Baby, listen… baby… baby, listen, listen, listen. I’d never… no, you’re
the only one for me, baby, the only one I’d ever… baby, baby, listen,
listen to me for a second! You ever hear the phone ring? Ever? And you
know why you don’t? Because you’re the only one who has the phone
number. that’s right. See that lamp there? That’s my iGadget IGS-019
Cell Phone Alert Holder w/Night Light. Yeah, I keep it right there in
the cradle to charge, right beside my bed. Flashing? No, that’s just a
short, baby! Yeah, it’s an old lamp, it flashes a little. But I keep it
because it reminds me of you. Remember that first time we went up to…
baby, now, don’t you start readin’ that manual, now. Baby… baby I
forbid it! You stop that right now! If you turn another page of that
manual, you and I are through! Baby… oh, really? The iGadget IGS-019 Cell Phone Alert Holder w/Night Light flashes a red LED
light when you get a call? Wow, that’s good to know. For the future,
you know. Next time you call me I can… baby, wait, baby… hang on a
second, let me just… you got it wrong… HEY, FINE, I DON’T NEED YOU! I GOT WOMEN LINED UP TO SEE MY IGADGET IGS-019 CELL PHONE ALERT HOLDER W/NIGHT LIGHT! YOU HEAR ME? LINED UP!

Warranty: 90 Day iGadget

Features:

• When your cellphone receives a call, a red LED light starts blinking
• Great place to dock your phone while charging (charger not included)
• Great for bedrooms, meeting rooms, automobiles and noisy areas
• Alerts you of incoming calls even when your phone is on silent mode
• Powered by AA batteries (not included)
• Measures: 5 1/4×3 x 1/4

In the box:

• IGS-019 Cell Phone Cradle

Welcome to Visionary Dreamers, the therapy center that talks you
through a vacation… in your own head! Okay, miss, as soon as you’re
ready, we’ll begin. All set? Great, just relax. Take a deep breath.
Innnnnn. And ouuuuuut.

Picture yourself on a beach.
Walking up to you is a beautiful man. She’s holding a glass of
champagne… wait, sorry, can I take a look at your card? Oh, sorry, I
see you got the basic package. Unless you’d like to pay me directly?
Sure, sure, no problem, we can’t all be Carly Fiorina, right? If we
were we wouldn’t have any companies left! Ha ha, just kidding, I’m sure
HP losing all that money was a total coincidence. Deeeep breath, now,
deeeeep breath. Here we go again.

You’re at the bus station.
You’re lying on a stone bench. Feel the sun on your face, mmmm. Who’s
that? Why, it’s a moderately attractive man. Maybe, I dunno, three
drinks. And, oooo, he’s holding a iGadget Sudoku Electronic Puzzle
Game. He sits down on your bench, there’s over a million puzzles, and a
backlight. He offers you the stylus, oh, if your girlfriends could see
you now!

You don’t know how Sudoku works? That’s okay,
honey, you can peek at the answers. And you do, and you get them all
right, and that man thinks you’re so smart! He’ll always treasure your
time together. And there’s the bus. Time to head home!

Wasn’t
that restful? That’s what we do here at Visionary Dreamers. Here’s a
tip: next time, try the cruise to Morocco. I do a great Grace Kelly.
Bye, now! See you next time!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Electronic Sudoku game with included Stylus
• Multi Levels, Over a million puzzles
• 3 Helpful hints per game
• Backlight for night time play
• Easy to operate Pause function
• Allows you to peek at the answers
• Operates on 2 AAA batteries
• Dimensions: 8” X 5.5” x 75”

Wait. Shhh. Hold on. Hear that?

That? Right there?

That’s electricity oozing out of your car battery. Just draining out free as you fancy, like moviegoers halfway through Fool’s Gold.
With every minute, your battery inches closer to death. Whoops, there
goes a little more. Once you know it’s happening, it’s hard to pay
attention to anything else.

Can anything be done?

Yes.
You could get together with your neighbors and demand that your city
build an extensive, convenient light rail network so you can get rid of
your car. But that could take years of intense activism and billions of
dollars. In the meantime, there’s a slightly easier solution: the
Coleman 1-Watt Solar Powered Trickle Charger.

Just plug it
into your car lighter, set it on the dash, and let it absorb solar
power to keep your battery charged and happy. Why pay for energy when
the sun’s up there giving it away for free? Of course, your car lighter
jack might only work when the car is running. And you might not get all
that much sunlight if you live in some godforsaken igloo up on the tundra. But isn’t it better than doing nothing?

Whoa
– while we’ve been running our mouths, a little more of your battery
power just slipped out. We can’t afford to argue any more! There’s no
time! Hurry, dammit, hurry! The life of your battery depends on it!

Warranty: 2 Year ICP Solar Technologies

Features:

• Maintains your car 12v battery’s charge by using solar power
• Connects though the cigarette lighter adapter
• Clean and quiet
• No maintenance required
• Works under cloudy conditions
• Red LED indicator tells you when it is working

Specifications:

• Maximum Wattage: 1 watt; Ip = 80 mAmps@15 volts
• Unit dimensions: 14” x 3 3/4” x 3/4” – 350 mm x 95 mm 20 mm
• Weight: 0.8lbs. 0.35 kg
• Temperature Range: -40° to 176° / -40°C to 80°C

In the box:

• Coleman 50002 1-Watt Solar Powered Trickle Charger
• Users Guide

So you went ahead and got one. You’re the proud owner of an iPhone. And now what? You’re like a lifelong BMW watcher that can finally afford to buy. And you’re paranoid, aren’t you? You’re scared all the time. That guy over there, he’s going to stand up and bump your arm and send the iPhone flying. That waitress isn’t paying attention, she’ll drop all those plates on your beloved iPhone. That dog is a wild animal, he’ll grab your iPhone and run ten blocks and then bury it in a vacant lot and they’ll build a skyscraper on top of it that will crush it slowly over a sixty year period and then they’ll demolish the skyscraper and they’ll find the little iBits that are broken, just like your heart. So many dangers out there.

That’s why we’re thinking you might like this 4 Pack of Speck SeeThru iPhone Cases. You see, the Speck SeeThru iPhone Cases are made of polycarbonate plastic. They’re hard, translucent, and almost completely shatterproof. It’s still probably not a good idea to throw your iPhone at concrete as hard as you can, but if it happens accidentally, you’ll have a little extra safety.

Of course, they’re not for the iPod Touch. And they’re not going to work with the 3G iPhone, But if there’s a 1G or 2G iPhone in your hand as you read this, you can feel confident that the Speck SeeThru iPhone Case will fit.

The Speck SeeThru iPhone Cases are also slim and sleek and stylish. Plus the Speck SeeThru iPhone Cases are designed to keep the important iPhone parts accessible so there’s no worry about taking the thing apart when you want to use it. Just treat it normally, and with less worry.

Stop wondering if the three year old with a finger in his mouth is about to leave a line of drool across the lovely shiny metal back of your precious toy. The Speck SeeThru iPhone Case 4 Pack is your chance to finally ease the pain of being the first on your block. But watch out for that dog. He really is a wild animal.

