Woot $11.99 : Bacon Salt - 4 Pack http://www.woot.com

Malcolm @Duncan Ho. lee. crap. Bacon Salt back @Woot!

Duncan @Malcom is it veggie safe?

Siward @Malcolm 135mg of sodium! That’s 6% of the recommended daily value, or .05% of my usual intake!

Duncan @Malcolm sorry I left out your L. Veggie safe?

Malcolm @Duncan It is! Even Kosher! But it tastes just like bacon!

LadyMacduff @Woot has enough bacon salt for the whole family? Sooooo tempting…

Lady_Macbeth Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here and fill me from the crown to the toe top-full of direst cruelty!

Duncan @Lady_Macbeth uhhhhh…

xx_3Witches3_xx fair = foul

Malcolm Just bought one! Woot!

Macbeth @LadyMacduff just a heads up, you’ll have some left over now

BanquosGhost @Woot oh NOW you have the Bacon Salt.

Malcom @Duncan Who are you people?

Warranty: No Warranty, it’s bacon salt…

Features:

• Zero calorie, zero fat, safe for vegetarians, and Kosher certified seasoning salt that tastes like real bacon
• Makes everything taste like bacon
• Everything should taste like bacon
• 1/4th tsp. serving size
• Contains 135mg of sodium per serving size or 6% daily value on a 2,000 calorie diet
• Great to put on eggs, grilled meats or fish, vegetables, potatoes, or any kind of food

Main Ingredients:

• Sea Salt
• Dehydrated Garlic
• Paprika (spice and coloring)
• Dehydrated Onion
• Corn Syrup

Contains wheat, soy, and milk ingredients

In the box:

•  J&D’s Original Bacon Salt
• J&D’s Peppered Bacon Salt
• J&D’s Hickory Bacon Salt
• J&D’s Natural Bacon Salt

Oh, he was so nice to me. I would have, too, only… well, you know. When
I didn’t know anyone it was so easy. I bought a refurbished Netgear
WGR614v7 54Mbps Wireless Router
especially for him. And it was like a whirlwind then, it was like we
were near each other all the time. But it was boring just sitting at
the computer. I wanted to go out. And when I did, I met people. I never
lied, I told him everything every step of the way. When I was
Internet-sharing off my wireless connection with many users he always
knew, I never used my 40/64-128 bit encryption on the truth. I told him
he was free to do the same. We just started talking less after that. I
still care, though. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. But I’m happy.
And I hope he is as well.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Conveniently share your cable/DSL connection with many users on your network with or without wires
• Delivers 10/100 Mbps (auto-sensing) WAN and LAN connections and interoperability with 54 Mbps (802.11g) and 11 Mbps (802.11b) devices over a 2.4 GHz band wireless network
• Stateful
  Packet Inspection (SPI) and Denial of Service (DoS) attack prevention
  averts potential threats by scanning incoming traffic and Network
  Address translation (NAT) shields your networked devices from intruders
• WEP encryption (40/64- or 128-bit) on the wireless LAN conceals your information from eavesdroppers
• MAC Address Control prevents unauthorized access to your wireless network
• VPN pass-through give secure Internet access to your office or corporate network
• Parents are able to limit web access by blocking offensive content and URL addresses, and the router sends real-time email alerts and logs of all network web activity
• SmartWizard™ simplifies setup — it automatically detects and configures your router for virtually all ISP connections

Specifications:

• Routing Protocols: Static & Dynamic Routing with TCP/IP, VPN pass-through (IPSec, L2TP), NAT, PPTP, PPPoE, DHCP (client & server)
• Application
  Support: Works with most Internet gaming and instant messaging
  applications and applications that support UPnP for automatic Internet
  access
• Functions: Automatically detects and configures your ISP type, Exposed Host (DMZ), MAC address authentication, URL content filtering, logs and e-mail alerts of Internet activity
• Internet/WAN: 10/100 Mbps (auto-sensing) Ethernet, RJ-45
• LAN: 4 ports 10/100 Mbps (auto-sensing) Ethernet, RJ-45
• Wireless Network Speeds: 1, 2, 5.5, 6, 9, 11, 12, 18, 24, 36, 48, & 54 Mbps (auto-rate capable)
• Modulation Type: OFDM with BPSK, QPSK, 16QAM, 64QAM, DBPSK, DQPSK, CCK
• Frequency: 2.412 ~ 2.462 GHz (US) 2.412 ~ 2.484 GHz (Japan) 2.412 ~ 2.472 GHz (Europe ETSI) 2.457 ~ 2.462 GHz (Spain) 2.457 ~ 2.472 GHz (France)
• Firewall: Stateful Packet Inspection (SPI), DoS Attack Detection/Logging, Dropped Packet Log, Security Event Log, E-mail Log
• Encryption: 40-bit (also called 64-bit), 128-bit, and 152-bit (802.11g only) WEP encryption, WPA (Wi-Fi Protected Access)
• Antenna: 2 dBi
• Dimensions: 6.9×1.1×4.7 in (175.3×27.94×119.4 mm)
• Weight: 0.3 kg (0.7 lb)

It’s a question we hear a lot in life, especially from police,
teachers, employers, girlfriends, other drivers, and ordinary citizens:
“What’s your problem?” But before we can answer honestly, we have to
know what our problem is. To figure out what your problem is, please
answer “I agree”, “I disagree”, or “I don’t know” to each of the
following statements:

1. I frequently think about suicide.
2. I have noticed an abnormal discharge from my vagina or penis.
3. I run on an Intel Core™2 2.4 GHz Quad Processor.
4. I am jealous of the happy, smiling people I see in advertisements for antidepressants.
5. My body has a 15-in-1 memory card reacher and 6 USB 2.0 ports.
6. Circa 2003, I used the phrase “In Dusty We Trusty” at least once in conversation, on the Internet, or in a homemade sign.
7. I often cry without understanding why.
8. I cry more often in late September or early October.
9. I have had unprotected intercourse within the last two years.
10. I keep my 400 GB 7200 RPM SATA hard drive close to me at all times.
11. No matter how little sense it makes, I will always hate Steve Bartman.
12. I frequently feel like I am worthless and nothing I do will ever turn out right.
13. I feel a burning sensation when I urinate.
14. I have 2×1024MB DDR2 SDRAM memory, integrated NTSC and over-the-air ATSC high-definition TV tuners, and an FM radio.
15. I have nightmares about Lou Brock and Ernie Broglio.
16. My testicles are tender and swollen.

If you answered “I agree” to all or most of questions 1, 4, 7, and 12,
your problem is clinical depression. Consult a psychiatric
professional. Put all your knives, guns, razor blades, and strong
pharmaceuticals in a locked case and give the key to someone you trust.

If you answered “I agree” to all or most of questions 2, 9, 13, and 16,
your problem is chlamydia. Seek treatment immediately. Do not let shame
or embarrassment keep you from receiving the treatment you need, you
filthy slut.

If you answered “I agree” to all or most of questions 3, 5, 10, and 14, your problem is that you are a HP Pavilion M8125X Desktop PC. You’re slightly outdated, but you can probably find someone who needs your affordable array of computing features.

If you answered “I agree” to all or most of questions 4, 6, 8, 11, 12, and 15,
your problem is that you are a Chicago Cubs fan. As of October 2008,
science has still not found an effective treatment for your condition,
despite over $300 million being spent in a quest to cure it.

