The night was silent as a cupcake. I walked alone, only my Sandisk Sansa c250 2GB MP3 Player for company. My shoulders ached and my legs were sore. I wanted to sit down. All that kept me going was the haunting melody
my father wrote as he sat beside my mother’s grave. I listened to it
again and again, barely even using the c250’s built in FM radio. The
memories inspired me. I fought back the tears.

I thought of my mother, who would sing me to sleep with a beautiful song. She left us so young. The 2GB of space would have amazed her, she would have whispered “Frankie, Frankie my son, can it really play MP3, WMA and WAV?”
and I would have whispered back “Yes, momma, yes, it can and it does!”
and she would have cried the happy tears of a woman who had seen all
she ever imagined she would see.

My rechargeable battery was
full, so I had no fear it would die. I looked at her stored photo,
listened to the recording she had made for me using the c250’s built-in
recorder. The familiar sound
of her voice gave me the strength to go on despite the pain, to find my
way back to the farm my father and I shared, and help him for one more
day. The theater could wait.

Warranty: 90 Days Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 2GB storage space for music, photos, and voice/FM recordings
• MicroSD expansion slot
• Rechargeable battery keeps the player running for 15 hours on a full charge
• MP3, WAV, and Protected WMA playback
• FM tuner and photo viewer that can display up to 64,000 colors
• FM recorder and voice recorder

In the box:

• Sansa C250
• Earbuds
• USB Cable

Right now we’d like to slow things down a little and talk about
Numerology. Everybody knows about Numerology, right? Numerology is the
study of numbers, and how they can tell the past, future and present.
Let’s use the Netgear WG111-100USR 54Mbps Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter as an example.

First of all, we have to convert the letters to digits, like the Netgear FS608NAR 8 port 10/100 Switch converts a USB port into a simple and secure broadband internet connection. Then we add all the numbers together, just like the Netgear WG111-100USR 54Mbps Wireless USB 2.0
Adapter adds wireless access to your desktop or notebook. Then we have
to crunch those numbers down to a single digit to make it more
manageable, like the Netgear WG111-100USR 54Mbps Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter fits easily into an out of the way space, because it’s so small! What we’re left with is the number nine.

Nine
is the number of completion. It is strong, though refurbished, and has
a magical property that not everyone can tap. Only the most lucky will
properly wield Nine. Nines prefer to stay at home and work, giving up
going out with friends for the thrill of keeping a network going, and
they are known to be very good with the Internet.

See?
Pretty solid, right? So remember Numerology, the new science, and start
making your hard decisions the right way… with unbiased, unreviewed,
unchecked math provided by the people trying to take your money!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Delivers consistent wireless connections—no more dropped connections or dead spots
• Simple and secure way to share a broadband Internet connection
• Designed for your notebook or desktop PC
• Supports WMM™, WMM Power Save
• Good for surfing the Internet, email and online chat
• Provides wireless access to your desktop, notebook or public Wi-Fi hotspots
• Maximum performance requires use with NETGEAR Wireless-G Router

Wireless Speeds

• 1, 2, 5.5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 18, 24, 36, 48, and 54 Mbps (auto rate capable); compatible with 802.11b or 802.11g

Encryption

• 64- and 128-bit WEP encryption
• WPA-PSK and WPA2-PSK

Modulation Type

• 802.11b: Direct-sequence spread spectrum (CCK, DQPSK, DBPSK)
• 802.11g: Orthogonal Frequency division Multiplexing (64QAM, 16QAM, QPSK, BPSK)

Standards Capability

• PC: USB 2.0 Compliant, Microsoft® Windows® Vista™, XP 64, XP, 2000, Me, or 98SE, 802.11g wireless standard, WMM™, WMM Power Save

Frequency

• 2.412 ~ 2.462 GHz (US)
• 2.412 ~ 2.472 GHz (Japan)
• 2.412 ~ 2.472 GHz (Europe ETSI)

Environmental Specifications

• Operating temperature: 32º to 140º F (0º to 60º C)
• Operating humidity: 5% to 95%, non-condensing

Electromagnetic Compliance

• FCC Part 15 Class B

Physical Specifications

• Dimensions (l x w x h) 94.5×30.2×15.2 mm (3.72×1.19 x .6 in)
• Weight: 32 g (1.13 oz)

System Requirements:

• Pentium® Class PC
• Available USB 2.0 or 1.1 port (maximum speeds attained with USB 2.0)
• Microsoft® Windows® Vista™, XP 64, XP, 2000, 98SE, or Me
• 8 Mb of free hard drive space

In the box:

• Netgear WG111 802.11g USB 2.0 Wireless Adapter

This 8GB Apple iPod is available in all the colors of the rainbow! But
before you check the rainbow, please put on these special glasses.
There, that’s right. Now, take a look at our rainbow. No, not over
there, that’s a real rainbow. Ours is over here. See? Blue, Black and
Green, just like our 8gb iPod. No, no, don’t take off the glasses yet.
Not until the payment clears.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited

Features:

• Watch up to 5 hours of TV shows, music videos, movies, and podcasts
• Cover Flow, browse your music by album artwork
• 320 by 240 resolution display that is 65 percent brighter than the previous iPod nano
• Cased in anodized aluminum and polished stainless steel.
• 6.5mm thin

Specifications:

• 8GB storage capacity
• Up to 24 hours of music playback; up to 5 hours of video playback
• 2-inch (diagonal) color LCD with LED backlight
• Dock connector, stereo minijack
• USB
  through dock connector; component and composite video through dock
  connector (with AV cables or kit, sold separately); audio through
  headphone jack
• About 3 hours charge time (1.5-hour fast charge to 80% capacity)
• Audio Support – AAC (16 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), MP3 (16 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, and 4), Apple Lossless, WAV, and AIFF
• Photo Support – Syncs iPod-viewable photos in JPEG, BMP, GIF, TIFF, PSD (Mac only), and PNG formats
• Video
  Support – H.264 video, up to 1.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per
  second, Low-Complexity version of the H.264 Baseline Profile with AAC-LC
  audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file
  formats; H.264 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per
  second, Baseline Profile up to Level 3.0 with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; MPEG-4 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Simple Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats
• Dimensions – 2.75×2.06×0.26 inches (69.8×52.3×6.5 mm)
• Weight – 1.74 ounces (49.2 grams)

In the box:

• iPod Nano 3G 8GB
• USB cable
• Earphones

Software not included, click to download iTunes click to download iPod Nano manual

There was no reason to expect anything out of the ordinary that fateful day at the government’s mountainside remote-control research lab. As usual, an elite team of the best and brightest engineers from America’s top technical institutes were busy perfecting remote controllers, working diligently, knowing they were pitted against the Soviets in a top-secret race to develop better AV accessories.

Suddenly, and without warning, a radioactive meteorite crashed through the facility’s huge, beautiful but otherwise purposeless plate glass window! The impact was devastating! Fires broke out, destroying years of painstaking research! Toxic fumes filled the compound! The Wilhelm Scream rang through the halls!

That was years ago. The facility is nothing but rubble now, its precise location known only to a handful of high-ranking personnel. Military intelligence maintains that there were no survivors.

And yet, all across America today, citizens report sighting a new kind of remote control: A huge, mutant remote control, compatible with most major brands of AV components, and covered in enormous, glow-in-the-dark buttons.

