We’ll tell you all about the Telesteps 12.5 ft. Telescopic Extension
Ladder as soon as you answer one question. You can see that guy, right?
It’s not some weird Mr. Mytzlplyk kinda thing that only we can see? We
all have contingency plans for if we were ever to lose our minds but we
just figured the little guy on our shoulder would be wearing a tux or
have a guitar or something.

Listen, this is just too weird.
We’re gonna go lie down. You just scroll down and read the specs. We’ll
be back when he’s gone. And we hope he doesn’t weigh over 250 pounds
because the ladder won’t hold more than that safely. Wow. That sure is
creepy.

Warranty: 1 Year Telesteps

Features:

• 12.5 foot telescopic extension ladder weighs only 23 pounds and just 30 inches when compact
• Fits in a trunk, no need for a roof rack to transport
• Provides the equivalent standing height of a 16 foot extension ladder in a lightweight and easy to store package
• Meets
  applicable American National Standards Institute (ANSI) and
  Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) requirements
• Holds up to 250 pounds
• ANSI Type 1
• Height: 30 inches to 12.5 feet
• Width: 19 inches
• Depth: 3 inches
• Weight: 23 pounds

In the box:

• Telesteps 12.5 ft. Telescopic Extension Ladder

From the notebooks of Courtney Clarke, 9th grader, Gladstone, Oregon, after meeting the Acer AL2216WBD 22” LCD Monitor in one of her classes on the first day of school:

Acer
Acer Acer Acer
Acer + Courtney
Acer + Courtney
Courtney + Acer
Mrs. Courtney Acer
Mrs. Courtney Acer
Mrs. Courtney Acer!

REASONS WHY I LOVE ACER AL2216WBD

• nice
• cute
• double cute
• thin
• 1680×1050 native resolution – HOTTTT!!!!
• 22” screen (aka “just right”)
• triple cute!!!

god I hate chemitsry I wonder what Acer’s doing RIGHT NOW???
save me ACER from boring chemitsry

things 2 do 4 acer

• tell acer how I feel DONE OMG
• fall in love
• go on a honeymoon
• have BABYS lol
• buy computer to use with ACER

Mrs. Courtney Acer
Mrs. Courtney Acer
Me + Acer
courtney plus acer
Acer Acer Acer Acer Acer Acer ACER ACER ACER
I LUV ACER!!!!!!

Warranty: 90 Day Acer

Features:

• 22” Widescreen TFT LCD
• 1680×1050 native resolution
• 5ms response time
• VGA or DVI-D video connections
• Supports up to 16.7 million colors
• 300 cd/m2 brightness
• 170° viewing angle (horizontal and vertical)
• 0.282mm pixel pitch
• Supports VESA wall mounts, and Kensington locks

Specifications:

In the box:

• Acer AL2216WBD 22” LCD Monitor
• Power Cable
• VGA Cable
• DVI Cable

Do you know who never bought a Kingston 8GB USB 2.0 Data Traveler 100? Hitler.

Hey,
we’re just pointing out the historical facts. We’re pretty sure Stalin
didn’t have one either. Nor Napoleon. And we didn’t check, but it seems
safe to assume Pol Pot and Idi Amin can be on that list as well.

But whatever. Make up your own mind, we don’t care.

Warranty: 5 Year Kingston

Features:

• 8gb of flash storage space
• Designed to Hi-Speed USB 2.0 specifications
• Pocket-sized for easy transportability, just plug and play into a USB port
• Capless, USB connector protected within case
• Dimensions: 2.35” x 0.88” x 0.37” (59.7mm x 22.3mm x 9.5mm)
• Operating temperatures: 32° F to 140° F (0° C to 60° C)
• Storage temperatures: -4° F to 185° F (-20° C to 85° C)
• Weight: 0.48 oz (12g)

Supported Operating Systems:

• Windows Vista
• Windows XP (SP1, SP2)
• Windows 2000 (SP4)
• Mac OS (10.3.X and above)
• Linux (2.6 and above)

In the box:

• Kingston DT100/8GB USB 2.0 Data Traveler 100

PLESE READ it will only take a moment and forward this to anyone you know who could use a SMILE!!!

>> A Lawyer and a Blonde are sitting next to each
>> other on a flight from L.A. To New York.
>> The Blonde is drawing on a DigiPro WP8060 8×6”
>> USB Graphics Tablet. The Lawyer asks if she would
>> like to play a fun game but she is busy so she
>> politiely says No.
>>
>> The Laywer wants the DigiPro WP8060 8×6”
>> USB Graphics Tablet with its cordless pen and 512
>> Levels of Sensitivity so he makes her a better
offer.
>> “I will ask you a question and if you don’t know the
>> answer, you give me the graphics tablet. But if
you
>> ask me a question and I don’t know the answer, I’ll
>> pay you $5000 dollars.”
>> He figures since he is a lawyer and she is a Blonde
>> he will win the game easily.
>>
>> The Blonde just wants to be left alone to draw, but
>> she figures the only way to shut him up is to play
>> his little Game, so, she agrees. The Lawyer asks,
>> “Who was the first Secretary of Agriculture?”
>>
>> Since she does not know, the Blonde unplugs her.
>> DigiPro WP8060 8×6” USB Graphics Tablet and hands
>> It to him.
>> Then it is her turn. She asks, “What goes
>> into the water with three arms, and comes out with 4?”
>>
>> The lawyer cannot figure it out. He checks on the
>> Internet, he calls his friends, he asks the
>> Smithsononian Institution web site.
>> He is literally going Nuts.
>> Finally he gives up and gives her the $5,000 cash
>> in his pocket. He has to know so he asks,
>> “Well, what DOES go into the water with three
>> arms, and come out with 4?”
>>
>> The Blonde reaches into her purse and hands the
>> Laywer another $5.
>>
>> (P.S. And the HAPPY ENDING…with her money, she bought another
>> DigiPro WP8060 8×6” USB Graphics Tablet!!)

