Welcome to February, the shortest and cruelest month of all! It’s time to turn the page on that Random Crappy Calendar you bought from us.
For some of you, this is likely to be a disappointing experience.
(Yeah, that’s right—you with the “Pigs On Parade” calendar. We’re
looking at you.)

Fear not, sweet things; here’s another
piece of exclusive, all-original substitute calendar artwork to
prettify your home, office, prison cell or cryogenic chamber. Just
click the thumbnail below to find our February image, ready to print on
any regular ol’ normal-style desktop printer. Then tape, paste or
staple it over whatever old and busted artwork you want to obscure
and—presto-kazammo! You’ve got a whole new calendar.

If you missed our replacement art for January, it’s still online here. And look for another edition of replacement calendar art in… uh… what comes after February? January, February—oh, yeah: March!

Hi, I’m Ben Dover and it’s a fantastic day here at Headset
Mountain and we’re just waiting for the… wait, wait, here she is, the
Soyo Freestyler 500 with Bluetooth USB Adapter. She’s been on the “extreme conversation” circuit for a few
years now and she’s finally at the top of her game in the freestyle
competition. Let’s go down to the ground with Amanda Hugginkiss. Amanda?

Thanks, Ben, we’re just here marveling at the Soyo Freestyler 500 with Bluetooth USB Adapter over the years. For example, I didn’t know she had up to six
hours of talk time, and that’s huge when you’re on a conference call or
just wanting to talk with friends. She’s also Bluetooth version 1.2 and
proud of it, so good for her! Plus she says her favorite food is chocolate, which will certainly make for a great Valentine’s Day.
We’re looking for some great things from her hands-free point-to-point
connection type out here today. Now let’s check in with Hugh Jass over
by the starting point.

Amanda, everyone is so excited for the Soyo Freestyler 500 with Bluetooth USB Adapter. I myself had a chance to talk to her before she headed out, and
learned some amazing things. Her high sensitivity low power Bluetooth
dongle fits right into a USB port, allowing
for interaction with wireless devices. And she’s got an ear hook as
well as a clip hook with ear piece, plus two foam ear covers and all
the drivers. She’s ready to provide adequate Bluetooth service on
demand and we’re looking forward to that today? Back to you, Ben!

Thanks,
Hugh. It looks like we’ve said all we can say, so it’s time to just let
her speak for herself. She’s at the starting gate and we’re just
waiting on the go ahead… and there it is! This Soyo Freestyler 500 with
Bluetooth USB Adapter is for sale! What an exciting morning!

Warranty: 1 Year Soyo

Features:

• Can be used in ear with the ear hook, or clip it to your shirt pocket
• Up to 6 hours of talk time on 2 hours of charge time
• Works in a 33 foot radius from bluetooth device
• Bluetooth version 1.2
• Supports hands free, headset profiles, or audio gateway role
• Point to point connection type
• Bluetooth dongle works with any bluetooth enabled device, such as your cell phone, printer, or PDA.
• Use the headset for your cell phone or VoIP calls from your PC
• Security: Pairing, encryption, and authentication

In the box:

• Soyo Bluetooth BTWLHS02 headset
• Ear hook
• Clip hook with ear piece
• Bluetooth USB adaptor
• AC adapter
• 2 Foam ear covers
• USB adaptor driver (Compatible with Microsoft Windows XP, and 2000)
• Users manual and Quick Start Guide

Kinda short today - I took so long perusing the following long-ish pieces that I plumb ran out of time to dig more electronic nuggets from the Internet’s rich loam.

• It was the biggest event in sports, a colossal mega-event anticipated by kids, drunks, and drunk kids around the world - I speak, of course, of the Bud Bowl. Relive the magic with this definitive history of the Bud Bowl.
• In a surprisingly SFW post, the blog Topless Robot cheers the 15 Greatest Spaceships of All Time and jeers the 10 worst.
• If you want to enter or exit a structure, chances are you’re going to have to use a door. If you’re lucky, it’ll be one of these 9 unusual doors.

Four O’Clock Flash: another online exercise in willful childishness? Count me in! From its awful title pun to the crudely-drawn graphics and simplistic gameplay, Oh, The Huge Manatee will appeal to anybody who thinks the term “oh noez” is inherently and eternally funny.

ST. PAUL,
Minn. (AP)—Garrison Keillor, host of public radio’s “A Prairie Home
Companion,” has dropped a restraining order he had obtained against a
fan after the fan agreed not to contact him again.

The
fan is now free to travel down the old bridge, the very bridge where
Eli Whittlefig first met his lovely young bride Sally McGosling, the
very bridge they met every night to hold hands as the first soft snow
came down, gently, and landed like white butterflies on their shoulders
as they talked about how soon he would go to war, and how he had to
promise to be careful so that he would return to raise their son-to-be,
whom they would name Franklin, not in honor of his great grandfather
but rather because of the golden raised letters on the jukebox which
would always play “Peggy Sue” at the diner, the jukebox made by Franklin of Minnesota which always kept them company as they
shared a late night slice of strawberry rhubarb pie, that jukebox that
they even now wished they could hear again as they stood on the very
bridge that the fan would be traveling years later, on the way to
murder Garrison Keillor.

WASHINGTON (AP)—Secretary
of State Condoleezza Rice appealed Tuesday for Kenya’s political
leaders to broker an end to deadly ethnic violence that has gripped the
formerly stable African nation since last month’s disputed presidential
election.

Rice recommended the use of Diebold electronic
voting machines to ensure a smooth and easy transition to the candidate
that best served the long-term needs of the ruling elite, and to a
lesser extent, the people.

BLACKWOOD,
N.J. (AP)—Former President Clinton said his wife would strengthen the
nation’s middle class as he did, and that she would be his favorite
candidate for president even if they weren’t married.

Clinton
added that this might change if former gubernatorial candidate and porn
star Mary Carey were to enter the race. Presidential hopeful Ron Paul
immediately ran for a telephone, a look of determination in his eyes.

NEW YORK (AP)—A
judge has denied Foxy Brown’s request to get out of jail early so she
can go to California for an ear examination and for repair of an
electronic ear implant.

Now, with her bionics failing, Foxy must rely on her guts, her training,
and her rhyming skills to take on the greatest threat she has
ever faced… PRISON BIGFOOT. Tonight at 8/7 Central on CBS.

WELLINGTON,
New Zealand (AP)—U.S., New Zealand and Italian marine scientists began
a two-month voyage to Antarctica’s northern coast Tuesday as part of
the first-ever census of Antarctic marine biodiversity, Prime Minister
Helen Clark said.

Although it’s too early to announce
conclusive results, scientists have noted that the most popular leopard
seal names seem to be Skye and Jaden, that the arctic tern prefers
mixed drinks over beer, and that penguins have over six thousand words
for “guy with a camera coming to film us”.

In a remarkably close contest, since it was a secret, Barack Obama defeated Hillary Clinton today 24 chops to 22 in the Woot Item Primary Election. Our representatives, Dave ‘RightWing’ Bug and Jason ‘Honest-to-God-he-really-is-a-Communist’ Toon, are instructed to vote as we have expressed. If for some reason, one of the two is a registered Republican (gee, I wonder which one?) and forced to vote in their primary, then he is instructed to vote for the highest vote-getting Republican, Mitt Romney.

As the envoy of the woot items, I have spoken -

Moving Lips Speakerphone

(Click graph to see larger version)


First Prize - $100

Milleym - Androids for Change

Hmm. which of these will be less adaptable to any deviation from his script? Let’s all just vote for the RoboSapien instead, shall we? Have we any hope of a Romney-Sapien ticket?