Warranty: 1 Year Speck Products

Features:

• Specifically designed for the original iPhone (not compatible with iPod Touch or iPhone 3G)
• Protects the original iPhone from scratches
• Made of polycarbonate plastic with cutouts for the headphone jack, data plug, switch, and camera
• Comes in 4 different colors, Aqua, Pink, Red, and Smoke
• Polycarbonate plastic is very durable and virtually shatter-proof
• Length: 2.5 inches
• Width: 1.5 inches
• Height: 4.5 inches
• Weight: 2.3 oz.

In the box:

• 4 Speck SeeThru iPhone Case (Aqua, Pink, Red, Smoke)

Tired of working your pathetic, demeaning, go-nowhere, dead-end,
penny-ante, Mickey Mouse job? Yeah, us too! That’s why we decided to be
our own boss with a lucrative new career in the arcade industry. In
just minutes, we transformed our basement from a dusty spider sanctuary
into a dynamic, profitable video game arcade – and so can you! Here’s
what you’ll need:

• The Midway 42400 12 Game Tabletop Arcade System, with 12 arcade classics crammed into one tabletop unit. Running the gamut from Defender to Defender II, these low-res favorites will be a hit with any neighborhood kid whose PlayStation is broken. The 14” CRT
  is a little small, but at least it’s authentic. Remember: the more
  units you buy, the more revenue you can capture. But since there are no
  coin slots on these machines, you’ll have to collect the quarters
  yourself, by hand. Which brings us to the next item on our list…
• One of those cool change belts with the metal tubes that
  dispense coins. Of course, this wasn’t a problem for us, since we
  already wear one. But it’s not just for looks anymore!
• Black carpet. For maximum verisimilitude, spill Mr. Pibb
  on it in a few spots, and stomp some Doritos into it for good measure.
  Invite neighborhood pets to “break in” the carpet however they please.
  It’s not a true arcade carpet until you can smell the crud.
• Assorted hoodlums, lowlifes, and riff-raff. A key element
  in any successful video arcade is a vague sense of danger. Hire a
  couple of vaguely threatening but essentially harmless suburban
  hoodlums to give the place atmosphere.
• And finally, give your arcade a pathetic, exploitative
  name. Something like “Planet Arcade” or “Vic’s Video Funhouse” or
  “Lazerz” will send the right message to your clientele: you don’t give
  a damn about video game players, or even understand them, but you’re
  willing to make a buck off of them anyway.

Congratulations!
You’re on your way to financial freedom with the Midway 42400 12 Game
Tabletop Arcade System. And you can tell that crummy job of yours: GAME OVER!

Warranty: 90 Day Midway

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Features:

• 14” full color CRT monitor with 12 Classic Arcade Hits built in
• Accessible AV jacks allow you to plug in and play any of your other home video game systems
• Dual Control Panel for Head-to-Head Play
• No assembly required, plug and play

Built in Classic Arcade Games:

• Defender
• Defender II
• Bubbles
• Splat
• Sinistar
• Rampage
• Satans Hollow
• Root Beer Tapper
• Timber
• Wizard of War
• Roborton
• Joust

In the box:

• Midway 42400 12 Game Tabletop Arcade System
• Users Guide

Mr. Pink: You know what drives me nuts is, these DVDs with
the guy talking over the movie, about how this shot was supposed to
look like some obscure old Hungarian silent movie and how great Pia
Zadora is to work with. The hell do I need to hear that for? You made
the movie, get the hell out of the way so I can enjoy it, you know? A
work of art should speak for itself. Is this just me? Am I crazy?

Mr. Blue: What do you care? You don’t have to watch it.

Mr. White: Just turn it off.

Mr. Pink: Sometimes I put a DVD in, it’s stuck in that mode. I can’t figure out how to switch it off. It’s insanity.

Mr. White: Just because you don’t know how to work a DVD player, don’t go ruining it for the rest of us.

Mr. Pink: What, don’t tell me you actually listen to that crap?

Mr. White: Sometimes, yeah, I do. I appreciate the insights into aspects of the movie I might otherwise have overlooked. That OK with you?

Mr. Pink: Yeah, fine, whatever, do whatever you want.

Mr. White: Thank you, sire.

Mr. Orange:
OK, but how about the “anniversary editions” and “deluxe editions” and
all that crap, that come in a fancy box with a poster or a, a
bobblehead or something?

Mr. Pink: Exactly, yeah.
Who’s so fascinated with all this hype that they’re actually buying
this stuff? Tell you what, I don’t believe anybody is. Like this Reservoir Dogs
set with the shot glasses. Someday it’s gonna come out that they sold
ten of those sets, or maybe fifty, and the rest were all backhoed into
some landfill because the whole thing was actually a front for
something else.

Mr. Blonde: I wouldn’t put it past them. Those movie studios weren’t built by choirboys, we all know that.

Mr. Pink: Damn right.

Mr. Orange: They’ve even dumped some of those shot glasses on the market without the DVDs. Where’d the DVDs go?

Mr. Pink: Give you ten to one you find those DVDs, you find a hole full of dead bodies.

Mr. Brown: Well, I think you’re all wrong. Since when is it a crime to make a little money?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Same shot glasses that were packaged in the 15th anniversary collector set that originally came with the Reservoir Dogs DVD, DVD not included
• Glass construction
• Screenprinted images, featuring: Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink, Reservoir Dogs movie title

In the box:

• Mr. Brown shot glass
• Mr White shot glass
• Mr. Blonde shot glass
• Mr. Orange shot glass
• Mr. Pink shot glass
• Reservoir Dogs shot glass

USB MINI NUMERIC KEYBOARD WITH HUB: H-hey! Leave me alone!
TYPICAL OPTICAL MICE: Haw haw! Take that, nerdlinger!
TARGUS LASER TECHNOLOGY MOUSE: Hey, guys, you’re scaring him!
TYPICAL OPTICAL MICE: Haw haw! Laser mouse, you’re 20x more sensitive!
WIRELESS USB TRANSMITTER: Nothing wrong with that!
TYPICAL OPTICAL MICE: Whoa! It’s a Wireless USB Transmitter!
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: And he’s not alone!
TYPICAL OPTICAL MICE: Let’s get outta here!
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: Going somewhere, fellas?
TYPICAL OPTICAL MICE: Oh no! Our goose sure is cooked!
USB MINI NUMERIC KEYBOARD WITH HUB: Wow! Who are you guys?
TARGUS LASER TECHNOLOGY MOUSE: Yeah! No ones ever helped us before!
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: (sotto voce): We can’t tell them!
WIRELESS USB TRANSMITTER: Let’s just say… we’re a lot like you.
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: Yeah! Cause we know you in the future.
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: Oh, thanks a lot, Hub!
WIRELESS USB TRANSMITTER: Yeah, terrific work there, Cap’n Stealth.
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: Hey, it was a mistake! I’m sorry!
TARGUS LASER TECHNOLOGY MOUSE: Why is everything all shiny?
WIRELESS USB TRANSMITTER: Oh, nice one, Hub, now the future has changed.
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: I said I was sorry!
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: When this is all over, know what I’m gonna do?
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: What?
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: I’m gonna go back and mess up your granny.
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: Don’t you be talking about my granny!
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: I am, I’m gonna mess her up! I’m gonna wreck her!
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: You better not or I’ll-
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: You’ll what, huh?
WIRELESS MINI USB TRANSMITTER: Both of you shut up, the temporal wave is