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• 8×6-inch graphics tablet work area
• Compatible with most graphic software (Painter, Adobe Photoshop)
• Offers real painting feeling as you are drawing
• Soft-tip pen with 512 levels of pressure for drawing programs such as Painter and Photoshop
• Pen has controls for all Mouse functions
• Captures signatures and drawing for inserting into documents
• Features pen commands for control and editing functions
• Pen has Annotate function for writing to Word documents
• Handwriting communications for NetMeeting and Netscape conference
• Pen Launching by tapping on the pad to start a program or visit a website
• PenMail and Annotate  software included
• USB interface - 54-inch length (approximate)
• Pen operates on one (1) AAA battery (included)

Software:

• Bundled UC-Logic PenSuite:
• PenCommander
• Annotate for word
• PenSigner
• Annotate all
• PenMail

In the box:

• 8×6-inch Graphics Tablet
• Stylus Pen
• Quick Start Guide
• Driver and Pen suite V4.12 CD

PC Requirements:

• Intel Pentium III processor or above
• Windows 98SE/ME/2000/XP
• 128 MB RAM
• 256 MB free hard disk space
• CD-ROM drive
• USB port

Macintosh Requirements: (For driver only)

• Mac OS 9.x, 10.2.6 or higher

Whenever I’m alone with U
SB make multimedia fun again
Whenever I’m alone with U
SB launch apps with just one touch again

Whenever I’m alone with U
SB your drivers on CD again
Whenever I’m alone with U
SB you access programs fast again

Your wrist rest on or off
I will always love U
SB Multimedia
Keyboard I always love U
SB you plug and play
I will always love U
SB will always love U

Whenever I’m alone with U
SB this premise sort of wearing thin
Whenever I’m alone with U
SB stretched this as far as probably we can

Your wrist rest on or off
I will always love U
SB Multimedia
Keyboard I always love U
SB you plug and play
I will always love U
SB will always love U

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Access entertainment fast with the multimedia controls
• Launch select applications, such as Explorer, Calculator, and Notepad, via one-touch keys
• Easily view PC status indicators
• Plug and play via the factory-linked components
• Use or detach the wrist rest as needed

In the box:

• Keyboard
• Detachable wrist rest
• CD with drivers
• Quick start guide
• Warranty card

Bah! Feh! Fiddlesticks! These so-called golfers today, with their
nuclear titanium drivers and their helium-filled balls and their robot
pterodactyl caddies. In my day, we knew how to play a round of golf
like a man and not like some Spaniard in bullfighting pants. We didn’t
need some fancy shaft made of moon rocks – we just grabbed the nearest
crooked stick, teed up an Osage orange, and yelled “FORE!”

And we sure as hell never saw anything like the Yukon YK11002 8×20
Mini Spotting Scope Golf Range Finder. Why the hell did we need to know
how far away the pin was? 150 yards away or 250, we just grabbed our
sticks and whomped holy hell. Binoculars were something for your Aunt
Gladys to use at the opera – not for real men competing in the sport of
kings. I once watched Ben Hogan shoot 44 under par at Pebble Beach with
a stick made out of pancake batter and a plaster bust of Sophocles for
a ball. Now that was a round of golf!

Warranty: Lifetime Limited Yukon

• Hand held range finder
  fits neatly in the palm of your hand and can be easily stowed in a
  pocket, golf bag, backpack or glove compartment
• The sleek
  rubber housing protects the fully coated optics from minor jostles and
  bumps that you may encounter along the course, and also provides a
  comfortable, no-slip gripping surface
• Internal distance measuring range finder is accurate and easy to use; missing the green is one thing users won’t miss

Features:

• Objective lens (mm): 20
• Magnification (x): 8
• Eye relief (mm): 10
• Exit pupil diameter (mm): 2.5
• Field of view, @ 1000 m (m): 131
• Close focus (m): 3
• Prism system: roof
• Prism type: BAK-7
• Focus system: eyepiece
• Eyecup fold down
• Coating fully coated
• Waterproof no
• Fogproof no
• Adapt to tripod no
• Dimensions (mm) 88.9×31.8×31.8
• Weight (g) 65.2

Who’s the green super freak that emits a loud alarm near leaks?

FROG!

Damn right. Who floats when he needs to and finds water as shallow as 1/32”?

FROG!

Right on.

They say that frog runs on three AAA batter-

SHUT YO’ MOUTH!

But I’m talking about Frog!

YOU CAN DO IT.

He’s not complicated, man, he can really stop some serious property damaaaaage

LEAKFROG.

Warranty: 1 Year Ideative

Features:

• Scratch resistant plastic housing – lasts for years
• For wood, carpet, tile, metal, concrete surfaces
• Test button
• Floats on deep puddles
• Runs on 3 AAA batteries (included)
• Water as shallow as 1/32” will trigger the LeakFrog’s alarm
• Emits a loud alarm when water is detected
• Alarm duration: 48 hours (or until turned off by user)

Did you know:

• 40% of all property damage is caused by water
• 70% of toxic mold is caused by water leaks and plumbing failures
• 1 of 3 insurance claims is for water damage
• 63% of all statistics are made up on the spot (not these, of course)

LeakFrog can detect water leaks from any water source:

• Toilets
• Tubs
• Sinks
• Dishwashers
• Refrigerators
• A/C Drip Pans
• Wet Bars
• Hot Tubs
• Washing Machines
• Your drunk college buddy, Flounder

In the box:

• Ideative Leakfrog

We really wanted to. We really wanted to sell you OT-6. But then the
creepy late night phone calls started. And the strange people showed up
in front of our house. There was even that scrawny guy who asked the
giant Ken Jennings head about “crimes”. And we’re only human. Maybe
we’d be more than human if we had the cash, but who can say?

So
instead, we’re offering the Otto OT-6 Multimedian Stereo Headset with
Noise Cancelling Boom Mic. But, even still, it can give you powers. For
example, this OT-6 will let your voice be heard worldwide (as long as
you’re plugged in to a USB port). It will
ensure you are happy and shining (from comfort, because of the padded
headband and ear cups). And it will allow you to block out the sound of
the misguided (through the noise-cancelling microphone). But, unlike
that other OT-6, the Otto OT-6 Multimedian Stereo Headset with Noise
Cancelling Boom Mic will cost you a whole lot less. And we mean a WHOLE lot less. Seriously. We don’t even have a boat.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 40 mm Neodymium speakers deliver maximum bass response
• Noise-canceling microphone filters out background noise for superior voice recognition
• Flexible boom allows easy microphone positioning
• Padded headband and ear cups engineered for maximum comfort
• USB plug-and-play, no need for power adapter or batteries

Speakers Specifications:

• Frequency Response: 20Hz-20KHz
• Headphone Sensitivity: 102dB
• Impedance: 32 Ohms

Microphone Specifications:

• Sensitivity (at 1KHZ): -40dB
• Signal to Noise Ratio: Better than 58dB@1KHz

“Ages 8 and up,” says the package. We say yeah, way up. At
what age, we ask you, does someone cease to appreciate
throttle-smashin’, wheelie-poppin’, morph’natin’ action? Whatever that
number is, we haven’t reached it. (And we’re oooollld.)

This
sleek, low-profile rail racer transmutates into a burly, jacked-up
off-roader. That’s what they’re talking about when they say
“Morph’Nate.” It’s got full-function radio control and working
headlights. If you’re too old to enjoy that, then call your primary
care physician, friend, because he or she is going to diagnose you as
having morph’nated into a stodgy, no-fun, stick-in-the-mud.

There’s
a sliver of hope for your recovery, but fighting your way back to life
won’t be easy. Yours is a grave condition, requiring hours and hours of
Morph’Nation therapy daily.