Perhaps they are here to help us—replacing the various and sundry remotes that clutter America’s coffee tables. Or do they instead intend to exact deadly vengeance against the nation whose unchecked experiments helped create a race of giant-sized monster freaks?

No one knows! Dare you invite one into your home? DARE YOU?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Glow in the dark buttons
  
• Manages up to eight separate devices
  
• Compatible with most major brands of AV components
  
• Code search button discovers device codes automatically
  
• Programmable power OFF timer
  
• Extra-large soft-touch buttons for easy navigation
  
• Jumbo-sized—never misplace your remote control again
  
• Requires two AA batteries (not included)

In the box:

• Glow in the Dark Jumbo Universal Remote
  
• Instruction Manual

Haven’t you always wanted a Cut-Out Cardboard Template? Well, here’s
your chance! This Cut-Out Cardboard Template will let you finally
discover where on your ceiling a circle would look best. Try it out in
the bedroom, or the living room, or maybe even right above the tv and
stereo! This Cut-Out Cardboard Template will be fun for you, and the
whole family! No more bulky metal templates! No more soggy cut-out
paper! Everyone will fall in love with the Cut-Out Cardboard Template.

Plus
if you act now you’ll get a free Athena Technologies AS-IC6st 2-way
6.5” Ceiling Speaker with every Cut-Out Cardboard Template purchase.

Warranty: Five Year Athena

Features:

• Description: 2-Way In-Ceiling Speaker with Dual Tweeters
• Features: Dual Voice Coil Woofer Dual Speaker Terminals Comes with White Paintable Grille
• Woofer: 6-1/2 inch Injection Molded Woofer with Rubber Surround
• Tweeter: Dual 3/4 inch Teteron Domes Power Handling: 100 W
• Crossover Point: 2.4 kHz
• Impedance: 8 Ohms
• Frequency Response: 55 Hz – 20 kHz
• Sensitivity: 89 dB
• Dimensions (in.) (HxWxD): 9.1×3.3 inch
• Dimensions (mm) (HxWxD): 231×83 mm
• Cutout Dimensions (in.) (HxW): 7.6 inch
• Cutout Dimensions (mm) (HxW): 193 mm
• Mounting Depth (in.): 2.8 inch
• Mounting Depth (mm): 711 mm
• Weight: 2.5 lbs (1.1 kg) each
• Shipping Weight: 3.5 lbs (1.6 kg) each

In the box:

• Single AS=IC6st Speaker
• Cut-Out Cardboard Template for In-Ceiling Installation
• Owner’s Manual

And now it’s time for another episode of “Dr. Failure, The Bad Mad Scientist”.

“Wow, Jenny! Is this the place?”

“This
is the place, Albert. You know, you’ve been such a comfort ever since
Jake suddenly went away forever with no chance of returning.”

“I just want to make you happy, Jenny. Whoaaaaa!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“Albert! Are you all right?”

“I’m fine! I just tripped over this… this… say, what is this?”

“Zatz my layteezt inventzon!”

“Hey! Dr. Failure! Great to meet you! Jenny talks about you all the time.”

“I really do, Dr. Failure.”

“Aw, shez zo zweet. I vizh I could zpare you from zee deztructionz… but I can’t!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“So what is that, Doc?”

“Zat, Jake? Zats zee deadly tri-legged war machine to kill zee world vonce an vor all! And I vill activate it… like zis!”

VRRRWOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

“Um, Doc, I hate to break it to you…”

“Why, Albert! It looks like a Ambico 40” Camera Tripod with 2 way Panhead!”

“Sure does, Jenny! I’m a camera buff, so I know that 180 and 360 degree head adjustment can come in handy.”

“And the sure grip handle and quick release shoe?”

“You bet!”

“Who carz about “haaandy”? My death machine iz ruined!”

“But you made a carrying pouch out of thin air!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“I feel like zee kaiote on televizion.”

“Hey, Doc, it was great to meet you.”

“Ya, ya, very nize, very nize, pleaz come again.”

“Thanks as always, Dr. Failure! See you next time!”

“Next time, ya, Jenny. Zere’s always a next time. Zee world… juzt keepz on turning… no matter what.”

Join us next time for another exciting episode of “Dr. Failure, The Bad Mad Scientist”.

Warranty: 1 Year Ambico

Features:

• Floor Standing Tripod
• 2-Way panhead and quick shoe
• 180 and 360 head adjustment
• Sturdy steel twist-lock legs with easy-grip rubber feet
• Camera mount pivots for shots at almost any angle
• Sure grip handle for panning
• Quick release shoe
• Includes Carrying Pouch
• Maximum Tripod Height: 40”
• Minimum Tripod Height: 10.5”
• Tripod Load Capacity: 8.8lb

…I said “No, I don’t know that Keyleaigh is allergic to
peanuts. But I keep hearing so much about it, I’m not going to take any
chances. Please, send this sundae back to the kitchen.” I gave her a
rice cake instead. Keyleaigh got mad about it, but you know how
15-year-olds are.

This Tuesday? I think I’m free. Why?

Your
scrapbooking group? Oh, Andrea, you’re not still doing scrapbooking,
are you? Do you have any idea what’s in that glue? Yeah, I know it says
“non-toxic” on the label. I just don’t trust all those, all those
chemicals and stuff. Not to mention the markers and the glitter – I
swear, scrapbooking gave Keyleaigh asthma for a little while. It went
away by the time we saw the doctor, but still.

Anyway, I’m all about the videos these days. It’s awesome. I’ve been taking our old home movies and putting them on DVD with this awesome Dazzle DVD Recorder thing. I plug one end into the VCR or the camera or whatever, the other end into my computer, and a little while later I’ve totally got this awesome DVD.
No glue, no glitter – just awesome video memories. We’ve been watching
them with Keyleaigh all week. It’s a lot better for her than hanging
out in some disease-ridden mall with her friends.

What, Andrea? What do you mean, “TVs give off radiation”?

Warranty: 90 Day Dazzle

Features:

• Transfer and share your videos on DVD with Dazzle DVD Recorder
• Capture from any video source with composite (RCA) or S-Video output
• Plug-in-play simplicity and a step-by step guide, copying your home movies from almost any video device to DVD
• Burn videos direct from video source to DVD to preserve your memories and play them on a TV
• Includes Instant DVD Recorder software with one-click recording from video source to DVD with menus and chapters

Capture Format:

• MPEG-2

Import Formats (Studio QuickStart):

• Video: DV, AVI, MPEG-1, MPEG-2,  Windows Media® Format
• Audio: WAV
• Graphics: BMP, JPG, PCT, TGA, TIF, Windows Media Format

Export Formats (Studio QuickStart):

• Video CD (VCD) or S-VCD with optional CD burner (CD-R or CD-RW)
• DVD with optional DVD burner (DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+R or DVD+RW)
• DV, AVI, RealVideo® 8, Windows Media 9, MPEG-1, MPEG-2 files

Minimum System Requirements:

• Windows® XP (SP2 or higher) or Windows Vista (32 bit only)
• Intel® Pentium® or AMD® Athlon® 1.4 GHz or higher (2.4 GHz or higher recommended)
• 512 MB RAM (1 GB recommended)
• DirectX® 9 or higher compatible graphics card with 64 MB (128 MB recommended)
• DirectX 9 or higher compatible sound card
• 1 GB of disk space to install software
• 1 USB 2.0 (Hi-Speed) port
• DVD burner for creating DVDs

Hardware Specifications

• Video inputs: Composite video (RCA), S-Video (mini-DIN)
• Audio inputs: Stereo audio (RCA x2)
• PC connection: Hi-Speed USB 2.0

Package Contents:

• Dazzle DVC 100 USB video capture device
• Instant DVD Recorder software
• Studio QuickStart software
• Quick Installation and Getting Started guide 

When he woke up, he was on the pavement. Astroblak held his head.
Where was he? Why was there so much gorilla fur everywhere? Why was he
lying in this ripped open bag? And, most importantly, how had he gotten
here?