VWOOOOMVOPTHUP
ULTRA MINI USB 2.0 4 PORT HUB: Wait, so he got punched back to life?
MOBILE SURGE PROTECTORS: This is all your fault.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• High sensativity and precision laser technology engine Wireless USB Tranceiver
• USB Mini Numeric Keyboard with Hub
• Expand your connectivity: 19-key keypad plus two extra USB 1.1 ports for accessories like mice, USB flash memory drives, webcams and more
• Faster data inputs: Low-profile full size keys for convenient data
  input – ideal for spreadsheet, accounting and financial applications
• Plug and play connectivity: Easy to install – simply plug into your notebook computer’s USB slot – no drivers required
• Ultra Mini USB 2.0 4-Port Hub
• Travel light: Small, lightweight design without the weight of an A/C adapter
• Expand your capabilities: Connect 4 USB devices, such as mice, digital cameras and memory drives to your notebook simultaneously
• Plug and play: Easy to install – simply plug into your notebook computer’s USB slot – no drivers required
• Protect your notebook’s sensative components: Thermal overload
  protection system that reduces risk of electric shock or fire during
  sustained over voltage
• Compatible with most notebooks: Designed to fit most laptops, hi-fi equipment and video recorders
• Convenient to use: Ideal for the mobile user, small and lightweight; no more cords or large size surge protectors

Specifications:

• 19-key keypad
• Unsynchronized “num lock” for ease of use
• Dimensions – 3.75” X 2” X 1/4”
• Weight: 3.8 oz.
• Voltage Rating: 230 Volts
• Minimum Current Rating: 2.5 Amps
• Maximum Current Surge Handling: 2.5 kA
• Worldwide Voltage Compatible (110 -230V)
• Automatic reset after transient has passed

System Requirements:

• Windows 2000, Me, XP or Mac OS X
• USB port (No driver required)

In the box:

• USB Numeric Pad
• Notebook Wireless Laser Mouse
• USB Tranceiver
• USB 2.0 4-Port Hub
• ISP4 Surge Protector
• ISP6 Surge Protector

When you play at these levels, there’s always someone who wants you…
dead. Bill Greenstreet held the record in Risk: Godstorm until they
found him with a chest full of cards. Bobby Jo Kanklestein was the
first woman to ever hold the title of Trouble Grandmaster, but what
they did to her Pop-o-matic bubble sent her back to Mystery Date for
the rest of her life. And my best friend, Team Fortress Johnny, they
sent a guy to strangle him with his own game controller. But they’re
not gonna get me.

I use a Saitek PP19 P2900 Wireless
Gamepad for that very reason. With a ten meter range, I get all the
movement I want and it works with first person shooters, even if the
game doesn’t normally accept a gamepad. It’s sneaky, you know. Emulates
the mouse and keyboard. Some people don’t even know I have one.

The FPS button takes care of all the setup and it works with Windows 2000 and XP, and also Vista,
once you download the driver. 8-way d-pad, 6 buttons, 2 joysticks, it’s
what you need to get the edge and stay alive. I know one night they’ll
come for me. But the Saitek PP19 P2900 Wireless
Gamepad won’t help them one but. Plus I’ve been watching the Street
Fighter movie. So I’ll be ready. And God help them when that happens.

Warranty: 2 Year Saitek

Features:

• Wireless game pad, works up to 10 meters away from the transmitter
• Compatible with first person shooters, even if a game does not support gamepads
• Works with any game
• 4 quick-fire shoulder triggers
• 8-way d-pad
• 6 responsive buttons
• 2 analog joysticks
• FPS gaming button; instant configuration for first person games
• Fully programmable

System Requirements:

• Windows 2000, XP, XP64, Vista, Vista64
• USB Port

Vista drivers are not included on the CD, but it can be downloaded here

In the box:

• Saitek P2900 Wireless First Person Shooter Gamepad
• USB Transceiver
• 1 AA Battery

One of the marvelous things about working here at Woot are the wonderful people on staff. Of course, you’ve all met Kevin
before. But deep in the bowels of the corporate office you’ll also find
a nice lady named Katharine. And, like anyone who works all day in the
bowels, she sometimes hopes for a bit of attention. Really, it’s just
human nature.

So when we noticed her words on the Otto
Bluetooth Headset and Speakerphone, we felt it was time she got some
front page attention. Here’s what she had to say:

I just had to look up how much Embedded DSP Technology
affects the sound quality of a CE accessory, and just got really sad.
Because it appears that this technology will completely replace the art
and skill of making a good pair of soup cans with strings attached.
Some cultures held that sacred.

Why I would want the two earplugs that come with this device is
beyond me, but I’m sure they’ve got reasons that rhyme at Otto. I also
am not quite sure about the advantages of back sticks as well. Unless
they have some magical carnie back waxing power. I didn’t personally
test this one.

Kevin, please find one carnival worker with a
hairy back with which to test the back-sticks on. I would sincerely
appreciate the help.

So there you have it, gentlemen. If you’re a
single, hairy backed carnival worker who hates earplugs, wants dual
wireless headset/speakerphone functionality, and appreciates a good
pair of cans, Katharine would like to hear from you. And she’ll
probably be using the Otto Bluetooth Headset and Speakerphone, so
she’ll be able to talk for about six hours with a ten meter range. Good
luck, guys!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Dual wireless headset/speaker phone functionality
• Transfer calls from headset to speaker without interference
• Portable and Lightweight for use in car, office, or home
• Multi-function buttons on headset and car kit for easy control
• Embedded Digital Signaling Processing (DSP) technology offers superior sound quality
• Compatible with most Bluetooth enabled cellular devices

Specifications:

• Bluetooth Version: 1.2
• Range: 33 feet (10 meters)
• Talk time: Up to 6 hours
• Standby time: Up to 200 hours
• Charging time: Approximately 2.5 hours
• Weight (whole set): 2.56 oz (72.5 g)
• Dimensions (headset): 2” x 1” x .6” inches (50×25 x 11 mm)
• Dimensions (whole kit): 4” x 2” x 1.25” inches (102×60 x 32 mm)

In the box:

• Headset
• Speakerphone Base
• Home Power DC Adapter
• Car AC Adapter
• USB Cable
• Two Earplugs (for custom headset fit)
• Back-Stick Accessory (for mounting the speakerphone)
• Metal Clamp (for mounting the speakerphone)

Every father knows. There’s nothing like that moment when your baby
daughter looks into your eyes, puts her chubby little hands on your
cheeks, and says the word you’ve been longing to hear: “data”.

Your heart just melts.

Of course, she’s still too young for the Kingston DT110G/8GB USB 2.0
Hi-Speed Data Traveler. She’d try to eat it, the little darling – it’s
a documented fact that babies believe that data can be absorbed orally.
But I couldn’t resist buying her one anyway, for when she gets a little
older. When she nestles against me and lets out a little sigh of
contentment, I know that I owe it to this fragile little life to give
her the most convenient, portable Flash storage I can. How much do I
love you, sweet little baby girl? 8 GB, that’s how much.