Warranty: 90 Day Nikko

Features:

• Low profile rail racer transforms into high ride’n off-road truck
• Smash the throttle and Morth’Nator pops wheelies
• Fill function radio control, turn left, turn right, foward, reverse and stop
• Working headlights
• For ages 8 and up

There it is, Micro SD Card
There it is, what a deal
A tiny SD card that goes in an adapter
It could hardly be any apter
For transporting photos or music you got off of Napster

There it is, Micro SD Card
There it is, such a deal
With so many wooters online it finally seems
We’ll unload these at last? in our dreams

So there it is
Is it priced fair? It is
Still not yet emeritus
There it is – Micro SD Card

Warranty: Lifetime Kingston

Features:

• 2GB capacity
• Full size SD card adapter included
• Complies with SD card specification standards
• Dimensions: .43” x .59” x .039” (11mm x 15mm x 1mm)
• Operating Temperature: -13º F to 185º F (-25º C to 85 º C)
• Storage Temperature: -40º F to 185º F (-40º C to 85º C)
• Weight: 0.05 oz (1.4g)

In the box:

• 2GB Micro SD Card
• Full Size SD Card Adapter

Start a scan
Start an organized scan
File the text
Edit, file it all
The IRS accepts it that way
Export your data so you can walk tall
A distant man with a business card
It scans that too lets you edit text
Organize when you’re on the go
Digitize keep your storage small

I said

Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all
Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all
Neat Receipts

No crime if you pay your tax
No lost forms to make you look around
You even have a keyword search
Make reports when you are down
When you go crazy, check your spending details
Make PDFs when she falls asleep
Be feelin’ fine when it’s taxing time
Don’t ever worry about some IRS creep

I said

Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all
Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all
Neat Receipts

Start a scan
Start an organized scan
File the text
Edit, file it all
The IRS accepts it all that way
Export your data so you can walk tall
A distant man with a business card
It scans that too lets you edit text
Organize when you’re on the go
Digitize keep your storage small

I said

Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all
Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all
Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all
Neat Receipts
She can afford a scanner
Neat Receipts
She can afford to scan it all

Neat Receipts!

Warranty: 90 Day Neat Receipts

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• Scanning system that helps you stay organized at home, at work, and on the go
• Scan
  receipts, business cards, or documents of any size, the intelligent
  text recognition converts scans to editable text, then identifies and
  digitally files your papers for easy access. After that you can
  generate reports and forms when you need them
• Manage your
  receipts, maintain accurate records of all your expenses. Analyze your
  spending by vendor, date, project, client and more
• NEAT Receipts scans are IRS accepted digital copies, you will be incredibly organized for taxes, and you can even export to TurboTax
• Easily manage documents for your business, home or both. Quickly find information with keywords search. Create PDF files or convert printed documents to editable text
• Digitize your business cards, and import them into Outlook, your PDA, or other contact management solution
• Automate your expense reports, with digital copies of your receipts you can create professional
• Keyword search, search though receipts, cards, and documents for specific keywords that appear in the text
• Intelligent text recognition, convert printed documents to text and you can edit
• Smart Sorting, allows you to scan and process multiple documents, and automatically organizes them for you
• 1-Touch PDF, you can convert paper documents into PDF format with the press of one button
• Export Data to Microsoft Outlook, Excel, Word, Money, QuickBooks, Quicken, TurboTax, csv, vCard, Plaxo, HTML, and more
• NEAT Receipts maintains the integrity of original scanned receipts to prevent fraud, and are accepted by the IRS

Scanner Specifications

• Portable Color / Grayscale / BW CIS
• No external power supply needed; runs off USB power
• Maximum Resolution 600 dpi
• Speed: approximately 3-4 receipts per minute
• Interface: USB 1.0 & 2.0 compatible
• Scan Area: 1” x 1” to 8.5” x 14 (up to 30” long)
• Scanner Dimensions (WxDxH): 10.8” x 1.6” x 1.3”
• Scanner Weight: 10.6 ounces
• Bit Depth: Color: 48-bit input, 24/48-bit output;
• Grayscale: 16-bit input, 8/16-bit output; B/W: 1-bit

Software

• Images can be saved in JPEG and PDF formats
• Export to: XLS (Microsoft
  Excel®), .RTF (Microsoft Word®), .OFX (Quicken®, Microsoft Money®),
  .IIF (Quickbooks®), .QIF (Quicken®), .CSV, .HTML, .PDF, Microsoft
  Outlook®
• Direct to Quickbooks® export (No separate export file required)
• Supports sending emails using third party MAPI clients (e.g. Outlook®, Eudora®, Netscape®, etc.)
• NEAT Receipts scans in grayscale to minimize image size (scanner supports color)
• Reads U.S. and Canadian receipts and business cards
• Uses Microsoft .Net 2.0 & MS SQL Express
• Microsoft Windows XP® or Vista® (64 bit is not currently supported)

System Requirements

• Pentium IV 1.3 GHz or later
• Microsoft® Windows® XP or Vista® (64-bit is not currently supported)
• 1GB RAM (2 GB highly recommended)
• 1GB hard disk space to install (database can scale up to 40GB or approximately 1.5 million receipts)
• CD-ROM drive
• Available USB port
• A broadband internet connection is suggested for updates

In the box:

• Scanner
• NEAT Receipts Software
• USB Cable
• Scanner Dust Cover
• Scanner Desktop Stand with Storage for USB Cable
• Scanner Calibration & Cleaning Paper
• Scanner Wall-Mount Holder

OK, OK, OK, we had every intention of telling you all about this
eMachines desktop PC and its Intel Pentium 4 Processor and how it’s got
Windows Vista Home Basic on it and the hard drive space and the
multiformat dual-layer optical drive et cetera, et cetera, but we’ve
been chained to our desk for hours now, prepping stuff for this
Woot-Off and trying to stay alert by drinking mug after mug after mug
after mug after mug of hot tea (which we learned to brew from listening
to the podcast),
and now we really, really need to get to the lavatory right away, very
urgently, we’ve already put it off far too long, so you’re going to
have to read about the high-performance 15-in-1 digital media manager
and six-channel audio without our usual, stupid jokes in between, sorry
if that’s a disappointment for you, but the pressure has been mounting
on our bladder for far too long, and we’ve really, really, really,
really got to go RIGHT NOW, or there’s going to be—

Uhhhhhhh…

Nnngggghh.

Alright, it looks like there’s no rush after all. Hand us a paper towel, would you?

