The Barska 10×50 Colorado Binoculars are probably the most powerful
binoculars we have ever offered. The multi-coated optics allow for
crisp, clear images, and the wide angle means a focus of view that can
allow us to see, in perfect clarity, your momma.

You see,
your momma’s so fat that she sweats ranch dressing, and that’s the sort
of fat other people want to laugh at. The Barska 10×50 Colorado
Binoculars will let strangers gawk at your momma from a safe distance,
where they can note that your momma is so ugly she made David Lynch say
“Wow, too much”.

The Barska 10×50 Colorado Binoculars also
have rugged and durable shock absorbing rubber armor with a non-slip
grip. This means that lots of people will have their hands on the
Barska 10×50 Colorado Binoculars as they pass them around, and in that
way, they continue to be just like your momma. Except if someone drops
the Barska 10×50 Colorado Binoculars , they’d feel bad.

Why
stay at home crying about your momma, who is so stupid she bought a
solar powered flashlight? Trust us, we know, we sold it to her.
Instead, get the Barska 10×50 Colorado Binoculars, and celebrate the
great outdoors. Just stay upwind of your momma. She stinks so bad they
asked her to leave a comic book store.

Warranty: 90 Day Barska

Features:

• Porro prism binoculars
• Center focusing system
• Wide angle provieds a wider field-of-view
• Multi-coated optics for crisp and clear images
• Rugged and durable shock absorbing rubber armor
• Ergonomic design with non-slip grip
• Great for hiking, astronomical viewing, bird watching, racing events, sporting events, or general use

Specifications:

• Magnification: 10X
• Objective Lens: 50mm
• Field of View: 367 ft. @ 1000 yards / 122 meters at 1000 yards
• Close Focus: 19.7 feet / 6 meters
• Prism Glass: BK-7
• Exit Pupil: 4mm

In the box:

• Barska BP126 10×50 Colorado Binoculars
• 4 Lens Covers
• Carrying Case
• Neck Strap
• Cleaning Cloth

Some say the refurbished eMachines T5226 3.0Ghz/1GB/250GB
Desktop PC would have no honor. But the House of Intel Pentium D is a
long and honored one. It is a house filled with warriors! With
champions! The eMachines T5226 3.0Ghz/1GB/250GB Desktop PC will pledge its 1024 DDR2 memory to your cause. And then, when you die before overwhelming odds, your DVD±RW 16x Multiformat Dual-Layer Optical Drive can burn discs in Stovokor! K’PLAH!

Warranty: 90 Day eMachines

Features:

• Intel® Pentium® D Processor 925 (Dual-Core) 64-bit processor with Intel® EM64T Technology, Each core operates at 3.0GHz, 2×2MB L2 Cache, 800MHz FSB
• Windows Vista Home Premium
• Intel 945G chipset
• 1024MB DDR2 Memory, Dual-Channel Capable (2 × 512MB), 533MHz (PC4200) Expandable to 2GB 2 DDR2 Slots (Total), 0 DDR2 Slot (Available)
• 250GB SATA II (7200rpm, 8MB Cache)
• DVD±RW 16x Multiformat Dual-Layer Optical Drive Up to 8.5GB with Dual-Layer Media
• Write max: 16x DVD±R, 6x DVD-RW, 8x DVD+RW, 4x DVD+R DL, 40x CD-R, 24x CD-RW
• Read max: 16x DVD-ROM, 40x CD-ROM
• Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950 Up to 224MB Shared Video Memory PCI-Express® (PCI-E x16) slot available for upgrade
• 6-Channel (5.1) High-Definition Audio
• 56K ITU v.92-ready Fax/Modem (RJ-11 port)
• Intel 10/100Mbps Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 port)
• 6 – USB 2.0 Ports (2 Front, 4 Rear)
• 1 – VGA
• 1 – Parallel port
• 1 – Serial port
• 2 – PS/2 ports (keyboard and mouse)
• 3 – Audio (rear): Line-in/Side (Stereo), Front/Headphone (Stereo), Microphone
• 2 – Audio (Front): Microphone, Front/Headphone (Stereo)
• 1 – RJ-45 Ethernet port
• 1 – RJ-11 Modem port
• Dimensions: 14.50”H x 7.25”W x 16.50”D
• Weight: 21.2 lbs

Otto is a pretty great name, that’s for sure. It’s a palindrome, for
one thing, so it looks good coming or going. It’s spelled with only two
different letters, which makes it super fast and easy to type, and it
looks like an emoticon for a hot-rod funny car or the human foot. Six
Nobel Prize winners were named Otto, and two more had it as a middle
name. That has to be a record, but we’re not going to look it up.

The
name “Otto” on almost anything is probably enough to get us to buy it.
Like these gamer headsets—we didn’t know anything about their neodymium
speakers and the sweet bass response they give you. We gave no thought
to their noise-canceling microphone, which filters out background noise
to improve voice recognition. Nah, we were just like “Otto! That’s an
awesome name. Let’s either buy a bunch of these or else get a dog who
can live at the office and call him ‘Otto.’”

And then like
four people on staff turned out to have crippling cynophobia, so we got
the headphones. Good thing they’re reasonably nice, or we’d be stuck
with them permanently, like we were with the Barton Gomez brand scented
candles we bought. They turned out to be toxic when burned. But “Barton
Gomez,” isn’t that a cool name?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Neodymium speakers deliver maximum bass response
• Noise-canceling microphone filters out background noise for superior voice recognition
• Large comfortable ear pads block out background noise
• USB plug-and-play, no need for power adapter or batteries

Specifications:

• (Speakers) Frequency Response: 20Hz-20KHz
• Headphone Sensitivity:96dB
• Impedance: 32 Ohms
• (Microphone) Sensitivity (at 1KHZ): -40dB
• Signal to Noise Ratio: Better than 58dB@1KHz

In the box:

• Otto VUS-1002 OT-8 Gamer Headset with Boom Mic

The Kingston 4GB Mini SD High Capacity with Adapter is a teeny weeny Mini SDHC card that takes over the Mini SD Adapter
and uses it for whatever it wants. Like one of those wasps that
controls a spider’s brain. When in place, the Kingston 4GB Mini SD High Capacity with Adapter can be used as a simple memory card, but beware… it might be trying to control YOU next!

Warranty: Lifetime Kingston

Features:

• Compliant: with the SD Specification Version 2.00
• Secure: built-in write-protect switch (on adapter) prevents accidental data loss
• Compatible: with miniSDHC host devices; not compatible with standard miniSD-enabled devices/readers
• Versatile: when combined with the adapter, can be used as a full-size SDHC card
• Simple: as easy as plug-and-play
• Dimensions: 0.84” x 0.78” x 0.05” (21.5 mm x 20.0 mm x 1.4 mm)
• High-Speed Class Rating Class 4: 4MB/sec. minimum data transfer rate
• Operating temperatures: -13 F to 185 F (-25 C to 85 C)
• Storage temperatures: -40 F to 185 F (-40 C to 85 C)
• Voltage — 3.3v

In the box:

• Kingston SDM4/4GB Mini SD High Capacity
• Adapter

If the Polaroid i533 5MP 3x Optical/4x Digital Zoom Camera was a movie, it would be “KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park”. Because there is a lot to love here, the AVI with Audio, the 16:9 mode, the way it shoots in JPEG and TIFF, even the included batteries. But you just can’t shake the feeling that the Polaroid i533 5MP 3x Optical/4x Digital Zoom Camera wasn’t a labor of love, and was instead made by a team of lawyers to fulfill some sort of obligation. But if you’re just looking for a way to kill a Sunday, you could do a lot worse.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Silver color
• 1/2.5-inch CCD sensor
• 5.0 megapixel resolution
• 2.5-inch bright color TFT LCD
• 3x optical zoom
• 4x digital zoom
• Takes AVI video clips with audio
• Audio tag lets you tag audio to any image
• AV output
• Image compression in JPEG (EXIF 2.2), DCF, DPOF, AVI, TIFF
• PictBridge compatible
• 16 MB built-in storage
• Secure Digital (SD) compatible for expanded memory
• Mechanical shutter 1/2000 sec ~ 8 sec
• -/+ 2.0 EV in 0.3 increments
• Ultra red-eye reduction
• 16:9 mode
• Ten scene modes for customized images
• 2-second, 10-second and double self timer
• Tripod socket on bottom of camera
• PC & Mac compatible
• Operates on two (2) AA batteries (included)

Lens Features:

• f/2.8 to f/5.6 aperture range
• 6.2 ~ 18.6 mm focal length
• 2.6-feet to infinity normal focus distance
• 0.5-feet to 3.28-feet wide angle macro focus distance
• 1.3-feet to 3.2-feet telephoto focus distance

ISO Speed:

• Auto
• 50
• 100
• 200
• 400

White Balance Modes:

• Auto
• Daylight
• Cloudy
• Tungsten
• Flourescent-H
• Flourescent-L
• Custom

Flash Modes:

• Auto
• Red-eye reduction
• Fill
• Off
• Dimensions: 3.5×2.5×1-inches (W x H x D, approximate)

In the box:

• Polaroid i533 5 MP 3x Optical/4x Digital Zoom Camera
• USB cable
• Wrist strap
• A/V cable
• Two (2) AA batteris
• User guide
• Quick start guide
• Software CD

Terrible bother lately with the markets, wouldn’t you say? We’ve had
to divest ourselves of some holdings to make up for a spot of loss here
and there. I never much liked the Bentley anyhow, and I do rather enjoy
ringing the bell on the converted ice-cream truck we bought to replace
it. Old Martha, our maid, was given her leave in favor of a Roomba.
Safe to say it was not an amicable parting. I’d have thought she’d be
more grateful for the 35 years we kept her on. Oh, and the Gulfstream
has been sold to a gentleman from Atlanta who has evidently recorded
rather a successful pop song about big butts.

But one
mustn’t grumble. Don’t shed a tear for us, as His Excellency Paul
Carrack might say. We’re still flying high, for which credit must be
given to the Hawk “Apache” Double Prop R/C Helicopter. A ceiling of 20
meters may not sound like much, but that’s quite respectable for a
radio-controlled aircraft. It responds promptly and completely to our
commands, as any good servant should, moving forwards, backwards, up
and down. Alas, I can’t show it to you right now, as it’s out to the
body shop having the family crest painted on its tail.

Oh,
what a bore I must be. At any rate, we’d be delighted if you and the
family could accompany us for an evening at the theater. They’re
putting on Made of Honor at the discount house, and I’ve heard that you
can get two tickets for the price of one with a coupon in this week’s
Truck & Boat Trader. I do enjoy the finer things, stock markets be
damned.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Full Function Remote Control - Forward, Up and Down, Left and Right.
• Flies over 20M High
• Electric 180rpm Motor
• Fully Assembled, Ready To Fly Out Of The Box
• Removable Replaceable Blades (Includes Four Replacement Blades – Two “A” and Two “B”)
• Flashing Blue/Red LED Lights Mounted on the Sides of the Fuselage
• Rubber Rolling Wheels
• Rechargeable Ni-MH 8.4V 350mAh Battery Pack for Helicopter
• 27
  MHz Remote Control with Accelerator Lever Stick, Steering Control Lever
  Stick, On/Off Switch, Telescoping Antenna and Sliding Fine Adjustment
  Controls
• Remote requires Eight AA Batteries – Not Included
• Fuselage Length: 4 Inches
• Fuselage Width: 2 Inches
• Fuselage Height: 2 1/2 Inches
• Overall Length: 15 Inches
• Overall Height (Including Rotors): 7 Inches
• Coaxial (Double) Blade System with Weighted Overhead Stabilizer
• Single Blade Length: 6 Inches
• Overall Rotor Length: 13 1/2 Inches
• Gun and Missile Turret Width: 5 1/2 Inches

In the box:

• Helicopter with Coaxial Rotor
• Rechargeable Ni-MH 8.4V 350mAh Battery Pack
• Remote Control and Telescoping Antenna (Batteries Not Included)
• AC Adapter
• One Set of “A” and One Set of “B” Replacement Blades

You’ve got dreams. Despite it all, you’ve got dreams. And they certainly never involved sitting in this cubicle, under these flourescent lights, in this soulless office park. But you can’t just drop everything and run off to Hollywood, or truck-driving school, or the jungles of Costa Rica. Nobody walks away from a sure thing to chase some crazy, beautiful scheme. Do they?

Laura Zahtila did. After working for big high-tech firms like Cisco, she jumped out of her promising tech career in midstream to throw her life savings into a run-down winery in the Napa Valley. She’s worn more hats than the marquee section at Churchill Downs on Derby day, from sourcing grapes to collecting soil samples. She can crush, pump, rack, and bottle. Her boutique wines have scored gold medals up and down the West Coast. And she’s never had to punch a clock.

You can taste the passion and the hard work – and the freedom – in every drop of this Laura Zahtila Vineyards 2004 Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon. With all the intensity and depth that put Napa Cabs on the map, this purple people-pleaser delivers aromas of raspberry and plum spiced with toasty vanilla. Earth tones and integrated tannins pile up on the palate in delicate layers. Don’t be fooled by Laura Zahtila’s current unsavory association with Wine.Woot. Judging by this wine, she’s done pretty well for herself since leaving Silicon Valley.

Still, there must be moments when Laura wonders. When she thinks about all she gave up when she walked away from that steady paycheck and those fixed hours and those stock options. When she feels the slightest twinge of regret.

Yeah, right.

04 Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon

• Appellation: Napa Valley
• Varietal: 100% Cabernet Sauvignon
• Harvest Date: October 5, 2004
• Brix at Harvest: 25.8
• Alcohol: 15.1
• TA: .55
• pH: 3.79
• Cooperage: 100% French Oak, (30% new) 20 months
• Production: 1031 cases

I was practically born with a Gyration GyroTransport Air Mouse in my
hand. Where I come from, if you can’t sling a mean presentation, you
get slung. If you can’t slice and fillet the other guy with a few
vicious strokes of your RF blade, you wind up on the menu. And when
another mouse-slinger throws down the gauntlet, forget about running
home to get the CD-ROM with your PowerPoint moves on it. You gotta be
ready to present any minute, any second, anywhere, so you need that
included 1GB flash drive and 100-foot range like a rummy needs a
bottle. You better have a steady, fast 2.4GHz RF connection, and you
better know what to do with it – a moment’s hesitation could cost you
your life. That’s where I’m from. Thank God I got out of there. I mean,
come on, duelling with the Gyration GyroTransport Air Mouse? Talking
PowerPoint smack? How stupid is that?

Warranty: One year Gyration

Features:

• Innovative gyroscopic motion-sensing technology for in-air navigation and cursor control
• Built-in 1GB Flash Memory with auto launch – Take your data anywhere
• 2.4 GHz RF technology – up to 100-foot range for cordless freedom and remote control
• GyroTools Software – Gives you greater control over your digital media, and presentations
• 2 button mouse with durable loop for key chain attachment
• Swipes feature Let’s you open web pages, scroll down menus, and navigate with just a flick of a wrist.
• Gives
  you freedom to move around during your presentation. You don’t have to
  aim the GyroTransport at your monitor to control the mouse.