His jaw was still a little tender, and his head was
still ringing. Astroblak decided to just sit on the curb and catch his
breath. He was back on Earth, from the looks of it. But that house
looked mighty old. And that Sharp Silver 32” 720p LCD HDTV looked mighty new.

Sure,
he knew it had two ten watt built in speakers, just like he knew it had
AV and S-Video in. And he knew, in a pinch, he could make that HDMI tuner into a transmitter and call home. But that wasn’t the point.

The
point was that he was somewhere he shouldn’t be. And he had to find the
guy who brought him. Astroblak’s momma raised him right, after all.
And, like she always said, you always leave the dance with the fella
you came in with.

Astroblak heard the sound of a tiny fiddle
and an itty-bitty jamboree. He checked the indicator on his rocket
pants. It was at full. But his momma used to say no man ever won a
thing by playin’ hummingbird. So Astroblak stood up and walked, on his
own two feet, right up to that door. And opened it without even
knocking.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty (30 Day Sharp Direct)

Features:

• 32” 720p LCD with 1366×768 native resolution
• Integrated ATSC/NTSC tuner, built-in HDTV tuner
• 60,000 hour lamp life with 2 10 watt built in speakers
• HDMI with HDCP, 2 S-video, and 1 Component input
• Coaxial digital audio output x 1 (PCM/Dolby Digital)
• English, French, and Spanish on screen display language

Specifications:

• LCD Panel: 32” Advanced Super View & Black TFT LCD
• Number of dots: 3,147,264 (1366×768 x 3 dots)
• TV Standard: American TV Standard ATSC/NTSC System
• Audio multiplex: BTSC System
• Backlight: 60,000 hours (at Backlight Standard position)
• Audio Out: 10W x 2
• Input 1: AV in, S-video in
• Input 2: AV in, S-video in
• Input 3: Component in, Audio in
• Input 4: HDMI in with HDCP, Audio in
• Antenna/Cable: 75 Ω Unbalance, F Type x 1 for Analog (VHF/UHF/CATV) and Digital (AIR/CABLE)
• Digital Audio Output: Coaxial Digital audio output x 1 (PCM/Dolby Digital)
• Output: Audio Out
• OSD Language: English/French/Spanish
• Power Requirement: AC 120 V, 60 Hz
• Power Consumption: 170W (Standby 1W)
• Weight with out stand: 33.1 lbs./15.0 kg
• Weight with stand: 37.8 lbs./17.1 kg
• Dimension with out stand (W x H x D): 32 21/64×23 15/64×5 3/32 inch
• Dimension with stand (W x H x D): 32 21/64×25 9/16×11 9/64 inch

In the Box:

• Sharp LC32SH10U-R Silver 32” 720p LCD HDTV
• Remote Control
• Power Cable
  

Please answer honestly and make sure your marks are heavy and dark.

1) On a Friday night, I would prefer:

a) To go out to a motel with a beautiful person of my preferred gender.
b) To stay at home and watch The Venture Brothers.
c) Both a and b.

2) If the opportunity presented itself, I would:

a) Take a free weekend trip as part of my business.
b) Stay at home at watch basketball.
c) Both a and b.

3) If existing A/V components and PC allowed me to stream my home HDTV or SDTV programming, I would:

a) Feel kinda dumb about needing to watch so much televison.
b) Be thrilled that I could watch Heroes on the beach.
c) Buy six and pretend I was Telstar.

STOP. If you have answered C to one or more questions, immediately purchase the Pinnacle PCTV To Go HD Wireless.

Warranty: One year Pinnacle

Features:

• Connect PCTV to go HD to your Cable Box, Satellite dish, Tivo, DVR then you can take your TV with you.
• Enjoy your home HDTV or SDTV programming wherever you are, at the office, a hotel room, other rooms of your home or anywhere there is an Internet connection
• Works with existing A/V components and PC technologies
• Allows you to pause, rewind and record your favorite TV shows
• No set-up or monthly service fees
• Watch and control TV in full screen MPEG-2 DVD like quality in and around your home on your PC
• Watch and control high-quality MPEG-4 TV content remotely anywhere in the world on an Internet connected PC
• Wireless set-up makes installation of PCTV To Go a breeze
• Control all your TV features from your PC – remotely change channels, Video sources, and even control your home Digital Video Recorder
• Wirelessly communicates to your existing network or directly to your wireless PC
• Pause and rewind live TV or record your favorite TV shows with the included PCTV To Go Player
• Works as a TV source within a wirelessly connected Microsoft Media Center Edition equipped PC (also compatible with Windows Vista Home Premium)

Minimum System Requirements:

• Microsoft Windows Vista, XP Home or Pro, or XP Media Center Edition w/ SP2 or higher
• Computer with minimum Pentium or Athlon 1GHz or higher (1.5GHz or higher recommended)
• 512MB RAM (1GB RAM for Windows Vista Home Premium and Ultimate)
• Disk space: 75MB to install PCTV To Go software; at least 500MB for time-shifting ; 10 GB recommended for recording
• Wireless LAN 802.11g adapter (for wireless configuration and operations)
• Available RJ-45 Ethernet port on PC or LAN (for wired configuration and operation)
• Wireless LAN 802.11g adapter (for wireless configuration and operations)
• DirectX® 9 or higher compatible sound card (M-Audio® or Creative® Audigy® recommended)
• DVD burner for creating DVDs
• CD or DVD burner for creating CDs

Hardware Inputs/Outputs:

• Component Video
• Composite Video
• S-Video
• Stereo Audio

Video and TV Sources Inputs & Outputs:

• Digital Cable Set Top Box
• Digital Video Recorder
• Satellite Receiver
• DVD Player/VCR/Camcorder

In the box:

• Pinnacle PCTV To Go HD Wireless hardware
• WiFi 802.11g Antennas (2)
• Composite Video and Stereo Audio Cable
• IR Blaster Cable for remote control
• AC Adapter (100-240V 50-60Hz)
• Pinnacle PCTV To Go Quick Start Guide
• Pinnacle PCTV To Go CD-ROM

A green frame. A grey sidebar. A button that reads “I want one”. A
podcast, a blog. A Generic BT-407 Bluetooth Headset. Last summer I
walked these halls. It was all the same. I saw you there, Bluetooth
compliant. You were ten meters away, watching him play the game with
the matches. Your earhook was on the left ear. The charge took two
hours, and we talked of call rejection and voice dialing. I asked if
you would take the call and you said Non. I remember it, I remember it as surely as I remember the green frame with the white logo.