Warranty: 90 Day eMachines

Features:

• Intel® Pentium® 4 Processor 631 Hyper-Threading and Intel® EM64T Technology Operates at 3.00GHz, 2MB L2 cache, 800MHz FSB
• Windows Vista Home Basic
• ATI Radeon® Xpress 200 chipset
• 512MB DDR2 (1 × 512MB), 533MHz (PC4200) Expandable to 2GB 2 DDR2 Slots (Total), 1 DDR2 Slot (Available)
• 160GB PATA (7200rpm)
• DVD±RW 16x Multiformat Dual-Layer Optical Drive Up to 8.5GB with Dual-Layer Media
• Write max: 16x DVD±R, 6x DVD-RW, 8x DVD+RW, 4x DVD+R DL, 40x CD-R, 24x CD-RW disks
• Read max: 16x DVD-ROM, 40x CD-ROM disks
• High-Performance 15-in-1 Digital Media Manager
• ATI Radeon® Xpress 200 Integrated Graphics Up to 128MB of shared video memory PCI-Express® (PCI-E x16) slot available
• 6-channel (5.1) high-definition audio
• 56K ITU V.92-ready fax/modem (RJ-11 port)
• 10/100Mbps Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 port)
• 6 – USB 2.0 ports (2 in front, 4 in back)
• 1 – VGA
• 1 – Parallel port
• 1 – Serial port
• 2 – PS/2 ports (keyboard and mouse)
• 3 – Audio (Rear): Line-in/Side (Stereo), Front/Headphone (Stereo), Microphone
• 2 – Audio (Front): Microphone, Front/Headphone (Stereo)
• 1 – RJ-45 Ethernet port
• 1 – RJ-11 Modem port
• Dimensions: 14.50” (H) x 7.25” (W) x 16.50” (D)
• Weight: 21.2 lbs.

Are you the sort of person who likes to shop at a Stuckey’s just off
of the Interstate? Then you’re going to be all over this Zvue Spirit
1GB MP3 Player. Covered in red, white and blue (there’s even an animated flag on the LCD screen), this is the sort of device that just dares TSA to try and confiscate it. Even Joe McCarthy himself wouldn’t think of stopping a man with one of these in his hand!

But if they ask you to play it? Well, they’re in for a dose of good ol’ American rock and roll. The Zvue Spirit 1GB MP3 Player
comes preloaded with the kind of music that made this country great, if
we assume the music in this country stopped progressing about 1977. But
you never have to work if you can take care of business… because the
Zvue Spirit 1GB MP3 Player will assure you that you can. Even in overtime!

The Zvue Spirit 1GB MP3 Player
will do anything you ask it to in the name of rockin’ your world.
Except, please, don’t take it to your marathon. These colors don’t run.

Warranty: 90 Day Zvue

Features:

• 1GB Built in memory
• Supports MP3, WMA, and WAV audio formats
• Fifteen songs ready to play out of the box
• Built-in Microphone for voice recording
• Seven preset equalizer settings, multiple playing modes, and outstanding sound quality
• Built-in speaker, allows you to play music with out the need of headphones
• Back-lit LED Screen with American flag waving animation
• ID3 Tag support and Lyrics file (.LRC) support (third party Software needed)
• Rechargeable Lithium ion Battery
• High speed USB 2.0 interface
• Dimensions: H 2” x W 1 3/8” x D 3/5”
• Player Weight: 28.3 g (1 oZ)

Headphones Specification:

• Loudspeaker: ¢16mm 6U
• Frequency: 20-20 KHz
• Impendance: 32 ohm ±10%
• Sensitivity: 110 ±3dB
• Wire Frame line length: 120 cm

Preloaded Songs:

• I Feel Good, James Brown
• Back In the U.S.A, Chuck Berry
• Sweet Home Alabama, Lynyrd Skynyrd
• Drive Shouth, John Hiatt
• XXX’s and OOO’s (An American Girl), Trisha Yearwood
• Fly Like An Eagle, The Neville Brothers
• Rocky Mountain Way, Joe Walsh
• Takin’ Care Of Business, Bachman-Turner Overdrive
• Simple Man, Lynyrd Skynyrd
• Rock And Roll All Nite, Kiss
• (You Can Still) Rock In America, Night Ranger
• America Is My Home (Part 1), James Brown & The Famous Flames
• Free Bird, Lynyrd Skynyrd
• Some Gave All, Billy Ray Cyrus
• God Bless The U.S.A, Lee Greenwood

In the box:

• Zuve Spirt 1GB MP3 Player
• Headphones
• Protective Cover
• USB Wall Power Adapter
• USB Cable
• Users Guide

If you’d asked me three months ago, I would have said my courtship
of you was proceeding almost perfectly according to plan. I’d pulled
off that staged rescue of your dog, no problem. I’d “unexpectedly” run
into you at the gym, what a coincidence. I’d even gathered volumes of
indispensable intelligence on your personality profile and habits by
combing through your household trash—that was key. If anyone had asked,
I would have projected a January wedding for us. But I have to admit,
this restraining order certainly is a setback.

Now, I’m a
can-do kind of guy, so I’m not going to mope around my apartment
feeling sorry for myself, no way. I’m going to pick myself up, dust
myself off, cut myself a few times as punishment for coming on too
strong, I ALWAYS DO THAT, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID—and then I’m going to just get on with winning you over.

First
thing I’ll do, is I’m going to pick up a pair of Landmark 10×42
binoculars. They’re compact and easy to carry in their durable nylon
case—and they’ve got fully multicoated lenses and roof prism optics, so
it’s like I’m right up close to you with an ultra-clear view, even when
I’m halfway down the block.

They’re lightweight, so I can
carry them everywhere— to the beach, to the park, to the Kroger parking
lot across the street from your office—and sturdily built, so I won’t
have to worry about them rattling around in my glove box as I tail you
around town at a distance prescribed by the court order.

They
even come with special cleaning tissue, perfect for wiping the lenses
when they get smeary with my tears, which happens every time I see you
kiss your so-called “boyfriend,” Jake. He is SO WRONG for you, why can’t you see that? I can see it plain as day, and I’m all the way on the other side of the park!

Of course, I’ve got Landmark binoculars, so that helps.

Warranty: Limited Lifetime Landmark

Features:

• Fully multicoated lenses
• Roof prism optics
• Ergonomic design
• Lightweight
• Magnification (x)- 10
• Eye relief (mm)- 10
• Exit pupil diameter (mm)- 4.2
• Field of view (degrees)- 5.7
• Close focus (m)- 2.4
• Diopter adjustment (D) +/- 2.5
• Dimensions (in)- 5.6×3.8×2.2

In the box:

• Landmark 10×42 Binoculars
• Durable nylon carrying case
• Lens cleaning tissue
• Neck strap

So what did we learn from the early eighties? We learned that the
synth works best as a keytar, we learned that big hair can make almost
anyone attractive, and we learned that shooting little lights is a lot
of fun.