In the box:

• GyroTransport Pro Air Mouse Controller
• 1GB USB Flash Drive and RF Receiver
• 1 AAA Battery
• Users Manual

Look, Pete, I know we’ve had our differences. If I had it to do over
again, I probably wouldn’t release those stinging ants in your car. And
for your part, well, I’m sure you realize that it was a total jerk move
to wear that orange shirt after I’ve told you over and over how much I
hate it. But this has to stop. I’m ready to be the bigger man and reach
out for reconciliation, as soon as you buy me an InFocus X2 Projector.

It would be more than a nice gesture. Giving me that 800×600 DLP
projector would be like you saying, to me, “I’m sorry I left my credit
card sticking out of my jacket pocket where you couldn’t help but be
tempted to steal it.” You wouldn’t even have to come out and apologize
for ratting me out to the cops afterwards. It would be implied. And we
could put that whole ugly incident behind us.

By the way,
how is your wife doing? Well, that’s good. I know things were
touch-and-go for a few months there. Yeah, spraying those caustic
industrial solvents into her face was probably a mistake. But in my
defense, I thought she was you. I mean, all I saw in the darkness was
somebody getting out of your car. And it’s not like she has the most
voluptuous feminine build in the world, you know? You really should
change that lightbulb in your garage so nothing like this ever happens
again.

But I won’t have to change the bulb in that InFocus X2 Projector
very often. It lasts 3,000 hours in low-power mode! Really, after all
that’s passed between us, it would mean a lot to me if you gave me an
inappropriately expensive gift like that. Nothing puts me in a more
forgiving mood than a 100-inch, 1700-lumen SVGA video image. With the InFocus X2 Projector
letting me know you’re serious about burying the hatchet, I’d be ready
to set aside my grievances, release your cats, and let the healing
begin.

Warranty: 90 Day InFocus

Features:

• 4:3 format DLP chip in 800×600 resolution
• A four-segment, 2x speed color wheel, and a manual zoom and focus with a 1.2x magnification
• Multipurpose projector can give you a bright, 100-inch diagonal 4:3 image in a range of about 12 to 15 feet
• 2000:1 contrast ratio that offers superb imaging for home video or gaming
• ANSI lumen output is rated at 1600 at full-power and 1100 in low-lamp—and, therefore, lower fan noise—mode
• 200-watt lamp fills your screen with 1700 lumens, and in low-power mode it will give you 3,000 hours of use
• Maximum projection of 32.3 feet, with at least five feet needed on the lower end
• Inputs include one M1-DA port that takes computer RGB, DVI, and HDTV; one S-video port; and one composite video jack
• Compatible with DVI, HDTV 1080i, 720p, 480p, and computer resolutions up to XGA (1024×768)
• You can project NTSC, PAL, or SECAM standard videos from the rear or front
• Built-in 2.5 watt speaker, you won’t need to drag extra speakers with you for you presentations.

Display Specifications:

• Native Aspect Ratio: 4×3
• Supported Aspect Ratio: 16:9, 4:3
• Brightness: (max ANSI lumens)High Bright: 1700 Lumens, Eco Mode: 1100 Lumens
• Contrast Ratio: 2000 : 1 Full On/Full Off
• Display Technology: DLP by Texas Instruments: 0.55” SVGA DDR DMD
• Data Compatibility: VGA (640×480), SVGA (800×600), XGA (1024×768)
• Video Compatibility: Full NTSC, PAL, SECAM, 480p, 576p, 720p, 1080i
• Color Wheel (DLP Only): 4-segment, 2-speed
• Native Resolution: SVGA
• Projector Placement: Front Projection, Rear Projection, Ceiling Projection
• SMPTE Brightness: Not Available
• Lamp Wattage: High Bright: 200 Watts, Eco Mode: 160 Watts
• Lamp Life: High Bright: 4000 Hours
• Minimum Image Size: 2.7 ft (0.82 m)
• Maximum Image Size: 21.6 ft (6.58 m)
• Standard Lens Zoom: 1.2 : 1
• Standard Lens Throw Ratio: 1.89 – 2.27 (Distance/Width)
• Standard Lens Image Offset Ratio: 112.2% (4:3) / 132.9% (16:9)
• Standard Lens Projection Distance: 6.4 – 32.8 ft (1.95 – 10 m)
• Digital Keystone Correction (Vertical): +/- 10°
• Digital Keystone Correction (Horizontal): Not Available
• Lens Shift: Not Available

Inputs and Outputs:

• DVI: Number of Inputs: 0 Requires M1 to DVI cable
• M1: Number of Inputs: 1 Accepts VGA and DVI with M1 cable
• HDMI: Not Available
• BNC: Not Available
• Component (RCA): Number of Inputs: 0 Requires M1 to Component adapter
• VESA (HD15): Number of Inputs: 0 Requires M1 to VESA cable
• S-Video: Number of Inputs: 1 4-pin DIN, no progressive support
• Composite (RCA): Number of Inputs: 1
• Standard Definition TV: Composite RCA, S-Video
• Enhanced Definition TV: M1-DA
• High Definition TV: M1-DA
• Computer: M1-DA
• HDCP Support: Yes
• Stereo RCA Jacks Inputs: Yes
• Stereo 3.5 mm Mini-jack Inputs: Yes
• 12v trigger for motorized screens (3.5 mm mini-jack): Yes
• Projector Control: Projector Keypad, Remote
• Speakers: 2.5 Watt mono speaker
• Monitor Output: Yes
• Audio Output: Not Available

Compatibility:

• Data Compatibility: VGA (640×480), SVGA (800×600), XGA (1024×768)
• H-Sync Range: 31.5 – 80kHz
• V-Sync Range: 50 – 85Hz
• Video Compatibility: Full NTSC, PAL, SECAM, 480p, 576p, 720p, 1080i

General:

• Audible Noise: 39 dB
• Actual Dimensions: Height: 8 in (20.32 cm) Length: 20 in (50.8 cm) Width: 14 in (35.56 cm)
• Actual Weight: 6.8 lbs (3.08 kg)
• Shipping Dimensions: Height: 8 in (20.32 cm) Length: 20 in (50.8 cm) Width: 14 in (35.56 cm)
• Shipping Weight: 11 lbs (4.99 kg)
• Operating temperature: (at sea level) 41 – 104° F (5 – 40° C)
• Maximum Altitude Supported: 10000 ft (3048 m)
• Typical Power Consumption: 350 Watts
• Maximum Power Consumption: 360 Watts
• Power Supply: 100 – 240 Volts at 50 – 60 Hz
• Menu
  Languages: English, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Korean,
  Portuguese, Russian, Spanish, Simplified Chinese, Norwegian,
  Traditional Chinese
• Approvals: UL, c-UL, TUV GS, CE, GOST, C-Tick, NOM, IRAM, FCC B, CISPR22 /EN55022, EN 55024

I thought it was just an idle way to pass the time. And God knows
I’ve had a lot of time on my hands since the accident. So I didn’t see
any harm in rolling my wheelchair over to the rear window and watching
the comings and goings of my neighbors with my Yukon YK11001 8×21 Mini Spotting Scope.

But I never imagined what I would see.