You
came in and told me that you’d seen another Generic BT-407 Bluetooth
Headset. Your earhook was on the right ear, as it always had been. You
were thirty feet away. I asked if you wanted to go to the dance and you
said Non. We walked through the garden. You had last number
redial and could put any call on hold. I took your hand and you
promised you would leave with me. He was at table, playing the game
with the matches. You promised me, against the green frame with the
white logo. How could I forget?

He was downstairs playing the game with the matches. Your standby was up to 170 hours. I said now and you said Non
in a gentle voice. Your earhook was on your right ear. In that dress I
could see the rechargeable lithium polymer battery. A dog farted and
you dropped your glass in shock. A waiter came to clean the pieces.

That
green frame. That grey sidebar. You were in your room, ten meters away.
You had up to 8 hours of talk time as you lay on the bed. He went to
the shooting range and you looked at some photos. You were beside the
mirror, hands free. I entered without asking and you said Non in a sharp voice. Did I listen? How could I forget?

The grey sidebar. The green frame. The Generic BT-407 Bluetooth Headset. I asked if there was only one and you said Non in a disinterested voice. You were playing the game with the matches. It was a Tuesday. That Tuesday at Marienbad.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Bluetooth compliance: Bluetooth version 2.0 specifications
• Bluetooth profiles: Bluetooth headset and hands-free profiles
• Operating range: Up to 10 metres (30 feet)
• Talk time: Up to 8h (subject to phone)
• Stand-by time: Up to 170h
• Charging time: Approximately 2 hours
• Reverseable earhook
• Battery type: Rechargeable lithium polymer.
• Pairing passkey or PIN: 0000

Supported special features:

• Answer/end call
• Reject call
• Call hold/Call wait
• Dedicated volume control

In the box:

• BT-407 Bluetooth Headset
• Power Adapter
• User Guide

Wait. Shhh. Hold on. Hear that?

That? Right there?

That’s electricity oozing out of your car battery. Just draining out free as you fancy, like moviegoers halfway through Fool’s Gold.
With every minute, your battery inches closer to death. Whoops, there
goes a little more. Once you know it’s happening, it’s hard to pay
attention to anything else.

Can anything be done?

Yes.
You could get together with your neighbors and demand that your city
build an extensive, convenient light rail network so you can get rid of
your car. But that could take years of intense activism and billions of
dollars. In the meantime, there’s a slightly easier solution: the
Coleman 1-Watt Solar Powered Trickle Charger.

Just plug it
into your car lighter, set it on the dash, and let it absorb solar
power to keep your battery charged and happy. Why pay for energy when
the sun’s up there giving it away for free? Of course, your car lighter
jack might only work when the car is running. And you might not get all
that much sunlight if you live in some godforsaken igloo up on the tundra. But isn’t it better than doing nothing?

Whoa
– while we’ve been running our mouths, a little more of your battery
power just slipped out. We can’t afford to argue any more! There’s no
time! Hurry, dammit, hurry! The life of your battery depends on it!

Warranty: 2 Year ICP Solar Technologies

Features:

• Maintains your car 12v battery’s charge by using solar power
• Connects though the cigarette lighter adapter
• Clean and quiet
• No maintenance required
• Works under cloudy conditions
• Red LED indicator tells you when it is working

Specifications:

• Maximum Wattage: 1 watt; Ip = 80 mAmps@15 volts
• Unit dimensions: 14” x 3 3/4” x 3/4” – 350 mm x 95 mm 20 mm
• Weight: 0.8lbs. 0.35 kg
• Temperature Range: -40° to 176° / -40°C to 80°C

In the box:

• Coleman 50002 1-Watt Solar Powered Trickle Charger
• Users Guide

The Nikko 120125ABC Red Morph Nator RC Car is
street ready… by which we mean there’s no way something like this would
ever pass standards and emissions. But who cares, it runs on a battery!
Go from low profile rail racer to high ridin’ off-road truck, then
smash the throttle for a wheelie and flash the working headlights.
Left, right, forward, reverse and stop. But the Nikko 120125ABC Red
Morph Nator RC Car is for ages eight and up,
so don’t let your little brother or sister touch it. If they get
caught, they’ll be going to 1/12th scale jail. You don’t want that on
your record these days, no sir.

Warranty: 90 Day Nikko

Features:

• Low profile rail racer transforms into high ride’n off-road truck
• Smash the throttle and Morth’Nator pops wheelies
• Fill function radio control, turn left, turn right, foward, reverse and stop
• Working headlights
• For ages 8 and up

He’s a Velocity Micro Ultimate Mouse #2731. He’s a Creative Labs Gamer Mouse HD7600L. But what happens when they discover… that they’re identical twins?

klik
Wait, wait, this isn’t working. We need something to drive home the
point that the Velocity Micro Ultimate Mouse #2731 is really just the HD7600L,
only specially branded for Velocity. This makes it sound like they’re
just… I don’t know, pals or something. Let’s try a different approach
with take two. Take two!

On the outside, Velocity Micro
Ultimate Mouse #2731 is just another fella. He loves his wife. Takes
care of his kids. But inside, Velocity Micro Ultimate Mouse #2731 has a
dark secret. A past that no one knows. A past with the name… Creative
Labs Gamer Mouse HD7600L.

klik
Okay, that’s better, but we’re trying to convey the 2400 dpi and the
on-the-fly dpi switching. There’s the 10,000 frames per second as well,
and the 15g acceleration. Can we try something more… classic?

They
met in the war. He was a hero, a pilot, a victim of the killer skies.
She was a nurse, an angel, a woman. He told her his name was Velocity
Micro Ultimate Mouse #2731 and she never asked for more. But on the day
they came for him, she found her patient had been Creative Labs Gamer
Mouse HD7600L. And now she must choose between what she knew and what she felt, and decide between her duty… and her heart.

klik Can you sound a little more like Orson Welles?

Warranty: 1 Year Creative

Features:

• 2400 dpi HD-Lazer engine with high-speed motion detection up to 40 ips and 15G’s of acceleration
• Instant response with USB data connection and Class 1 laser sensor
• On the fly DPI switching, switch the mouse sensitivity between 400, and 2400 dpi while in game
• Interchangeable covers allow you to customize your mouse
• EasyGlide Teflon Feet ensure ultra-smooth mouse action for ultra-fast moves.
• High Speed Data Transfer - Enjoy high-speed operations with fast USB connectivity
• To ensure safety at all times, the Class 1 laser sensor automatically reduces power when the mouse is lifted off the desktop
• Frame Rate: 10,000 frames/sec
• Acceleration: 15 g
• Resolution: 2400 dpi
• Tracking Speed: 40 inches/sec

In the box:

• Velocity Micro Optical USB Mouse
• Software CD
• Users Guide

With a refurbished Canon ZR800 Mini
Camcorder in your hand, you could have taped the Opening Ceremonies of
the 2008 Olympics. Was that digital paper those people were standing
on? Was that little girl really tied to a kite? Was Mr. Astronaut a
hint of where China plans to go next and therefore a direct threat to
the U.S. that could result in an entirely new type of arms race? You’d
be able to answer those questions by using the DV Firewire port to connect to your computer and edit the footage.

There’s
no DV tape included and it only has a 35x optical/1000x digital smooth
zoom, but that’s entry-level, which means that’s not so bad overall.
You don’t have to be in love with it to enjoy using it. Or at least,
that’s the opinion of John Edwards, who admitted to having an affair
and made a special point to mention it was never about love. Was he
talking about the woman in question or the mainstream media who tried
to keep his secret? Or both? Holding this Canon ZR800 Mini
Camcorder you could have taped the look on their face when he said
“Honey, they meant nothing to me” 2.0. gg, John, next map.