Relive those glory days with a copy of The Best Of
Human League, a whole lot of hair product, and the Midway 42400 12 Game
Tabletop Arcade System. While your friend makes the pizza, you can try
for the high score on Defender or Defender II. Later, you can eat ice
cream while your friend plays Bubbles or Splat. Then you can
head-to-head on Joust until your mom shows up and says you have to
leave. Wait a second… you’re an adult! Nobody leaves till Sinistar dies!

There’s
no assembly required and you even get AV jacks to let you plug in other
systems. So take that money your grandmother sent and turn it all into
non-refundable tokens, because it’s an all night lock-in! Who cares
about the fire code? We’re playing Wizard of Wor!

Warranty: 90 Day Midway

Features:

• 14” full color CRT monitor with 12 Classic Arcade Hits built in
• Accessible AV jacks allow you to plug in and play any of your other home video game systems
• Dual Control Panel for Head-to-Head Play
• No assembly required, plug and play

Built in Classic Arcade Games:

• Defender
• Defender II
• Bubbles
• Splat
• Sinistar
• Rampage
• Satans Hollow
• Root Beer Tapper
• Timber
• Wizard of War
• Roborton
• Joust

In the box:

• Midway 42400 12 Game Tabletop Arcade System
• Users Guide

Garmin, Garmin, Garmin
It’d be so alarmin’
To try to find the farm in this rain

If I didn’t have a
GPS to navi-
gate down these backroad country lanes

Take a left
TAKE A RIGHT
Take a right
TAKE A LEFT
‘Nother left
STRAIGHT AHEAD
Garmin
Exit right
40 FEET
Take a left
MAPLE STREET
‘Nother left, straight ahead, Garminnnnn

Thank god for Streetpilot
A purchase so worthwhile, it
has saved my sorry tuchus again

Drivin’ here without it
Could I find this place? I doubt it
Not without much pointless mental strain

Take a left
TAKE A RIGHT
Take a right
TAKE A LEFT
‘Nother left
STRAIGHT AHEAD
Garmin
Exit right
40 FEET
Take a left
MAPLE STREET
‘Nother left, straight ahead, Garminnnnn

GARMIN!

Warranty: One year Garmin

Features:

• Originally designed for European market and now retrofitted to 2009 US maps on a 2GB microSD card (comes with an SD adaptor)
• Preprogrammed with City Navigator NT, providing street-level detail and addresses, plus listings of restaurants, hotels, ATMs, etc. (nearly 6 million POIs)
• Map Scale: Screen-width scale 640 feet to 4,000 miles
• Routes: Automatically calculated with turn-by-turn instructions
• Automatic off-route recalc shows how to get back on track if you miss a turn or exit; a detour function enables routing around traffic problems or road construction
• Voice: Navigation instructions and warnings
• Waypoints: 500 with name and graphic symbol
• Trip computer: Resettable odometer, timers, average and maximum speeds
• Garmin Lock: When enabled, user must input PIN number to use device.
• Backup feature allows user to associate a security location, which will unlock unit when within 50 meters of that location
• Location-based content: Garmin Travel Guide™, SaversGuide® and custom points of interest (POIs) like safety cameras and school zones
• Others: Customized vehicle icons for moving map

Technical specifications:

• Receiver: SiRFstarIII™ high-sensitivity GPS receiver
• Interfaces: USB 2.0 full-speed
• Antenna: Built-in patch; MCX-type connector for optional external GPS antenna connection
• Physical Size: 4.4”W x 3.2”H x 2.8”D
• Weight: 0.59 pounds
• Display: 2.8”W x 2.1”H; 320 x 240 pixels LCD, with backlight and touch screen
• Temp. range: 32°F to 140°F
• Data storage: Indefinite; no memory battery required
• Power Input: 12/24v Dc
• Usage: 15w max. @ 13.8v Dc
• Battery life: up to 8 hours

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen of the press, and thank you for
being here today. My name is Hoagy Subotnick, and I’m the personal
attorney and official representative for Netgear WG111T 108Mbps Wireless USB 2.0
Adapter. Nettie is currently spending time with her family, so I’m
going to read a short statement on her behalf. That statement is as
follows:

“My fans know that throughout my career I have
always stood for decency, wholesomeness, and easy, fast wireless
networking, with speeds up to 108Mbps. Unfortunately, certain
unscrupulous persons are currently marketing a DVD
featuring footage taken several years ago by a former romantic partner.
At the time, I believed these images were intended for private,
intimate purposes. I ask all of my fans and the general public to avoid
the purchase or consumption of these images. Rumors that I am facing
prosecution related to the images in the video on charges of public
indecency and animal cruelty are false. And I strenuously deny the
scurrilous rumor that my camp has leaked this footage to help my career
in the wake of my recent refurbishment. I look forward to providing
many more years of wireless service to my audience. If anyone would
like to consider me for upcoming performances, please contact my
representative, Hoagy Subotnick, Esquire. I am available for any roles
involving wireless networking, anywhere there’s a USB port, at any time. Thank you.”

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Designed for notebook or desktop PC
• Easy set up with Smart Wizard installation software
• Compatible with 802.11b or 802.11g
• Hardware-based 40/64-bit & 128-bit WEP encryption
• USB 2.0 compatible
• Maximum performance requires use with NETGEAR Super-G Wireless Router

In the box:

• Super-G Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter (WG111T)
• USB cable

The RCA HPNC500 Active Noise Cancelling
Headphones use 12dB Active Noise Canceling to eliminate virtually all
background noise. Here, we’ll demonstrate.

And you won’t have sore ears, thanks to the full-size earcups. You get
a free airline adapter as well. And a pouch. Who can turn down a pouch?
Wait, before you answer, let us demonstrate one more time.

Isn’t that nice? Like you’re all alone in the universe. Just you and
your music or movie or whatever. That must be what it feels like to be
a billionare, or a very anti-social dude that never showers. And that’s
the feeling you can get from the RCA HPNC500 Active Noise Cancelling Headphones! Isn’t that classy?

Warranty: 1 Year Audiovox

Features:

• 12dB Active Noise Canceling eliminates virtually all outside noise
• Deep, rich sound from 40mm driver
• Full-size earcups provide comfortable fit for long-term listening
• Swivel ear cups for easy storage in laptop cases
• Single-sided cord entry keeps wires out of the way
• Airline adapter included
• Pouch included provides easy storage and protection on the go

Specifications:

• Frequency Response: 20 – 20,000 Hz
• Sensitivity: 102dB
• Impedance: 32 Ohms
• Cord Length: 4ft./1.2m
• Plug: 3.5mm Stereo Mini Plug
• 1 AAA battery required for Active Noise Canceling

In the box:

• RCA HPNC500 Active Noise Canceling Headphones
• Air Plane Adapter

Athlon 64 is in the slot
Athlon 64 is in the slot
It’s like the brain, you’ll use it quite a lot
Athlon 64 is in the slot

Two gigs of RAM are now installed
Two gigs of RAM are now installed
After you get it you can bump it up to four
But we’re putting in two gigs and nothing more