Warranty: Five Year Kingston

Features

• 8GB of flash storage
• Compliant — designed to Hi-Speed USB 2.0 specifications
• Convenient — pocket-sized for easy transportability
• Simple — just plug and play into a USB port
• Practical — no cap to lose; USB connector protected within case
• Dimensions — 2.142” 0.836” x 0.512” (54.41mm x 21.24mm x 13.00mm)

Supported Operating Systems:

• Windows Vista™
• Windows XP (SP1, SP2)
• Windows 2000 (SP4)
• Mac OS (10.3.x and above)
• Linux (2.6 and above)

In the box:

• Kingston DT110G/8GB USB 2.0 Hi-Speed Data Traveler

…I said “No, I don’t know that Keyleaigh is allergic to
peanuts. But I keep hearing so much about it, I’m not going to take any
chances. Please, send this sundae back to the kitchen.” I gave her a
rice cake instead. Keyleaigh got mad about it, but you know how
15-year-olds are.

This Tuesday? I think I’m free. Why?

Your
scrapbooking group? Oh, Andrea, you’re not still doing scrapbooking,
are you? Do you have any idea what’s in that glue? Yeah, I know it says
“non-toxic” on the label. I just don’t trust all those, all those
chemicals and stuff. Not to mention the markers and the glitter – I
swear, scrapbooking gave Keyleaigh asthma for a little while. It went
away by the time we saw the doctor, but still.

Anyway, I’m all about the videos these days. It’s awesome. I’ve been taking our old home movies and putting them on DVD with this awesome Dazzle DVD Recorder thing. I plug one end into the VCR or the camera or whatever, the other end into my computer, and a little while later I’ve totally got this awesome DVD.
No glue, no glitter – just awesome video memories. We’ve been watching
them with Keyleaigh all week. It’s a lot better for her than hanging
out in some disease-ridden mall with her friends.

What, Andrea? What do you mean, “TVs give off radiation”?

Warranty: 90 Day Dazzle

Features:

• Transfer and share your videos on DVD with Dazzle DVD Recorder
• Capture from any video source with composite (RCA) or S-Video output
• Plug-in-play simplicity and a step-by step guide, copying your home movies from almost any video device to DVD
• Burn videos direct from video source to DVD to preserve your memories and play them on a TV
• Includes Instant DVD Recorder software with one-click recording from video source to DVD with menus and chapters

Capture Format:

• MPEG-2

Import Formats (Studio QuickStart):

• Video: DV, AVI, MPEG-1, MPEG-2,  Windows Media® Format
• Audio: WAV
• Graphics: BMP, JPG, PCT, TGA, TIF, Windows Media Format

Export Formats (Studio QuickStart):

• Video CD (VCD) or S-VCD with optional CD burner (CD-R or CD-RW)
• DVD with optional DVD burner (DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+R or DVD+RW)
• DV, AVI, RealVideo® 8, Windows Media 9, MPEG-1, MPEG-2 files

Minimum System Requirements:

• Windows® XP (SP2 or higher) or Windows Vista (32 bit only)
• Intel® Pentium® or AMD® Athlon® 1.4 GHz or higher (2.4 GHz or higher recommended)
• 512 MB RAM (1 GB recommended)
• DirectX® 9 or higher compatible graphics card with 64 MB (128 MB recommended)
• DirectX 9 or higher compatible sound card
• 1 GB of disk space to install software
• 1 USB 2.0 (Hi-Speed) port
• DVD burner for creating DVDs

Hardware Specifications

• Video inputs: Composite video (RCA), S-Video (mini-DIN)
• Audio inputs: Stereo audio (RCA x2)
• PC connection: Hi-Speed USB 2.0

Package Contents:

• Dazzle DVC 100 USB video capture device
• Instant DVD Recorder software
• Studio QuickStart software
• Quick Installation and Getting Started guide 

Every time we walk into our local home video rental chain franchise, they’re playing this never-ending looped presentation on the virtues of Blu-Ray. It’s loud enough that you can hear it everywhere in the store, and short enough that you get the whole thing at least once in a ten-minute visit. It’s really, really annoying, and makes it hard to concentrate on picking a movie. This must be how Noriega felt, trying to make a plan in the Vatican mission with the Steve Miller Band blaring outside.

At least our distracted state of mind offers some explanation for why we left the place with 10,000 B.C., which was the boringest movie featuring mammoths we’ve ever seen. Less talk, more sabre-toothed tigers!

One of the weird things about the Blu-Ray propaganda kiosk is that it uses clips from really crummy movies to show off the system’s dazzling high-definition picture. That’s cool that the image is so crisp and everything, but the main problem with Spider-Man 3 was not that it was hard to see, you know?

Maybe the most ardent Blu-Raëlian cultists are a bit like the hi-fi freaks of old, who were way more interested in fidelity than in music, and eager to play you a series of truly dreadful records to show it off. The best systems gave you the impression that you were actually in a concert hall, listening to an orchestra you didn’t like! That’s actually not an experience we’ve ever cared to simulate in our home, thank you.

Still, those in-store psy-ops, objectionable as they are, might just be working on us. Because when we saw this Sony Digital Living System, we barely noticed that it’s actually a PC that fits right into your home theater system. Most of its many admirable features — a 500-gig hard drive, full DVR functionality, built-in NTSC and ATSC TV tuners and CableCARD™ support, 2GHz Intel® Core™ 2 Duo Processor E6400, 802.11 a/b/g wireless — because we were so het up over the Blu-Ray player.

“Oh, man!” we said, out loud. “Think how awesome the mastodon hunt from 10,000 B.C. would have looked on this!” That’s when we started to feel like maybe we had a problem.

Warranty: 90 Day Sony

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

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Features:

• Media center PC with Blu-Ray Disc technology and DVR capability
• HDMI and component signals capable of full HD 1080 resolution
• Blu-Ray R and RE burner, Video recording to Blu-Ray Disc media is done in MP2 format only
• Rack style multimedia PC designed for your living room or home theater
• Built-in NTSC and ATSC TV tuners and CableCARD™ support, you can watch and record analog and digital TV directly to the hard drive for on-demand viewing
• Intel® Core™ 2 Duo Processor E6400 running at 2.13GHz with 2MB Advanced Smart Cache
• 500GB 7200 RPM SATA hard drive (250GBx2)
• 2GB DDR2 PC2-5300 667MHz RAM
• 4 USB 2.0 ports (2 in front, 2 in rear)
• 10Base-T/100Base-TX/1000Base-T Ethernet and wireless 802.11 a/b/g networking support
• Sony Sound Reality technology with DSD (Direct Stream Digital) support
• Windows Vista™ Home Premium operating system

Specifications:

In the box:

• Sony VGXXL3 Digital Living System
• Remote Control
• Wireless Keyboard
• HDMI™ Cable
• HDMI-DVI Adapter
• S/PDIF Optical Cable
• Wireless Antenna
• AA Batteries (6)
• Power Cord
• 8cm Disc Adapter

Because these mini lanterns are blue and cute, we wanted to say that
they’re approximately the size of Smurfs. And then this debate broke
out in our workspace about whether that’s accurate. And it’s basically
impossible to say, because the Smurfs’ height is supposed to be “three
apples,” but no one ever says what kind of an apple, and in any case
they are routinely depicted as much smaller than that.

There
is very little consideration given to continuity as far as the size of
the Smurfs goes, and it can be jarring. Sometimes they’re about as tall
as Azrael; sometimes they’re much shorter. How are we, the audience,
expected to care about what happens in the lives of the Smurfs if even
the overseas animators don’t?

