Charles Mason would have to say “no, that’s not me, he’s
someone totally different.” Charles had to be very careful to always
get his hair cut on time (but not too close!) and to always wear a coat
and tie, and most importantly, Charles could never be caught talking to
himself! And so Charles led a very lonely and quiet life, until he got
a Jabra BT-350 Bluetooth Headset.

With the Jabra BT-350
Bluetooth Headset, Charles could walk up and down the street freely
talking about whatever came to his mind. He had around seven hours to
discuss freedom, Jesus, the stock market, and how time was a wave that
moved in sixteen directions once your mind was freed from the shackles
of industro-facist society, jack. And if any person looked at him
funny, Charles could just point at his Jabra BT-350 Bluetooth Headset
and smile. And the person would smile too.

And so, Charles Mason and his Jabra BT-350 Bluetooth Headset lived happily ever after.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Bluetooth version 1.2 supporting headset and hands-free profile
• Use up to 33 feet from your phone
• Up to 7 hours of talk time w/ 200 hours of standby time
• Answer and end calls from headset
• May have cosmetic blemishes, but then it’s only $5

Specifications:

• Microphone type 6mm omni-directional
• Battery typeRechargeable lithium polymer.
• Charging timeapprox. 2 hours
• Bluetooth complianceBluetooth version 1.2 specifications
• Supported Bluetooth profilesBluetooth headset and hands-free profiles
• Operating rangeUp to 33 feet (10 meters)
• Talk timeUp to 7h
• Stand-by timeUp to 200h
• Dimensions (headset)2.48” x 1.02” x 0.47”
• Weight (headset)0.63 oz (18 g)

Vizio JV50PB 50” “Jive” Plasma HDTV
Class 0f 2009
“Leg ‘er down ‘n smack ‘em yak ‘em. Cold got to be.”

Accomplishments
- Founder, Black Student Union, White Students’ Auxiliary
- 2007 Battle of the MCs, Participation Ribbon
- Wireless rear speakers and subwoofer

Voted “Most Likely To Be At The Center Of A Serious Misunderstanding”
Voted “Bumpinest Sound, 560 Watts Total Peak Power”

What
up, “Jive!” It seems like only yesterday it was our freshman year and
you were still just Preston. No one who was at Homecoming will ever
forget your awesome “Hammer Pants.” Word to yo mamaleh!

Warranty: 90 Day Vizio

Features:

• 50” Plasma HDTV with Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound
• Support for high definition television at 1080i
• 15,000:1 Contrast Ratio
• Includes
  2-front channel, 1-center channel as well as 2-rear channel plus a
  free-standing subwoofer.
• The rear speakers and subwoofer connect
  wirelessly to the “Jive” eliminating the wire clutter that is inherent
  with other surround sound systems.
• 5.1 SPDIF Digital Optical Audio Input will allow you you to play any Dolby Digital 5.1 output from any source using an optical audio cable without the need to own a seperate stereo system.
• 
  The VP50P “Jive” generates more than ample sound, even for the
  discerning audiophile pumping 560-watts total peak power (70-watts RMS)
  of high quality digital sound to maximize your VIZIO High Definition
  television experience.

Specifications:

• Size: 50-in (Viewable: 50-in)
• Tuner: Integrated NTSC/ATSC/QAM HDTV Tuner
• Supported TV Formats – 1080i, 720p, 480p, 480i
• Native Panel Resolution: 1366×768
• Supported PC Resolutions: 1366×768, 1024×768, 800×600
• Panel Type: 50” Diagonal, 16:9 Wide Screen, Plasma Panel
• Pixel/Dot Pitch: 0.81 mm (H) x 0.81 mm (V)
• Display Compatibility: HDTV (720p)
• Signal Compatibility: 480i (SDTV), 480P (EDTV), 720P (HDTV), 1080i (HDTV)
• Colors: 1.07 Billion
• Brightness: 1,500 cd/m2 (maxl)
• Contrast Ratio: 15,000:1
• Viewable Angle: >178 degrees (horizontal and vertical)

Inputs:

• RF (F Connector for internal tuner): 1
• HDMI with HDCP: 3
• Analog Stereo Audio for HDMI Inputs: 1
• Component YPbPr plus Stereo Audio: 2
• Composite Video: 2
• S-Video plus Stereo Audio: 0
• Computer RGB plus Stereo Audio: 1
• Service Port: 0

Outputs:

• Analog Audio out (RCA): 1
• 5.1 SPDIF Digital Optical Audio: 1
• Headphone (Stereo Mini-Jack): 0

Additional Information:

• Picture-in-Picture (PIP)
• Picture-outside-Picture (POP)
• Closed Caption (CC)
• V-Chip
• Zoom
• Freeze
• 3:2 or 2:2 Reverse Pull-down
• ATSC with 8VSB & QAM demodulation
• ATSC with MPEG-2 decoding
• NTSC Video decoding via RF: Yes, thru Antenna, Cable, or Satellite
• NTSC Video decoding via Video: Yes, thru CVBS, S-Video, or Component
• Progressive Scan Video: Yes, thru Component YPbPr, VGA or HDMI
• HDTV: Yes, thru HDMI or Component YPbPr
• Computer: 640×480, 800×600, 1024×768 thru VGA or 640×480 thru HDMI
• Sound enhancement: Yes, with 5.1 Digital Dolby Surround Sound (Wireless)
• Color Temperature: 6500K (standard), 5400K and 9300K
• Color Fine Tuning: Independent Red, Green and Blue
• Audio: Built-in 10W x 3, 1 Subwoofer 120w(max), plus 2 x rear channel
• Lamp (LCD) / Panel (PDP) Life: 60000 hours
• Power: IEC Connector for direct power line connection
• Voltage Range100 ~ 240 Vac at 50/60 Hz
• Power Consumption: 380W average
• Removable Base

Weight:

• Gross:126 lbs
• Net: 120 lbs
• Without Stand: 108 lbs
  

Dimensions:

• Carton: 54.8” W x 45.4” H x 14.5” D
• Net: 48.8” W x 33.7” H x 11.5” D
• Without Stand: 48.8” W x 32.2” H X 4.1” D
• Certifications: CSA, CSA-US FCC Class B, BETS-7

“Donnie… you gotta go, baby… the cops…”

“I… Betty… you know it wasn’t me who did it, don’t’cha? Don’t’cha, Betty?”

“Oh,
I know, Donnie, I know with all my heart! Now go, Donnie! Go! Jump on
your bike and carry with you the memory of our love to keep you warm!
Go! Go now! Donnie? Why aren’t you going, Donnie?”

“But I
am, Betty! I’m going… in my imagination! I’m using this Nikko 1/5 R/C
Kawasaki Cycle to escape the cruel world we live in and ride free and
easy on the street of dreams!”

“Donnie… this is your bike?”

“My ride,
Betty, I call it my ride. Watch, I can go forward, reverse, left,
right, I can even come to a full stop. But I can’t do that too long,
you know, I gotta keep moving.”

“Donnie, you said you were a biker!”

“I
am, Betty! The Nikko 1/5 R/C Kawasaki Cycle has a real front and rear
suspension, and the driver shifts his weight into turns. I could even
race thanks to a tri-band frequency, up to three racers, and up to six
when using dual frequencies.”

“But I let you touch my… you know!”

“Wow,
did you ever! I guess that’s because girls go crazy for a guy with a
ride like this! Hey, watch me floor it and jump over that pinecone. All
this simulated scale danger really gets you excited, doesn’t it?”

“DONNIE I HOPE YOU DROP DEAD!”

“It
could happen at any time, baby. That’s the kinda life I lead. No room
for anyone or anything. Just me and my Nikko 1/5 R/C Kawasaki Cycle.
Goodbye, Betty. Remember me.”

“I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!”

“Yeah. Me too, babe. Me too.”

Warranty: 90 Day Nikko

Features:

• Full Function Controls: Forward, reverse, left/right turn, and stop
• Front and rear suspension
• Authentic motorcycle action
• Driver shifts weight into the turns
• Electric brake system
• Extra turbo boost for faster speed
• Tri Band: Each frequency allows three head-to-head racers at one time. Using 2 frequencies (27MHz and 49MHz) allows 6 racers
• Training support for beginners, intermediate, and expert
• Vehicle Dimensions: L 16.5 in; W 6 in; H 11.5 in
• Vehicle Battery Requirements: 9.6V rechargeable battery pack with charger(included)
• Transmitter Battery Requirements: (1) 9V battery (included)

In the box:

• R/C Motorcycle
• Remote Control
• Nikko Battery Charger
• Nikko 9.6 Volt Rechargeable Ni-Cd Battery Pack
• 9 Volt Alkaline Battery

VERO BEACH, FL (September 15, 2018) –
Troubled custodial star iRobot Roomba 415 was arrested here last night
for public indecency, lewd conduct, and nicotine possession. Around 6
pm, police received several calls that the robotic vacuum was
approaching patrons outside a Vero Beach appliance store, buzzing
obscenities and exposing its cleaning brush in a suggestive
manner.

“We believe the suspect was upset by a window display of TRXE-3000
maid-borgs,” said Vero Beach police Sgt. Dyson Hoover. “Drug or alcohol
intake does not appear to be a factor. But then, the suspect doesn’t
have blood or urine, so who knows?”