It
was about three in the morning. I’d just clicked off some judge show
when I noticed a kerfuffle of activity across the alley – or was it a
hubbub? I picked up my Yukon YK11001 to see,
my fingers settling into the comfortable molded rubber grip. And what I
saw chilled me to the bones. A stocky man, his face obscured by the
brim of a hat worn low, emerged from a backyard gate. He struggled with
a large burlap sack on his shoulder. Looking up the alley, then down,
he progressed to a dumpster, satisfied nobody was watching. How could
he have known I saw it all through the Yukon’s 21mm, 8x lens?

With
the large, heavy parcel still precarious on one shoulder, his struggles
with the dumpster lid would have been comic in other circumstances.
Finally he managed to hold it open with one hand and heave the burden
into the opening. But there was a problem: the bag was too big. The lid
couldn’t close. He shoved and jostled and tugged, and just before he
finally managed to cram the bundle under the lid, I saw the detail that
elevated the scene from curious to larcenous.

From the bag’s open top spilled – could it be? It could! – a clot of fallen leaves. Even though the dumpster was clearly marked NO YARD WASTE.

As
I was lowering my jaw in recognition of the enormity of the crime
before me, the man stopped. He turned. For no reason I could tell, he
seemed to look right at me. Did he? Did he know…I knew? he held the
gaze a moment. Even through the Yukon YK11001,
I could glean no meaning from his inscrutable expression. Then he
turned crisply away and went back through the gate and into the house.

Later
that morning, as the porters rolled me up the special ramp onto the
train, I tried to tell myself it was just a coincidence. There was no
way he could’ve seen me up there in my darkened room. No way he
could’ve really known. But then, there was no way I could really know
that there’s no way he could’ve really known. Before I vanished down a
rabbit-hole of circular semantics, I had to leave town. The train
whistled and chugged out of the station. And I thought of the one thing
I’d left behind in the apartment: my Yukon YK11001 8×21
Mini Spotting Scope. It had served me well. But it was past time to
find a new pastime. Nobody ever got bumped off for playing Sudoku.

Warranty: Limited Lifetime Warranty

Features:

• Fits
  into the palm of your hand, is easily portable and can be stored in
  most any pocket, backpack, glove compartment or golf bag
• Molded rubber finger grips ensure no-slip handling and a comfortable grip
• Rubber housing also acts as an extra layer of protection against minor jostles and bumps
• The crisp, fully coated optics guarantee a clear, distortion-free view of anything and everything in your field of view

Specifications:

• Objective lens (mm): 21
• Magnification (x): 8
• Eye relief (mm): 10
• Exit pupil diameter (mm): 2.63
• Field of view, @ 1000 m (m): 131
• Close focus (m): 3
• Prism system: roof
• Prism type: BAK-7
• Focus system: eyepiece
• Eyecup: fold down
• Coating: fully coated
• Waterproof: no
• Fogproof: no
• Adapt to tripod: no
• Dimensions (mm): 95.3×31.8×31.8
• Weight (g): 79.4

With the escalating cost of… uh, just about everything except stock
you own—it’s natural to look for ways to save money. Here’s a helpful
cash conservation tip: Instead of shelling out big green at the local
cineplex, recreate the moviegoing experience in your own den, with
Doral Designs’s high-quality red-colored popcorn maker!

Equipped
with a 1400-watt air popper, this kernel-’sploder can serve up 18
ounces of hot popped corn at a time. A-maize-ing! (Sorry.)

For
additional verisimilitude, sit way off to one side of your TV screen so
the picture looks all distorted. Also, have your friends over!
Especially if some of your friends are teenagers who can’t stop making
out, jerkwads who take multiple phone calls during the film, and babies
who will NOT. STOP. SHRIEKING.

See?
Just like the thee-atre! And we saved you the price of a movie ticket!
Here, we’ll do it again: Anne Hathaway does not remove her shirt in Get Smart.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot

Features:

• A new idea in traditional theater and party design!
• Uses high powered air popper (1400W) with large capacity popping chamber
• Unit capacity of 500g / 18oz popped corn
• Retractable no-spill serving door
• Includes popcorn scoop
• Keep warm function with lighted ON/OFF button
• Non-slip rubber feet

Specifications

• 120v ~ 60Hz or 230v ~ 50Hz 1400W
• Unit dimensions: 9.9” x 11.8” x 20.5”
• Unit weight 19.85 lbs

In the box:

• Doral Designs Popcorn Maker
• Scoop
• 3 Popcorn Buckets

Rachel flung the cellphone across her bedroom. She was inconsolable.
The thunderstorm outside seemed to spring from deep inside her. 20
minutes on the phone, with her dropping hints all over the place, and
Jerry never once mentioned the occasion. How could he forget that it
had been a year today since they’d first kissed? She’d never forget
anything about that enchanted moment in the office copy room, the
fateful kiss that turned them from co-workers into lovers. So how could
he forget it all?

Through her sobs and the pounding of the
rain, she thought she heard a faint whirring, or buzzing, or clicking
sound. Now she was sure. And then she heard her name: “Rachel!
Raaa-chel!” She stopped crying and threw open the window. There was
Jerry, down in the yard below her window, holding aloft the HP Officejet Pro L7680 Color All-in-One Printer, Fax, Scanner, & Copier, totally oblivious to the rain pelting him and running off of the HP Officejet Pro L7680 in great rivulets.

“Rachel! I didn’t forget! I brought you this HP Officejet Pro L7680 Color All-in-One Printer, Fax, Scanner, & Copier, just like the one we kissed over!”

“Oh, Jerry!” Her heart leapt. And not just because the HP Officejet Pro L7680
offers high-grade color and b&w printing, hi-res scanning, up to
125 stored faxes, and full copying features including reduction and
enlargement, all in one compact unit.

“Right now I’m scanning the first love letter you ever sent to me, so I can -” A bright blue spark and a loud BZZZZT cut him off. Jerry wavered and fell, the HP Officejet Pro L7680
tumbling from his grasp, falling to the mud, and breaking into pieces
with an ugly crunch. The rain had electrocuted him. He’d ignored every
warning, every bit of common sense, to deliver this message of love and
convenience. As Rachel dashed downstairs to help him, her terror was
tinged with a bittersweet joy: if anything serious had happened to
Jerry, at least she’d know he hadn’t forgotten.

Warranty: 1 Year HP

Features:

• Professional quality color, 12ppm black and 10 ppm color in laser quality
• 35 ppm black and 34 ppm color maximum print speed
• Replaceable print heads
• 8.5×14 inch maximum scan size at 2400×4800 dpi
• Reduce or enlarge documents from 25% to 400% from their original size
• Stores up to 125 faxed in memory, even when powered off
• 2.4 inch color display
• Built in Ethernet networking
• Memory card compatibility
• 250 sheet paper tray, 50 sheet automatic document feeder, and automatic two-sided printing
• Scan and store directly to memory devices or network folders with Direct Digital Filing

Specifications:

In the box:

• HP Officejet Pro L7680
• Power Cable
• Ethernet Cable
• Phone Cable
• Duplexer
• Bezel
• Yellow 9ml C9388A Ink Cartridge
• Magenta 9ml C9387A Ink Cartridge
• Cyan 9ml C9386A Ink Cartridge
• Black 20.5ml C9385S Ink Cartridge
• Black/Yellow Print Head C9381A
• Magenta/Cyan Print Head C9382A
• Installation CD

Sonny Justice spun the LG W2600H-PF 26” LCD Monitor a full 360 degrees in anger. Juan Crimea shrugged his shoulders.

“What can I say, Sonny? Maybe it’s the screen?”

“The
screen?” Sonny pointed in shock. “That screen’s got 1920×1200 native
resolution, Juan, it ain’t the damn screen. It’s you, Juan. It’s you.
How’d they get ya? Huh? Money? Women? They got something on you?”