Warranty: 1 Year HP

Features:

• Intel ® Viiv™ Processor Technology with an Intel ® Core™2 Quad Processor Q6600, 2.4 GHz, 8MB L2 Cache, 1066MHz Front Side Bus
• Intel ® P965 Express Chipset
• 2048MB PC2-5300 DDR2 SDRAM memory(2×1024MB for ultimate performance) (expandable to 8GB)
• 400 GB 7200 RPM SATA hard drive
• SuperMulti DVD Burner with LightScribe Technology
• 15-in-1 memory card reader
• Ethernet 10/100/1000BT integrated network interface and 56k modem
• NTSC TV tuner, over-the-air ATSC high-definition television tuner, and FM tuner (antenna included)
• High Definition Audio, 8 speaker configurable audio system
• 6 USB 2.0 ports (2 in front); 2 FireWire®-IEEE-1394 ports (1 in front)
• 2 PCI slots (occupied), 1 PCI-E x1 slot (available), 1 PCI-E x16 slot (occupied)
• 2 external optical drive bays, 2 internal HDD bays, 1 external HDD bay
• Genuine Windows Vista® Home Premium

That’s it, Geoffrey. We’ve tried to be patient with you, but this
humiliation is the last straw. How can we call ourselves a proper
thieves’ guild when our costumes keep falling apart? One little fray
and I lost every button on my tunic. And Brian’s jerkin split right up
the back – do you have any idea how dishonorable that is in medieval
society? The entire Harveste Fayre was laughing at us, even the guys at
the funnel cake booth.

You are hereby removed as Master
Haberdasher. And since nobody else wants the job, I suppose, once
again, that I must step into the breach – or breeches, as it were. To
this end, I propose that we invest the guild treasury in a Singer 7426
120-Stitch Sewing Machine. I have no idea what terms like “drop-in
bobbin” and “optimum stitch settings” mean, but as I am an effortless
polymath, I will have no trouble apprehending sewing in short order.
After all, it only took me six months to become fluent in Elvish. I’m
sorry, Geoffrey, but it seems Fate has callen upon me and the Singer
7426 to provide reliable seamstery – yea, the very fate of the 12th
century hangs in the balance!

Warranty: Limited 25 Year on Machine Head, Limited 5 Year on Motor, Light, Assembly, Wiring, Switches, Speed Control, Electronic Components Limited 1 Year Adjustyments, Belts, Rings, Bulbs, and Attachments

Features:

• Heavy-Duty Aluminum Frame
• Electronic Stitch Formation
• 70 Stitch Functions
  Automatic Optimum Stitch Settings for length, width, balance, pressure, and tension.
  Pushbutton Stitch Selection – With just a simple push of a button you
  have selected the stitch and the optimum settings for length, width,
  balance, pressure and tension.
• 3 Styles of 1-Step Buttonholes
• Top
  Drop-In Bobbin – The bobbin loads from the top, so it’s easy to insert
  the bobbin and easy to monitor the bobbin thread supply.
• Automatic Bobbin Winding
• Auto Tension – This system ensures stable stitch quality, whatever type of fabric is being used.
• Lock
  Function on Decorative Stitches – Tie-off decorative stitches with just
  a push of a button. Reinforcing the end of the stitch ensures quality
  stitching and avoids raveling.
• 13 Needle Positions –
  Needle position can be changed for individual projects, such as
  inserting zippers or cording and topstitching.
• Long-Lasting LED Light
  – The lamp illuminates the sewing surface for optimal viewing. The
  long-lasting bulb (100,000 hours) stays cool, regardless how long the
  machine is operated.
• Snap-On Presser Feet
• Free-Arm
• On Board Storage
• Adjustable Stitch Length and Width
• Electronic Twin Needle Control

In the box:

• Singer 7426 Sewing Machine
• Power Cable
• Extension Table
• Seam Ripper / Brush Combination Tool
• Spool Pin Cap (Large)
• Spool Pin Cap (Small)
• Screwdriver
• General Purpose Foot
• Zipper Foot
• Special Purpose Foot
• Even Feed Foot
• Buttonhole Foot
• Blindstitch Hem Foot
• Instructional Manual

FHSS

Dude, wake up.

FHSS

Dude, dude! Wake up!
What’s wrong, man?
I think there’s a snake in here!

FHSS

There it is again!
Calm down, man. That’s just the Soundcast Wireless Audio System. The clear, uninterrupted audio signal goes 350 feet thanks to FHSS technology.

FHSS

Man, turn the light on, I know it’s a snake!
It isn’t a snake, it’s a Soundcast Wireless Audio System. It wirelessly connects a 3.5mm audio source to an RCA connection, like a mp3 player to a stereo in the other room.

FHSS

OW IT BIT ME
It didn’t bite you, dude, it’s a wireless audio system. A transmitter and a receiver, sold together.
NO IT BIT ME, WE GOTTA FIND IT

FHSS

OH IT’S GETTING DARK I NEED ANTIVENOM
Dude, calm down, it’s a speaker system, it’s doesn’t have venom.

FHSS

See? If it was a cobra, you’d be dead by now. It’s just a Soundcast Wireless Audio System

FHSS

Dude?

FHSS

Warranty: 2 Year Soundcast

Features:

• The Soundcast Audiocast lets you turn your PC into a music server.
• Simply hook the Audiocast transmitter to the headphone out jack on your computer
  and send your recorded music files to the Audiocast receiver that is attached to
  your music system, wherever it may be in your home.
• You can use two receivers with each Soundcast transmitter so that you can
  create two separate music zones in your home.
• You can connect two
  Audiocast transmitters to the same music source – then you can make a four zone
  system.
• Connects your PC/Mac/MP3 player wirelessly to an audio system that is up to 150 feet away
• Uses 2.4 GHz wireless FHSS technology to send the audio signal to the receiver
• 1
  transmitter can connect to 2 receivers to create a 2 zone audio system.
  You can also connect 2 transmitters (connected to the same audio
  source) to 4 receivers for a 4 zone audio system
• Transmitter is compatible with any device that uses a 3.5mm audio out put jack
• Receiver is compatible with RCA (red and white) connectors
• Bypasses DRM restrictions because you are playing audio directly from your PC, Mac, iPod, or MP3 player
• Has 3 different audio channels to broadcast on
• Dimensions: 6.8×2 x 3.5 inches (W x H x D)

In the AudioCast Transmitter box:

• Transmitter
• Power Adapter
• Audio Cables

In the AudioCast Receiver box:

• Receiver
• Power Adapter
• Audio Cables

Our momma- a good woman, hardworking and virtuous -told us over and
over never to stick anything in our ear that’s smaller than our elbow.
Then she would have a good long hearty laugh at our futile efforts to
test her advice. Try as we might, we were kids, not quadruple-jointed
circus freaks, and we just couldn’t make the ol’ arm-bender reach our
ears. Oh, how she guffawed!

Then, one day, we finally showed
her. All of us siblings compared elbows and, finding them all pretty
much the same size, took turns ramming our own elbows into each other’s
ears, demonstrating the value of mom’s advice by inflicting permanent
hearing loss all around.

From that day on, dear old mom was
known as “that lady with all the self-mutilating deaf children.” Served
her right, though! What a thing to tell your own kids. We miss you,
momma.

Anyway, for those of you who still have use of your
ears, having not yet busted them up with blunt force elbow trauma, we
recommend the HP Premium Stereo Headset with Microphone. The gold-plated connection on this set makes perfect for use with mp3 players, portable DVD players or PSP, but also a low-profile communication accessory if you’re into Skype or PC audio chat or something.

However
its most distinctive feature, in our opinion, is the plushy fit. How
can you be upset you just got teamkilled when you’re so comfortable?
Sure, it is about the same size as your elbow, so that might be
worrying. But its got a cord you can yank to retrieve it from your
inner ear if you get an urge to shove it all the way in there.

Just keep in mind: that cord also controls the volume. So try to fight that urge.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Get superior sound integrity with the gold-plated connectors
• Get immersed in games and music, via the big-stereo sound supplied by the 38 mm drivers
• Filter out background noise while speaking with the noise-canceling microphone
• Adjust the volume and quickly mute the microphone with the in-line controls
• Fold up the compact design for easy mobility
• Adjust the headband for the perfect fit
• Cushion your ears with the plush pads

Karl Lagerfeld owns several hundred iPods. He keeps them all over
the world, in his various houses and apartments, so that he always has
music at the ready whenever he stops in. Well, Karl, we expect you’re
making the switch to iPhones now. So when you’re ready to get rid of
those old iPods we hope you’ll contact us. And if you’re looking to
protect your iPhones, we’ll hope you’ll consider the Speck SeeThru
iPhone Case.