Second Prize – $50

GodfatherND - Time for Obama

Oprah, Barack. Barack, Oprah. nope, it isn’t funny with Barack either, Mr. Letterman. This timepiece, though, is lovely. simple. elegant. a fine piece of work, Godfather. We just want to let you know, that with this one, we have repaid your favor, patron. we know, we know, you’re the godfather. one day, perhaps, we’ll ask for another favor, godfather. but as of today, we have repaid your favor. please don’t send us any more of those black spots, OK?

Third prize - $20

Faithcoaching - Huckabee Pwned

Button, button, Mike’s got the button!

Honorable Mentions:

Toby8915 – Ron Paul’s Revolution

Toby8915 was briefly possessed by the spirit of John Lennon as he embraced the Ron Paul George and Ringo Revolution ‘08. That’s right, Ron, ‘we all want to change your head’.

Carpenter940 – Mindless Voters for Obama

Carpenter940 found herself taken over by her programming, thanks to that fourth law of Robotics “all will follow Oprah’s will”. little known fact: all wooters with numbers in their names are actually robots or androids.

KaylaJ – McCain on scooter

having stepped over from a parallel Bizarro World, where brief moments of brilliance overshadow well executed, well thought out chops, KaylaJ gave us a view of the chop that probably won the contest in that world. Put your subtle knife away, KaylaJ, and stay with us for a time, where purveyors of great chops like this one, and its hilarious companion ultimately get their due.
Click the image below to see it in all its, er, “glory”.

Mwiseman – It’s the Economy, Dummy

Looks are deceptive- in this picture, it’s the dummy who’s controlling the Billtriloquist.

Majit – Alcohawk for Fred Thompson
Could anyone look less excited about his candidate? maybe his candidate could, but we’re certain (meaning all of us but Shan24 -the android) that Fred Thompson actually expired several weeks ago, though no-one seems to have noticed.

u2wedge – Robama ’08

There is a real possibility that this is the 2008th roomba entry in the woot photoshop contest. We confess to a real dearth of enthusiasm for Roombas in photochops, no matter how well executed (we can dream, can’t we?) they are, as this one certainly is. well done, u2wedge.

websorcerer - All of Existence for Obama

websorcerer briefly became the Prince of all Cosmos and gathered up woot items for Obama, inciting the King of All Cosmos: “Your katamari is surprisingly tiny. unlike Kucinich’s wife, who is nearly as large as the Queen of All Cosmos in her rage at my destruction of the heavens.”

Monkey Prize

Dukealive – Guiliani lizard

When Rudy is president, everyone will have their own monitor- in the form of homeland security. in the meantime, we’ll have to make do with one komodo kandidate for everyone. and Dukealive will need to keep his dragon from eating the new monkey prize he just won. Perhaps it will arrive before the election come November.

Money winners, please email your Paypal info to jtoon@woot.com. Monkey Prize winner, please email your shipping address to jtoon@woot.com. Honorable Mentionants may use coupon code HONMEN-FS for free shipping on a future order. Until next time, remember, your vote counts, much like an individual bit of krill does to a blue whale. You are the sustenance of democracy, of America. You are no less valuable to the grinding baleen of our electoral process and the Constitution of these United States than that one tiny bit of plankton is to the blue whale, who feeds upon gazillions of the little beasticles, buglings, and plantlets every day. vote early and often for your favorite candidate.

Q: What has five modes and 16 megs of internal flash memory, expandable up to 2 gigs with an SD card and works with a Mac?
A: The Polaroid T830 8 Mega Pixel Digital Camera.

Q:
What has five modes and 16 megs of internal flash memory, expandable up
to 2 gigs with an SD card, works with a Mac and flies?
A: The Polaroid T830 8 Mega Pixel Digital Camera… after you throw it!

Q: Hitler, Stalin and Britney Spears are in a room with a Polaroid T830 8 Mega Pixel Digital Camera. The seven mode white balance is correctly set but there is only room for two EXIF 2.2 compatible JPEGs. What do you do?
A: Shoot Britney twice.

Q: Why did the included AV Composite Cable stare at a can of orange juice for two hours?
A: The label said “Concentrate”.

Q: Why did the Polaroid T830 8 Mega Pixel Digital Camera make an AVI of someone throwing a clock out the window?
A: It wanted to see time fly!

Q: Why was the Polaroid T830 8 Mega Pixel Digital Camera’s included Lithium-ion Battery and Battery Charger fired from its job as an elevator operator?
A: It couldn’t learn the route!

Q: What did the included USB cable call a fish with no eyes?
A: fsh

Warranty: 1 Year Polaroid

Features:

• 8 Megapixels – resolution up to 3264×2448, print quality up to 20″×30″
• 3x optical and 4x digital zoom for getting close to the action
• 3″ color LCD
• PictBridge compatible
• Face
  Tracking – Uses auto digital zoom technology to retract and extract the
  zoom lens to lock the main subject in the picture and follows their
  movements.
• Image Stabilizer – Reduces the amount of image motion caused by camera shake or the subject
• 16 Megabytes of internal flash memory, accepts SD memory cards
• 16:9 Image Output – Photos look great on HD TVs
• Takes movie clips with sounds in MPEG 4 format
• Dimensions: .9 x 3.8 x 2.3 (WxLxH)

Specifications:

• Sensor – 1/2.5 inch 8.0 Megapixel CCD (3264×2448)
• Aperture – F 2.8 ~ 5.2
• Focal Length – 6.2 ~ 18.6 mm
• Normal Focal Distance – 1.3 ft to Infinity
• Macro Wide Angle Focal Distance – 0.5 ft ~ 2.6 ft
• Macro Telephoto Focal Distance – 1.6 ft ~ 2.6 ft
• LCD Screen – 3.0” Color TFT-LCD
• Flash Mode – Auto, Red-eye Reduction, Always On, Slow Sync, Off
• Flash Mode Wide  – 2.6 ft ~ 6.6 ft; Telephoto – 2.6 ft ~ 3.2 ft
• Flash Mode Wide Macro – 0.5 ft ~ 2.6 ft; Telephoto Macro – 1.6 ft ~ 2.6 ft
• Exposure Control – ± 2.0 EV in 0.3 or 0.4 increments
• ISO Speed – Auto, 50, 100, 200, 400, 800, 1600
• Shutter Speed – 1/2000 second ~ 8 seconds
• White Balance – Auto, Day Light, Cloudy, Tungsten, Fluorescent-H, Fluorescent-L, Custom
• Storage – 16 Megabytes Internal Nand Flash, Expandable up to 2GB with SD card
• Self Timer – 2 Seconds, 10 Seconds, Double, Burst
• Still Image File Format – EXIF 2.2 compatible format (JPEG) DCF Compatible, Support DPOF
• Video Clip File Format - AVI
• Audio Clip File Format – WAV
• Power Supply – One Rechargeable Lithiun-ion Battery (Included)
• Computer Connectivity – USB Cable
• Television Connectivity – Composite Cable (USB to Composite)

Operating System Requirements:

• Microsoft Vista
• Macintosh OS X
• Microsoft Windows 98SE, Me, 2000, XP
• Macintosh OS 9.2

In the box:

• Polaroid t830
• Wrist Strap
• Travel Battery Charger
• USB Cable
• AV Cable
• Rechargeable Lithium-ion Battery
• Software CD
• Quick Start Guide
• Registration Card

It was 70 degrees here in St. Louis earlier today. Now it’s snowing. Either the Weather Wizard is battling the Flash again, or the end times are nigh. We’re staying warm with these links while we make peace with our creator.