“Hey, Sonny, I’m trying to help you out, but I gotta say, I didn’t see a photo that looked like…”

Sonny grabbed Juan by the shoulders. “So what? So I should get more photos? I should use the four built in USB
ports to plug in my mouse and keyboard and let you check out everything
in the database? It ain’t gonna get any clearer than 1920×1200, Juan,
and this computer of mine doesn’t get any more modern! It ain’t the
drivers and it ain’t the screen. It’s you, Juan! It’s you!”

Tubbs Purebottom was quietly standing in the door, as though from nowhere. “We okay, Sonny?” he asked his partner.

“Yeah, Tubbs, yeah. We’re okay. Get this guy outta my sight before he ruins my LG W2600H-PF 26” LCD Monitor.”

“Sorry,
Sonny. Maybe next time, yeah?” Juan Crimea left the room. Sonny cursed
under his breath. Then he sat, and tried to think of what he could do
next. He did not feel successful.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• 26” LCD monitor with 1920×1200 native resolution and 5ms response time
• Supports full 1080p HD and has a 16:10 aspect ratio
• 300 cd/m2 Brightness with 170° Viewing Angle and a fully articulating stand
• Wide color gamut reproduces a broader and accurate range of color, great for photo and video editing
• Utilizes the FLATRON f-ENGINE™ that adjusts the contrast and brightness independently of each other
• Certified for Windows Vista, and also Macintosh compatible
• 4 convenient USB ports, with VGA and DVI video connections
• Touch sensitive power button with 360 degree rotating base and wire guide

Specifications:

In the box:

• LG W2600H-PF 26” LCD Widescreen Monitor
• VGA Cable
• Power Cable
• Base

They don’t make night elf costumes in 9XL. So you’re going to have to
sew your own. First, you need some shiny thread and some shimmering
cloth. And then you need a Singer 7426 120 Stitch Sewing Machine. The
70 stitch functions will make even the most serious of power gamers
want to try. The Top Drop-in Bobbin loads from the top, so it’s easy to
use. And don’t worry, because you’ll be able to work those decorative
stitches like a level 80 tailor. All you’ll have to worry about after
that is the screams of the people who run into you while you’re dressed
as a 9XL night elf. Seriously. Just do one push up a day. Just one. If
you want to wear that costume at least make an effort.

Warranty: Limited 25 Year on Machine Head, Limited 5 Year on Motor, Light, Assembly, Wiring, Switches, Speed Control, Electronic Components Limited 1 Year Adjustyments, Belts, Rings, Bulbs, and Attachments

Features:

• Heavy-Duty Aluminum Frame
• Electronic Stitch Formation
• 70 Stitch Functions
  Automatic Optimum Stitch Settings for length, width, balance, pressure, and tension.
  Pushbutton Stitch Selection – With just a simple push of a button you
  have selected the stitch and the optimum settings for length, width,
  balance, pressure and tension.
• 3 Styles of 1-Step Buttonholes
• Top
  Drop-In Bobbin – The bobbin loads from the top, so it’s easy to insert
  the bobbin and easy to monitor the bobbin thread supply.
• Automatic Bobbin Winding
• Auto Tension – This system ensures stable stitch quality, whatever type of fabric is being used.
• Lock
  Function on Decorative Stitches – Tie-off decorative stitches with just
  a push of a button. Reinforcing the end of the stitch ensures quality
  stitching and avoids raveling.
• 13 Needle Positions –
  Needle position can be changed for individual projects, such as
  inserting zippers or cording and topstitching.
• Long-Lasting LED Light
  – The lamp illuminates the sewing surface for optimal viewing. The
  long-lasting bulb (100,000 hours) stays cool, regardless how long the
  machine is operated.
• Snap-On Presser Feet
• Free-Arm
• On Board Storage
• Adjustable Stitch Length and Width
• Electronic Twin Needle Control

In the box:

• Singer 7426 Sewing Machine
• Power Cable
• Extension Table
• Seam Ripper / Brush Combination Tool
• Spool Pin Cap (Large)
• Spool Pin Cap (Small)
• Screwdriver
• General Purpose Foot
• Zipper Foot
• Special Purpose Foot
• Even Feed Foot
• Buttonhole Foot
• Blindstitch Hem Foot
• Instructional Manual

We now return you to Public Domain Theater’s production of Hamlet, brought to you by the eMachines W3619 3.46Ghz/512mb/120GB Desktop PC.

GUILDENSTERN
My lord, we were sent for.

HAMLET
I will tell you why; so shall my anticipation
prevent your discovery, and your secrecy to the king
and queen moult no feather. I have of late—but
wherefore I know not—lost all my mirth, forgone all
custom of exercises; except for playing around
with my new computer, this godlike PC, the
eMachine, seems like some awesome technology, this most
excellent processor, Celeron, look you, this brave
expandable memory, this majestical hard drive
of a 120 gigs, it appears no other thing to
me than an affordable, powerful PC by olden standards.
What a piece of work is an eMachine! How noble in reason!
how fast in processing! In form and moving how
express and admirable! In action how like an angel!
In apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the
world! the paragon of animals! Yup, yup, to me,
it is the quintessence of cool. man delights not
me: no, nor woman neither, which is why I spend
all of my time with a computer.

ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, there is no sense in any of your words.

HAMLET
What can I say, man? This computer totally rocks!

TO BE CONTINUED

Public Domain Theater would like to thank the eMachines W3619 3.46Ghz/512mb/120GB Desktop PC for its unwavering support of the arts.

Warranty: 90 Day eMachines

Features:

• Intel® Celeron® D Processor 3601 64-bit processor with Intel® EM64T Technology Operates at 3.46GHz, 512KB L2 Cache, 533MHz FSB
• Windows Vista Home Basic
• Intel 945GC chipset
• 512MB DDR2 Memory, Dual-Channel Capable (1 × 512MB), 533MHz (PC4200) Expandable to 2GB 2 DDR2 Slots (Total), 1 DDR2 Slot (Available)
• 120GB SATA II (7200rpm, 2MB Cache)
• DVD±RW 16x Multiformat Dual-Layer Optical Drive Up to 8.5GB with Dual-Layer Media
• Write max: 16x DVD±R, 6x DVD-RW, 8x DVD+RW, 4x DVD+R DL, 40x CD-R, 24x CD-RW
• Read max: 16x DVD-ROM, 40x CD-ROM
• High-Performance 15-in-1 Digital Media Manager
• Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950 Up to 224MB Shared Video Memory PCI-Express (PCI-E x16) slot available for upgrade
• 6-Channel (5.1) High-Definition Audio
• 56K ITU v.92-ready Fax/Modem (RJ-11 port)
• 10/100Mbps Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 port)
• 6 – USB 2.0 Ports (2 Front, 4 Rear)
• 1 – VGA
• 1 – Parallel port
• 1 – Serial port
• 2 – PS/2 ports (keyboard and mouse)
• 3 – Audio (rear): Line-in/Side (Stereo), Front/Headphone (Stereo), Microphone
• 2 – Audio (Front): Microphone, Front/Headphone (Stereo)
• 1 – RJ-45 Ethernet port
• 1 – RJ-11 Modem port
• Dimensions: 14.50”H x 7.25”W x 16.50”D
• Weight: 21.2 lbs

knock knock

“Hi, are you Candi’s friend?”

“That’s right, baby. She says you met her at the USB Dance Club and you wanted to party.”

“Party! I’ll say! I feel like I could Bump Bomb all night! Right after some Finger Dancing!”

“You sure know what you want, fella. And Candi says you’ve got the cash to cover it.”