Like many people in the fashion industry, the
Speck SeeThru iPhone Case is made of hard plastic. They’re hard,
translucent, and almost completely shatterproof. They’ll work with the original iPhone (Not 3G). And they keep the useful parts easy to touch, which is always a
plus in fashion.

Karl, you’ve worked for a long time and
done many great things. Wouldn’t you like to help out a little internet
company that only wants to be fashionable? Give us a call, darling.
Kiss kiss.

Warranty: 1 Year Speck Products

Features:

• Specifically designed for the original iPhone (not compatible with iPod Touch or iPhone 3G)
• Protects the original iPhone from scratches
• Made of polycarbonate plastic with cutouts for the headphone jack, data plug, switch, and camera
• Comes in 4 different colors, Aqua, Pink, Red, and Smoke
• Polycarbonate plastic is very durable and virtually shatter-proof
• Length: 2.5 inches
• Width: 1.5 inches
• Height: 4.5 inches
• Weight: 2.3 oz.

In the box:

• 4 Speck SeeThru iPhone Case (Aqua, Pink, Red, Smoke)

Vizio JV50PB 50” “Jive” Plasma HDTV
Class 0f 2009
“Leg ‘er down ‘n smack ‘em yak ‘em. Cold got to be.”

Accomplishments
- Founder, Black Student Union, White Students’ Auxiliary
- 2007 Battle of the MCs, Participation Ribbon
- Wireless rear speakers and subwoofer

Voted “Most Likely To Be At The Center Of A Serious Misunderstanding”
Voted “Bumpinest Sound, 560 Watts Total Peak Power”

What
up, “Jive!” It seems like only yesterday it was our freshman year and
you were still just Preston. No one who was at Homecoming will ever
forget your awesome “Hammer Pants.” Word to yo mamaleh!

Warranty: 90 Day Vizio

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended

Warranty

st_widget.create({bannerStyle : ‘wide’, widgetType : ‘quote’, itemCondition :

‘Refurbished’, itemPrice : 999.99, merchantID : ’subscrip_014793207843′});

Features:

• 50” Plasma HDTV with Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound
• Support for high definition television at 1080i
• 15,000:1 Contrast Ratio
• Includes
  2-front channel, 1-center channel as well as 2-rear channel plus a
  free-standing subwoofer.
• The rear speakers and subwoofer connect
  wirelessly to the “Jive” eliminating the wire clutter that is inherent
  with other surround sound systems.
• 5.1 SPDIF Digital Optical Audio Input will allow you you to play any Dolby Digital 5.1 output from any source using an optical audio cable without the need to own a seperate stereo system.
• 
  The VP50P “Jive” generates more than ample sound, even for the
  discerning audiophile pumping 560-watts total peak power (70-watts RMS)
  of high quality digital sound to maximize your VIZIO High Definition
  television experience.

Specifications:

• Size: 50-in (Viewable: 50-in)
• Tuner: Integrated NTSC/ATSC/QAM HDTV Tuner
• Supported TV Formats – 1080i, 720p, 480p, 480i
• Native Panel Resolution: 1366×768
• Supported PC Resolutions: 1366×768, 1024×768, 800×600
• Panel Type: 50” Diagonal, 16:9 Wide Screen, Plasma Panel
• Pixel/Dot Pitch: 0.81 mm (H) x 0.81 mm (V)
• Display Compatibility: HDTV (720p)
• Signal Compatibility: 480i (SDTV), 480P (EDTV), 720P (HDTV), 1080i (HDTV)
• Colors: 1.07 Billion
• Brightness: 1,500 cd/m2 (maxl)
• Contrast Ratio: 15,000:1
• Viewable Angle: >178 degrees (horizontal and vertical)

Inputs:

• RF (F Connector for internal tuner): 1
• HDMI with HDCP: 3
• Analog Stereo Audio for HDMI Inputs: 1
• Component YPbPr plus Stereo Audio: 2
• Composite Video: 2
• S-Video plus Stereo Audio: 0
• Computer RGB plus Stereo Audio: 1
• Service Port: 0

Outputs:

• Analog Audio out (RCA): 1
• 5.1 SPDIF Digital Optical Audio: 1
• Headphone (Stereo Mini-Jack): 0

Additional Information:

• Picture-in-Picture (PIP)
• Picture-outside-Picture (POP)
• Closed Caption (CC)
• V-Chip
• Zoom
• Freeze
• 3:2 or 2:2 Reverse Pull-down
• ATSC with 8VSB & QAM demodulation
• ATSC with MPEG-2 decoding
• NTSC Video decoding via RF: Yes, thru Antenna, Cable, or Satellite
• NTSC Video decoding via Video: Yes, thru CVBS, S-Video, or Component
• Progressive Scan Video: Yes, thru Component YPbPr, VGA or HDMI
• HDTV: Yes, thru HDMI or Component YPbPr
• Computer: 640×480, 800×600, 1024×768 thru VGA or 640×480 thru HDMI
• Sound enhancement: Yes, with 5.1 Digital Dolby Surround Sound (Wireless)
• Color Temperature: 6500K (standard), 5400K and 9300K
• Color Fine Tuning: Independent Red, Green and Blue
• Audio: Built-in 10W x 3, 1 Subwoofer 120w(max), plus 2 x rear channel
• Lamp (LCD) / Panel (PDP) Life: 60000 hours
• Power: IEC Connector for direct power line connection
• Voltage Range100 ~ 240 Vac at 50/60 Hz
• Power Consumption: 380W average
• Removable Base

Weight:

• Gross:126 lbs
• Net: 120 lbs
• Without Stand: 108 lbs
  

Dimensions:

• Carton: 54.8” W x 45.4” H x 14.5” D
• Net: 48.8” W x 33.7” H x 11.5” D
• Without Stand: 48.8” W x 32.2” H X 4.1” D
• Certifications: CSA, CSA-US FCC Class B, BETS-7

He said

“Baby, I like the sound of you, and that reproduction’s balanced.

That ergonomic fit and water resistant

And you’ve a case, makes for easy stora-age.

Magnetic back

You’ll clip around my neck

And they made you really rugged

Your cable’s so symmetric, it’s almost like hers

I’m gonna choose how I want to use ya-a.”

Strut, pout

Play my sound

I’ll use you with my iPhone

MX70

This one is either/or

Strut, pout

Play my sound

Don’t have to have an iPhone

MX70

Got one that’s just normal

You won’t

Need a different pair

Need a

Different pair

You won’t

Need a different pair

Need no

Different pair

Strut, pout

Play my sound

I’ll use you with my iPhone

MX70

This one is either/or

Strut, pout

Play my sound

Don’t have to have an iPhone

MX70

Got one that’s just normal

Strut, pout

Play my sound

I’ll use you with my iPhone

MX70

Buy whichever you want

Strut, pout

Play my sound

Don’t have to have an iPhone

MX70

And it’s sweat resistant

Warranty: Two Year Sennheiser

Features:

• Ergonomic design ensures optimum fit and comfort
  
• Powerful neodymium magnets for detailed sound
  
• Sweat and water-resistant
  
• Extremely rugged headphones and cable
  
• Accessories: ear adapter set, cable clip, extension cable and soft-sided carrying case

In the box:

• Earbuds
  
• Ear-Adapter Set
  
• Cable Clip
  
• Extension Cable
  
• Carrying Case

Health care tool
There’s a storage case included
And I want you
You’re more helpful when I’m sick
No more need to worry about bitin’ on the mercury
You’re digital
That’s what you are, baby

Waterproof
Your four digit display
Baby you
Are easier to read these days
You got a lithium battery which makes it quick for me to see
Just what you are
What you are baby

Thermo meter
Thermo Thermo meter
You’re a thermo meter
Oh
Thermo meter
Oh
You’re a thermo meter baby
You you you are
You you you are
Thermo meter
Thermo meter
Thermo meter
Thermo meter

Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are
Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are