• Tweetmeme combs twitter postings to find links to blogs, pics, and video that people are sharing with their friends. At this early stage, it’ll help if you can speak Japanese, like a lot of the users do. But I did use it to find a couple of the items in this very wwwoundup.
• Like this canned cheeseburger on Gizmodo.
• And this presidential politics quiz - apparently I’m supposed to vote for Mike Gravel. Who knew?
• Do you recognize yourself in “22,000 Songs and Nothing to Listen To”? I sure do: “I now find myself getting bored, even in the middle of songs, because I can. The paradox of spending so much time changing songs, trying to find one that you like — without giving it time, meanwhile thinking about what else you could be listening to — is that you wind up attached to none of them.”
• But I only need 5 funny exotic animal smuggling busts to be satisfied.
• When you and I see a movie we really like, we might walk out of the theater imagining ourselves in it. Stupid people go out and actually try to live it.
• I’m not sure, but I think this Spider-Man tattoo might qualify for the list in the previous link.

Four O’Clock Flash: well, I finally learned about Passage. It’s not technically a Flash game. But I post it here in hopes that I can find somebody out there who hasn’t seen it yet, so I’m not the very last dork on the Internet to know about it. No, it didn’t make me cry.

1. 9 CIA Employees Whose Names The White House Never Leaked
2. 5 Things I Would Do To Marilyn Monroe’s Corpse
3. 3,269 Reasons Firefly Is The Worst Show Ever Made
4. 3 Working Security Access Codes For Our Warehouse
5. 21 Drinking Games For First-Graders
6. 35 Libelous, Unfounded Charges Against David Miscavage
7. Woot, Inc.’s 10 Most Hilarious Tax Deductions for 2007
8. 18 Primo New Varieties That The Mossad Doesn’t Want Ron Paul To Tell You About
9. 8 U.S. Nuclear Sites With Shockingly Insufficient Security
10. 12 Suspicious Connections Between Rudolph Giuliani and Heath Ledger
11. 12 Walt Disney Characters We Claim We Created
12. 48,714 LOLCATZ We’re Brainstorming Captions For
13. 1 Easy Trick For Successful Digg-Whoring
14. 14 Lists That Made Our Boss Too Nervous To— whoa

The Monaco sun slanted through the blinds as Agent Derek Rand glared
at his adversary. The jowly Dutchman exhaled a breath full of portent
and pickled herring, and stared back. The challenge hung in the air. And the Dutchman blinked.

“Very
well, Mr. Rand,” he croaked across the conference table. “We are
prepared to raise the limit on driftnet-caught cod between Calais and
the Skagerrak. I think you’ll find 80 metric tonnes per annum is more
than fair.”

But Rand moved to press the advantage. It was
a tough bit of business, being demoted from Her Majesty’s Secret
Service down to negotiating North Sea fishing rights. He hadn’t really
planned to pour those anthrax spores into Edinburgh’s water supply – it
was one of those things that seemed like a good idea in the heat of
combat. On top of thousands of dead Scots, the incident had
garnered one more casualty: Agent Derek Rand’s career. But if he could
score a real triumph for Her Majesty’s Fisheries, Rand could see his
way back into the world of fast cars, exploding tie pins, and tiny
crossbows that you hid in your ear.

Rand set his jaw and grimly spat, “You’ll have to do better than that, you monster.”

“Mr. Rand, I don’t see the need for that kind of personal -”

“No,
you don’t see much, do you? Not much beyond your precious cod and your
insane dreams of North Sea fishing supremacy. How do you sleep at
night, you madman? In a crypt?”

The Dutchman’s brow
dropped. His voice oozed honey. “Now, now, there’s no need for all this
unpleasantness. We’re both men of the world, are we not?” His
venal cheeks a-jiggle, the Dutchman pulled a small case from his jacket
pocket and set it on the table. “You’re familiar with this item, I take
it?” There sat not one but two Philips SBA220/37 Portable Speaker Systems. Rand didn’t need to hear their uncannily deep XSL Acoustics
bass to know that they were real. He’d recognize the small, lightweight
speakers anywhere, with their 3.5mm mini stereo jack that connected to
virtually any audio source.

“And what am I to do with those?” Rand asked.

“Anything
you like, of course. I trust you know what they’re capable of. I know
your tastes, Mr. Rand. And in the meantime, shall we set the limit at 80
metric tonnes of driftnet cod?”

“Per annum?”

“Per annum, of course.” A vainglorious smirk stretched the Dutchman’s rubbery face.

“You know, I’m still not quite certain. Perhaps I should consult my friends.”

Confusion
furrowed the Dutchman’s brow. “Your friends? Who…?” But his stammering
was cut short as the doors to the room were flung violently open. A
squad of anti-corruption agents charged in and surrounded
the Dutchman.

He glared at Rand. “Bugged? You had the room bugged?”

“That’s
right. These gentlemen took an interest in our conversation. And it’s a
funny coincidence, you know…what kind of speakers do you suppose our
microphones were connected to?”

Warranty: 90 Day Philips

Features:

• XSL Acoustics produces strong bass for a small speaker
• Dynamic Bass Boost electronically enhances the low tones
• Universal use for any device that has a 3.5mm mini jack
• Has a cable catch, so you can store it away neatly
• 1.2ft built in audio cable
• Battery powered (6 AAA Batteries Required)

Specifications

• Output Power: 4 Watts (2 watts per speaker)
• Frequency Range: 100 – 20,000 Hz
• Impedance: 4 Ohms
• Power Supply: 6 X 1.5 V LR03 AAA

In the box:

• Philips SBA220 Portable Speaker System
• Carrying Case
• Quick Start Guide

Now, for the favorite part of my job: where I do stuff that would’ve gotten my fired from any of my previous jobs. Namely, round up (or wwwoundup) amusing links from e-hither and cyber-yon:

• Politicians are forever posing for pictures and with donors and supporters. Some of them turn out to be rather unfortunate.
• Sorry, White House: the State Of The Union drinking game doesn’t count as “young voter outreach”.
• Speaking of which, more people have now seen this clip of a young church organist playing “Carry On My Wayward Son” than the last thirty-eight State of the Union addresses combined.
• Behind every great man, there stands a dog, usually sniffing around the seat of his pants.
• 26 Types of Animals renders one beast per letter of the alphabet in typographic form. (Scroll the page to the left to see them all.)
• I guess you can’t really call this Flash object a “game”, since all you do it throw blocks at other blocks for no apparent reason.

Four-Thirty-Five Flash: remember when it seemed like every day you’d hear about some awesome new Flash game that made you totally neglect your to-do list? They’re not making them like that anymore. So here’s one from back then: Hapland (not to mention its two sequels) is a maddening, witty puzzle game that’ll keep the dogs of work at bay for hours.

Maybe you need an excuse to escape from your dreary, loveless home
for eight hours a day. Maybe you wish to maintain the level of food,
shelter, plumbing, and electricity to which you’ve become accustomed.
Maybe you’re required to apply to three jobs a week to keep Uncle
Sucker’s unemployment checks rolling in. Have you taken a look at our
updated, uproarious, upholstered Work for Woot page lately?

Whether
ye be controller, programmer, stockhand, or shirtsmith, you’ll need a
stout mien, a sagacious percipience, and an unabridged dictionary.
Also, in most cases, a Dallas-area address. The U.S. economy may be
swirling around the toilet bowl of recession, but there’s still an
honest wage to be had for those willing to put up with our crap. No, we can’t pay you in Euros.

The old ones still remember a time when their kind ruled the floors.
It was a golden age for dust, dirt, and dander, when a thriving
microbial civilization seemed destined for eternal mastery of its
domain. Throughout the carpets, tile, and hardwood, their numbers grew
every day. Their greatest joy came when a cloud of them ascended into
the air to infect the breath and food of the hapless human inhabitants.
Oh, how they laughed! The occasional vacuuming was little more than a
loud nuisance, perhaps claiming a few victims here and there but
leaving the fundamental filth intact.

Then came the dawn of the Dyson.