As
though this wasn’t enough, there’s also a brand new war in Georgia. No,
it’s not about black people voting or science in schools, we mean the
Georgia that used to be allied with Russia, which is the country that
is invading them. If you were there on the streets in the middle of the
attack, you might find that the Canon ZR800 Mini
Camcorder, which is small and has an Electronic Image Stabilizer, would
be a great way to record shocking footage of tanks arriving. However,
since a few thousand people have died already, it’s probably for the
best that you’re not. Good thing we’ve got all those uncommitted troops
ready to fight for freedom, right?

And that’s not all! The
whole world is changing! The second housing crisis is forming, the
dollar is still low, Iran is acting like a drunk at a high school party
and we still don’t know if our next president is going to be any good,
or even legally able to run. The only thing you can be sure of is that
people will always want to watch this crap on YouTube. This Canon ZR800 Mini Camcorder could be your only source of income one day. And best of all, that LCD Display is reversible in case you need to shoot yourself. Who knows, right?

Warranty: 60 Day Cannon Limited Warranty

Features:

• 35x optical zoom, 1000x digital zoom
• Electronic Image Stabilizer
• Capable of recording in widescreen (16:9) or standard (4:3) formats
• IEEE 1394 (4-pin Firewire) input and output, edit video on your PC or Mac
• Compatible with MiniDV media tapes
• Reversible LCD display

Specifications:

• Video Recording System: 2 rotary heads, helical scanning DV system (consumer digital VCR SD system), digital component recording
• Audio Recording System: PCM digital sound: 16 bit (48 kHz/2 channels); 12 bit (32kHz)
• Television System: EIA standard (525 lines, 60 fields) NTSC color signal
• Image Sensor: 1/6-inch CCD
• Compatible with mini DV tapes
• Tape Speed: SP- 18.81 mm/s (0.74 ips); LP- 12.56mm/s (0.49 ips)
• Maximum Recording Time (60min tape): SP- 60 minutes; LP- 90 minutes
• LCD Screen: 2.7 inch wide color TFT
• Viewfinder: 0.35 inch wide color TFT
• Microphone: Stereo electret condenser microphone
• Lens: f/2.6-91mm, F/2.0-5.0, 35x power zoom
• Lens Configuration: 10 elements in 8 groups
• AF System: TTL autofocus, manual focus available
• Minimum Focusing Distance: 1 m (3.3ft.); 1 cm (0.39 in.) on maximum wide angle
• White Balance: Auto white balance, preset white balance (Daylight, Tungsten) or custom white balance
• Minimum
  Illumination: 2 lx (Night recording system , shutter speed at 1/8); 8lx
  (Easy recording mode, auto slow shutter On, shutter speed at 1/30)
• Recommended Illumination: More than 100 lx
• Image Stabilization: Electronic
• Digital Effects: Art, black and white, sepia, mosaic, ball, cube, wave, color mask, mirror
• Faders: Fade trigger, wipe, corner wipe, jump, flip, puzzle, zigzag, beam, tide, card mix
• Dimensions (WxHxD): 2.2×3.6×4.7” (57×92×119mm)
• Weight: 13.2 oz. (375g) (Body Only)

In the box:

• Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder
• Power Adapter
• Battery Pack
• Lithium CR1616 Button Battery
• Stereo Video Cable

Ah wur ‘avin it large in a meadow somewhere ‘round Cockermooth, ah
wur. The ‘appy ‘ardcore wur poondin’ out them massuf speakers, makin’
me wanna dance aboot, like. And noobuddy ‘ad any E, knowuh mean?
Noobuddy! Thir was noon of it aboot. It wur rubbish.

So I
call me mate Vincent and ‘e tells me ‘e can drive out with an eMachine.
I go, an eMachine? Coome righ’ out! I’m gettin’ visions o’ coinin’ it
with the only E concession in the whoole coonty, takin’ in poond over
poond from the poonters an’ makin’ the whole reeve smile to boot.

So
‘e pulls up and gets oot the eMachine and I’m like where’s the E come
out? And ‘e goes, wha’? And I goes, the E, man, is i’ like tablets or
wha’? And ‘e’s like, ah, THA’ kind of E. Nah, soorry, can’t help ya, mate. This ‘ere eMachine W3611A’s
just a regular computer, like. Wi’ yur 160GB hard drive an’ yur 512mb
memory an’ yur Pentium 4 processor. So I goes, like, et’s rubbish,
tha’! I’ doesna make E, OK, faine – but i’s like eencient as well! An’
we couldna even ploog i’ in in the middle o’ tha’ field. Tha’ wur the
worst reeve ever.

Warranty: 90 Day eMachines

Features:

• Intel® Pentium® 4 Processor 631 Hyper-Threading and Intel® EM64T Technology, 3.00GHz, 2MB L2 cache, 800MHz FSB
• Intel® 945G Chipset
• 512MB DDR2 dual-channel capable (1 × 512MB), 533MHz (PC4200) RAM
• 160GB SATA II (7200rpm, 8MB cache)
• DVD±RW 16x Multiformat Dual-Layer Optical Drive
• High-Performance 15-in-1 Digital Media Manager
• Intel® Graphics Media Accelerator 950
• PCI-Express® (PCI-E x16) slot available for upgrade
• 6-channel (5.1) high-definition audio
• 56K ITU v.92-ready Fax/Modem (RJ-11 port)
• Intel® 10/100Mbps Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 port)
• 6 – USB 2.0 Ports (2 Front, 4 Rear)
• 14.50”H x 7.25”W x 16.50”D
• 21.2 lbs
• Genuine Windows Vista® Home Basic

In the box:

• eMachines W3611A Desktop PC
• Keyboard
• Mouse
• Power Cable

An easy one-touch operation at the speed of light! A blur of white and silver! A cloud of dust and a hearty-

klikHey, hey, stop that! Stop that right now! You can’t do that!

Do what? I’m describing the TrueBlue TB-33-ML Bluetooth Headset!

klikYou know darn well what! People get sued over things like that! Be more careful!

Fine, fine. Ready?

klikReady. As long as you do it right.

Range. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the TrueBlue TB-33-ML Bluetooth Headset. It’s 10 meter mission: to

klikHey! HEY! Didn’t I just say not to do that?

You said not to use the Lone R-

klikDon’t
say it, don’t say it! Don’t you know what “deniable” means? Dear Lord!
Okay, one last time! I mean it! No funny stuff! Ready!

You’re
in another dimension. A dimension of Bluetooth and handsfree. A trip
into a wonderous land with 10 hours talk time and 200 hours standby.
There’s a signpost up ahead. Next stop: the Tw-

klikWe’re done for the day. Pick up your check at the desk.

Yeah! Early weekend! Woo Hoo!

Warranty: 1 Year TrueBlue

Features:

• Easy one-touch operation for Call, Answer, End
• Voice activated dialing
• Last number redial
• LED indicator for pairing
• Volume adjustment
• Switch on/off
• Wearable on either ear with optional adjustable ear loop

Specifications:

• Version 2.0, Class II, CSR Chipset
• Headset and hands-free supported profiles
• 2.4GHz – 79 Channels, Range of Frequency
• Rechargeable polymer Li-ion battery
• Up to 10 hours talk time
• Stand-by up to 200 hours
• Weight about 9g excl. accessories
• Size: 42 (L) x 20(W) x 11.5(H) mm
• Operation range: up to 10 meters

In the box:

• TrueBlue Bluetooth Headset
• AC Adapter
• Wrist Strap
• Users Guide

Travis: …ninety-seven…ninety-eight…yeah, it’s all here.