“Oh,
for sure. I write for an online deal-a-day website, so I’m rolling in
it. Listen, I’ve been killing time with Magic Jelly for the last hour
while waiting for you to get here, so I’m all warmed up. Why don’t you
start enjoying Mr. Onion?”

“You’re a cutie, with all those nicknames. C’mere.”

“Hey! HEY! STOP THAT! Keep your hands off my Hanoi Tower!”

“Baby, it’s okay, I know what I’m doing.”

“Listen, I just wanted someone to come help me test out my new Polaroid 8” Dual-Screen Portable DVD w/ 15 – 1 Game Controller, and Candi said you liked to play! I figured you’d know how to hook this controller right into the DVD Player’s
A/V Connection and then we could enjoy games like Bump Bomp, Finger
Dancing, Pinball Fish, Magic Jelly, Seek The Resources, Hanoi Tower and
my beloved Mr. Onion! But now you’ve made it into something… dirty!”

“Honey, it’s a Polaroid, they’re in the same business I am. What did you expect?”

“I expected that maybe I could find a friend who’d want to join me in testing out the DPA-08055S! A portable DVD player with two screens doesn’t show up every day! And there are two headphone jacks on each screen, making a total of four.”

“So is that what Candi meant when she said you were into jacking with multiple partners?”

“She said… Ugh! What is wrong with you? I wanted to have a nice night of watching a DVD on my DPA-08055S,
and then maybe listen to some music on a CD and play some video games
on the second screen, and I figured maybe you dancers would understand
that. But I guess I misjudged Candi. And maybe you should go.”

“Listen, I’m not a cop.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, a cop would have left by now. I mean, Mr. Onion? Come on.”

“I just had to be sure. I’ve got a Senate career to think of, you know. Hey, you want this Polaroid 8” Dual-Screen Portable DVD w/ 15 – 1 Game Controller in trade?”

“Cash only, honey.”

Warranty: 90 day Woot          

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• 8” (16:9) color LCD screen
• Plays DVD, DVD-R/RW, DVD+R/RW
• Plays music CDs, CD-R/RW
• JPEG image compatible
• Built-in Dolby Digital decoder
• Built-in stereo speakers
• ESP (Electronic Skip Protection) delivers uninterrupted pictures while in motion
• 2 headphone jacks on master screen; 2 headphone jacks on second screen
• Audio/video input/output on master screen
• Audio/video input on second screen; allows user to play games
• Compatible with most gaming systems (optional adapter required)

Game Controller Features

• A/V Cable plugs straight into the DVD player’s A/V connection
• 8-Way directional Pad
• Power, Reset, Start, square and O Buttons
• 15 Games Built In to Controller
• Games:
  Bump Bomb, Bump Jump, Finger Dancing, Hanoi Tower, Zippy Frogger, Jewel
  Fever 2, Jewel Master 2, Jump Frog, Magic Jelly, Mr. Onion, On n Off,
  Pinball Fish, Pop Ball, Seek the Resources, and Super Move Quest

In the box:

• Two 8” LCD screen
• 15-in-1 game controller
• 2 pairs behind-the-neck headphones
• Screen-to-screen power cable
• Screen-to-screen A/V cable
• AV cable
• Car power adapter
• AC adapter/charger
• Mounting straps
• Slim credit card remote

Some people aren’t impressed by name-dropping. Like Mills Lane, for
instance, who I’m pretty good friends with. You know Mills? Maybe you
know him as “Judge Mills Lane,” from the TV show. I just call him
Mills, because I know him pretty well. Anyway, I was telling him about
this Velocity Micro mouse, and I was explaining that Creative
manufactured it, actually, for Velocity Micro, which is an indication
of how nice it is.

But Mills, he doesn’t care about names.
He just wants to know the specs. It could be made by Po-Dunk Digital
Hardware and Firewood Supply, and Mills wouldn’t care, as long as it
performed. To which I say amen, Mills, that’s a refreshing attitude to
me, because I just spent the weekend in Nice with A.J., and he’s
totally into names and labels and who knows who and what brand’s better
than what.

And Mills didn’t know who I was talking about at
first, so I had to specify A.J. McLean from the Backstreet Boys. I know
a guy who went to school with him, and I guess we’re pretty tight. But
the point is, a lot of people aren’t particularly impressed when a guy
like me, a guy who knows Judge Mills Lane and A.J. from the Backstreet
Boys and Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm’s son and I was almost on
Deal or No Deal once but it fell through—a lot of people don’t care
when I tell them that this mouse is a Creative-made Velocity Micro
mouse. They just want to know about the tracking speed, the instant DPI switching and what-not.

And
I tell them, hey, that’s cool. This mouse stands on its own, just by
its performance. It doesn’t need to drop names any more than I do, or
Brendan Fraser does, or cartoonist Bil Keane does, or Playmate Julie
McCullough, or Bigfoot or the real-life Wendy that Wendy’s is named
after, all of whom are my really good friends.

Warranty: 1 Year Creative

Features:

• 2400 dpi HD-Lazer engine with high-speed motion detection up to 40 ips and 15G’s of acceleration
• Instant response with USB data connection and Class 1 laser sensor
• On the fly DPI switching, switch the mouse sensitivity between 400, and 2400 dpi while in game
• Interchangeable covers allow you to customize your mouse
• EasyGlide Teflon Feet ensure ultra-smooth mouse action for ultra-fast moves.
• High Speed Data Transfer - Enjoy high-speed operations with fast USB connectivity
• To ensure safety at all times, the Class 1 laser sensor automatically reduces power when the mouse is lifted off the desktop
• Frame Rate: 10,000 frames/sec
• Acceleration: 15 g
• Resolution: 2400 dpi
• Tracking Speed: 40 inches/sec

In the box:

• Velocity Micro Optical USB Mouse
• Software CD
• Users Guide

There are people who can calibrate a thumbtack to the point it
resonates like a fine violin. If you are one of these people, can we
ask what you’re doing here? Because you can make a lot of money using
your gift to help the rich. You’d better hurry while there are still
some of them left.

Everyone else, however, might like the Pioneer 5.1 Surround Sound System with HDMI Upconverting DVD Player. MCACC setup means each speaker can be set to a specific room (the MCACC
microphone is included). Once that’s done, you’ll be enjoying a 360
watt 5.1 Surround System with six shielded side cubes and dual center
speakers. You’ll also enjoy a DVD player with 1080p upconvert that can also handle a USB connection, which might come in handy for your external music.

Do you already have speakers? Really good ones? Well, throw them away, because the Pioneer 5.1 Surround Sound System with HDMI Upconverting DVD Player
has a proprietary connection. But we’re sure you’ll enjoy setting them
up anyway. They’re color coded! Like Garanimals, but for music!

If
you’ve got the sort of aural palate that can be happy with the speakers
built in to your laptop, you’re going to be thrilled with the Pioneer
5.1 Surround Sound System with HDMI Upconverting DVD Player. And if you don’t, check out the price. We all have to make sacrifices, moneybags.