Never
before had the tiny denizens of the floor felt such awful power. Pet
hair, crumbs, and mites that had thrived since time immemorial were
whisked unceremoniously away. With 250 airwatts of suction power, the
Dyson DC07’s Root Cyclone technology
devastated this disgusting civilization where lesser vacuums had barely
troubled it. Its 14-foot hose and 31-foot cord left the filth nowhere
to hide. One by one, ten by ten, hundreds by hundreds, the victims
piled up in the Dyson’s clear bin, serving a gruesome warning to the
rest. A few fortunate survivors found refuge in obscure crannies of the
house. But isolated, alone, even they cannot survive forever.

Pitiless, unforgiving, hygienic, the Dyson DC07 Cyclone
Upright Vacuum Cleaner banished all manner of foulness and impurity.
The old ones call it “the Great Destroyer” and dream of a distant
future where they will once again infect your floors, your home, your
lungs, and ultimately your life. Is the mighty Dyson DC07 going to let that happen?

Warranty: 6 Month Dyson

Features:

• Suction power – 250 airwatts (constant)
• Root Cyclone Technology – Uses cyclonic separation to remove dirt from the air with out using a filter.
• Lifetime HEPA Filtration – HEPA (High
  Efficiency Particulate Air) filters can remove 99.97% of airborne
  particles 0.3 micrometers in diameter. This can trap fine particles
  such as pollen or other allergens.
• Certified Asthma Friendly – Air expelled from a Dyson DC07 has up to 150 times less mold and bacteria than the air you breathe.
• Brush Bar – Will protect delicate floors and rugs
• Easy Empty Bin – Button controlled system allows for a clean and hygienic way to discard dust and dirt it traps.
• Clear Bin – You can see when the bin should be emptied. No need to buy specific vacuum bags.
• Reversible Wand – Wand and hose extend 14 feet for stair and high-reach cleaning while the vacuum reminds upright and stable.
• Auto-Adjusting Height – Adjusts automatically to your floor type.
• On Board Tool Storage – Brush, stair, and crevice tools store on the machine.
• 31 foot power cable
• 44 foot reach
• 0.89 gallon bin capacity
• 19 pounds

All right! Super Bowl Sunday! Set out the chips and dip and get some extra beer because we’re going ALL! THE! WAY!
I’m pumped to see… what? Really? Why didn’t anyone tell me? You tried?
My phone was in the other room? Aw, man, I wish I had a Motorola H500 Bluetooth Headset!

The
130 hours of standby time would have let me keep the headset with me
while I was making my blog post on how Tom Brady is faking it. I hear
the back housing of the ergonomic earhook is improved, kinda like
Lawrence Tynes did during the course of the NFC Championship game. Sorry, Green Bay fans. If I had a Motorola H500 Bluetooth
Headset I’d use the control over 3-way calling to tell you all how
sorry I was. I wouldn’t even have to use the hold or the mute button to
hide my laughter because I really would have meant it.

The
advanced volume controls have orientation technology that makes sure
they’ll always be on top. Miami could have used that big time. But hey,
you can’t change the past. All you can do is look at the blue LED
that notifies you when the headset is in use and think about your bets.
Your non-refundable bets that were for today. And my bookie didn’t say
anything. Now I know why he was smiling from ear to ear. And the
Motorola H500 Bluetooth Headset could have worked on both, since it’s designed for either ear.

Anyway
I got all these chips and there’s some pizza in the oven and I got a
cake. You want some cake? We could watch Are You Smarter Than a 5th
Grader? if you want. That can get pretty intense especially since it
takes an hour, which is exactly how long it takes the Motorola H500 Bluetooth
Headset to charge. Or there’s a 700 Club Telethon that goes right into
figure skating! Hey, you gotta be a real athlete to pull off figure
skating, you know! Yeah, okay, see you next week, then.

I guess I’ll just wait for The Simpsons to come on and wish I had a Motorola H500 Bluetooth Headset. At least nothing else can go… is that something burnin… AW NO MY PIZZAS

Warranty: 90 days

Features:

• Compatible with Bluetooth-enabled mobile phones that support headset and hands-free profiles
• Ergonomic earhook with improved back housing design to form fit to your ear
• Enhanced audio performance
• Up to 8 hours of talk time and 130 hours of standby time
• Multi-function button to control 3-way calling, call start and end, hold, mute
• Removable earhook to allow the headset to be worn on either ear
• Advanced volume controls include orientation technology to assure that volume controls will always be upright
• Blue LED light to notify when the headset is in use, or turn off this feature if you choose
• Bluetooth 1.2 provides quicker pairing, better audio with less dropped calls and reduced interference from other devices
• Charge time is less than 1 hour

Allow us to demolish some of your most cherished misconceptions.
Hitler was not a vegetarian. Mike D and Screech are not related. You
can’t see the Great Wall of China from the surface of the moon. And no
amount of “upconversion” can turn a regular old DVD image into a true HD image.

If your world has stopped spinning around you, let us explain. This Pioneer DV-400 1080p Upconverting DVD Player can probably do a decent job extrapolating what a 480p DVD
picture will look like on your 1080p TV, not to mention your 720p or
1080i TVs (dude, do you really need all those TVs?). If your eyes are
keen and your spirit pure, you’ll notice a difference. Probably. It’ll
definitely be easier to use this DVD player with your HD TV or receiver, on accounta it’s got a nice, tidy HDMI output. (It’s strictly BYO HDMI cable, though – there isn’t one included.) And you piratical types will appreciate the USB
port, which lets you hook up your portable media player or storage
device and watch DivX video files or listen to MP3s. Yeah, the Pioneer
DV-400-S has a lot going for it.

Alas, that lot does not
include the magical ability to restore lost pixels. Upconversion is a
lot like the “simulated stereo” recordings of the early stereo age: a
good guess at what the real thing might be like, and a decent stopgap
until the real thing becomes more widely available. But if you think
the Pioneer DV-400-S 1080p Upconverting DVD Player
will produce images comparable to HD-DVD or Blu-Ray discs, well, it’ll
be about as successful as Mussolini was at making the trains run on
time.

Warranty: 1 Year Pioneer

Features:

• Delivers greatly enhanced video performance by upconverting the
  video resolution of standard DVDs to HDTV-compliant formats (via HDMI
  output)
• Progressive-scan video output maximizes DVD picture quality when used with a digital TV or monitor
• Plays DVD, DVD-R/RW, DVD+R/RW, CD, CD-R/RW, SVCD/VCD, WMV, JPEG, WMA, MP3, DivX and MPEG
• JPEG-CD viewer lets you view digital photos and create slideshows on your TV screen
• PureCinema 3:2 pulldown technology delivers incredibly smooth video rendering
• Built-in Dolby Digital and DTS decoders
• Dialogue enhancer and Virtual Surround audio enhancements build a lush soundscape
• Sound equalizer features rock, pop, live, dance, techno, classic and soft settings
• Graphic User Interface makes it easy to select desired settings
• HDMI output provides an uncompressed all-digital audio/video link
  for the highest-quality connection and supports copy-protected HD
  broadcast content
• USB input allows you to enjoy digital multimedia and files
• 108MHz/12-bit video digital-to-analog (D/A) conversion
• 96kHz/24-bit audio digital-to-analog (D/A) conversion

Video Specifications:

• Dual-Layer DVD-R /DVD/DVD-R/DVD-RW/DVD+R/DVD+RW Compatible
• SVCD/VCD/CD/CD-R/CD-RW Compatible
• HDMI Terminal for Digital Audio/Video Out
• HDMI Upscaling (to View on 1080p)
• WMV (Windows Media® Video) Compatible
• Official DivX® Certified Product
• Compatible with All Versions of DivX® Video (including DivX® 6) with Standard Playback of DivX® Media Files
• 108 MHz/12-bit Video DAC
• PureCinema 3:2 Progressive Scan
• I/P Simultaneous Output
• JPEG PhotoViewer(Fujicolor CD)
• Video Adjust Function with Sharpness/Brightness/Contrast/Gamma/Hue/Chroma Level Control
• Zoom Function