You
Just point one seconds
You
Streamlined for access
You
The memory’s
You
10-set you see

Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are
Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are

You
Just point one seconds
You
Streamlined for access
You
The memory’s
You
10-set you see

Exacto
You’ll take my temp’ture like a champion
Then off you’ll go
You’re my best first aid companion
You’re one touch and for ears you’ll fit in anywhere you’re put
Because that’s what you are
That’s just what you are baby

Sorry that
We covered most of it by now
There isn’t much
To add we didn’t say before
Thank god this song is almost through at least the parts we need to write
We’ll paste the rest
Cut and paste, baby

Thermo meter
Thermo Thermo meter
You’re a thermo meter
Oh
Thermo meter
Oh
You’re a thermo meter baby
You you you are
You you you are
Thermo meter
Thermo meter
Thermo meter
Thermo meter

Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are
Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are

You
Just point one seconds
You
Streamlined for access
You
The memory’s
You
10-set you see

Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are
Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are

You
Just point one seconds
You
Streamlined for access
You
The memory’s
You
10-set you see

Maybe if there were no germs
Thermo meter Thermo meter Thermo meter Thermo meter
I wouldn’t need you
And maybe if I’d sick days to burn
But I don’t so I do
You

Thermo meter
Thermo Thermo meter
You’re a thermo meter
Oh
Thermo meter
Oh
You’re a thermo meter baby
You you you are
You you you are
Thermo meter
Thermo meter
Thermo meter
Thermo meter

Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are
Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are

You
Just point one seconds
You
Streamlined for access
You
The memory’s
You
10-set you see

Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are
Put it in your ear a-and it will say how hot you a-a-are

You
Just point one seconds
You
Streamlined for access
You
The memory’s
You
10-set you see

Put it in your ear and it will say how hot you a-a-are
Put it in your ear and it will say how hot you a-a-are

Thermo meter
Thermo thermo meter
You’re a thermo meter
Oh
Thermo meter
Oh
You’re a thermo meter baby

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Takes instant temperature in merely 0.1 second
• Compact, handy, and streamline shape gives easy access
• Reliable, 512 scanning sequences per second ensure the precise accuracy
• Simple, easy-to-read display and 10-set memory function provides user friendly 1 touch operation
• Measures temperatures between 34°C to 43°C (93.2°F to 109°F)
• Easy to read 4 digit display
• Waterproof probe
• Accuracy Less than 36°C: ± 0.3°C
• Accuracy from 36°C to 39°C:± 0.2°C
• Greater than 39°C: ± 0.3°C

In the box:

• Ear Thermometer
• CR2032 Lithium Battery
• Users Manual
• Storage Case

Is your wallet killing you? Is your little pocket pal slowly leaking
toxic chemicals into your system, contaminating your body down to the
cellular level? Does every swipe of your credit card push you a little
closer to the grave?

Probably not. But after db clay went to all the trouble of engineering their own synthetic, PVC-free,
pollution-free alternative to vinyl, the least you could do is show a
little paranoia. They call the stuff Tope, and these wallets are all
made out of it. Conveniently, Tope is also easy to print on, giving db
clay an entree into the lucrative
people-who-must-have-pictures-on-their-wallets market.

If
you take the Tope challenge, you’ll receive a random design – maybe the
arboreal Dark Bark or the avian Feathers, the Euro-lampposts of Lights
of Spain or the wigged-out Broadway, or one of three other designs. You
can get a better look at db clay’s own site
(check the model names – not all of those wallets are offered here).
What’s that? You don’t like any of them? Hey, just because it says
“Designer” doesn’t mean it has to look good. Isn’t not killing you
enough?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Made
  from Tope, a synthetic material similar to a vinyl canvas but does not
  contain certain hazardous chemicals typically found in most vinyl-based
  products
• Inspired by original artwork
• Water resistant, heat resistant, cold resistant
• Printed with non toxic ink
• Size (when folded): 3.5” x 4.25”
• Packaged in gray gift box
• Black Tope interior
• Satin nylon lining

In the box:

• Random db Clay Designer Wallet

Red is a powerful color—the color of blood, of shame, of STOP
signs, communism, the Scarlet Letter and Laura Prepon. Did you know
that in China, brides traditionally wear red dresses? It’s true! We
knew this girl who wore a green dress at her wedding, and her mom kind
of freaked out. If it’d been a red dress, though? Oh, she would have
totally lost it. She’s not even a little bit Chinese, though, so it
just goes to show you that cultures can be very different.

This
Sandisk Sansa taps into the long tradition of red icons. You look at
it, and you think: This little bugger will provide hours of
entertainment entertainment [Lucille Ball]. It will be reliable [fire
trucks]. It’ll be perfect for long trips on the road [Red Sovine]. And
when I sync it up, I’ll have to be careful not to spread computer
viruses from one machine to another [the red light district].

Of course, we could be totally wrong about all that; we’re deuteranopiatic or whatever you call it.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 1GB storage space for music, photos, and voice/FM recordings
• MicroSD expansion slot
• Rechargeable battery keeps the player running for 15 hours on a full charge
• MP3, WAV, and Protected WMA playback
• FM tuner and photo viewer that can display up to 64,000 colors
• FM recorder and voice recorder

In the box:

• Sansa C240
• Earbuds
• USB Cable

There’s an episode of Roseanne where Dan Conner goes to Becky’s
boyfriend Mark’s apartment for one reason or another. Mark’s not in,
but Dan winds up having a beer with Mark’s roommate. Talk turns to the
massive stereo system in the apartment. The roommate asks Dan what kind
of system he has at home, and the unglamorous, unhip, unyoung Dan
answers, “A clock radio.”

Good gag. But if the Timex TS70B
had been around in 1990-whenever, they’d have had to find some other
audio appliance to push around. Compatible with all Sansa e200 and c200
players, the Timex TS70B actually manages to make the lowly clock radio kind of – dare we? We dare – cool.

This
sleek tower of aural-chronometric power offers a dock and remote to let
you control your Sansa from the comfort of your bed. Happen to prefer a
lesser brand of audio player? We suppose that’s your right. And so does
Timex, because you can connect other MP3 players via the 3.5mm mini-jack. You know, if that’s how you get your sick thrills.

Sure,
we wish it let you wake up to the sound of your MP3s instead of the
usual radio or buzzer options. And we also wish it came with ten pounds
of free Twinkies. We can’t blame it for not meeting our unrealistic
expectations.

Warranty: 90 Day Timex

Features:

• Charges & Plays Sansa E200 & C200 Series
• Dual alarm for two individual wake times
• Wake to AM/FM radio or buzzer
• Sleep to AM/FM radio with adjustable sleep timer
• Battery backup maintains clock and alarm settings in case of power failure
• Full function remote control
• Aux/MP3 line-in to connect other Sansa players or audio players
• DST switch for quick, easy Daylight Saving Time adjustment

In the box:

• Timex Clock Radio for Sansa e200 & c200
• Power Cable
• Remote Control
• AM Antenna
• Dock Supporter
• User’s Guide

Like us, you probably think “Piranha” is a strange name for
something you’re supposed to wear on your head. After all, no one in
his right mind would put an actual piranha on his head, or anywhere
near his face. The South American fish is an infamous killing machine,
endowed with thousands of razor-sharp teeth and an insatiable appetite
for blood and the flesh that contains it.

A school of
piranhas can skeletonize a typical Cub Scout troop in under fifteen
seconds. Large state schools of piranha will sometimes celebrate a
successful skeletonization by rioting, pulling down traffic lights,
smashing windows, and setting cars on fire. They are bad news, sister,
with a capital B and N.

There are only two sets of
circumstances in which you should even consider putting a piranha on
your ears. The first is if the piranha is dead. And you should be absolutely sure
it’s dead, too, not just lying there faking it in hopes some imprudent
Cub Scout will put it on his ears. Piranhas can enter a near-death
trance state in which they can go without oxygenated water for several
minutes at a time, so you should keep yours in a secure, waterless
container overnight and under constant surveillance so you know it
didn’t sneak some water while no one was looking.