Blaine: All right! I can’t believe I’m about to get illegal cable! And such a cheap hookup – how do you do it?

Travis: Here you go. Pleasure doing business with you.

Blaine: What? What’s this?

Travis: Your cable. Specifically, a Monster 12 Foot USB Cable with LED Powerflow Indicator.

Blaine: Wait a minute, this is the “cable” you promised me? No, no, no. There’s been a misunderstanding.

Travis: No misunderstanding. This is a decent-quality USB
cable covered by a lifetime warranty, with data transfer speeds up to
480Mbps, and a little light to let you know the connection’s working.
Is there a problem?

Blaine: Well, yeah, I’d say there’s a problem. That’s not what I asked for.

Travis: Hey, you asked me if I could hook you up with a cable. That’s what I did.

Blaine: Not a cable! Just cable! Cable TV!

Travis: Really?

Blaine: Yes! Yes! I don’t care about some stupid cable with a stupid little light on it! I meant cable TV!

Travis:
So let me get this straight: you’re saying you want me to connect cable
TV to your house without the knowledge of the cable company, and
without paying the cable company?

Blaine: Yes! Dammit, yes! I want free cable TV. I don’t know how to say it any clearer: please hook up my cable TV illegally for free.

Travis: Well, I have to do something else first.

Blaine: Like what?

Travis: Like place you under arrest for attempting to steal cable TV. You have the right to remain silent…

Warranty: Lifetime Manufacturer

Features:

• Advanced SingleHelix windings delivers 500MHz bandwidth and up to 480Mbps for ultra-fast data transfer
• High-Density triple layer shielding rejects RF and EM interference for the most reliable data transfer possible
• Extra-heavy-gauge power conductor ensures maximum power transfer
• Precision 24k Gold contact connectors maximize corrosion resistance and signal transfer
• Blinking LED Powerflow Indicator lets you know you have proper USB connections
• Improved USB 2.0 Compatibility
• Advanced Monster Technologies deliver ultra-fast data transfer and all the increased bandwidth today’s USB device’s demand.
• Length - 12 feet
• Left Connector(s) - 4 pin USB Type A - male
• Right Connector(s) - 4 pin USB Type B - male

OK, OK, hang on a second. We know that there are some among you who
turn their noses up at the ‘furbs. “Refurb!?” they say. “No, thank
you!” And while we appreciate that their parents at least taught them
to say no thank you instead of “poop, no” or something, we still think
they might be missing out sometimes because of that knee-jerk reaction
of theirs.

Take today’s 750-gig hard drive, for example. Who
can’t use another 750 gigs? And before you say “refurbz suXX0r,” take a
look: It’s “recertified.” That’s “refurbished by the manufacturer” to
you. It’s uberrefurbed. These drives’ve met Seagate’s own standards of
quality control—not those of some second-rate, no-name, fly-by-night
“company” run out of some schmuck’s basement. So what else would you
want?

Us, we’re convinced. But say you aren’t. Say you’re
the kind of soulless skeptic who can’t be convinced there’s anything
good in the cold, cruel universe. So use this drive to back up your
music or something. Then you only need it to fire up twice: Once when
you load the files onto it, and once when you take it out of its
fireproof safe inside your extra-large safe-deposit box at the bank to
recover the files.

Boy, you really do have serious trust issues, don’t you?

Warranty: 180 Day Seagate Limited Warranty

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• 750 GB capacity
• 7200 RPM spindle speed
• 16 MB buffer
• 8.5 ms average seek time
• 4.16 ms average latency
• SATA/300 interface
• 3.5-inch form factor
• Perpendicular Recording
• Adaptive Fly Height
• Clean Sweep
• Directed Offline Scan
• Seagate SoftSonic
• Enhanced G-Force
  

Power Specifications:

• +5V, 0.72A
• +12V, 0.52A

Requirements:

• Serial ATA controller
• Serial ATA data cable
• Serial ATA power cable
• Available 3.5-inch drive bay

In the box:

• Seagate ST3750640AS 750GB SATA/300 7200RPM Hard Drive

So you’re one of them “open source” nutjobs, hunh? One of those
shareware Carebears, are you? What, you got something against people
making money? Because that’s the American way, get it? So what you’re
saying is basically that you hate America.

Listen, ain’t
nothing “free,” not really. Your so-called “free” software, somebody
developed that, and it took expertise and hard work. An now you, with
your long hair and your nine-inches nail music, and your communistical
ideas, you think you can just take that and use it and you don’t owe
anybody anything, is that it? Boy, it’s time somebody fixed your wagon,
I tell you.

Oh, and now you want one of these routers, do you? One of these open-source Wireless-G routers that we paid good money for, and I suppose you think we should just give one to you because… Because why? Because you don’t believe in private property or anything else, hunh?

Listen
here, bucko: If you want this open-source router for whatever you’re
gonna do with it—customize for your little dungeons and demons games or
increase your signal strength for pirating your satanic music—well,
you’‘re gonna have to buy it like everybody else! You’ll find out soon
enough, there are rules in this world, and you can’t go breaking them
every time you get a passing fancy, understand?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Open source code enables router customization for Linux developers and hobbyists
• Create firmware for specialized applications such as gaming, VoIP, security or increased signal strength
• Up to 2x the WAN-to-LAN throughput of other Wireless-G routers
• Compatible with 802.11b/g networks
• Automatically detects your ISP type, Port Range Forwarding/Triggering, Exposed Host (DMZ), MAC Address Authentication, DNS Proxy, URL Content Filtering, Logs and E-mail alters for Internet activity, Dynamic DNS,
  Save/Restore Configuration, Upgrades via Web Browser, UPnP, Application
  Based QoS, Hardware engine provides wired-speed routing performance,
  Remote Management
• Dimensions: 28×175 x 118 mm (1.1×6.9×4.7 in)
• Weight: 0.3 kg (0.7 lbs)
• Encryption: 40-bit (also called 64-bit), 128-bit WEP Encryption, WPA-PSK, WPA2-PSK

Wireless Speeds:

• Network Speeds: 1, 2, 5.5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 18, 24, 36, 48, & 54 Mbps (auto rate capable)
• Modulation Type: OFDM with BPSK, QPSK, 16QAM, 64QAM, DBPSK, DQPSK, CCK

In the box:

• Open Source Wireless-G Router
• Power Adapter

During the apathetic, selfish 1980’s, one film stood up and examined
race relations without flinching or compromising. One film made an
unvarnished, unapologetic statement about the challenges and promise of
America’s unfulfilled vision of racial harmony. One film dared cry I am!

We speak, of course, of the 1986 C. Thomas Howell comedy Soul Man.
It asked the tough question that needed to be asked, no matter how
uncomfortable it made White America: are black people more than just
white people who’ve taken a lot of tanning pills? Its coruscating,
bracing truth simply could not be denied. And a nation was shaken – and
shamed.