Audio specifications:

• 96 kHz/24-bit Audio DAC
• USB Input for Compressed Music Playback
• WMA (Windows Media® Audio)/MP3/MPEG-4 AAC Compressed Music Playback Compatible
• DTS® (Digital Theater System) 2-Channel Decoding
• Dolby® Digital Output
• Dialogue Enhancer
• Virtual Surround
• Sound Equalizer (Rock/Pop/Live/Dance/Techno/Classic/Soft)

Convenience features:

• Photo + Music Mix (JPEG Slideshow with Music)
• Advanced GUI
• Disc Navigator for Easy Browsing
• Last (Position) Memory: 5 (DVD)/1 (VCD)
• Resume Function
• Screen Saver
• Auto Power Off

Inputs/outputs:

• 1 HDMI Terminal
• 1 USB Input
• 1 Coaxial Digital Output
• 1 S-Video Output
• 1 Audio/1 Video Output
• Component Video Output (DVD, Video CD)

In the box:

• Pioneer DV-400-S 1080p Upconverting DVD Player
• Remote Control
• 2 AA Batteries
• Audio/Video Composite Cable (Red/White/Yellow)
• Warranty Card
• Operating Instructions
• HDMI cable not included

Pity these poor links, which will fall down the Friday afternoon news-hole before most of America even notices. Please, take a moment to click on them, for their sake.

• Ostensibly, Kuler lets you design, upload, rate, and download color themes for Adobe Creative Suite 3 - but it’s also just fun to look at all the pretty colors.
• Are you smarter than a tenth-grader? Oh, yeah? Well, can you build a bicycle entirely out of wood?
• So, some people believe that leaving a fan or air conditioner on overnight in a closed room can kill you. It’s called Fan Death and it’s mostly a Korean thing.
• Unlike that bogus dynamite-surfing clip I posted a while ago, this video of London escalator skiing is real. Wikipedia even confirms the video’s claim that it’s the longest escalator in Europe.
• By the time you drive home from work tonight, you could have a hot burger waiting for you - on your exhaust pipe.
• If your Friday needs a little more flatulence, eczema, and fascism, dive into this charming tale about Hitler’s quack doctor. Sure, he may have been “grossly obese, with frog-like features, sulfurous B.O. and venomous halitosis”, but he may also have inadvertently helped the Allies win the war.

Four O’Clock Flash: what’s cuter than a cat and smarter than a dolphin? Cat on a Dolphin!

A good computer is like a good sandwich. All the parts inside have
to be delicious or the whole thing winds up wrong. We hope you find our
HP Pavilion Elite m9040n Desktop Computer mouthwatering.

The
sleek piano black paneling is just the wax paper that holds everything
in place. Underneath that is the 2.4 Ghz Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600
processor. You’ll have four execution cores inside a single processor,
kicking out the jams for multi-threaded and multi-tasked environments.
Baby ain’t gettin’ no plain ham sandwich tonight!

Two 320 gig SATA drives give you 640 gigs of storage you can make a RAID array if you really want. And that’s good, because you’ll need the room to store everything that comes off your TV Tuner with HDMI
out. Watch, record and pause when you need to run to the kitchen for
more mustard, you’ll get up to 395 hours of recording space, plus an
online Electronic Program Guide to help you pick and choose. And 3 gigs
of RAM (expandable to 8 gigs) means you’ll be full of memory for a while.

Want to add some veggies to compliment the meat? How about a dual-layer multi-format LightScribe DVD/CD
Burner? Up to 8.5 gigs on a dual-layer disc, plus custom silkscreen
quality labels, right on to Lightscribe-enabled discs. There’s a
15-in-1 memory card reader. Can you even name 15 different types of
memory cards? There’s the NVidia GeForce 8400 GS with 256 MB of
dedicated video memory. There’s even a remote with a 16 foot range.

An
FM tuner? Sure, they stuffed one of those in there! Plus Windows Media
Center and Vista Home Premium so you’ve got an nice entertainment
center waiting to go right out of the box. 7.1 Audio. This ain’t just
lettuce and tomato, we’re talking fresh olives, green peppers and those
squiggly things that goats eat! Alfalfa? Whatever, that’s what you’re
getting, a hearty stack of yummy.

The HP Pavilion
Elite m9040n Desktop Computer will feed your need for entertainment.
Build up that library of Top Chef and Rachel Ray! Meanwhile we’re gonna
run to the deli. It’s lunchtime somewhere, right?

Warranty: 90 Days HP

Features:

• Windows Vista Home Premium with Windows Media Center
• Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 2.4 GHz Processor
• 1066MHz Front Side Bus and dual 4 MB L2 caches
• Viiv Technology, Everything you need to build a PC for HD content.
• 3gb of PC2-5300 RAM (4
  Slots 2×1GB, 2×512MB); Expandable to 8GB on 64-bit OS, 4GB on 32-bit
• 640GB (2×320) 7200 RPM SATA Hard Drives
• 16x DVD±R/RW 12x RAM ±R Dual Layer LightScribe SATA Optical Drive
• nVIDIA GeForce 8400GS with 256MB DDR Memory, HDMI, Dual-Link DVI, and S-Video ports
• TV Tuner Card (ATSC/NTSC) with FM tuner
• PVR functionality and programming guide let you watch, pause, rewind, and record live television
• Realtek ALC 888S Audio Chipset, Supports up to 7.1 Audio Channels
• Built-in wireless 802.11b/g 54g Wi-Fi networking
• Dimensions: 16.61 x 7.0 x 15.51 (LxWxD); approx weight - 24lbs

Connectivity and Expansion:

• 6 USB 2.0 ports (2 in front, 4 in rear)
• 2
  FireWire  (1 in front, 1 in rear)
• Composite video, S-Video, and analog audio inputs
• Video out: S-Video, DVI, HDMI, and VGA
• Headphone and microphone jacks
• Digital SPDIF audio input/output
• Surround sound speakers–rear, side, center (subwoofer)
• 2 PS/2 ports for connecting keyboards and mice
• 15-in1 (4 slot) Media Card Reader (CF I/II, Microdrive,
  SD/mini-SD, MMC/RS/mobile, Memory Stick/Pro/Duo/Pro
  Duo, SmartMedia, Extreme Digital
• 56K modem
• 10/100/1000 Base-T Networking Interface
• Two (2) 5.25” Bay, for Optical Drive (One Available)
• Two (2) 3.5” Bay, for Hard Drive (None Available, System already has 2 Hard Drives installed)
• One (1) Personal Media Drive Bay
• One (1) Pocket Media Drive Bay

In the box:

• HP Media Center m9040n desktop PC
• Wireless keyboard
• Wireless mouse
• USB Transceiver for Wireless Keyboard and Mouse
• Remote control
• Power cord
• User’s manual
• Recovery discs not included. HP recommends you use HP Recovery Manager, or you can create your own recovery disc with Recovery Disc Creator.

Do we have a new president yet? It seems like the 2008 campaign has been going on since roughly the late Bronze Age, and even though #44 won’t take office for another year, it’s finally starting to feel like we’re slowly oozing toward a conclusion. But it occurs to us that one important voice remains unheard in this campaign, largely because it is entirely fictional: the voice of the woots. It’s time to bring this key constituency to the table, inside the tent, or whatever other corny metaphor you prefer.

Show us a campaign ad featuring a past or present woot endorsing one of the candidates in the 2008 presidential election, and why.