Once hailed for its
Active Dirt Response cleaning system and low-profile design, iRobot
Roomba 415 was one of the early robotic vacuum cleaners who
revolutionized floor care in the early 2000’s. But as newer models
crowded it out of the spotlight, iRobot Roomba 415 showed its
frustration in a series of highly public incidents, including a 2009
brawl in a nightclub with then-wife Tara Reid and a 2011 bust while
trying to buy illicit Colombian cleaning fluid.

An attempted
2012 comeback tour with Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse (dubbed “Clean
and Sober – And Rocking!”) was abruptly cancelled just three dates into
the tour. After creating a furor in Bangkok by telling the Thai press
he was “bigger than Buddha”, iRobot Roomba 415 emptied its debris bin
on a portrait of the King of Thailand onstage, then refused to vacuum
it up.

The rise of Jetsons-inspired maid-borgs reduced
iRobot Roomba 415 to eking out a meagre living with public appearances
at vacuum-cleaner fan conventions and occasional roles in
straight-to-video thrillers like Vacuumed Alive! and Don’t Go Near The Stairs.

“I
regret my behavior in Vero Beach, and I ask for the forgiveness of my
friends, my family, and most of all, my fans,” the wayward vacuum said
in a prepared statement. “I look forward to returning to what I love to
do best: cleaning the floors of my fans in the classic old-school
style. Much love.”

At press time, no iRobot Roomba 415 fans had been located for comment.

Warranty: 1 Year iRobot

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• The iRobot 418 is a bundle consisting of the Roomba 415 Vacuum and the Roomba 4900 Self-Charging Drive-On Home Base made specifically for Woot
  
• Cleans dirt off of your hardwood, tile, linoleum, and low-to-medium pile carpet
• Advanced power system provides up to 120 minutes of cleaning power
• Returns to charging Home Base when re-charging is necessary
• Active Dirt Response detects dirtier areas and automatically increases cleaning intensity
• Automatic stair avoidance system prevents falling down on stairs
• Automatic surface transitioning adjusts entire cleaning head for both carpet and hard floor
• Low-profile design fits under beds, sofas, and other tight spots where conventional vacuums can’t reach
• On-board artificial intelligence navigate between walls and furniture legs and self-adjusts for carpet, tile, and wood floors.
• Multi-Surface Cleaning: hardwood, tile, linoleum, and low-to-medium pile carpet
• Max Mode: run the Roomba for the full charge of the battery to vacuum multiple rooms
• Spot Mode: intensely cleans one area of a room up to 3 feet in diameter

In the box:

• iRobot Roomba 415
• Home Self-Charging Base
• Cleaning Tool
• Fast Charger
• Rechargeable Battery
• Filter
• 2 Virtual Walls
• 2 Brush Sets with Beater Bar and Bristle Brush

When you hear “infinite baffle” you normally would start looking
around for Grant Morrison. Too bad he’s busy not being as good as the
Skrulls. No, really, Grant, we’re so glad you found Alan Moore’s old
pitch to kill the universe. But this is the twenty-first century,
remember? We’re past that. Nowadays we’re more into the Klipsch RCR-3 In-Ceiling Loudspeaker Pair.

See, unlike killing off superheroes for the hell of it, the Klipsch RCR-3
In-Ceiling Loudspeaker Pair tries to make life better and more fun.
It’s got a high frequency horn and a 6.5” woofer and a 1” titanium dome
tweeter and it goes, well, in the ceiling. And that makes it a home
improvement that might actually increase the value of the home. As
opposed to, say, tearing out the kitchen and trying to pretend that it
is a natural progression of the storyline if one assumes that the floor
plan is taking place in the real world.

But, hey, you have
your fun knocking over the sandcastles, and we’ll check the wiki when
you’re all done to see who lived and who died. Until then, we’ll enjoy
our Klipsch RCR-3 In-Ceiling Loudspeaker
Pair and look forward to the brave young fellow who’ll be coming next.
I’m sure he’ll bring some great changes to the world you leave behind
once he notices it doesn’t match the comics he grew up with. Maybe
he’ll even start with Animal Man!

Warranty: 5 Year Klipsch

Features:

• Frequency response: 50Hz-20kHz±3dB
• Power handling: 50 watts maximum continuous (200 watts peak)
• Sensitivity: 93dB @ 1watt/1meter
• Nominal impedance: 8 ohms
• Tweeter: 1” (2.54cm) Titanium dome compression driver
• High frequency horn: 100° Asymetrical Tractrix® Horn
• Woofer: 6.5” (16.51cm) Cerametallic® cone / cast polymer frame
• Enclosure material: ABS
• Enclosure type: Infinite baffle, front flush with ceiling
• Dimensions: 9.25” (23.5cm)
• Mounting depth: 4.5” (11.43cm)
• Cutout dimensions: 8.25” (21cm)
• Weight: 4 lbs. (1.8kg)
• Finishes: White
• Built from: 2000
• Built until: 2004

Night golfing. Once the exclusive past time of the young and
well-lawyered. But now, the Twilight Tracer 3-pack Lighted Golf Balls
can bring this magical game to you.