Warranty: 1 Year Pioneer

Features:

• Provides DVD playback upscaling to 1080p resolution via HDMI
• 360
  watt 5.1 Surround Sound System with six magnetically shielded side
  cubes and dual center channel speakers can be configured in a variety
  of ways
• Automatic MCACC (Multi
  Channel Acoustic Calibration Circuit) setup, fine tunes each speaker
  audio characteristics and calibrates them to your specific room. Insert
  a microphone (included) into the receiver and it will listen to the
  space and automatically makes a complex series of very subtle
  equalization adjustments to optimize performance
• Color coded speaker wire for simple and easy set up
• USB connection to play music and display JPEG photos at the same time
• Compatible with USB flash drives, USB external hard drives, or USB digital audio player with a file format of FAT16/32
• FM/AM tuner with sleep timer
• DiviX Certified with support for VideoCDs, Super VCDs, WMA, WMV, MP3, MPEG4-AAC

Pioneer XV-DV385 Specifications:

Video Features:

• Dual-Layer DVD-R, DVD, DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+R (Video Mode), DVD+RW (Video Mode) Compatible
• VCD / VCD / CD / CD-R / CD-RW Compatible
• HDMI Terminal for Digital Audio/Video Out (with DVD Sources)
• HDMI Upscaling (to 720p/1080p)
• Official DivX Certified Product
• Compatible with DivX Video with Standard Playback of DivX Media Files
• 108 MHz / 12-bit Video DAC
• PureCinema 2:3 Progressive Scan
• JPEG PhotoViewer
• USB Connection for JPEG “Slideshow with Music” (JPEG / WMA / MP3 / MPEG-4 AAC Playback)

Audio Features:

• MCACC Auto Calibration
• Front Stage Surround Advance (Focus 5.1/Wide 5.1)
• Sound Retriever
• Dual Center Speaker
• Optical Input for STB & Game
• Advanced Surround Mode – 8 Modes: Action, Unplugged, Expanded, TV Surround, Sports, Advanced Game, Virtual Surround, Extended Stereo
• USB Input for Compressed Music Playback
• WMA (Windows Media Audio), MP3, MPEG-4 AAC Compressed Music Playback (DRM content not supported)
• Built-in 6-Channel Amplifier: 60 Watts x 6 (RMS 10 % THD, 1 kHz for Front/Center/Surround, 100 Hz for Subwoofer)
• Front/Center/Surround: ––15 Watts per Channel (200 Hz-20 kHz, 1 % THD, 4Ω)
• Subwoofer: 20 Watts (45 Hz-200 Hz, 1 % THD, 4Ω)
• Built-in DTS, Dolby® Digital, Dolby® Pro Logic, Dolby® Pro Logic II Decoders
• 6 SFC Modes (ACTION, DRAMA, ROCK, POP, HALL, LIVE)
• Extra Power (Pioneer Original Sound Mode)
• FM/AM Presets (30 Stations)

Terminals:

• 1 HDMI Terminal
• 1 USB Input (A Type)
• 1 S-Video Output
• 1 Video Output
• Component Video Output
• 1 Analog Audio Input

Specifications:

• Power Requirements: AC 120 V / 60 Hz
• Power Consumption: 45 Watts
• Standby Power Consumption: 0.25 Watts

Pioneer HTZ-575DV Specifications:

• Front/Center/Surround: 2-19/32 inches (6.6 cm) Cone, Magnetically Shielded
• Subwoofer: 6-5/16 inches (16 cm) Cone, Bass-Reflex Type

Receiver Dimensions:

• W x H x D: 16-9/16” x 2-3/8” x 13-3/16” (420×60 x 335 mm)
• Weight: 6 lbs. 3 oz. (2.8 kg)

Speaker Dimensions:

• Front/Center/Surround: 3-25/32” x 3-25/32” x 3-25/32” (96×96 x 96 mm)
• Subwoofer: 8-1/2” x 15-3/8” x 15-15/32” (216×391 x 393 mm)

Weight:

• Front: 1 lbs. (0.44 kg)
• Center: 1 lbs. 0.44 kg)
• Surround: 1 lbs. 0.44 kg)
• Subwoofer: 12 lbs. 2 oz. (5.5 kg)

Pioneer HTZ-575DV In the Box:

• Receiver/DVD player
• Remote Control
• 2 AA Batteries
• Antenna
• Composite Cable
• Microphone for MCACC

Pioneer XV-DV385 In the Box:

• Subwoofer
• 2 Surround Sound Speaker
• 2 Front Speakers
• 2 Center Speakers
• 6 Speaker Wires
• 18 Small non-skid pads
• 4 Large non-skid pads
• 2 Brackets
• 6 Mounting Brackets
• 8 Screws

“What’s going on?”

“Aw, dude, you gotta see this guy,
he’s crazy! He’s called The Amazing Jacob. You just shout out any
number and he tells you what it’s connected to. Watch this. 327!”

“That would be Detective 327, and it was considered later to be the break between Earth-1 and Earth-2 Batman. Next?”

“Whoa! Let me try! 64!”

“That
would be the total number of hot dogs eaten by Joey Chestnut in 2008’s
Hot Dog Eating Contest, including the controversial overtime tie
breaker. Next?”

“Wow! This guy’s great!”

“Hey, Amazing Jacob, what about 418?”

“I… I don’t know anything about 418.”

“Really?
Because that’s the number for the special Woot-only bundle of the
iRobot Roomba 415 and the Roomba 4900 Self-Charging Drive-On Home Base.”

“I… Are you sure?”

“Really
sure. It can clean your house, works on many surfaces, and knows how to
avoid stairs. Just like you, fatso! Ha ha, take that!”

“Hey, everybody! This new guy knows more numbers than this other guy did!”

“Wow! What’s your name, new guy?”

“They call me… Amazing Mike!”

“Three cheers for Amazing Mike!”

“Curse you, Amazing Mike! I’ll get you yet!”

“Aw, go 211, Amazing Jacob.”

“211? That’s the number of people who went and jumped in a lake… I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS, AMAZING MIKE! IF IT’S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!”

Warranty: 1 Year iRobot

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• The iRobot 418 is a bundle consisting of the Roomba 415 Vacuum and the Roomba 4900 Self-Charging Drive-On Home Base made specifically for Woot
  
• Cleans dirt off of your hardwood, tile, linoleum, and low-to-medium pile carpet
• Advanced power system provides up to 120 minutes of cleaning power
• Returns to charging Home Base when re-charging is necessary
• Active Dirt Response detects dirtier areas and automatically increases cleaning intensity
• Automatic stair avoidance system prevents falling down on stairs
• Automatic surface transitioning adjusts entire cleaning head for both carpet and hard floor
• Low-profile design fits under beds, sofas, and other tight spots where conventional vacuums can’t reach
• On-board artificial intelligence navigate between walls and furniture legs and self-adjusts for carpet, tile, and wood floors.
• Multi-Surface Cleaning: hardwood, tile, linoleum, and low-to-medium pile carpet
• Max Mode: run the Roomba for the full charge of the battery to vacuum multiple rooms
• Spot Mode: intensely cleans one area of a room up to 3 feet in diameter

In the box:

• iRobot Roomba 415
• Home Self-Charging Base
• Cleaning Tool
• Fast Charger
• Rechargeable Battery
• Filter
• 2 Virtual Walls
• 2 Brush Sets with Beater Bar and Bristle Brush

Jimmy: Ma! It’s me!

Ma: Oh, it’s you.

Jimmy: Yea, that’s what I said! It’s me, Jimmy! Ain’t you happy to see me after so many years, Ma? Ain’t you happy to see your boy?

Ma:
You stopped being my boy when you joined up with Knuckles O’McMulligan
and his lowlife outfit. My own son, a cheap gunsel! Muscling Chinamen
for their noodle money! Running book on tiddlywinks! You broke your
poor mother’s heart.

Jimmy: Ma, Ma, I had to do
something to get out of Devil’s Hellhole. This neighborhood’s so lousy
they can’t even give it a decent name. What was I sposta do, stay here
in this crummy apartment with my mother forever? Sleep on the kitchen
table for the rest of my life? Never have no money, no job, no place of
my own, like some kind of D&D player?