Anyway, these mini hanging
lanterns, besides being convenient indoors and out, are fun for camping
enthusiasts, victims of power failures, or anyone who prefers
illumination to darkness. And they’re about the size the Smurfs are SOMETIMES.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Six mini battery-operated lanterns
• Hook design, making it simple to place them outdoors where there are no electrical outlets
• High/low switch on each lantern allows you to adjust the amount of light emitted
• Each lantern requires 4 AA batteries, not included
• Measures approximately 5”H x 4-1/2”Diam

In the box:

• 6 Pack Blue Hi/Low Mini Hanging Lanterns

Klipsch RCW-3 In-Wall Loudspeaker Pair
Class of 2009
“Я ненавижу эту тупоумную страну”

Accomplishments
- Russian Club
- 200 watts peak, 50 watts continuous

Voted “Most Dour”

The Klipsch RCW-3
In-Wall Loudspeaker twins were quite a surprise! We never knew we’d be
getting an exchange student, and it certainly was a “culture shock”,
but we think we all managed pretty well. We hope they got a good
education even though they were too ungrateful to even learn how to say
“ya’ll”. Good luck back in your godless freedom-hating country, Klipsch
RCW-3 In-Wall Loudspeaker Pair!

Warranty: 5 Year Klipsch

Features:

• Frequency response: 42Hz-20kHz±3dB
• Power handling: 50 watts maximum continuous (200 watts peak)
• Sensitivity: 93dB @ 1watt/1meter
• Nominal impedance: 8 ohms
• Tweeter: 1” (2.54cm) Titanium dome compression driver
• High frequency horn: 6” square 90°x60° Tractrix® Horn
• Woofer: 6.5” (16.51cm) Cerametallic® cone / cast polymer frame
• Enclosure material: ABS
• Enclosure type: Infinite baffle, front flush with wall
• Dimensions: 14.1” (35.8cm) x 9.05” (23cm)
• Mounting depth: 3.75” (9.5cm)
• Cutout dimensions: 13” (33cm) x 8” (20.3cm)
• Weight: 5 lbs. (2.26kg)
• Finishes: White
• Built from: 2000
• Built until: 2004

Let’s hear it for the second-tier Christmas presents, those auxiliary doo-dads that make marquee gifts like ponies, BB guns, and Xboxes look all the more impressive. Whether they’re stuffing a stocking or bulking up the pile under the tree, gaudy, low-price gifts like the Digital Blue PC Animation Station are as much a part of the holiday season as leftovers, depression, and FINAL WARNING credit-card bills. It’s just not Christmas without them.

We’re sure you’re wondering, so here’s the deal with this thing: your tot or totette can record up to four minutes on sound clips with the pacifier-looking microphone. Then the darling tyke can plug the Animation Station into your PC’s microphone jack and use the included software to do all kinds of crazy things to the sounds: edit ‘em, mix ‘em, stretch ‘em, squash ‘em, whatever.

If he or she is so inclined, your offspring can even create little movies using animated clip-art, and sync the sounds up to the animation. The library of clips (including some of the most popular Cartoon Network characters from five or six years ago) and simple interface are perfect for kids with more creative energy than expertise.

But most importantly, it’s just the kind of flashy, mysterious, tech-heavy gadget that inspires 15 seconds of crazed enthusiasm on Christmas morning, temporarily restoring your prestige in the eyes of your brood. While the Digital Blue PC Animation Station can’t bear the entire load of your children’s expectations, it fills out a stocking much more nicely than an orange does.

Warranty: One year

Features:

• Record sounds and voices at or away from your PC (holds 4 minutes of sound and voices away from PC)
• Download your recordings to your PC to create your own sound library
• Use sound effects and over 40 morphs to make your recordings sound like everything from an alien to an echo chamber
• Type in phrases and have Cartoon Network characters say them
• Add, remove and mix words and sounds from one recording to another
• Simple 5-Button Operation: Record, Playback, Volume, Trash, Download
• Animate recordings with Cartoon Network characters
• Share your recordings and animations through e-mail
• Recommended for Ages 6 to Adult
• Requires 4 “AAA” Batteries (Not Included)

Includes:

• PC Animation Station
• Multi-Media Mixing and Morphing Software CD-ROM
• Headphones
• Belt Clip
• Connecting Cable (connects to your computer’s microphone jack)

PC Animation Station System Requirements:

• Windows 98, 98 SE, ME, 2000, and XP
• Intel® Pentium® or CeleronTM processor 233 MHz or faster (166 MHz minimum)
• 32 MB RAM
• Minimum 140 MB free disk space for install, 90 MB free disk space after installation
• SVGA 800 x 600 resolution video support (min. 16-bit color)
• 4x CD-ROM
• 16-bit Windows® compatible sound device

Last week, the Wrightville Whisper was out and about, asking local residents what they think of the Nike+ Sport Kit Carrying Case for MP3 Players. We got an earful – and then some!

“If only I’d had this when my friend spilled red wine on my iPod, I wouldn’t have had to buy a new iPod. And I wouldn’t be in jail for killing my friend.”
Mark Wayne Quinn, inmate, Wrightville State Penitentiary

“Sure,
looks great…but what am I going to carry it in? Do I have to wait until
Nike gets around to making a Nike+ Sport Kit Carrying Case Carrying
Case?”
Neil Underhill, car washer, Neil’s Wipe n Go

“I
refuse to buy this Nike+ Sport Kit Carrying Case after the way its
surrogates in the media have conspired to keep a woman out of the White
House. I’ll just let John McCain carry my iPod, thank you very much.”
Joan Campbell, artistic director, That Splendid Little Theater Company

“I
have three kids. Didn’t I see something on the news about how the Nike+
Sport Kit Carrying Case could give my three kids cancer? I don’t think
I can bring something like that into my home. Did I mention I had three
kids?”
Alena Wolff, mother of three

“I like my iPod carrying cases the way I like my women: water-resistant, polyurethane, cheap, and easily stored.”
Brian “Ookla the Mok” Irvine, IT assistant, Wrightville Community College

“I
like how it has room for all my iPods and stuff, but black? Are you
kidding me? Black is so – wait, is black cool again? I was sick for a
couple of weeks, so I lost track.”
Jenny Dobrowski, sales associate, the Limited Three

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Water-resistant polyurethane case will keep all of your accessories organized and ready to go.
• Specially designed for the Nike+ iPod Sport Kit and iPod Nano (but fits most brand mp3 players)
• A padded divider holds your iPod Nano, sensor, and receiver, and a spool keeps your headphones tangle free.
• Has a clear plastic card sleeve on back of divider, a cargo net storage pocket, and a zipper pocket for small valuables
• Small enough to fit in your gym bag
• Dimensions: 4 1/8 W x 5.5 H x 2.75 D

In the box:

• 2 Nike AC1380 Sport Case for MP3 Players

Sometimes the products we sell can be confusing. We know it’s been
hard around the office lately. We start out wanting some popcorn and
suddenly we’re crying about “The Day The Music Died”. So here’s a handy
list to tell the Doral Designs Popcorn Maker from Fifties DJ star J.P.
Richardson.

Doral Designs Popcorn Maker: uses a 1400w air popper.
J.P. Richardson: coined the term “music video” in 1959.

Doral Designs Popcorn Maker: has a unit capacity of 18 oz of popped corn.
J.P. Richardson: once stayed on the air for over five days straight.