Each cover is made of
Surlyn, the industry standard for golf balls. And each flashes at 7.2
flashes per second. You’ve got to be pretty drunk to miss this thing
coming at you. And make no mistake, you will be.

Dodging
sprinklers. Avoiding high school kids making out in the sand trap.
Meeting angry raccoons. Night golf changes the game we’ve all known and
loved. Play the way Daredevil would play: with your zen-like instincts.
And the Twilight Tracer 3-pack Lighted Golf Balls.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Once the ball is struck it will flash red for about 5 minuets at a rate of 7.2 flashes per second
• Official size and weight
• Surlyn cover

Specifications:

• Number of Layers: 3
• Cover Thickness: 0.08 inches
• Compression Ratio: 80
• Weight: 1.53 oz.
• Circumference of ball: 5.28135”
• Battery: 3 volt lithium
• Battery Life: Approximately 40 hours

In the box:

• 3 Twilight Tracer Lighted Golf Balls

ParisLohanXXX: hey
MalFan4Life: Hey girl
MalFan4Life: did you know there are twenty five Pizza Huts between us
ParisLohanXXX: lol
ParisLohanXXX: how do you know that?
MalFan4Life: my Cobra NAV ONE 5000 Portable GPS with 5” Touchscreen and Text to Speech tells me that
ParisLohanXXX: Will you bring me one?
MalFan4Life: A Cobra NAV ONE 5000 Portable GPS with 5” Touchscreen and Text to Speech?
MalFan4Life: They’re great!
MalFan4Life: They show you real time traffic and red light camera location so you can plan your trip safely but fast.
ParisLohanXXX: that’s great wow but i meant a pizza
MalFan4Life: Plus Text-to-speech, and Bluetooth.
MalFan4Life: And you can compare two routes and pick the fastest.
ParisLohanXXX: so you’ll be here in thirty minutes or less right
MalFan4Life: Are you serious?
MalFan4Life: The Cobra NAV ONE 5000 Portable GPS with 5” Touchscreen and Text to Speech shows me 20% more of the road so I can plan better.
ParisLohanXXX: you’ll see 40% more of me if you bring that pizza
MalFan4Life: 40%?
attached: 60percent.jpg
MalFan4Life: I would like to take a moment to thank the Cobra NAV ONE 5000 Portable GPS
with 5” Touchscreen and Text to Speech design team for including a 120V
AC adapter for home use and a 12V power cord with Cigarette Lighter
Plug so that I can always use their device at a moment’s notice no
matter where
ParisLohanXXX: lol
ParisLohanXXX: hurry i’m hungry
ParisLohanXXX: i have needs
MalFan4Life: Whoa
MalFan4Life: I’ll be right there
MalFan4Life: Hey, before I go…
ParisLohanXXX: wat
MalFan4Life: You’re not Larry, are you?
ParisLohanXXX: OH YEAH BRO
ParisLohanXXX: WHOLE FRAT’S HERE
MalFan4Life: aw crap
ParisLohanXXX: WHY DON’T YOU TAKE A SEAT OVER THERE, BABY
ParisLohanXXX: WE HAVE NEEDS
MalFan4Life has signed off
ParisLohanXXX: shoulda waited until he ordered that pizza

Warranty: 1 Year Cobra

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• Portable navigation system with a 5” LCD screen that shows 20% more of the road ahead when compared to traditional widescreen navigation systems
• Detailed street maps for United States and Canada
• Fixed
  speed and red light camera location database alerts you in advance of
  intersections which are often marked by Camera Enforcement devices
• iA.S.A.P
  – Intelligent Accelerated Satellite Acquisition Protocol allows for
  faster acquisition and uninterrupted satellite signal reception in
  urban canyons and dense foliage, using state-of-the-art GPS Engine
• Over
  7 Million Points-of-Interest including banks, hotels, restaurants, gas
  stations, attractions and many more subdivided into over 200
  sub-categories for easy searching
• Over 600 brands available
  with 1 touch. Choose your favorites from categories such as
  restaurants, large retail chains, famous coffee shops, etc and see the
  actual brand icon on the map
• OptiView Ultra-Bright 5-Inch Display provides large text for easy reading on your dashboard
• Text-to-speech technology, speaks street names for easy navigation
• Bluetooth
  hands free provides easy hands-free communication for Bluetooth enabled
  cell phones. Make or receive calls directly from the touch-screen on
  the Cobra navigation unit. View the caller-id information on the
  navigation screen a