Ma: Better that than a life of crime. Your poor, dear father, if he wasn’t already departed, he’d die of shame.

Jimmy:
Yeah, well, the whiskey got to him first. Me, I gotta live. And
Knuckles ain’t such a bad guy. Matter of fact, he sent me a little
something for you.

Ma: Keep it. I don’t want your blood money.

Jimmy: Ma, it ain’t money.

Ma: I don’t want your blood whatever-it-is.

Jimmy: It’s a peace offering, Ma. C’mon. Just a little something to say-

Ma:
I said no! Not on your life! I’ll never take anything from the mobster
who turned my only son into a hoodlum! Whatever it is, you can throw it
in the river for all I care!

Jimmy: Fine, fine. Forget all about it. (yells into hallway) Take it away, boys. She don’t want it. Yeah, that’s right. Take it back to Knuckles. Sorry. Thanks.

Ma: Thank you.

Jimmy: Don’t mention it.

Ma: Sounds like it must have been big.

Jimmy: It was. Real big.

Ma:
Isn’t that just typical of Knuckles O’McMulligan: make some big show of
giving me some lavish bribe so I’ll think he’s Robin Hood in spats.
Well, you tell that lowlife that he can’t buy me off.

Jimmy: Got it, Ma.

Ma: I guess everybody’s for sale in his world. He better think again if he thinks he can shut me up with a – a – well, what was it?

Jimmy: A Philips 42” 1080p LCD TV, Ma.

Ma: You don’t say. That one of those fancy flat-screens?

Jimmy: Yeah, Ma. Yeah, it is.

Ma: The Full HD TV with the 178-degree viewing angle and the 1920×1080 progressive-scan resolution and superior brightness and color?

Jimmy: The works.

Ma: Well, why didn’t you say so? Tell those boys to come back with my TV!

Warranty: 90 days Philips

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

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Features:

• Full HD LCD display with a 1920×1080p resolution, the highest resolution of HD sources for the best possible picture quality.
• Fully future proof as it supports 1080p signals from all sources, including the most recent like Blu-ray and advanced HD game consoles.
• Signal processing is extensively upgraded to support this much higher signal quality and resolution.
• Produces brilliant flicker-free progressive scan pictures with superb brightness and colors.
• Hear pure and powerful sound - features an invisible sound system that blends perfectly with the design of the cabinet.
• Incredible Surround allows you to experience total surround with greater depth and width of sound and spacious sound stage complementary to the rich viewing experience.
• 25 watt of power with BBE high definition sound is the core sound enhancement technology that will enable you to experience real natural music, speech intelligibility with rich and clear audible vocals.
• Dolby Digital output for connection to a home theatre system
• USB for fantastic photo and music playback  The USB connector allows access to jpeg photos and mp3 music of most USB-sticks (USB memory-class device).
• 4 HDMI inputs for full digital HD connection in one cable HDMI makes an uncompressed digital RGB connection from the source to the screen for the ultimate picture quality. HDMI intelligently communicates the highest output resolution with the source device.
• The HDMI input is fully backward compatible with DVI sources and includes digital audio. HDMI uses HDCP copy protection.
• With 3 HDMI inputs on the back and 1 HDMI on the side of the TV you can connect multiple HD sources, Your TV is fully prepared for the HD future.
• EasyLink uses the HDMI CEC industry standard protocol to share functionality between connected devices and the TV. With EasyLink only one remote control is needed to operate main functionalities on your TV and connected devices. EasyLink uses the standard HDMI cable to transfer system commands. It works between all electronic devices equipped with HDMI CEC.
• Settings assistant for effortless personalized TV settings. The new settings assistant personalisation wizard guides you to personalised settings with unparalleled ease. It includes not only picture, but the complete viewing experience, including sound and Ambilight settings. The wizard shows a few screens with easy to choose options to select the essential settings. The TV performance is set to the your personal preference without difficult terms or settings, and this very quickly.
• Ready for digital - ATSC & QAM tuner receives over the air and unscrambled cable

Specifications:

• Aspect ratio: Widescreen
• Brightness: 500 cd/m²
• Dynamic screen contrast: 29000:1
• Response time (typical): 5 ms
• Viewing angle: 178º (H) / 178º (V)
• Diagonal screen size (inch): 42 inch
• Panel resolution: 1920×1080p
• Picture enhancement:  3/2 - 2/2 motion pull down , 3D Combfilter , Active Control + Light sensor , Dynamic contrast enhancement , Progressive Scan  
• Computer Display Resolution  640 x 480, 60Hz , 800 x 600, 60Hz , 1024 x 768, 60Hz , 1280 x 768, 60Hz , 1280 x 1024, 60Hz , 1360 x 768, 60Hz , 1920 x 1080i, 60Hz , 1920 x 1080p, 60Hz
• Video  Display Resolution     480i, 60Hz , 480p, 60Hz , 720p, 60Hz , 1080i, 60Hz , 1080p, 60Hz

Sound:

• Equalizer: 5-bands
• Output power (RMS): 25W
• Sound Enhancement: Incredible Surround
• Sound System: Dolby Digital (AC-3) , BBE
• Built-in speakers: 4

Convenience:

• Child Protection: Child Lock+Parental Control
• Clock: On main display , Sleep Timer
• Ease of Installation: Autostore
• Ease of Use: 4 favorite lists , Auto Volume Leveller (AVL) , Channel list , Settings assistant Wizard , Side Control
• Remote Control: TV
• Screen
  Format Adjustments: 4:3 , Auto Format , Movie expand 14:9 , Movie
  expand 16:9 , Super Zoom , Widescreen , unscaled (1080p dot by dot)

Multimedia Applications:

• Multimedia connections: USB memory class device
• Playback Formats: MP3 , Slideshow files (.alb) , JPEG Still pictures

Tuner/Reception/Transmission:

• Aerial Input: 75 ohm F-type
• TV system: ATSC , NTSC
• Video Playback: NTSC
• Cable: Unscrambled Digital Cable -QAM
• Tuner bands: Hyperband , S-Channel , UHF , VHF

Connectivity:

• AV 1:Audio L/R in , YPbPr
• AV 2:Audio L/R in , YPbPr
• AV 3: CVBS in , S-Video in
• HDMI 1: HDMI v1.3
• HDMI 2: HDMI v1.3
• HDMI 3: Analog audio L/R in , HDMI v1.3
• HDMI-control (CEC features): One touch play , Power status , System info (menu language) , System standby
• Front / Side connections: HDMI , S-video in , CVBS in , Audio L/R in , Headphone out , USB
• Audio Output – Digital: Coaxial (cinch)

Power:

• Ambient temperature: 5 °C to 40 °C
• Mains power: 110-240V, 50-60Hz
• Power consumption: 260 W
• Standby power consumption: < 1 W

Dimensions:

• Set Width (inch): 41.19 inch
• Set Height (inch): 25.39 inch
• Set Depth (inch): 3.48 inch
• Set width (with stand) (inch): 41.19 inch
• Set height (with stand) (inch): 28.19 inch
• Set depth (with stand) (inch): 10.31 inch
• Weight incl. Packaging (lb): 64.0
• Product weight (lb): 51.8 (with stand), 42.3 (without stand)
• Box width (inch): 45.31 inch
• Box height (inch): 31.22 inch
• Box depth (inch): 13.11 inch
• VESA wall mount compatible: 400×400 mm

In the box:

• Television
• Tabletop swivel stand
• Power cord
• Quick start guide
• User Manual
• Registration card
• Remote Control