Doral Designs Popcorn Maker: includes a popcorn scoop and has non-slip rubber feet to prevent accidents.
J.P. Richardson: born in Texas.

Doral Designs Popcorn Maker: has a “Keep Warm” function!
J.P. Richardson: died in an Iowa snowstorm.

Doral Designs Popcorn Maker: A big popper.
J.P. Richardson: The Big Bopper.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot

Features:

• A new idea in traditional theater and party design!
• Uses high powered air popper (1400W) with large capacity popping chamber
• Unit capacity of 500g / 18oz popped corn
• Retractable no-spill serving door
• Includes popcorn scoop
• Keep warm function with lighted ON/OFF button
• Non-slip rubber feet

Specifications

• 120v ~ 60Hz or 230v ~ 50Hz 1400W
• Unit dimensions: 9.9” x 11.8” x 20.5”
• Unit weight 19.85 lbs

In the box:

• Doral Designs Popcorn Maker
• Scoop
• 3 Popcorn Buckets

How many times have you wished for a barometer? Or that you’d have
an easy way to tell a gentle rain from a deadly unyielding
sky-pounding? Sure, you could just call a friend a few miles down the
road and see what’s coming your way, but what if that friend is out? Or
worse, a big fat liar?

The Bios Digital Alarm Thermometer
Home Weather Station is a great way to never have to trust that
jerkface again. Easily mounted sensors transmit up to sixty yards,
letting you see all the weather information on your computer, where it
is warm and dry. Wind Direction, Wind Speed, Wind Chill, if it involves
Wind, you’ll know it! Plus you can get the indoor/outdoor temperature
before you call for pizza delivery, which can help you properly
calculate the tip. You gotta give a little more in the cold and the
rain, right?

There’s a temperature alarm which goes off if
the temperature does something you don’t like. We suppose then you can
go get some ice or a flamethrower and teach the temperature a lesson.
We’re not sure exactly what you’d do. But you’ll know, and that’s the
important thing. Remember, when it comes to cruel weather, knowledge is
power.

Warranty: 1 Year American Innovative

Features:

• Designed to monitor outdoor weather conditions
• Live weather transmission from the outdoor sensors, will allow you to see what is going on in your own area
• Sensors
  are easily mounted and transmit up to 60 yards to the indoor receiver
  which displays all weather information including Wind Direction, Wind
  Speed, Wind Chill, Outdoor and Indoor Temperature, and has a
  Temperature Alarm
• Displays 11 key weather conditions
• Wind Speed & Direction
• Wind Chill (ºC to ºF) max/min
• Forecasts the next 12 hours based on trends over the last 72 hours
• Rainfall (in/cm)
• Date
• Time and Alarm
• Barometric Pressure in mb (max/min)
• Barometric Trend over the last 24 hours
• Temperature Alarm
• Indoor & Outdoor Temperature ºF to ºC (max/min)
• Indoor Relative humidity
• Daily, Monthly & Annual Rainfall
• Wind Gust (PC only)

System Requirements

• 1.5GHz CPU or higher
• CD-ROM Drive
• 256 MB Memory
• USB Port
• 13.1 MB free hard disk space
• Windows XP SP2 and above
• Microsoft Office XP

In the box:

• Controller
• Thermometer & Transmitter Sensor
• Wind Sensor (30ft/9m)
• Rain Sensor (30ft/9m)
• Power Adapter (Input: 120V 60Hz 3W. Output: 6V 100mA)
• USB Cable
• Video Cable
• Software
• User Manual

This Nike SasQuatch 2 Sumo 4950 is a nice driver. But even a
multi-material driver with a graphite shaft doesn’t need that many
brand names. Why did we need this trend, where every part gets a name
like they were the minor characters in Dial H For Hero? was an? Why do
we have to say “Nike PowerBow geometry puts the center of gravity
lower”? Why can’t we just say “this club has a low center of gravity”?

And
“Nike SasQuatch 2 Sumo 4950”? It might be okay if they have a
“SasQuatch 1” out there somewhere, but then why the “Sumo” at the end?
We admit that Sasquatch Sumo would be completely awesome but do you
really want to be thinking about that while on the golf course, trying
to reduce your twisting on off-center shots? And after all that, you
still need a 4950? How much Sasquatch Sumo is out there? Because it’s
not on pay-per-view, we checked.

If you’re looking for a
good stiff driver, your choice is between this or a vodka/oj mix back
at the clubhouse. But if you’re looking for a big pile of names, hey,
there’s no choice at all. The Nike SasQuatch 2 Sumo 4950 with Diamana
graphite shaft wins it all easy.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Multi-material driver with graphite shaft and powerful square geometry
• PowerBow geometry moves center of gravity lower for increased distance
• High-performance Diamana graphite shaft blends power and stability
• Reduces twisting on off-center shots; 4.9 inches of front-to-back depth
• Measures 45 inches long; available with 9.5- and 10.5-degree lofts

In the box:

• Nike SasQuatch 2 Sumo 4950

It’s very small
Refurbished just for you
4 gigs will surely do
They call it a Nano

It came along
It will play songs for you
And all your videos too
They call it Nano

And there is Cover Flow
A Dock connector, oh
3rd generation Nano

2 inch
2 inch diagonal
LCD
Backlit and colorful
You know
It supports video

And of course audio

It charges fast
About three hours for you
You might need iTunes too
For your new Nano

Plus some earbuds
Plus some earbuds you can use
Hey here’s the manual too
Read up on your Nano

2 inch
2 inch diagonal
LCD
Backlit and colorful
You know
It can show JPGS if you try
It can show pictures if you try

It’s true-uu
The case is metal too-uu
Anodized inum-alu-uu
That’s reaching okay but you-uu
Have got to think like we duu
Sometimes we cheat to get through-uu
Sometimes we cheat

It’s very small
Refurbished just for you
4 gigs will surely do

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Watch up to 4 hours of TV shows, music videos, movies, and podcasts
• Cover Flow, browse your music by album artwork
• 320 by 240 resolution display that is 65 percent brighter than the previous iPod nano
• Cased in anodized aluminum and polished stainless steel.
• 6.5mm thin

Specifications:

• 4GB storage capacity
• Up to 24 hours of music playback; up to 4 hours of video playback
• 2-inch (diagonal) color LCD with LED backlight
• Dock connector, stereo minijack
• USB
  through dock connector; component and composite video through dock
  connector (with AV cables or kit, sold separately); audio through
  headphone jack
• About 3 hours charge time (1.5-hour fast charge to 80% capacity)
• Audio Support – AAC (16 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), MP3 (16 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, and 4), Apple Lossless, WAV, and AIFF
• Photo Support – Syncs iPod-viewable photos in JPEG, BMP, GIF, TIFF, PSD (Mac only), and PNG formats
• Video
  Support – H.264 video, up to 1.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per
  second, Low-Complexity version of the H.264 Baseline Profile with AAC-LC
  audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file
  formats; H.264 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per
  second, Baseline Profile up to Level 3.0 with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; MPEG-4 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Simple Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats
• Dimensions – 2.75×2.06×0.26 inches (69.8×52.3×6.5 mm)
• Weight – 1.74 ounces (49.2 grams)

In the box:

• iPod Nano 3G 4GB
• USB cable
• Earphones
• Warranty Card

It’s happening. The Feds are closing in on me. First, I was on my way to a very important comic convention when they took away my hair goo at the airport. Without the right hair, my Wolverine costume was a laughingstock. Then they sent my economic stimulus check four days late, just to mess with my head. Now, I learn that they’re taking all broadcast TV off the air, destroying the profitable DVD-piracy business I’d built with my Magnavox MWR10D6 DVD Analog Recorder.