Then, and
only then, will the Amazonian death-dealer be safe to put on your ears.
The thing about this, though, is that there is very little payoff. The
fish will feel cold and damp on your head, and look silly to boot. The
only upside is that you can say you put a piranha on your head, which
will perplex more people than it impresses, so don’t bother.

The
other circumstance under which you might put a piranha on your ears is
if it isn’t a fish at all, but Razer’s stereo gaming headphones.

The
payoff in this case is a lot better, especially if you’re a gamer with
roommates or early-to-bed neighbors in the next apartment. These phones
are on-ear style, to reduce the ear-sweat that can be a problem with
ampler muffs—and with real piranha fish, for that matter, though the
sweating you get wearing them is mostly from nervousness.

You’ll
get a comfortable fit, convenient controls, clear, true-to-life audio
with bumpin’ bass, and an adjustable noise-filtering microphone for
communicating with your fellow gamers.

Probably best of all, there’s very little danger of these Piranhas shaving your ears off your skull and eating them raw.

Warranty: 90 Day Razer

Features:

• True-to-life audio quality with superior clarity and bass
• Adjustable, noise-filtering microphone for clearer in-game communication
• Comfortable, ergonomic and adjustable earphones suitable for prolonged use.
• In-line remote control with convenient volume and microphone muting adjustments
• Single-sided cable for hassle-free usage
• Durable braided fiber cable protection
• Internet telephony compatible
• Compatible with most major operating systems
• Usable with CD, DVD and digital audio players (via 3.5mm minijack)

Specifications:

Headphones

• Freq. response: 18 – 22,000 Hz
• Impedance: 32 Ohms
• SPL (@ 1 kHz, 1 Vrms): 114 dB
• Cable: 3.0 meters

Microphone

• Freq. response: 80 – 15,000 Hz
• Sensitivity (@ 1 kHz, 1V/Pa): -38 dB
• Impedance: ~2 kOhms
• Pick-up pattern: Uni-directional

In the box:

• Razer Piranha Gaming Stereo Headphones
• Users Guide

See those blue words on the Philips 10 in 1 Universal Remote Control? See how they almost match the color of the 1.5” x 2” TFT screen? See how easy it would be to assume those words light up? Sucker.

We
have to admit, we did the same thing. This salesman got off the train
and sang a great song about all the things that rhymed with remote and
somehow convinced us we had to buy sixty thousand and pay cash. Looking
back on it now, it was sort of foolish. Dave still needs that
operation, and Kevin hasn’t stopped coughing for weeks, and poor
Barbara doesn’t even know what the word “food” means any more. But even
still, we did it, and now we have to live with it.

This in
no way should imply that the Philips 10 in 1 Universal Remote Control
is a bad remote, because it’s great. It’s programmable and easy to use,
and that screen makes it simple to see everything you’re doing. You
don’t have to keep wondering if you hit “seven seven menu five info
eight seven seven” or “seven seven menu nine info eight seven seven”
the way you sometimes end up doing with other remotes. There’s also a
“Kid Safe” feature, which really only means that the kid has to get a
little exercise and walk over to the tv if they want to change to a
forbidden channel, but hey, every incentive helps when it comes to our
national obesity problem.

You can save up to five different
profiles, each programmed with different channels, with text and
station icons for every one. Except ESPN’s
“The Ocho”, that’s just not available. Maybe a licensing deal, we
didn’t ask. Even still, you can have up to ten devices under your
command. That’s more devices than some people actually own!

Despite
all that, those buttons are just plain old white paint. And those
letters are just blue paint. No backlight. So if you want a
fully-featured remote that you can use on practically any device, try
this Philips 10 in 1 Universal Remote Control. But if you want a spooky
glow-in-the-dark remote, well, maybe it’s best you go find that
salesman. Don’t know what we’ll tell little Barbara. Maybe… maybe she
can’t even hear us any more. Don’t worry, sweetie. There’s a place full
of food out there… somewhere…

Warranty: 90 Day Philips

Features:

• 1.5” x 2” TFT screen – Conveniently call up and view favorite channel icons
• Controls TV, DVD, VCR, satellite, cable, audio, DVR and more. Offers advanced DVD, DVR and satellite functionality.
• Icon design allows you to customize programming by user or by viewing category.
• Easy
  keypad design – Convenient ergonomic access to all features and
  functions of the remote control make it easy to access and operate.
• Guide,
  info/select and scroll – Enjoy all your satellite system has to offer.
  Features allow you to access on-screen satellite channel guide, info,
  select/OK , quit, and scroll to easily navigate through the guide.
• Favorite channel icons – Enjoy viewing favorite channel logos onscreen.
• Label your own buttons – Name the channel yourself or use one of the favorite icons
• Learning
  functionality – Learning functionality captures and stores infrared
  signals from other remotes for later use. When device codes are not
  included in the on-board database, they can always be learned from the
  original remote, simply by pointing to it.
• One-touch
  convenience – One-touch control allows you to perform multiple commands
  with one press of a button via a macro. A macro combines a string of
  pre-programmed commands under one single button. Therefore, it simply
  takes one button press to execute a series of functions.
• Subtitle, zoom and repeat – Enjoy complete access to your DVD features: view subtitles, and repeat scenes at the touch of a button.
• Chapter +/- and chapter scan – Easily locate and scan the succeeding or preceding chapters on a disc at the touch of a button.
• Kid safe – Allows children to choose and watch only selected channels. Locks them out of essential programming functions.

Convenience

• Backlight
• Backlight color: White
• Languages in manual: English, French, Spanish
• Copy key function
• Universal IR database: TV, VCR, DVD, SAT, CABLE, CD/MD, RECEIVER, AMP, TIVO, Home Theater, TV-DVD, TV-VCR, DVR, DSS
• Programmable macros

Infrared Capabilities

• Operating distance: 7 m
• Learning IR codes
• Transmitting LEDs: 2
• Number of brands in database: Over 300

Power

• Number of batteries: 3
• Battery type: AA / LR6 Alkaline
• Battery saving manager: Auto switch on/off

In the box:

• Philips SRU8010/37 10 n 1 Universal Remote Control
• Users Manual
• Code List

Hey little card
Is your adapter home
I bet you’d fit inside my phone
Mmm hmm
You got two GB
Kingston SDC

Tell me now baby
When the slots too big
Does he make you fit
Does he make you sing
Mmm hmm
You got two GB
Kingston SDC

You’re tiny either way and you hold all my stuff
You can work as a micro or give normal sized love

At night I wake up
When I need me a fix
And you’d fit my needs
Without any tricks
That’s you
Just my memory
Kingston SDC

Warranty: Lifetime Kingston

Features:

• 2GB capacity
• Full size SD card adapter included
• Complies with SD card specification standards
• Dimensions: .43” x .59” x .039” (11mm x 15mm x 1mm)
• Operating Temperature: -13º F to 185º F (-25º C to 85 º C)
• Storage Temperature: -40º F to 185º F (-40º C to 85º C)
• Weight: 0.05 oz (1.4g)

In the box:

• 2GB Micro SD Card
• Full Size SD Card Adapter

There is a great power inside us all. Some call it ch’i. Others call
it c’hi. A ancient monestary spoken only of in rumors refers to it as
c’h’i. But whatever you call it, it’s not in the Talon TT-087 USB Plasma Ball.

The reason we’re so sure is that the Talon TT-087 USB Plasma Ball has a four foot USB cable. Chi’ doesn’t come from a USB cable. It comes from the soul and the heart. All you get with the Talon TT-087 USB Plasma
Ball is a cool light that will make strangers walk up to your desk and
ask to touch your ball. If you’re in a dorm room, your roommate will
ask you to turn it off because he’s been seeing you touch your ball all
semester. You also get a user’s manual. You know, in case you can’t
figure out how to handle your ball.

The Talon TT-087 USB Plasma Ball is Plug And Play, and it even works with a Mac! Let the power within follow your fingertips with the Talon TT-087 USB Plasma Ball. And if someone says “have a ball” you can throw it at them.