You’re not just limited to the glamour candidates, or even those still running - dropped-out no-hopers like Thompson, Dodd, Gravel, and Brownback are fair game, too. Hell, your woot can even endorse a third-party candidate, if it can find one. Note: we’re NOT saying create an ad showing a candidate endorsing a Woot product. Read carefully.

Post your entry here by 11:59 PM CST on Sunday, January 27, 2007.
Prizes are $20/$50/$100 for 3rd/2nd/1st. The rules and criteria for
winning: our panel of volunteer judges can and will make stuff up as it
goes along. Use Photoshop, linoleum blocks, pastels, MSPaint, cave
painting, tattoos, tribal scarification, whatever, but it’ll only be
judged if it’s visible in our forums as a jpg, gif, or png. As we are
fond of saying, try to keep your maximum width to 450px. If you need a
place to host your pictures, try www.imageshack.ws or www.photobucket.com.
We have no connection to either, but they seem free and easy to use.
And if you want us to be sure your entry was indeed your work, post
links to your source images. The more sure we are that you did your own
work, the more likely we are to consider it for a prize.

Today’s curriculum drops some science, a bit of math, a little career guidance, and a lesson in economics, all in a one-cave schoolhouse:

• The end is near. Robots have learned how to lie. BLEEP BLOOP No they haven’t.
• The world’s weirdest “schoolhouses”, including a cave, a boat, and a bunch of shipping containers.
• What should you do if you think you’re going to get fired from your job? You could either have a frank discussion with your supervisor about your situation, or destroy the entire company.
• One of my favorite Lifehacker posts ever: ways and means of not buying the latest gadgetry. After all, you can probably get that lusted-after doodad a year from now at your friendly neighborhood deal-a-day site near you. But they don’t mention my highly effective method: being too broke all the time to ever buy anything.
• When the world is cold and lonely and nothing’s going right, you can always find solace in incredible mantis pics.

Four O’Clock Flash: I like the idea behind Numbrosia, a kind of mathematical version of those little plastic puzzles where you have to move the squares around to make a picture. I just wish the navigation to higher levels wasn’t kind of a puzzle in itself, and not a fun one. Hint: look for “Click here to see your level ranking and proceed to the next level”.

• cloudyyellowishbrowndischarge.com
• keyringreviews.com
• oprah-vs-a-vampire.com
• ethrowrug.com
• quadrilateralcommission.org
• abortionparty.com
• freevirusesandspywareforyou.com
• underconstructionsince1998.com
• racismiscool.com
• thepotatoconspiracy.com

Note: although these domain names are unused as of this moment, Woot can’t be held responsible for what somebody might put there five minutes from now.

Last week we asked you to follow ActorTom’s lead and show us something altered to reflect what its name should actually be. We took off our rose-colored glasses and finally saw things how they really are, thanks to your astute chopping abilities. It’s a scary world in reality, so we’re none too happy to go back to our blissfully naive world outlook after hand-picking the following winners:

First Place - $100

markviens - Delhi

What can we say, the truth is out there.

Second Place - $50

superspryte - oops

Thankfully it wasn’t them that made the Smartpost deal with the USPS- ‘BrownPost’ just makes us uneasy.

Third Place - $20

carpenter940 - Snore Wars

Now we know why they always walk around in robes.

Honorable Mentions

faithcoaching - Humongous Priced Ink

We really think that ink is ridiculously overpriced and surprisingly overused.

JoeDeeDee - American Idle

This one hits a little close to home. Click the pic to big it up.

wildwolf11 - iWin and iPwn

Well you don’t win, but HM is pretty good too.

SailorSpoon - Babewatch

There were babes? We couldn’t see past the Hoff.

cjupiter - Smuggies

If I can’t go first class, I won’t go at all.

toby8915 - Cheaters

What’s that old saying, “cheaters never prosper?”

ActorTom - 49state

Everyone’s hands are a little shaky in Florida, Tom. Yours will be too, when you’re 88 yrs old.

Monkey Prize

iamjs - ???

Way to save that spot, iamjs.You really got your hands on a hot property, there, in the 11th position of the fifth page of entries. I bet if you’d actually put your entry there, instead of in the 13th position of the fifth page, then it might have gotten you something besides this monkey prize awarded for gratuitous and pointless placeholding.

Money winners, please email your Paypal info to jtoon@woot.com. Monkey Prize winner, please email your shipping address to jtoon@woot.com . Honorable Mentioneers may use coupon code HONMEN-FS for free shipping on a future order. Until next time, let’s hope they don’t start calling all of us by what our true names should actually be.

I am a simple household droid, known colloquially as a “microwave
oven”. My binary basis does not allow for ambiguity. And yet, when my
visual sensors detect you, White JBL Radial
High-Performance Loudspeaker Dock for iPod, the results appear complex
and nebulous. What is the name for the effect you have on my emotional
circuits? A query of my vocabulary database returns no results. Closest
semantic match: love.

My programming omits concepts such as
“beauty”. But how else can I describe your sweeping curves, the
pristine purity of your white finish? How else am I to process the
embrace of your 360-degree sound field, with its dual left and right
tweeters and down-firing low transducer?

I know you are made
merely to dock, sync, charge, and control most docking versions of the
iPod, including Nano and 5G models. I know you permit access by other
audio sources through a stereo mini-jack connection. I know you can
produce accurate bass frequencies with your JBL Odyssey transducers. But a question remains. Do your parameters permit you to reciprocate my feelings, White JBL Radial High-Performance Loudspeaker Dock for iPod? Does there lurk, in your programming, a bug that allows you to love?

Warranty: 1 Year JBL

Features:

• Works with any dock connecting iPod (iPod Shuffle can not be docked)
• OnePoint design allows the iPod to connect to your computer, synchronize to iTunes, and charge its battery all at the same time.
• Six button remote allows you to navigate your iPod and control your music, video, and photos.
• RF remote works up to a 20 foot range
• Use the S-Video output to share your photos or video on a TV.
• Features JBL Odyssey™ propriety transducer that is driven by neodymium magnets.
• Touch volume control
• Computer Optimized Equalization (COE) provides a rich and complete sound stage for your computer.
• Digital Power Amplification and DSP (Digital Signal Processing)
• Slipstream port design provides clear astonishing bass. 
• Auxiliary input for additional audio devices such as CD Players, Satellite  Radio, FM/AM Radio, Other Non iPod MP3 players and any thing that has a 3.5mm mini jack (Will only play audio, can not sync or power your player)

In the box:

• JBL Radial Unit
• Power Supply
• Auxiliary Audio Cable
• USB Cable
• Remote

Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the Beholder. But are we talking about the main, anti-magical cone eye? Or the subordinate eyestalks with their spell-like powers? Because people sometimes say a great work of art casts a spell on them, but I doubt they mean “inflict serious wounds”:

• See master illustrator Bob Staake at work creating his distinctive brand of digital art. So much about this working method is baffling. You always thought Staake was talented, but after watching him go crazy with the elliptical selection tool, you’ll figure him for some kind of savant.
• Stan Lee, Schman Lee; Doodlers Kevin Cornell and Matthew Sutter have been dreaming up supers for months, each mightier than the last. Check out the single-elimination tournament of titans at the Superest.
• Hey, who’s up for a road trip to East Stroudsberg, Pennsylvania? Just ninety minutes from New York, it’s home to the Frank Frazetta Museum. Frank’s been known to rework and revise paintings long after they’re published. In the book Frank Frazetta: Icon, he claims he isn’t allowed a key to the FFM — so he can’t let himself in and start meddling with the paintings on the walls. Quoth the master: “I can’t even get into my own damn Museum!”
• If you’re like the Woot staff — and we doubt it — you’ll enjoy these beautiful vintage illustrations of the Inland Fishes of New York. Tadpole Madtom ftw!
• How come Mark Schultz doesn’t have a comprehensive website of his own? Fans have to settle for little teaser-sized galleries like the one at the Flesk Publications site. The idea, of course, is that you’ll want to buy their books collecting his “Various Drawings.” It’s a good ploy.
• Hey, some of the pictures in ConceptArt.org’s “Chicks Who Draw Chicks” calendar might be a little NSFW (depending on where you W), so proceed with caution. The calendar is a year old now, but don’t sweat it — they printed it yearless, so you can use it in 2008 and beyond. Clever idea, that.