Don’t believe the stories about “freeing up bandwidth” or whatever. The digital mandate is aimed squarely at me, and if you don’t see that, you’re either naive or you’re one of them. See, my super-cheap Magnavox gives me the low overhead I need to turn a profit with pirated DVDs of broadcast TV shows. It’s as easy to use as a VCR, and it has a built-in analog TV tuner. Lost, 24, Viva Laughlin: I was the first one to get DVDs of these hot shows out on the street, literally in my case. Ever bought a bootleg DVD set of a network TV show, and the insert was a photocopied collage of pictures clipped from Entertainment Weekly and Us, with the name of the show printed in Comic Sans? Then you’ve seen my work.

And they’ve never been able to stop me. Until now. Or until February, 2009. That’s when I’ll need a converter box to be able to receive a broadcast TV signal with my Magnavox MWR10D6. Sure, I could send away to the Feds for one of those coupons for $40 off a converter box. I could also just go down to the police station and turn myself in – it’d essentially be the same thing. What, me get cable? That would totally blow my budget.

I know when I’m beaten. You win, Big Brother. I might as well just sell my Magnavox Analog DVD Recorder – I’ll let you have it for, like, thirty-five bucks. This pirate is pulling into port for good…unless anybody out there’s willing to trade a free cable hookup for a complete DVD set of Celebrity Apprentice. Commercials included, at no extra charge!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Can record up to 6 hours on a standard blank DVD, and works just like a typical VCR
• DVD player that is compatible with DVD+R/RW playback, DVD-R/RW playback, and CD-DA playback
• Records at 480p progressive scan quality level for better looking movies and programs
• MP3 compatible with Dolby Digital audio format and stereo output
• Built in NTSC tuner

Specifications:

• Supported Digital Audio Standards: PCM, MP3
• Media Load Type: Tray
• Recordable Media: DVD-R, DVD-RW, DVD+RW, DVD+R
• Recording Mode: SP, LP, EP, HQ, SLP
• Media Type: CD-R, CD-RW, DVD-R, DVD+RW, DVD-RW, DVD+R, DVD, CD, Video CD, DVD+R DL
• Programmability: 8 events / 1 month
• MP3 Compatible: Yes
• Additional Features: Progressive scanning
• Digital Audio Format: Dolby Digital output
• Sound Output Mode: Stereo
• Power Consumption Operational: 20 Watt
• Power Consumption Stand by / Sleep: 1.6 Watt
• Power Device: Power supply – internal
• Voltage Required: AC 120 V ( 60 Hz )
• Channel Coverage: VHF:2-13, UHF:14-69, Cable:1-125
• Reception System: NTSC
• Connector Type: 1 x RF input – rear ¦ 1 x RF output – rear ¦ 1 x
  S-Video input ( 4 pin mini-DIN ) – rear ¦ 1 x S-Video output ( 4 pin
  mini-DIN ) – rear ¦ 1 x composite video/audio input ( RCA phono x 3 ) – rear ¦ 1 x composite video/audio output ( RCA phono x 3 ) – rear ¦ 1 x component video output ( RCA phono x 3 ) – rear ¦ 1 x SPDIF output ( RCA phono ) – rear ¦ 1 x S-Video input ( 4 pin mini-DIN ) – front ¦ 1 x composite video/audio input ( RCA phono x 3 ) – front

In the box:

• Magnavox MWR10D6 DVD Analog Recorder
• Remote
• 2 AAA Batteries
• Audio Video Cable
• Owners Manual

CONSUMER ALERT: This television receiver has only an analog broadcast tuner and will require a converter box after February 17, 2009 to receive over-the-air broadcasts with an antenna because of the U.S.’s transition to digital broadcasting. Analog-only TVs should continue to work as before with cable and satellite TV services, gaming consoles, VCRs, DVD players, and similar products. For more information, call the Federal Communications Commission at 1-888-225-5322 (TTY: 1-888-835-5322), or visit the commission’s digital-television Web site at: www.dtv.gov.

How’s this sound: every page of every issue from the first 40 years of the most influential music magazine evah, on DVD-ROM,
with a companion photo book and a free one-year subscription to the
magazine? If you responded in the positive, one of the following
statements is probably true:

• You spilled bongwater on your original Rolling Stone collection.
• You just found out that people played rock music before Fall Out Boy.
• You enjoy vigorous discussions about who is the greatest artist of all time: The Beatles, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, or Bob Dylan.
• You’re zombie Jimi Hendrix, and you’re curious about your legacy.
• You still have those intimate dreams about Dave Marsh.
• You don’t read anything printed on paper.
• You enjoy reading rock criticism, cultural criticism, contemporary journalism, and classified ads for condom-themed t-shirts.
• Nobody believes you played bass in Flock of Seagulls, so you want to find and print out the picture of you from that one issue.

Warranty: None

Features:

• DVD-ROMs
  include the first 40 years of Rolling Stone magazine—issues 1 through
  1025/1026 (from 1967 – May 2007) in their entirety, even the ads, on a
  Mac or PC
• Over 98,000 searchable pages, instantly available for retrieval and display exactly as they first appeared on the printed page
• Includes
  photo-filled companion book, 208-page companion volume that lets you
  flip through the history of Rolling Stone in a year-by-year time line
  of stories and pictures
• Includes a certificate for a
  no-strings-attached one-year subscription to Rolling Stone (a $12.95
  value), or can be used as a rebate
• Immerse yourself in the
  work of groundbreaking writers like Tom Wolfe, Hunter S. Thompson, Joe
  Klein, Cameron Crowe, P.J. O’Rourke, and visionary photographers
  including Annie Leibovitz, Mark Seliger, and Baron Wolman
• From
  Ellington to Elvis, Vietnam to the lunar landing, the Summer of Love to
  the season of grunge, Iran-Contra to Iraq, it’s all here—the iconic
  faces, images, and events that shaped our lives and informed our
  opinions
• The Bondi Reader lets you personalize your archive
  by creating and saving reading lists. From Hendrix at Woodstock to
  Eminem at the Grammys, you can compile and cross-reference any subjects
  you choose

Microsoft System Requirements:

• Windows 2000, XP SP2, Vista
• Minimum 512 MB of RAM (1 GB RAM recommended)
• 750 MB of free hard drive space
• Minimum screen resolution 1024×768
• DVD Drive

Apple System Requirements:

• Mac OSX 10.3.9 or later
• Minimum 512 MB of RAM (1 GB RAM recommended)
• 750 MB of free hard drive space
• Minimum screen resolution 1024×768
• DVD Drive

In the box:

• DVD Containing Bondi Reader 1.0
• Disc 1 November 1967 - December 1983
• Disc 2 Januay 1984 - December 1995
• Disc 3 January 1996 - May 2007
• Quick Start Guide
• Redemption Certificate
• 208 Page Softcover Coffee Table Book

EEEAAAGGGHHH! Face front, SOLDIER! Commander Killgun here to ORDER you to buy the Visiontek ATI Radeon X1950 Pro 16x PCI Express graphics card! It’s the ONLY choice for full-on, rapid-fire, non-stop, blood-spattered, HIGH-SPEED, action-packed, body-strewn, nitro-burning ACTION GAAAMIIINNGG! All the other video cards are for SISSIES and WUSSIES - you hear that, sissies and wussies? The Visiontek ATI Radeon X1950 Pro lets you see every chunk of shrapnel and every drop of blood as you EVISCERATE your enem-

You know what?