And if 500 gigs of hard drive is a boon
And 7.1 Audio will thrill
And if your head explodes that you’ll get Vista too
You’ll probably want this refurbed HP M8000N

The LightScribe handles DVDs
The LightScribe handles DVDs
15-in-1, For memory card fun
The labels make it very plain
6 USB
2 in the front, easy
You’ll plug in things real simple one two three

And there’s a keyboard, so don’t you even fear
A mouse that you can snuggle near
And if a Media Center would complete your room
You really need a refurbed HP M8000N

Warranty: 90 Days HP

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• Athlon 64 X2 (W) 5200+ 2.6 GHz processor with 2000 MT/s (mega transfers/second) and socket AM2
• GeForce 6150SE nForce 430 chipset
• 2GB PC2-4200 MB/sec 240 pin, DDR2 SDRAM, upgradeable to 4GB (32-bit OS) or 8GB (64-bit OS)
• 500 GB SATA 3G (3.0 Gb/sec), 7200 rpm hard drive
• 16X DVD (±)R/RW 12X RAM (±)R DL LightScribe SATA drive
• Integrated 10/100 Base-T networking interface with 56K bps data/fax modem
• High Definition 7.1 audio with ALC 888 chipset
• Integrated 15-in-1 (4 slot) memory card reader
• 6 USB 2.0 ports, 2 in the front and 4 in the back
• Windows Vista Home Premium with Windows Media Center

Specifications:

In the box:

• HP M8000n Media Center PC
• Keyboard
• Mouse
• Power Cable

I’m the kind of guy who fights to the last. When the hurricane
comes, I get some beer and board up the windows. When there’s a flood,
I take the day off work and sit by the TV. And when that high fallutin’
digital changeover happens in February, I’ll be danged if I’m goin’
along with it.

The Magnavox MWR10D6 DVD Analog Recorder has everything I need. It’ll record up to six hours on a blank DVD, just like a regular VCR. That 480p recording looks fine to me, and it handles CD-Rs as well. It’s cheap and it’ll get the job done, just like me.

They
say it’ll even work with one of those converter boxes that’ll change
the signal, but I don’t ever expect I’ll care about those. I’ll just be
here, recording the static, waiting for the day normal tv comes back.
And if it doesn’t, hey, I had a good run. Sorta miss Beverly
Hillbillies, though.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Can record up to 6 hours on a standard blank DVD, and works just like a typical VCR
• DVD player that is compatible with DVD+R/RW playback, DVD-R/RW playback, and CD-DA playback
• Records at 480p progressive scan quality level for better looking movies and programs
• MP3 compatible with Dolby Digital audio format and stereo output
• Built in NTSC tuner

Specifications:

• Supported Digital Audio Standards: PCM, MP3
• Media Load Type: Tray
• Recordable Media: DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+RW, DVD+R
• Recording Mode: SP, LP, EP, HQ, SLP
• Media Type: CD-R, CD-RW, DVD-R, DVD+RW, DVD-RW, DVD+R, DVD, CD, Video CD, DVD+R DL
• Programmability: 8 events / 1 month
• MP3 Compatible: Yes
• Additional Features: Progressive scanning
• Digital Audio Format: Dolby Digital output
• Sound Output Mode: Stereo
• Power Consumption Operational: 20 Watt
• Power Consumption Stand by / Sleep: 1.6 Watt
• Power Device: Power supply – internal
• Voltage Required: AC 120 V ( 60 Hz )
• Channel Coverage: VHF:2-13, UHF:14-69, Cable:1-125
• Reception System: NTSC
• Connector Type: 1 x RF input – rear ¦ 1 x RF output – rear ¦ 1 x
  S-Video input ( 4 pin mini-DIN ) – rear ¦ 1 x S-Video output ( 4 pin
  mini-DIN ) – rear ¦ 1 x composite video/audio input ( RCA phono x 3 ) – rear ¦ 1 x composite video/audio output ( RCA phono x 3 ) – rear ¦ 1 x component video output ( RCA phono x 3 ) – rear ¦ 1 x SPDIF output ( RCA phono ) – rear ¦ 1 x S-Video input ( 4 pin mini-DIN ) – front ¦ 1 x composite video/audio input ( RCA phono x 3 ) – front

In the box:

• Magnavox MWR10D6 DVD Analog Recorder
• Remote
• 2 AAA Batteries
• Audio Video Cable
• Owners Manual

CONSUMER ALERT: This television receiver has only an analog broadcast tuner and will require a converter box after February 17, 2009 to receive over-the-air broadcasts with an antenna because of the U.S.’s transition to digital broadcasting. Analog-only TVs should continue to work as before with cable and satellite TV services, gaming consoles, VCRs, DVD players, and similar products. For more information, call the Federal Communications Commission at 1-888-225-5322 (TTY: 1-888-835-5322), or visit the commission’s digital-television Web site at: www.dtv.gov.

My wife, sheesh. She remembers everything. Especially the little things, like the time I came home late, or the time I lost the car in poker, or the time I left our daughter to be raised by wolves. I was trying to be a feminist! So I got a Cube Memory 4GB Micro SD with Adapter. It’ll work great with my MicroSD slot, and it’ll let me keep track of all those little things I’m supposed to be doing. I still ain’t gonna do ‘em, but at least now I’ll “know what I did”. Sheesh.

My husband. Honestly, my husband. Did you know tonight is our anniversary, and he’s off in some bar? Well, I’m glad my Cube Memory 4GB Micro SD with Adapter is here. Using the adapter, I can fit it into a Secure Digital slot. Then I can see what it would be like to be around someone with a real memory, instead of that jerk who doesn’t even care about… oh… is that…

…four gigs of photos about how much I love you? You bet it is, baby.

Oh… c’mere, you big lug.

Cube Memory 4GB Micro SD with Adapter, you’re the greatest.

Warranty: 10 Year Dane-Elec

Features:

• 4GB storage space for cell phones & mobile devices with microSD or standard Secure Digital Card slots
• Uses micro SD adapter to fit standard Secure Digital Card slots
• Standard 60X speed
• Non-volatile solid-state with no moving parts for durability & maximum battery power
• File & encryption protection

In the box:

• 4GB Cube Memory MicroSD Card
• MicroSD Card Adapter
• Jewel Case

ANTINOUS: Penelope, the time has come. You must choose a suitor.

PENELOPE: Never! I await the return of my husband, the brave Odysseus! I have kept his HP Compaq 8710P 17” Business Notebook the very way he left it!

MELANTHIUS: Penelope, see reason. No one wants a laptop like that these days. Not even that old beggar over there next to the swineherd.

PENELOPE: The one wearing strangely fashionable rags with little owl logos?