It is within that tradition that the Kingston DTYLB/4GB USB 2.0
Data Traveler steps forward. No matter which of its customizable,
changeable skins it wears on the outside, it remains a 4GB thumb drive
with a protected USB connector on the
inside. C. Thomas Howell’s career was effectively ended by the
controversy surrounding his bold cinematic jeremiad (at least, we
assume that’s why we haven’t seen him in anything in the last twenty
years). Will the same thing happen to the Kingston DTYLB/4GB USB 2.0 Data Traveler? Is America finally ready for the truth?

Warranty: 5 Year Kingston

Features:

• 4GB flash drive
• Customizable, changeable Skins
• Dimensions: 2.35” x 0.88” x 0.37” (59.7mm x 22.3mm x 9.5mm)
• Compliant, designed to Hi-Speed USB 2.0 specifications
• Convenient, pocket-sized for easy transportability
• Simple, just plug into a USB port
• Practical, no cap to lose; USB connector protected within case

Nothing is worse than being trapped with someone else’s
entertainment. Sure, it’s a big world, and there’s room for all of us,
but it’s easy to assume a strict Baptist doesn’t want to spend six
hours watching SubGenius television. And what if you’re a Nelson Riddle
fan? Maybe Jay-Z: Unplugged isn’t going to be your cup of tea. Normally
you could just get up and leave, but when you’re in the doctor’s
office, or on a train trip, or in the backseat with your younger
brother that’s been annoying you since 1957? He would pretend to be a
Prodigy fan just to see you squirm, wouldn’t he?

The Philips DVD Player
with iPod Dock helps anyone from the older generation to co-exist
peacefully with the media of the modern day. And by older, we mean
anyone with a 5th Generation iPod, because that’s the only one the
Philips DVD Player with iPod Dock is going
to work with. But if you’ve got one, great! You’ll be able to watch
your videos on an 8.5 inch video swivel display and, with the AC
adapter, charge your iPod at the same time.

What if you don’t
feel like bringing your iPod? What if your nephew, who always had the
best taste, wants to play the new Michael Buble? That’s easy, with the
SD/MMC Card Slot. The Philips DVD Player with iPod Dock plays MP3
and DivX, and can also read DVDs, writeable and rewriteable, as well as
Photo, Video and Audio CDs. Naturally there’s a remote, and it fits
comfortably in the iSlot when not in use, so it’s hard to lose. You’d
forget your own head if it wasn’t attached, we know.

Don’t feel you have to suffer just because you feel like Kool Moe Dee in a 50 Cent world. Grab an Philips DVD Player with iPod Dock and take a trip back to the way it used to be, when 5G was the greatest G of all.

Works with 5th Generation iPod Only

Warranty: 90 Day Woot

Features:

• 8.5 inch video swivel display
• Dock
  for iPod – Play your stored music, videos, and photos that is stored on
  your iPod. Plug in the AC adapter, and you can also charge your iPod
  while it is in use.
• SD/MMC Card Slot – Play music, video clips, and more from a SD card.
• Reads DVDs – Can also read DVD writable, and rewritable discs.
• Reads Photo, Video, and Audio CDs – Also reads CD writable, and rewritable discs.
• Plays DivX files
• Plays MP3 CDs
• Plays movies in 16:9 widescreen format
• Portable convenience, rechargeable battery with cigarette lighter adapter (Wall plug also included)

In the box:

• Philips DCP850/37 DVD Player with iPod Dock
• Car Power Adapter
• Audio/Video Cable
• Remote Control
• AC Power Adapter
• User Manual
• Quick Start Guide

Wow, some of you people are still so sensitive. What we’ve got today is the Black & Decker 100 Watt USB and AC Power
Inverter, which means it turns 12 volt car battery power into 120 volt
household AC power. This means you can go on a trip and run your
laptop, or turntable, or cd player. Not the cd player already in your
car, of course. For that you’d need an inverter inverter and we don’t
have any of those today.

The Black & Decker 100 Watt USB and AC Power Inverter also handles USB.
This means that, while you drive, you can power things like light-up
Christmas trees and tiny, barely helpful rubber fans. Or maybe iPods
or, dare we say it, Sansas.

Unlike those giant pencil sharpener lookin’ power inverters that other companies sell, the Black & Decker 100 Watt USB and AC Power
Inverter is small enough to fit in your hand, or perhaps your glove
compartment if you need your hand to steer. That means there’s no big
production getting it out of the trunk, it’s right there with you like
Richard Marx. See? Who makes Richard Marx jokes these days? That’s why
you come here. For the quality. And the Black & Decker 100 Watt USB and AC Power Inverters.

Warranty: 90 Day Black and Decker

Features:

• Converts vehicle’s 12 volt DC power into household 120 volt AC power
• AC & USB outlets power personal electronics & more
• 5 position plug for convenient placement
• Low battery shutdown prevents total battery drain
• LED indicator shows power & fault conditions
• Ideal for use with laptops, DVD players, portable gaming systems, cell phones, digital camera/camcorders, PDA’s, MP3’s and more

In the box:

• Black & Decker PI100SB 100 Watt USB and AC Power Inverter

Choosing a home computer is like finding a lover. Sure, you’ve got
your list of criteria: He’s got to be over 5’10”, physically fit, no
pet allergies, secure employment, must enjoy live music, and Mom and
Dad would really appreciate it if he were Catholic. It’s like that with
computers too, right? You’re looking for one with a decent 17” glossy
display, Energy Star qualified, a Lightscribe DVD burner, maybe an Intel Fast Ethernet Integrated Controller (10/100 NIC)
with 56K V.92 modem and 802.11 a/b/g wireless network support in case
things get serious and you want to think about looking for apartments
on Craigslist.

But then here comes a guy, and he’s most of
the things you wanted— but he’s not Catholic, he’s Branch Davidian. Or
here’s a computer with everything on your list except that it’s loaded
with Vista on a 2.0 GHz Celeron.

What, you going to rule
this guy out—or pass on this computer—for that one thing? You can’t
plan a romance the way you would plan a bank heist, OK? Sometimes love
comes at you in ways you couldn’t have foreseen. Maybe this is the
thing that’s going to make your relationship more unpredictable and
exciting. You never know.

Warranty: 1 Year HP Compaq

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• 2.0GHz Intel Celeron 550 Processor with 1MB L2 cache and 533MHz front side bus
• 2GB 667 MHz DDR2 PC2-5300 SDRAM
• 160GB 5400 RPM SATA Hard Drive
• DVD/CD-RW combo LightScribe DVD±RW SuperMulti with Double Layer optical drive
• 17 inch WXGA+ BrightView with anti-glare
• ATI Mobility Radeon X1350 (64 or 128-bit 4-channel DDR dedicated graphics memory) Microsoft DirectX 9 capable
• Windows Vista Basic Operating System
• Energy Star qualified with 6-cell (55WHr) Lithium-Ion battery
• External
  90-watt AC adapter, 6-foot (1.8-meter) power cord included. Total
  length including external AC adapter is 12 feet (3.66 meter)
• 3 USB 2.0 data ports
• Intel Fast Ethernet Integrated Controller (10/100 NIC) with 56K V.92 modem and 802.11 a/b/g wireless network support

Specifications:

In the box:

• Compaq 6820s 17” Notebook PC
• Battery
• Recovery Discs
• Power Supply
• Owners Manual

USB Pole Dancer from Woot Video on Vimeo.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Powered directly from the USB port on your computer and possibly entertain you any time of day or night
• 30 second dance track
• Multi-colored disco lights, recreate an authentic night club atmosphere
• As music plays, the dancer spins around the pole, moving up and down as she spins
• Connect an MP3 player and she will dance to your favorite music
• No batteries or software required

In the box:

• USB Pole Dancer

How did we know when Sudoku had officially arrived? Not when they
started printing the number-puzzle game in the newspaper. Not when
Brangelina named their latest imported orphan “Sudoku”. No, not even
when the New York Yankees announced that their new stadium would be
called Sudoku Coliseum. We knew Sudoku was now an indelible part of our
culture when we found this piece of cheapo cash-in crap way down at the
bottom of the barrel.