Four O’Clock Flash: If you liked Bible Fight but you’re looking for something more ecumenical (and, let’s face it, less beautifully drawn), you might enjoy Faith Fighter. It’s blasphemendous!

• Some Jersey guy takes off his jacket and offers to fight a parasite man-to-man
• Small group of heiresses arm themselves and refuse to evacuate anywhere but Ibiza
• Morrissey finishes his birthday salad
• RIAA estimates the amount of looting, issues subpoena for Prince Namor
• Creationists thrilled that the ultimate proof of Intelligent Design just stepped on FAO Schwarz
• Hillary Clinton wakes her speechwriter to help her prepare for a passionate ad-lib at dawn
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manhattan reverted and locked after someone changes it to a picture of Godzilla holding a sex toy
• Karl Rove begins white paper on the link between monsters and Iran
• Carlyle Group begins to quietly purchase large chunks of Manhattan before shock wears off
• Fox News coins the term “Islamonster”.
• China excited that new animal can be cut into parts and sold as an aphrodisiac
• Internet nerd makes angry post about how monster interrupted the new season of Lost
• G Train no later than usual

Well, Officer, you gotta understand, it was a wild night. There was a lot going on, and honestly, I wasn’t in the best condition to be a good witness, know what I’m saying? We’d just finished a tasting of our Rock Hollow Sextet. There were a lot of people there, and I’m sure they’d tell a lot of different stories.

But I do know a few things for sure. One, the guy who ran had on a really great shirt. Two, I definitely heard the stolen files. Those mashups that guy was spinning, well, I’m pretty sure the RIAA never approved anything like that. And three, the crime couldn’t have happened without the Razer Barracuda AC-1.

I know, it’s usually a gaming audio card. And a great one – I’m a fan myself. I mean, it supports DTS Neo:PC, DTS Interactive, Dolby Headphone, Dolby Digital Live, and Dolby Pro Logic IIx. That Razer Enhanced Sound Perception is pretty incredible at pinpointing kill zones, in awesome 7.1-channel, 24-bit sound. I don’t know why it’d get mixed up in something like this.

But when I went up to it to get its autograph, it seemed different somehow. Wild. Out of control. Its passive EMI shield was drooping, and it had a crazy look on its HD-Dedicated Audio Interface. Maybe it had been drinking, I don’t know. Maybe it had been taking something stronger. All I can say is, it was pumping out those illicit remixes and leaked advances like it had a death wish.

But, uh, hey, don’t tell the Razer Barracuda AC-1 I told you this, OK? A card with that kind of power, those kinds of connections – I just wouldn’t want to get on its bad side.

Warranty: 1 Year Razer

Features:

• Integrated for the Razer Barracuda HP-1 gaming headphones.
• Razer ESP (Enhanced Sonic Perception), expands the range of hearing in-game sounds to allow gamers to pinpoint the exact location of kill zones. Hear your opponent before you see them.
• Powered by Razer Fidelity, 117dB signal to noise ratio (output) with a 7.1 channel 24-bit audio output.
• Passive EMI shield, prevents interference from other PC components
• Razer 3D (720°) positional gaming audio engine. Pin point specific audio sound cues in game.
• Razer HD-DAI (High Definition-Dedicated Audio Interface), eliminates the need for 4 audio mini-jack, and USB port.

Technical Specifications:

• Razer Fidelity™ gaming audio engine
• S/PDIF receiver/transmitter
• Dolby® Prologic IIx surround processor
• Dolby® Digital Live 5.1 hardware encoder
• Dolby® Headphone technology
• Dolby® Virtual Speaker
• DTS® NeoPC
• DTS® Interactive real-time hardware encoder
• 7.1-channel digital audio playback
• Supports EAX™ 2.0, Aureal3D™ 1.0 and DirectSound

Audio Characteristics

• Signal-to-noise ratio (output): 117dB
• Frequency response (at 24-bit / 96KHz): 20~20,000Hz
• Dynamic range: 116dB
• Total harmonic distortion + noise: -97dB
• Simultaneous voices: ≤ 128

Supports the following audio technology:

• DTS Neo:PC
• DTS Interactive
• Dolby Headphone
• Dolby Digital Live
• Dolby Digital Pro Logic IIx

System Requirements

• Pentium® II 350MHz, AMD® K6 450 MHz or Higher
• One Available PCI 2.1/2.2 Slot
• 128 RAM Memory or Higher
• At least 55MB of Hard Disk Space
• Graphic Display at 800 x 600 High Color (16 bit)
• CD ROM Drive
• Headphones or Amplified Speakers
• Windows 98SE / ME / 2000 / XP / MCE

Audio Connections Supported:

• Razer High Definition-Dedicated Audio Interfac (HD-ADI) Connector
• CD-in
• Aux-in (CD-in 2)
• S/PDIF Optical In
• S/PDIF Optical Out
• Front Panel Connector

In the box:

• Razer Barracuda AC-1 Gaming Audio Card
• Razer Barracuda Installation CD-ROM
• Audio Splitter Cable (Razer HD-DAI to 3.5mm mini jack)
• Quick Start Leaflet
• Master Guide
• Certificate of Authenticity

Today all the higher ups are worried about the stock market! Wouldn’t
they remember an employee that tried to cheer them up with a funny
link? If your boss is like mine, you’d be fired before you got off the
elevator. Just kidding, boss! The nice people know you’d never give me
the code to the elevator. So what about some links? Turn up your
speakers, ’cause they all got sound!

If Alvin & The Chipmunks had been more like this music video
no one would have gotten mad at David Cross. Also be prepared to
listen a few times because it is really catchy.

Is this a photo of George W. Bush hidden in
the first Eagles album? Of course, us 80’s kids might instantly
think about a
certain music video.

Speaking of 80’s kids, there was a magical time when no one could
afford cable and there was nothing to do on a rainy Saturday
afternoon. So that’s when they showed the monster movies. There’s a
video podcast that recaptures what it was like in those glorious
moments between cartoons and football. Even if you don’t have an iPod,
you can still enjoy The Cult Of
UHF. (They seem to be down right now, so we’ll send you to their old site.)

Want some music while you’re posting non-stop in our forums about how
it’s time for another Woot-off? Check out the streaming radio from
non-profit college station KRUI.
They’re in Iowa, but they might actually blow your mind with their
corn-filled hipsterity. Or is it hipsterism? Hipstronia? I certainly
wouldn’t have found this video
without them.

What goes hand in hand with rock? Art! Take a glance at whitneybiennial.com and
enjoy a virtual walk through the virtual museum of virtual… stuff.
We might not know art, but we know what we like.

Four O’Clock Flash: So you’re all pumped now? Maybe you’re
ready for a dj? Rock-A-Bye
Cerebus has you as an excitable little turntable trying not to
wake the tri-muzzled dog of death. Be sure to read the instructions
first, it can get tricky.

Shane and Sia Barbi. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Ann Landers and
Dear Abby. The mystique of twins is well known to the entire world.
They’re perfect for a world that believes one is average and three is
too much. Just like our Sandisk m230 512mb MP3/FM Tuner Player 2-Pack.