MELANTHIUS: That’s the one. Even he won’t want a HP Compaq 8710P 17” Business Notebook! Let go of your husband’s memory, to which you cling foolishly, and choose a new lover!

PENELOPE: Foolish, Melanthius? Perhaps it is you who are the fool. My husband’s HP Compaq 8710P 17” Business Notebook has an HDMI output with VGA and can easily work with an HDTV. It contains a 10/100/1000Mbps Ethernet with 802.11a/b/g Wireless LAN and 56k modem and an additional DVD RW/R, DL RW/R and CD-RW/R with lightscribe optical drive.

AGELAUS: Yes, yes, and a 160 gig hard drive he carved from an olive tree, we’ve heard all this, Penelope, at least a dozen times.

PENELOPE:
So impatient, strong Agelaus. Did you also know, then, about the full
sized keypad? Would you dare to say that your laptop has a full sized
keypad?

CTESSIPPUS: Choose a suitor, Penelope! We grow impatient!

PENELOPE: Very well, Ctessippus. I will choose. I will choose any man… who can lift my husband’s HP Compaq 8710P 17” Business Notebook!

CTESSIPPUS: What?

ELATUS: Is she nuts?

ANTINOUS: Penelope, that thing weighs like seven and a half pounds, come on.

MYSTERIOUS BEGGAR: I will try, m’lady.

PENELOPE: As you will, m’lord.

DEMOPTOLEMUS: Who said that?

CTESSIPPUS: Was that the beggar? Don’t we know that voice?

AGELAUS: Hey, doesn’t that HP Compaq 8710P 17” Business Notebook have a fingerprint scanner?

EURYMACHUS: Fellas, I think we’re in some deep crap here.

ANTINOUS:
Hey, Odysseus, we were just kidding around, you know, we all knew it
was you the whole time, man. Hey, how about we use that 5-in-1 Card
Reader to look at the photos from your trip, huh? I bet you were doing
a lot of great stuff while you were… hey, now, hang on a second with
that… um, if anybody knows where my sword went I could use a little
help here… hey… HEY ODIE CHILL OUT DUDE COME ON SERIOUSLY

Warranty: 90 Day HP

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• Intel Core 2 Duo T7100 1.8GHz processor
• 17” widescreen LCD with 1440×900 native resolution
• 1GB DDR2 667 RAM
• 160GB hard drive
• DVD RW/R, DL RW/R and CD-RW/R with lightscribe optical drive
• 6 USB 2.0 ports
• Nvidia Quadro NVS 320M video processor
• HDMI output (and VGA), easily connect to an HDTV
• Finger print scanner, no need to remember passwords
• 5-in-1 Card reader (MMC/SD/MS/MS PRO/xD)
• 10/100/1000Mbps Ethernet
• 802.11a/b/g Wireless LAN
• 56k modem
• Microsoft Windows XP Professional operating system

In the box:

• HP Compaq 8710P Business Notebook
• Battery
• Power Cable

“What happened to my DVD?”

THE CLAW!

“Hey, who broke my Beatles album?”

THE CLAW!

THE CLAW! is the new Sanyo CD/DVD Media Destroyer, designed to make any CD or DVD unreadable. The flip down catch tray holds up to twenty discs and it permanently destroys your personal or business data.

“I wanted to see those files!”

THE CLAW!

“Hey, now I don’t have any evidence!”

THE CLAW!

Automatic On/Off operation means you don’t even have to be in the room. Don’t let them find your files that prove you knew about all the terrible things you did for the past eight years. Save yourself… with THE CLAW!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Warranty

Features:

• Working Capacity: 1 CD/VCD/DVD/CD-ROM at a time
  
• Rated Input: 120V 60 Hz
  
• Rated Current: 1.5A
  
• Makes any DVD or CD unreadable
  
• Flip down catch tray holds up to 20 discs
  
• Protect your business and personal data
  
• Permanently destroys single or double-sided media (CD or DVD) in one pass
  
• Automatic ON/OFF operation
  
• Dimensions: # 7.75×5.25×4.25-inches (H x W x D, approximate)

In the box:

• Sanyo “The Claw” CD/DVD Media Destroyer
  
• Instruction Manual

I need a cup a dark caffeinated brew
Something to wake me up do you want one too
Do you want one too
If it’s just a little then I start to panic
It’s not enough I need 40oz
My coffee fix
This will help me with it

Got a great big removable tank
Makes eight servings back to back
I’ll have to pee but I won’t mind
I’ll never sleep but productivity will fly
Yeah yeah productivity will fly
Yeah yeah productivity will fly
Yeah yeah productivity will fly
Yeah yeah productivity will fly

I hope you know that this will become your home’s permanent fixture

Oh yeah
Well, in the kitchen is best
Did I happen to mention it barely makes a mess

I use Juan Juan Juan for my coffee and
Two two two also makes tea and
Three three three uses pods to brew
Four four four a great cup for you and
Five five five liquid ounces and
Six six six the spout it adjusts and
Seven seven n-n-n-n-no more fuss and
Eight eight you can make eight ounces too and
Nine nine nine have coffee you bring with you to
Ten ten ten ten anywhere anywhere anywhere anywhere

Got a great big removable tank
Makes eight servings back to back
I’ll have to pee but I won’t mind
I’ll never sleep but coffee stocks I’ll buy
Yeah yeah as the futures hit the sky
Yeah yeah drinking coffee all the time
Coffee all the time
Coffee all the time
Coffee all the time

Warranty: 1 Year Salton

Features:

• Brews one 8 or 5 ounce cup of coffee or tea at a time
• Uses coffee pods, no need to measure, and very little mess to clean up
• Universal pod holder, accommodates tea bags and most other brands of coffee pods
• Quick and convenient way to make coffee or tea
• Removable 40-oz tank for up to 8 consecutive servings without refilling
• Adjustable spout to accommodate small to tall coffee mugs

In the box:

• Juan Valdez JVPM1W Pod Coffee Maker
• Pod Holder
• Pod Chamber
• Drip Tray
• Overflow Tray
• Water Tank
• User Guide

Hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you something. Proto-Germanic,
also known as Common Germanic, is the linguistic ancestor of all modern
Germanic languages like English, Dutch, Norwegian, German, and Faroese.
How do I know? Because I use my eMachines T5234 desktop PC for one thing and one thing only: reading whatever shows up when I click “Random Article” on Wikipedia.

Sure, it can do a lot more than provide decontextualized information about what a dexamethasone suppression test is, or tell me which three fish species go by the name catalufa. I mean, this computer has a Athlon Dual Core 2.1GHz processor, a 320GB hard drive, 1024MB DDR2 memory, 16x DVD±R/RW write/read drive. Simply browsing random articles on subjects like the China-Japan Supermatches barely taxes it at all.