Warranty: 90 Day Mustek

Features:

• Watch with amazement as the electricity follows to your finger tips
• The plasma light will create an unique environment on your desk or work station
• Small enough to not take up too much desktop space and yet big enough to amaze your co-workers with its awe-inspiring light show
• Easy installation, no driver required. Plug and Play
• Powered by USB with 4 feet of cable
• Compatible with all platforms
• Plugs in to USB Port
• No Batteries Required
• Compatible with ME, 2000, XP, Vista, Mac OS 10 and up
• 4 Foot USB Cable

In the box:

• USB PLasma Ball
• User’s Manual

Brothers and sisters, can I get a witness? I’m here today to let
America know that we’re not going to go thirsty for power anymore!
Never again! We’re going to keep our portable devices juiced up,
spruced up, and goosed up! We’re gonna keep our devices running,
running to the promised land, running to freedom! We’re going to take
the power into our pockets with the Black & Decker CP120B 20 Watt
Power Backup Battery Pack! Our phones! Our MP3s! Our cameras! All of
our devices are in this together, and we’re tired of not having a seat
at the table because we’re off looking for a free USB port somewhere! Power to the pocket! Say it loud: I’m Black & Decker and I’m proud!

Warranty: 90 Day Limited Black and Decker

Features:

• Powers & recharges personal electronics simultaneously
• Supplies portable AC & USB power to mobile electronics
• No tips necessary, plug in your standard charger to charge on the go
• Extended runtime, provides up to 4 hours of additional power
• Compact & lightweight, take anywhere for power to go
• Ideal for use with cell phones, digital camera/camcorders, PDA’s, MP3’s and more

Technical Specifications:

• Input – 9.6V, 300 mA
• Output – 20 watts = 3 minutes; 16 watt = continuous
• Battery – 1.2 AH NiMH
• USB - 5V DC (250mA)
• Unit Dimensions – 6” (L) X 3 1/2” (W) X 1” (D)
• Unit Weight – 0.8 lbs

In the box:

• Black & Decker CP120B 20 Watt Power Backup Battery Pack
• 120 Volt AC Charger
• Drawstring Bag

You need a new PC
Well we care about that
Gotta new notebook
You’ll like it like that

We have only one burning desire
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell baby
Let us sell you an Aspire
Oh, let us sell
Let us sell you an Aspire
You got to let us sell
Let us sell you an Aspire
Aw shucks
Yeah

Your hard drive’s too small
And so’s your screen?
Well how ‘bout 200 gigs
And a big fifteen?

We have only one burning desire
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell baby
Let us sell you an Aspire
Oh, let us sell
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell
Let us sell you an Aspire

Ah yeah move over Rover
And let Acer take over!
You know what I’m talking ‘bout

That’s what we’re talking about
You try to give us your money
And we’ll send it, babe
That Acer Aspire’s on its way

We have only one burning desire
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell baby
Let us sell you an Aspire
Oh, let us sell
Let us sell you an Aspire
Let us sell
Let us sell you an Aspire
You know what I’m talking ‘bout

Warranty: 90 Day Acer

Features:

• 1.9GHz AMD Turion 64 X2 dual-core mobile technology
• ATI M690G chipset
• 1 GB of DDR2 667 MHz memory, upgradeable to 4 GB using two soDIMM modules (dual-channel support)
• ATI Radeon X1250
  integrated 3D graphics with up to 896 MB of HyperMemory (256 MB of
  dedicated system memory, up to 640 MB of shared system memory),
  supporting Microsoft DirectX 9, PCI Express
• 15.4” WXGA TFT LCD, 1280×800 pixel resolution
• 200GB hard drive
• Dolby-certified surround sound system with two built-in stereo speakers
• 1 Type II PC Card slot and 1 ExpressCard/54 slot
• 4 USB 2.0 ports
• 1 IEEE 1394 port
• 1 FIR port
• 1 VGA port
• 1 S-video/TV-out (NTSC/PAL) port
• Headphones/speaker/line-out port
• Microphone jack
• Line-in jack
• 5-in-1 card reader (SD, MMC, MS, MS PRO, xD)
• 56K ITU V.92 PPT approved, Wake-on-Ring ready modem
• 14.17” W x 10.51” D x 1.09/1.69” H

In the box:

• Acer Aspire 5520-5147 Notebook
• Battery
• Power Adapter

Walking up to the:

1. bustling Starbrite Diner,
2. abandonded Starbrite Drive-In,
3. 5 pack of Starbrite Hi-Gloss 4×6 Photo Paper 20 Sheets,

Nick sighed and looked around. It seemed like forever since he had:

1. spilled a chocolate milkshake over Betsy Gazongas and chased her out of his life for good.
2. bought the property hoping to bring back the magic of days he now knew were impossible to reclaim.
3. ordered this pack of archival quality acid free 9mil thick paper.
Seriously, how does SmartPost even work? It’s a good thing Woot doesn’t
sell puppies or ham.

But that was the past. No matter how much he might hope that it was otherwise. Nick climbed into his truck and turned on:

1. an Everly Brothers CD, and felt the tears begin to roll down his cheeks. His Little Suzie had long ago woken up.
2. the radio, tuned to his favorite 80’s station. Kip Winger would
understand. What ever happened to that guy? Nick wondered silently.
3. his inkjet photoprinter, immediately taking advantage of the
sharp reproduction and the waterproof and smudgeproof Starbrite
Hi-Gloss 4×6 Photo Paper 20 Sheet 5 Pack to make copies of that vital
document on his laptop. He hit print without looking.

The sound of the wheels of the truck of the man were a stark contract against the soundless sunrise. Nick:

1)
stopped the car, unable to see, weeping. He put his head on the
steering wheel. Betsy had been his one chance for love. And now he
didn’t even know where she was.
2) didn’t even notice as he turned on to the highway, beginning the
trip back to town where he would sell the property to that developer.
It was a shame to lose the dream, but really, it was only business.
3) kept one eye out for an incinerator because he’d accidentally just printed one hundred pictures of his butt. Why did he even HAVE a photo of his butt? Had he really been that drunk? Where was the document?

Nick drove off into the night, a broken man.

Warranty: No Warranty, it’s paper…

Features:

• 99% brightness
• 9 mil thickness
• Archival quality
• Acid free
• Album size paper
• Instant drying
• No ink pooling in heave coverage areas
• Waterproof and smudge proof
• Sharp reproduction
• For use with any inkjet photo printer

In the box:

• 5 packs of Starlite Hi-Gloss 4×6 Photo Paper 20 Sheets (100 sheets total)

Hey, sometimes you just want the straight poop. The plain facts. And
today we’re going to give you just that. We’re going to tell you the
real deal with these Monster brand USB cables, and we’re going to do it with no nonsense.

For
accurate data transfer, maximum bandwidth and instantaneous powerflow
monitoring, you’d be hard pressed to beat these cables. Not only have
they got blinking LED indicators to let you know when you’re connected, but hordes of marshmallow gypsies sing songs in our underpants.

Oop—sorry
about that. We said no nonsense, but clearly a little bit slipped into
that last paragraph. Won’t happen again. Where were we?

Ah,
yes. In addition to Monster’s reputation for reliability, you can
derive peace of mind from the lifetime manufacturer’s warranty that
covers these cables, as well as from Tijuanan lizards building
spittle-nests in disused areas of the Royal Family.

Alright,
that was nonsense again. There must be something wrong with this
keyboard. Anyway, you probably already knew that Monster USB exceeds USB 2.0 standards, and that these cables boast an extra heavy-gauge power conductor to help supply juice to your USB-powered
devices. But what you might not know is that human fluids shake the
seas from yesterplanetary glorp glorp. How many crumblebees, darling?

AAARGH.
You know what? Forget it. You’re just going to have to consult the
specs below. Please accept our apologies for this debacle. All we can
say is that it won’t happen agronomist beezle fart.