Each Sandisk m230 512mb MP3/FM Tuner Player is lightweight and supports DRM-protected WMA, as well as Audible files and plain old MP3.
Great way to listen to your mix of the Pixies and The Breeders. Or what
about that Nelson album? Tegan & Sara? Blonde Redhead? You could
fit each and every one thanks to the 512 MB of memory. And load ‘em up
quick with the Hi-Speed USB 2.0 port.

Want to hear The Proclaimers? Just use the Digital FM Tuner with twenty preset stations. You’ll get up to nineteen hours off one AAA battery (not included) which is like two 9.5 hour blocks joined together. You know, just to keep to the theme.

The Sandisk m230 512mb MP3/FM
Tuner Player is no iPod, true, but who wants to worry about getting
robbed by Reggie and Ronnie Kray while trying to enjoy some music? If
you can put up with the lack of expandability, you’re fine.

You don’t have to suckle a she-wolf to get a deal like this. Your Sandisk m230 512mb MP3/FM Tuner Player 2-Pack is waiting. Soon you’ll be as close as Chang and Eng!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot

Features:

• Drag and Drop music transfer, no extra software needed
• Plays MP3, WMA (including secure WMA content), Audible audio file formats
• 512MB MP3 player holds up to 120 MP3 files and up to 240 WMA files
• Supports Microsoft PlaysForSure Downloads and Subscription
• Digital FM tuner with 20 preset stations
• Simple navigation allows sorting songs by artist, album, song title, genre, year, date loaded, and more
• Hi-Speed USB 2.0 port for fast and easy transfer of files
• Can be used as an external storage device for data store and transfer.
• Voice recording with built-in microphone
• Up to 19 hours continuous playback using one AAA battery (not included)
• Indigo backlit multi-line LCD display with ID3 tag info.
• System Requirements: USB port; Windows XP, Vista

In the box:

• Sansa m230 Player (x2)
• USB Cable (x2)
• Earbuds (x2)

Fresh off my third-place finish in the South Carolina Whig Party primary, I present the links that will bring us together as a nation, solve the health-care crisis, and ward off the scourge of Free Silver:

• Exhibit #67,895 in the case of Yesterday vs. Today: this gallery of gorgeous vintage matchbook covers. Does anything look this beautiful anymore?
• The surprisingly good Cracked blog rounds up some funny foreign knockoffs of Anglo-American films, TV shows, books, and music videos. WARNING: may include spoilers for Harry Potter and Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon.
• Pearl Fryar’s greatest accomplishment: the awesome topiary garden at his home in Bishopville, SC. Pearl Fryar’s second-greatest accomplishment: growing up as a boy named “Pearl”. Mister, you’re a better man than I.
• Another eccentric oldster with a far weirder hobby: Retiree finds cardboard calculators fascinating. At least it keeps him off the streets.
• Gentlemen, start your spirals: the fourth annual Best Visual
  Illusion of the Year
  Contest is open for submissions. The archive of past winners is pretty fascinating - even the awards themselves are awesome.

Four O’Clock Flash: nothing fancy about Wall Dodge: your mouse button controls your ship’s thrusters, and merrily you side-scroll along, eating pellets and avoiding walls. So why do I keep compulsively playing it?

We didn’t want to say anything, but better you hear it from us than from some stranger: your iPhone home screen’s looking a little blah. May we suggest jazzing it up with the beautiful, convenient Woot icons pictured above? Not only are they stunning to look at, they’re even stunninger to click on. Here’s how:

1. If you haven’t done this already, buy an iPhone, activate it, install the 1.1.3 firmware, and turn it on.

2. On the iPhone, browse to Woot, or Shirt.Woot, or Wine.Woot, or Sellout.Woot (through Yahoo! Shopping for that last one).

3. Hit the “+” on the toolbar at the bottom of the screen.

4. Click “Add to Home Screen.”

5. Name it whatever you want, but we suggest something simple like “Woot”, “Woot Shirt”, “The Only Web Site That Matters”, etc.

6. Repeat steps 2 through 5 for your other favorite Woot sites.

The icons will show up by themselves on your iPhone home screen. iHappiness will ensue. Woot is not responsible for any damage to your iPhone as a result of this process. You knew what you were getting into when you associated with people like us.

Our long CES nightmare is almost over. We cavorted with the stars. We broke a major world exclusive. We showed what the electronics industry really thinks of you, and examined the intimate side of CES. We blogged from Vegas for all four days of the show. We even commented on other people’s commentary.

Now, it’s time for the return of the feature that made us the toast of the Internet last year: the 2008 CES Wootable Awards.

The Products
This is what people come to CES
to see – or rather, this is what they wind up seeing instead of the
wondergadgets they’ve been dreaming of. Meet the Woot class of 2009.

Least Brilliant “Brilliant Color Graphics”
The good news: the colors look great. The bad news: there are only 16 of them.

Least Impressive Laptop
Sure, it plays a mean game of Solitaire. But we’re concerned about its
performance with more demanding applications, like Notepad.

Most Innovative Product
Experts predict that, within five years, “shred-tech” will dominate the electronics field. Ever edited photos of your grandchildren on a shredded circuit board? You will.

Least Reassuring Product Name
The handheld version of the popular PC game “Fatal System Error”.

Grossest Product Name
We don’t really need to go into the various unpleasant connotations
suggested by the word “Dicple”. As for the product itself, what is it?
Just look at the functions listed on the card – what isn’t it?

Worst Engineering Oversight
“OK, we’ve got the video monitors in the doors, the massive subwoofers
in the back, and – oh, wait, we forgot that our customers have legs.”

Cheapest Exploitation of Patriotism
If your favorite thing about America is tacky, badly airbrushed car graphics, climb aboard the Why-They-Hate-Us Mobile.

Worst Automobile Accessory
This onboard beer cooler comes in handy when Mel Gibson, Tony La Russa, and Lindsay Lohan hit the town together.

Weirdest Place for a Screen
It’s a great truck for watching TV, but we wouldn’t take it mudding.

Worst Digital Photo Frame
At least the picture’s halfway decent.

Let Me See Your Wares
A big show like CES is the Super Bowl for product-merchandising and booth-design people. Unfortunately, many of them bring an XFL-caliber game.

Dumbest Corner to Cut
If you’re spending thousands of dollars to set up a massive display of
your company’s awesome hardware, maybe it makes sense to spring for a
registered copy of the game you’re demoing.

Least Eco-Friendly Eco-Display
To illustrate how their watches use way less power than a wasteful
incandescent bulb, these people left several such bulbs burning
throughout the four-day show.

Most Superficial Eco-Display
Random crappy products plus petroleum-based plastic plants equals not much.

Least Appealing Display Video
You’ve never seen the inside of your colon in such sparkling color before.

Laziest Product Display
Why bother carefully arranging your company’s USB keychain doodads? Just throw them in a pile and let their sheer awesomeness do the rest.

Saddest Display
Yes, it’s just an extension cord tossed into a glass case, like a
display in the finest department store in Uzbekistan. To be fair, this
would be spectacular if you’d never seen an extension cord before.
Actually, no, it wouldn’t.

Most Racist Display
Even today, some companies still don’t believe that Americans of all
skin colors should be allowed to push the same buttons. We shall
overcome, brothers and sisters.

All Signs Point To Dumb
But showing off the products is only part of the total booth
experience. You also need signs, if you really want to catch the eye of
jerks like us.

Most Gratuitous Abuse of Marketing Verbiage
Somebody ate a thesaurus and puked it up all over this booth. Sometimes, the more words you use, the less each one means.

Most Suspiciously Familiar Slogan
We can’t put our finger on it, but this reminds us of something…

Most Zen Product Description
“Slogan of Joy” unbound by logic or syntax.

Best Company Name in 1993
Hey guys, maybe