But hey, maybe you want more from your computing experience than just a List of Chiefs of Defence of Denmark. Maybe you want to play games, or listen to music, or watch movies on your PC. Whatever your trip, I’m sure the eMachines T5234,
with its ample storage space and decent processing guts, will do just
fine. Me, I’m happy exploring fascinating subjects like the life of
actor James Cotten and the specifics of Copyright expiration in Australia, with all the solid research and unimpeachable integrity that Wikipedia is known for. Thanks, eMachines T5234!

Warranty: 90 Day eMachines

Features:

• AMD Athlon™ 64 X2 4000+ (dual-core) 64-bit technology support with AMD64 technology 2.1GHz, 2×512KB L2 cache, 2000MHz system bus
• Windows Vista Home Premium operating system
• NVIDIA GeForce 6150SE chipset
• 1024MB 667MHz DDR2 dual-channel memory (2 × 512MB), Expandable to 2GB, 2 DDR2 slots total, 0 DDR2 slots available
• 16x DVD±R/RW Supermulti drive Up to 8.5GB with dual layer media
• Write max: 10x DVD±R, 8x DVD±R DL, 8x DVD±RW, 5x DVD-RAM, 48x CD-R, 40x CD-RW
• Read max: 16x DVD-ROM, 48x CD-ROM, 12x DVD-ROM DL
• High-performance 15-in-1 digital media card reader
• NVIDIA® GeForce® 6150SE integrated graphics Up to 128MB shared video memory PCI-Express® (PCI-E x16) slot available for upgrade
• 6-channel (5.1) high-definition audio
• 56K ITU v.92-ready Fax/Modem (RJ-11 port)
• 10/100Mbps Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 port)
• 6 – USB 2.0 ports (2 front, 4 rear)
• 1 – VGA
• 1 – Parallel port
• 2 – PS/2 ports (keyboard and mouse)
• 3 – Audio (rear): Line-in/Side (stereo), Front/Headphone (stereo), Microphone
• 2 – Audio (front): Microphone, Front/Headphone (stereo)
• 1 – RJ-45 Ethernet port
• 1 – RJ-11 Modem port
• Dimensions: 14.5”H x 7.2”W x 16.1”D

When you want to play video games on your computer, you expect things
will be a little different. You’ll be using key commands or maybe the
mouse. Well, with the Saitek P2900 Wireless First Person Shooter Gamepad, you’ll still be doing those things… or at least the computer will think you are! The P2900
mimics your mouse and keyboard, so you can wirelessly enjoy the console
feel at your beloved desktop or laptop. And, because Saitek knows you
aren’t the outdoor type, a AA battery is included. All you’ll need to
do is open the door. We know, we’re sorry about that. Maybe get a
friend to watch over you while you’re afk.

Warranty: 2 Year Saitek

Features:

• Wireless game pad, works up to 10 meters away from the transmitter
• Compatible with first person shooters, even if a game does not support gamepads
• Works with any game
• 4 quick-fire shoulder triggers
• 8-way d-pad
• 6 responsive buttons
• 2 analog joysticks
• FPS gaming button; instant configuration for first person games
• Fully programmable

System Requirements:

• Windows 2000, XP, XP64, Vista, Vista64
• USB Port

Vista drivers are not included on the CD, but it can be downloaded here

In the box:

• Saitek P2900 Wireless First Person Shooter Gamepad
• USB Transceiver
• 1 AA Battery

Buddy Rich. John Bonham. Topper Headon. These are just a few of the many drumming legends who wouldn’t be caught dead with the MiJam Drummer Drumsticks for iPod/MP3 Player. The manufacturer says “A unique feature of the MiJam Drummer drumsticks is that they allow you be the drummer!”, but we kinda thought that was true of pretty much every drumstick. Even calling them “drumsticks” seems like a stretch, since they’d probably fall apart if you ever hit some drums with them.

We suppose giving these to your kid, and letting him wave them around in the air and listen to the beats on his headphones, is probably preferable to buying him an expensive drum kit that’s going to annoy the hell out of you for six months and collect dust for ten years. The MiJam Drummer Drumsticks for iPod/MP3 Player will probably help your little Neal Peart develop some sense of rhythm and manual dexterity, and blow off some of that boundless childhood energy. But it’s not the way to Carnegie Hall.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Warranty

Features:

• Motion activated drumsticks
• Functions with any digital music device, such as iPod and MP3 player, and even with stereo players and personal computers
• Volume Control
• Programmed rhythm backgrounds
• Tempo Control
• Ergonomically styled drumsticks
• Simulates a full Drum Kit
• Fill in sound feature
• Standalone and interactive mode
• Easy to use and set up
• Requires two (2) AAA batteries (not included)

In the box:

• mi Jam Drummer
• Instruction sheet

Hey, Greg-Dog, how they shakin’? You, good buddy, are the lucky
recipient of a coveted invitation to my 2nd Annual Holiday Indoor
Bar-B-Q! We’re gonna throw all kinds of meat on the grill, from steaks
and ribs to ostrich burgers and gopher fillets. What? Oh, you know, it
tastes like chicken. Plus, a special live performance by my buddy
Looch’s band, the Nitro-Burning Pitbulls of Blues, a wet Santa suit
costume, and unlimited Nog ‘n’ Jack shots all night long! Listen, do
you have an extra-small Santa suit, because we hired this midget -

What?
Aw, you still moaning about that? Look, man, you can’t make an omelet
without breaking a few eggs. And you can’t have an indoor bar-b-q
without singeing a few eyebrows. Anyway, it don’t matter, ‘cause I
learned my lesson. This year, instead of setting charcoal on fire,
we’re firing up my Breville 800GRXL Indoor BBQ
& Grill. It’s a die-cast, non-stick grill that opens up flat for
easy Q-ing. And actually, we got three of those puppies just waiting to
start sizzling. No, no, not three real puppies – I meant three grills.
You ever seen three Breville 800GRXL units lined up, all full of meat
cooking, all that grease sliding down into the drip tray so we can use
it later? It’s a beautiful thing, man.

So I can count on
you, right, Greg-Dog? Right on, brother. Oh, and hey, listen: leave the
baby at home. Looch’s band has a couple of real pitbulls up on stage,
and they been known to be a little snippy around the young ones. Later!

Warranty: 90 Day Breville

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

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Features:

• Die-cast professional grill converts from a closed contact grill to an open BBQ grill
• Non-stick plates, ribbed on top, and flat bottom makes it versatile enough to prepare breakfast to midnight snacks
• Dual plates enables you to cook everything from eggs to steak all at the same time, in one convenient spot
• Adjustable
  height control gives you precise control over where the top place is
  positioned for everything from Panini sandwiches to delicate fish
• Grill
  lock mechanism holds the top place in a secure, upright position when
  loading and unloading; no danger of the top plate falling backwards
  onto the countertop
• Extra large drip tray, that is also dishwasher safe
• Stainless steel body and the die-cast arm is ultra durabl