See, this iGadget Electronic Pocket
Sudoku Game represents the kind of quick-buck grab that’s only
profitable when millions upon millions of people are caught up in the
craze. If this were 1978, it would be a pocket horoscope generator; in
1988, a handheld trivia game. Only when a pastime reaches a critical
mass of enthusiasts are there enough rubes among them to buy absolute
crud like this.

From a Chinese sweatshop to a dollar store
to your hot little hands, it brings three levels of Sudoku “action”
along with helpful instructions like “Do not expose machine to the
sunshine, even can’t shock or break forcibly.” But don’t take our word
for it – let’s see what actual reviewers have to say:

• “A complete waste of $. Sticky cheap keys, instructions incomplete and unclear, arrived with dead batteries. Stay away!”
• “Some of the keys don’t work and makes changing the levels impossible.”
• “Worst Gadget Ever”
• “Obviously, whoever designed this have NEVER played Sudoku.”
• “A rip-off at any price!”
• ”…without a doubt the worst purchase that I have ever made (even though it was at such a low cost).”
• “Useless piece of junk! Do not spend your money on this – not even worth $1.”

The
reviews collectively spin a sordid tale of dead batteries, unresponsive
controls, and the same puzzles over and over again. Got your credit
card out yet? Maybe you’ll get lucky and get one with corroded
batteries!

Contrary to those reviews, though, we can
confidently state that it contains more than one different puzzle per
level – perhaps even as many as three. So it’s perfect for passing the
time on your next plane trip, assuming your flight lasts half an hour
or less.

No, you won’t get anywhere near your money’s worth
out of this iGadget Electronic Pocket Sudoku Game…at first. But
someday, if you’re patient, it’ll be a valuable piece of cultural
history. Wow, the museum-goers of tomorrow will marvel, once upon a time, people were so into Sudoku that somebody was able to make money off of this piece of garbage.

Warranty: 90 Day iGadget

Features:

• Three Modes: Easy-Medium-Hard
• Each mode can automatically generate several puzzles
• Built in memory can record game status and your highest score
• LED backlit function, intelligent control, and manual or automatic option
• “SLEEP” function. automatically enters into sleep mode after 10 minutes if not used. Continue game by turning on
• By pressing “Submit” allows you to examine results on game completion
• Cursor design: Flashing cursor indicates current position allowing for convenient directional move
• Large LCD screen with back light, suitable for day or night use
• Sound function: Keys use different sounds to minimize operation error
• Runs on two ‘AAA’ batteries (Included)

In the box:

• iGadget TY-425 Sudoku Electronic Puzzle Game
• 2 AAA Batteries
• User Guide

It used to be that if you wanted to draw Bugs Bunny making out with
a Charmander, you’d have to leave the house. “What are you working on?”
they’d say at the art store, and you’d have to say “Why, an exploration
of copyright law layered with the gentle parody of present-day cultural
gods!” and then hope they didn’t figure it out and refuse to sell you
the charcoal. Thanks to the DigiPro 5.5×4” Graphics Tablet, those risky
days are gone.

The DigiPro 5.5×4” Graphics Tablet works with
Mac and PC, and can be used with Photoshop or any of the other programs
we can’t really remember the names of at the moment. But it doesn’t
stop there! You can also take advantage of the tablet hot spots to
create program shortcuts and menu commands, allowing you to use your
DigiPro 5.5×4” Graphics Tablet just like it was an intern or mouse.
Wait, mice need cheese, don’t they? Better stick with the intern.

The
stylus pen has 512 levels of pressure, like some cross between Doom IV
and Battletoads. That 5.5×4 pad gives you room to work without swiping
valuable desk real estate. You’ve got plenty to work with here.

Why
risk the deadly cancer beams from our cruel and murderous star? Express
yourself at home, with the help of the DigiPro 5.5×4” Graphics Tablet.
Trust us, when the world sees the finished version of your Gundam vs
Cloverfield, they’ll beat a path to your door.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Draw from scratch on your computer with a 5.5×4-inch working area
• Control the thickness of your strokes with 512 pressure levels (Software application must support pressure sensitivity)
• Cordless stylus with mouse button controls
• Tablet hot spots offer shortcuts to programs and menu commands
• Utilize your operating systems hand writing recognition feature

System Requirements:

• Windows 98SE/ME/2000/XP
• Mac OS 9.x, 10.2.6 or higher
• 64 MB RAM
• 128 MB free hard disk space
• CD-ROM drive
• USB port

In the box:

• DigiPro 5.5×4” Graphics Tablet
• Stylus Pen
• Pen Holder
• Users Guide
• Software CD

The hope on the face of a baby taking her first steps. The morning
mist on the lake where father and son fish silently, together.
Grandmother and grandchild sharing a hug across the generations.

This LG 22” LCD
monitor isn’t about any of these things. It frankly couldn’t care less
about the special moments in our lives. All it wants to do is deliver a
crisp, vivid widescreen picture with a 2 ms response time. But maybe,
just maybe, if we evoke enough schmaltzy, sentimental imagery in this
piece, you’ll reach down deep and give us some of your money.

It’s
about a young couple getting the keys to their first, humble home. It’s
about the playful gleam in a puppy’s eye. It’s about a beloved voice
from far away, ringing down the telephone line: “I miss you.”

It’s
about whatever will leave you emotionally vulnerable and wear down your
sales resistance. We could just explain to you why it’s a useful,
high-quality monitor, but that’s the logical person’s way out. We
sincerely believe that if we pelt you with manipulative glurge, you’ll
be that much more likely to leave your wallet open for us to plunder as
we wish. You might not even notice this part right here where we tell
you that these are refurbished and may have a dead pixel or two. It’s a
slim chance. But chances like those are the gingerbread that people
build their dream castles out of.

So go play catch with your
kids. Go dance with someone who loves you. Go teach an adult to read.
Go send a “Thinking of You” card to an old friend, or make a new one.
Through all the moments you treasure, the LG W2252TQ-TF 22” Widescreen LCD Monitor will be there…as long as you give us some money first.

Warranty: 90 Day LG

Features:

• 22” 16:10 Widescreen monitor with 1680×1050 native resolution
• 2ms response time, for crisp and clear images
• Support for DVI or VGA video connections
• Capable of displaying 16.2 million colors with 170°/170° viewing angle
• FLATRON f-ENGINE adjusts the contrast and brightness independently of each other
• 3H Anti-glare treatment
• Certified for and compliments the look of Windows Vista

Specifications:

• Type: 22” Widescreen (22.0” diagonal)
• Screen Aspect Ration: 16:10
• Resolution: 1680×10