Warranty: Lifetime Manufacturer

Features:

• Advanced SingleHelix windings delivers 500MHz bandwidth and up to 480Mbps for ultra-fast data transfer
• High-Density triple layer shielding rejects RF and EM interference for the most reliable data transfer possible
• Extra-heavy-gauge power conductor ensures maximum power transfer
• Precision 24k Gold contact connectors maximize corrosion resistance and signal transfer
• Blinking LED Powerflow Indicator lets you know you have proper USB connections
• Improved USB 2.0 Compatibility
• Advanced Monster Technologies deliver ultra-fast data transfer and all the increased bandwidth today’s USB device’s demand.
• Length - 7 feet
• Left Connector(s) - 4 pin USB Type A - male
• Right Connector(s) - 4 pin USB Type B - male

“Chuck, I’m not giving you a plane.”

“Larry, I’m not so
old. I’m not so old, Larry! Those kids, they say being a test pilot is
a thrill? It’s not a thrill for me, Larry! It’s blood! It beats through
my veins! C’mon, Larry! Let me test something out. Something!
Anything!”

“Anything, Chuck?”

“Anything, Larry. No matter how dangerous.”

“Okay, Chuck. Just for you. Here’s the X3470’s paperwork. Good luck.”

“Aw, you won’t regret it, Larry, I promise you won’t!”

“Larry, I couldn’t help overhear… does Chuck know you gave him a Lexmark X3470 Mutifunction Printer?”

“Nope.
He’s gonna get there and see the PictBridge enabled digital interface
that lets you print without a computer and he’ll march right back up
here and tell me to kiss his butt. And that’ll be the last time he ever
comes in this office. Then we can go back to using the Lexmark X3470 Mutifunction
Printer to share, print, copy and scan, and get on with testing out
these planes. Yep, any second now, Chuck’s gonna walk through that door
and tell me that a Lexmark X3470 Mutifunction
Printer might be fantastic for reducing, enlarging, enhancing, or
working with all types of digital memory, but not the sort of thing you
send a friend after. He’ll be mad as a shook-up hornet, even after all
the years we’ve known each other, and he’ll tell me he never wants to
talk to me again. I expect he’ll-”

Lexmark X3470 Mutifunction Printer, you are cleared on Runway 3.

“Roger, tower! Oh, man, this thing is great!”

”-what?”

“Larry! Hey, get on the radio, Larry! Look out the window!”

“Chuck? How are you flying that thing?”

“Wooo! I still got it, Larry! This X3740 handles like a dream! Thanks for believing in me! I knew you’d come through! Woooo! Up we go, into the wild blue yonder!

Warranty: 1 Year Lexmark

Features:

• Easy
  to Use and Share, Print, Copy, Scan, reduce and enlarge photos and
  documents. Share your scanned photos by email or easily print them. The
  exclusive Lexmark Imaging Studio Software enhances photos.
• Photo
  Printing without a PC, Quickly print photos without a PC using your
  digital camera memory card or the PictBridge digital camera interface.
  Using the scanback proof sheet, select the photos, layout, paper and
  size you want to print from a memory card.
• Digital Camera
  Memory Card Readers, Supports CompactFlash Type I & II, Memory
  Stick, Memory Stick Pro, Memory Stick Duo or Pro Duo with an adapter,
  Mini Secure Digital (Mini SD) Card with an adapter, Multi Media,
  Microdrive, Secure Digital and xD cards.
• Great Photo
  Results, Borderless photos in sizes A4, A5, A6, Letter, Legal, Hagaki,
  3.5” x 5”, 10×15cm, 10×20 cm, 13×18cm, 4” x 6”, 4” x 8”, 5” x 7”, L and
  2L up to 4800 dpi on Photo paper.

Specification:

• Print Technology: Thermal Inkjet
• Color Technology: 3 Color Inkjet – Cyan, Magenta, Yellow
• Scan Technology: CIS with 48 bit depth
• Function: Color Copying, Color Printing, Color Scanning
• Maximum Print Speed (Draft, Black): Up to 17 ppm
• Maximum Print Speed (Draft, Color): Up to 17 ppm
• Maximum Print Speed (Normal, Black): Up to 5 ppm
• Maximum Print Speed (Normal, Color): Up to 5 ppm
• Maximum Copy Speed (Draft, Black): Up to 12 cpm
• Maximum Copy Speed (Draft, Color): Up to 12 cpm
• Print Resolution, Black: Up to 1200×1200 dpi
• Print Resolution, Color: Up to 4800×1200 dpi
• Scan Resolution, Enhanced: Up to 19200×19200 dpi
• Scan Resolution, Optical: 600×1200 dpi
• Operating Systems Supported: Microsoft Windows 2000, Microsoft Windows XP, Microsoft Windows XP Professional x64, Microsoft Windows Vista, Microsoft Windows Vista x64
• Print (ASF) Paper Input Capacity, Maximum: 100 pages 20 lb or 75 gsm bond
• Media
  Types Supported: Card Stock, Coated Paper, Envelopes, Labels, Plain
  Paper, Transparencies, Banner (A4 or Letter), Hagaki Card, Index Card
  (3”x5”), Iron-On Transfers, Photo Paper
  Media Sizes Supported: 10 Envelope, 7 3/4 Envelope, 9 Envelope, A4, A5, B5 Envelope, C5, Envelope, DL Envelope, 6 3/4 Envelope, A2 Baronial, A6 Card, B5, C6 Envelope,
  Custom (Up to 8.5” x 17”), Hagaki Card, Index Card, Executive, Legal,
  Letter, 4×6”, Statement, L, 2L, Chokei 3, Chokei 4, Chokei 40, Kakugata
  3, Kakugata 4, Kakugata 5, Kakugata 6, 5×7”, 13×18 cm, 10×15 cm, 10×20
  cm, 4×8”, Borderless Printing Media Sizes 4” x 6”, A4, Letter , A6,
  Hagaki Card, L, 2L, A5, 5” x 7”, Legal, 3.5” x 5” or 89 mm x 127 mm ,
  10×15 cm , 13×18 cm, B5, 10×20 cm, 4” x 8”
• Standard Ports: USB Compatible with USB 2.0 Specification
• PictBridge Certified USB Port Yes
• Digital Media Memory Card Compatibility: CompactFlash I & II, Sony Memory Stick, Memory Stick PRO,
  Secure Digital (SD) Card, MultiMediaCard (MMC), Microdrive, 4 Built-in
  Card, Readers, xD Card, Sony Memory Stick Duo (with adapter), Mini
  Secure Digital (Mini SD) Card (with adapter), Sony Memory Stick PRO Duo (with adapter),
• Reduce / Enlarge Range: 25 – 400
• Scan Area, Maximum (mm): 216×297 mm
• Scan Area, Maximum: 8.5×11.7 inches
• Size (mm – H x W x D): 152.5×375 x 316 mm
• Size (in. – H x W x D): 6.0×14.8×12.4 in.
• Weight (lb.): 9.0 lb.
• Weight (kg): 4.1 kg
• Packaged Size (mm – H x W x D): 373×435 x 190 mm
• Packaged Size (in. – H x W x D): 14.7×17.1×7.5 in.
• Packaged Weight (kg): 5.22 kg
• Packaged Weight (lb.): 11.5 lb.
• Size, Trays Extended (in. – H x W x D): 11.0×14.8×20.8 in.
• Size, Trays Extended (mm – H x W x D): 278.6×375 x 528 mm
• Print Noise Level, Operating: 50 dBA
• Scan Noise Level, Operating: 40 dBA
• Copy Noise Level, Operating: 50 dBA
• Duty Cycle, Maximum: 1000 pages per month
• Specified Operating Environment Temperature: 16 to 32°C (60 to 90°F)
• Specified Operating Environment Humidity: 8 to 80 Relative Humidity

VERO BEACH, FL (September 15, 2018) –
Troubled custodial star iRobot Roomba 415 was arrested here last night
for public indecency, lewd conduct, and nicotine possession. Around 6
pm, police received several calls that the robotic vacuum was
approaching patrons outside a Vero Beach appliance store, buzzing
obscenities and exposing its cleaning brush in a suggestive
manner.