I can’t do this anymore.

I’m an actor, dammit. A real actor.

I studied at the Strasberg Institute. I did Beckett in Edinburgh. I was one of the masked perverts in Eyes Wide Shut. I don’t have to do this Commander Killgun gig. Yeah, the money’s good. But I can’t keep hating myself like this.

So
buy this video card, or don’t, whatever. Not my department anymore. I’m
moving on to better things, to roles worthy of my talent. I’m not going
to degrade myself ever again with talk of dual DVI
ports and full-screen anti-aliasing. My work will be about real
emotions, real ideas, real human expression. Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I have an audition for a bit part on According to Jim.

Warranty: 3 Year Visiontek

Features:

• Employs
  Shader Model 3.0, enables simultaneous high dynamic range lighting
  effects and full screen anti-aliasing, and supports up to 256 MB GDDR3 memory for fast frame buffering
• Radeon™ X1950 Crossfire™ Edition graphics card for ultra fast performance
• Full Screen Antialiasing (FSAA) with high dynamic range (HDR) technology. HDR
  mimics the human eye by displaying a broader range of colors within a
  scene. This allows for a wider spectrum of lighting effects, providing
  realistic shadows around buildings and landscape
• Avivo’s
  10-bit-per-color display engine renders one billion more colors,
  resulting in images that are clean, sharp, and brilliant. It also uses ATI’s Xillion™ and Theater™ technologies, which are found inside many of today ’s best digital high-definition TVs
• The X1950
  supports High-bandwidth Digital Content Protection (HDCP), a method of
  digital rights management that protects content. With a graphics card
  and a monitor that supports HDCP you can view this copy protected high-definition content
• provides
  full support for Vista’s image-intensive features, including Aeroglass,
  and enhances gaming, digital photo, and multimedia applications
• ATI’s Avivo technology provides flexible connectivity, delivers high-performance support for high resolution DVI
  displays, supports multiple-monitor environments and enables
  simultaneous S-video and composite video output at independent
  resolutions

Supported Display Modes:

• 640×480 200Hz
• 800×600 200Hz
• 1024×768 200Hz
• 1152×864 200Hz
• 1280×1024 160Hz
• 1600×1200 120Hz
• 1920×1080 (16:9) 120Hz
• 1920×1200 100Hz
• 1920×1440 90Hz
• 2048×1536 85Hz
• 2560×1600 60Hz

Specifications:

• 384 million transistors on 90nm fabrication process
• Up to 48 pixel shader processors
• 8 vertex shader processors
• Native PCI Express x16 bus interface
• Fully associative texture, color, and Z/stencil cache designs
• Hierarchical Z-buffer with Early Z test
• Lossless Z Compression (up to 48:1)
• Fast Z-Buffer Clear
• Optimized for performance at high display resolutions, including widescreen HDTV resolutions
• Support for Microsoft® DirectX® 9.0 Shader Model 3.0 programmable vertex and pixel shaders in hardware
• Full speed 128-bit floating point processing for all shader operations
• Dedicated branch execution units for high performance dynamic branching and flow control
• Dedicated texture address units for improved efficiency
• 3Dc+ texture compression o High quality 4:1 compression for normal maps and two-channel data formats
• High quality 2:1 compression for luminance maps and single-channel data formats
• Complete feature set also supported in OpenGL® 2.0
• 64-bit floating point HDR rendering supported throughout the pipeline, Includes support for blending and multi-sample anti-aliasing
• 32-bit integer HDR (10:10:10:2) format supported throughout the pipeline, Includes support for blending and multi-sample anti-aliasing
• 2x/4x/6x
  Anti-Aliasing modes, Multi-sample algorithm with gamma correction,
  programmable sparse sample patterns, and centroid sampling, New
  Adaptive Anti-Aliasing feature with Performance and Quality modes,
  Temporal Anti-Aliasing mode, Lossless Color Compression (up to 6:1) at
  all resolutions, including widescreen HDTV resolutions
• 2x/4x/8x/16x
  Anisotropic Filtering modes, Up to 128-tap texture filtering, Adaptive
  algorithm with Performance and Quality options
• High resolution texture support (up to 4k x 4k)

In the box:

• Visiontek ATI Radeon X1950 Pro
• Power Cable
• DVI to VGA Adapter
• Component HDTV Adapter

Remote Control Golf BallGolfers. Cheeky little wags, aren’t they?
Well, here’s the perfect toy for the chirpy golfer with a sense of
humour.

Okay, stop. That’s a line from the actual copy from the World Racing Nitro Green/White RC Golf
Ball. Yes, we see that humour-with-a-u that means it came from “across
the pond”, but we think that only makes it worse. You people invented
the language over there. You freaking invented it. It is named after you. Shakespeare is one of your guys. And this is what you come up with?

Look,
we know it’s a hard job. We really do. When you’re dealing with things
called “The Incred-a-ball” while your friend is leaving a message about
how he just made partner and wants to celebrate, that can really be
crushing. But don’t just fall back on Worth its weight in 19th hole drinking we imagine!
Grow a pair! Take that internal mounted gyroscope and cram it down
their throats! Johnny Rotten! John Lennon! King John the Puma from that
Robin Hood cartoon! John John the Piper’s Son, Stole A Pig And Away He
Run!

No one is saying that this radio controlled World Racing Nitro Green/White RC Golf
Ball isn’t going to be fun. When charged, it’ll spin randomly and then
keep going. It’s a great prank for your dad, or your best friend, or
that junior executive who keeps forgetting who really runs the company.
We’re not disputing that at all. Great product, really. We just want
you, the writer, to remember how good you can be.

Shake it
up, unknown British guy. Even if you’re at a desk thinking you’ll never
do anything more than walk to the pub. Trust us. You’re not so old. You
can still change the world a little bit if you try.

Warranty: 90 Day World Racing

Features:

• Remote controlled golf ball that can be set to spin off in any direction
• The perfect toy for the chirpy golfer with a sense of humor
• Radio controlled ball
• Tri-band transmitter selectable in 1 frequency
• Easy charge golf ball, with indicator
• Charger station

Wow, some of you people are still so sensitive. What we’ve got today is the Black & Decker 100 Watt USB and AC Power
Inverter, which means it turns 12 volt car battery power into 120 volt
household AC power. This means you can go on a trip and run your
laptop, or turntable, or cd player. Not the cd player already in your
car, of course. For that you’d need an inverter inverter and we don’t
have any of those today.

The Black & Decker 100 Watt USB and AC Power Inverter also handles USB.
This means that, while you drive, you can power things like light-up
Christmas trees and tiny, barely helpful rubber fans. Or maybe iPods
or, dare we say it, Sansas.

Unlike those giant pencil sharpener lookin’ power inverters that other companies sell, the Black & Decker 100 Watt USB and AC Power
Inverter is small enough to fit in your hand, or perhaps your glove
compartment if you need your hand to steer. That means there’s no big
production getting it