“We believe the suspect was upset by a window display of TRXE-3000
maid-borgs,” said Vero Beach police Sgt. Dyson Hoover. “Drug or alcohol
intake does not appear to be a factor. But then, the suspect doesn’t
have blood or urine, so who knows?”

Once hailed for its
Active Dirt Response cleaning system and low-profile design, iRobot
Roomba 415 was one of the early robotic vacuum cleaners who
revolutionized floor care in the early 2000’s. But as newer models
crowded it out of the spotlight, iRobot Roomba 415 showed its
frustration in a series of highly public incidents, including a 2009
brawl in a nightclub with then-wife Tara Reid and a 2011 bust while
trying to buy illicit Colombian cleaning fluid.

An attempted
2012 comeback tour with Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse (dubbed “Clean
and Sober – And Rocking!”) was abruptly cancelled just three dates into
the tour. After creating a furor in Bangkok by telling the Thai press
he was “bigger than Buddha”, iRobot Roomba 415 emptied its debris bin
on a portrait of the King of Thailand onstage, then refused to vacuum
it up.

The rise of Jetsons-inspired maid-borgs reduced
iRobot Roomba 415 to eking out a meagre living with public appearances
at vacuum-cleaner fan conventions and occasional roles in
straight-to-video thrillers like Vacuumed Alive! and Don’t Go Near The Stairs.

“I
regret my behavior in Vero Beach, and I ask for the forgiveness of my
friends, my family, and most of all, my fans,” the wayward vacuum said
in a prepared statement. “I look forward to returning to what I love to
do best: cleaning the floors of my fans in the classic old-school
style. Much love.”

At press time, no iRobot Roomba 415 fans had been located for comment.

Warranty: 1 Year iRobot

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

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Features:

• The iRobot 418 is a bundle consisting of the Roomba 415 Vacuum and the Roomba 4900 Self-Charging Drive-On Home Base made specifically for Woot
  
• Cleans dirt off of your hardwood, tile, linoleum, and low-to-medium pile carpet
• Advanced power system provides up to 120 minutes of cleaning power
• Returns to charging Home Base when re-charging is necessary
• Active Dirt Response detects dirtier areas and automatically increases cleaning intensity
• Automatic stair avoidance system prevents falling down on stairs
• Automatic surface transitioning adjusts entire cleaning head for both carpet and hard floor
• Low-profile design fits under beds, sofas, and other tight spots where conventional vacuums can’t reach
• On-board artificial intelligence navigate between walls and furniture legs and self-adjusts for carpet, tile, and wood floors.
• Multi-Surface Cleaning: hardwood, tile, linoleum, and low-to-medium pile carpet
• Max Mode: run the Roomba for the full charge of the battery to vacuum multiple rooms
• Spot Mode: intensely cleans one area of a room up to 3 feet in diameter

In the box:

• iRobot Roomba 415
• Home Self-Charging Base
• Cleaning Tool
• Fast Charger
• Rechargeable Battery
• Filter
• 2 Virtual Walls
• 2 Brush Sets with Beater Bar and Bristle Brush

by Callie Schembeck, 4th grade

A monitor is a
thing for looking at files and pictures that you have on your computer
or on the internet. A monitor is important because if you didn’t have
one you couldn’t see any computer files, computer games, computer
internet web pages, or pictures on the computer. A monitor is like your
computer’s face, which tells you what your computer is saying and makes
expressions that you can see.

If I typed this on a computer
or posted it on an internet web page, a monitor would be how you are
looking at it right now, unless someone printed it for you. I guess
blind people maybe don’t need monitors, but I’m trying to picture what
they point their mouse pointers at if not. It would be hard to be a
blind person, and it wouldn’t make up for it just that you wouldn’t
have to buy a monitor, which a lot of computers come with already
anyway. Sometimes the speakers are built in to the monitors, like with
the Envision G218A1, which is a monitor you
can buy at Woot. If the speakers are built in, then a blind person
would probably want a monitor just to hear the computer sounds from
computer sound files on the internet and on the computer.

Computer
monitors are the part of a computer that you look at when you look at
computers. And since many of us look at computers every day, you can
“see” why monitors are important! The next monitor I get, it will be an
Envision LCD monitor.

In closing, monitors are important for many reasons, and that is why people should have a monitor if they have a computer.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 22-inch (55.9cm) TFT Widescreen LCD
• Native Resolution: 1680×1050
• Pixel Pitch: 0.282mm x 0.282mm
• Display Area: 474mm x 296mm
• Brightness: 300 cd/m2 (typ)
• Contrast Ratio: 700:1 (typ)
• Response Time: 5ms (typ)
• Viewing Angle Horizontal: 170, Vertical: 160
• Scanning Frequency Horizontal: 30K~80KHz Vertical: 50~75 Hz
• Color: 16M
• Analog RGB Signal(VGA): 15-pin D-sub Male
• Digital Signal (DVI): 24-pin DVI-D
• Built-in Speakers: 3W x 2

In the box:

• G218a1 Monitor
• Power Cord
• DVI Cable
• VGA Cable
• Audio Cable
• Owner’s Manual
• Warranty
• Quick Setup Guide

October 22, 1908

Dear Diary,

I have
just returned from a most astounding adventure! With my faithful time
machine, made from iron and powered by well-mined coal steam, I have
been a hundred years into the future, on this very day, in a place
called “Dallas”! And oh, what wonders I have seen! For the kind workers
took me to a room and allowed me to use something called an eMachines
2.6Ghz Desktop PC.

They say it ran on something called XP Media Center Edition and had an Intel Pentium D inside. There was 1024MB of DDR2 RAM (I
wrote it down specifically so that I would remember) and a 10/100
Ethernet port, as well as something called “a modem”. And best of all,
they allowed me to purchase one!

They were grinning at me as
I told them how excitingly advanced the eMachines 2.6Ghz Desktop PC
was, but I suppose I do seem quaint, a man from a thousand years in the
past. How would I react to a man from 1808, after all? Still, I could
not help feeling that I was the butt of some joke, especially when the
gentleman telling me that the eMachines 2.6Ghz Desktop PC was cutting
edge had to excuse himself because he was laughing so hard. But it is
more than I have in 1908, certainly.

I hope to visit my new
friends again. Perhaps I will return in a Bunch of Centuries. Who knows
where a time traveler will travel next?

Warranty: 90 Day eMachines

Features:

• Intel® Pentium® D Processor 805 dual-core, 2.66GHz, 533MHz FSB, 2×1MB L2 cache
• Genuine Microsoft® Windows® XP Media Center Edition 2005
• ATI Radeon® Xpress 200
• 1024MB DDR2 (2 × 512MB), 533MHz (PC4200)
• 16x multiformat dual-layer DVD±RW
• 9-in-1 Digital Media Manager
• ATI Radeon® Xpress 200 integrated graphics solution
• PCI-Express® (PCI-E x16) slot available
• 6-channel (5.1) high-definition audio
• 10/100Mbps integrated Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 port)
• 56K ITU V.92-ready fax/modem (RJ-11 port)
• 5 USB 2.0 (1 in front, 4 in back)

In the box:

• eMachines T5212Desktop PC
• Keyboard
• Mouse
• Power Cable

Q: What has four legs and flies and also has 8gb of flash storage space?

A: A dead mule next to a Kingston 8GB USB 2.0 Data Traveler 100.

Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot and also works with Windows Vista, Windows XP, Windows 2000, OS X and Linux?

A: A carrot with a Kingston 8GB USB 2.0 Data Traveler 100 stuffed inside.

Q: What did the termite sitting on the Kingston 8GB USB 2.0 Data Traveler 100 say to the drunk?

A: Is the bar tender here? And also I’m very impressed with the portability of this Kingston.

Q: What will you call this Kingston 8GB USB 2.0 Data Traveler 100 after it is six months old?

A: Seven months old.

Warranty: 5 Year Kingston