Well, it’s becoming more and more clear each and every day. We’re
all doomed. Doomed to a life that resembles the post apocalyptic movies
that we all grew up on, only there won’t be any fires burning in old
oil drums, because none of us will be able to afford anything that can
light on fire. Thanks, speculators! Way to help out! All we’ll be left
with is a few million unsold copies of Mission Earth and a Canon ZR800 Mini Camcorder.

Thankfully, the HG20061A Storm
Sentinel Emergency Kit will really come in handy. The entry-level 35x
optical/1000x digital zoom will help you make a record of man’s
inhumanity to man. You can save it to the DV tape. once you find one.
It’s not included, you see. But after the apocalypse there’s surely
going to be some just lying around.

You can also enjoy the
Electronic Image Stabilizer, which will smooth out the shot a bit while
you try to record the moment you flee the tiny city which the mutant
vampires are attacking. No one knows how mutant vampires are formed,
but they always show up in an apocalypse, don’t they? Like the giant
insects. Which, by the way, will look very impressive on that LCD Display.

If
the end comes tomorrow, would you be ready? If your answer is “why
would I need to be ready if it’s The End?” then you’re the sort of
person who deserves a Canon ZR800 Mini
Camcorder. Because you keep your head in a crisis, and you don’t give
up. And speaking of not giving up, have you got any commodity tips?
We’re totally due for a rally, am I right?

Warranty: 60 Day Cannon Limited Warranty

Features:

• 35x optical zoom, 1000x digital zoom
• Electronic Image Stabilizer
• Capable of recording in widescreen (16:9) or standard (4:3) formats
• IEEE 1394 (4-pin Firewire) input and output, edit video on your PC or Mac
• Compatible with MiniDV media tapes
• Reversible LCD display

Specifications:

• Video Recording System: 2 rotary heads, helical scanning DV system (consumer digital VCR SD system), digital component recording
• Audio Recording System: PCM digital sound: 16 bit (48 kHz/2 channels); 12 bit (32kHz)
• Television System: EIA standard (525 lines, 60 fields) NTSC color signal
• Image Sensor: 1/6-inch CCD
• Compatible with mini DV tapes
• Tape Speed: SP- 18.81 mm/s (0.74 ips); LP- 12.56mm/s (0.49 ips)
• Maximum Recording Time (60min tape): SP- 60 minutes; LP- 90 minutes
• LCD Screen: 2.7 inch wide color TFT
• Viewfinder: 0.35 inch wide color TFT
• Microphone: Stereo electret condenser microphone
• Lens: f/2.6-91mm, F/2.0-5.0, 35x power zoom
• Lens Configuration: 10 elements in 8 groups
• AF System: TTL autofocus, manual focus available
• Minimum Focusing Distance: 1 m (3.3ft.); 1 cm (0.39 in.) on maximum wide angle
• White Balance: Auto white balance, preset white balance (Daylight, Tungsten) or custom white balance
• Minimum
  Illumination: 2 lx (Night recording system , shutter speed at 1/8); 8lx
  (Easy recording mode, auto slow shutter On, shutter speed at 1/30)
• Recommended Illumination: More than 100 lx
• Image Stabilization: Electronic
• Digital Effects: Art, black and white, sepia, mosaic, ball, cube, wave, color mask, mirror
• Faders: Fade trigger, wipe, corner wipe, jump, flip, puzzle, zigzag, beam, tide, card mix
• Dimensions (WxHxD): 2.2×3.6×4.7” (57×92×119mm)
• Weight: 13.2 oz. (375g) (Body Only)

In the box:

• Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder
• Power Adapter
• Battery Pack
• Lithium CR1616 Button Battery
• Stereo Video Cable

Nothing bums us out like vacuuming. Maybe it reminds us that we can
never really win the battle against the crud and filth besieging our
lives. Or maybe it forces us to face the dismal fact that our remaining
decades on this planet will be more and more filled with the tedium of
daily maintenance, just to keep our homes (and bodies) from falling
into decrepitude. Perhaps it’s because our parents choked to death on a
vacuum cleaner they were eating to amuse the guests at our fifth
birthday party. And handheld vacs are even worse – they don’t even
provide the macho thrill of pushing a big, heavy, snarling piece of
hardware around the room.

But the Dyson DC16 Root
6 Handheld Vacuum banishes our gloom the same way it banishes our Frito
leavings: with extreme prejudice and a minimum of hassle. See, it uses
the same root cyclone technology as in Dyson’s upright vacs. So when we
unholster this cordless assassin – yes, we built a holster for ours –
we’re not just holding a mini-vacuum in our hands. We’re holding a
cyclone! Like mighty Zeus, we dispatch the very power of nature itself
to scourge our heathen enemy! “Tremble before us, crumbs and dust and
little bits of fuzz!” we bellow, sweat glistening angrily on our chest
hair. “Behold your unmaker! You cannot but yield to our power! And we
shall delight in your destruction, and a thousand plagues shall rain
upon thee -”

Of course, this is always right when our wife
gets home. But we’re not embarrassed. She knew what she was getting
into when she married us. And at least we’re getting the vacuuming done.

Warranty: 6 Month Dyson

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Features:

• 36 airwatts (constant)
• Root Cyclone Technology – Uses cyclonic separation to remove dirt from the air with out using a filter
• Cordless operation – 21.6 volts in a lithium ion battery, allows you to clean nearly anywhere
• Lightweight and ergonomic – Weights 3.26 lbs with balanced weight distribution for easy handling
• Easy Empty Bin – Button controlled system allows for a clean and hygienic way to discard dust and dirt it traps
• Clean exhaust air – Air that is expelled from the DC16 Root 6 is much cleaner than the air you breath
• Combination accessory tool – The nozzle converts to a brush for dusting
• Dimensions: 8.9×18.3×4.3 inches (HxWxD)
• Weight: 3.26 lbs.
• Suction Power: 36 airwatts (constant)
• Motor Wattage: 21.6 volts
• Bin Capacity: 0.21 gallon
• Cord Length (for charger): 4.9 ft.

In the box:

• Dyson DC16 Root 6 Handheld Vacuum
• Battery
• Battery Charger
• Instruction Pack

You’ve seen armadillos, herds of hippopotami,
Kangaroos, nudibranchs, lyrebirds, and platypi.
But no beasts anywhere are anywhere near as fabulous
As the fauna to be found in Kambingo-Durambulus.
Come for a safari, say the friendly Kambingans,
But be very careful about what you’re bringing.
Before your Kambingo Air flight’s in the air
Make sure you pack this Kodak EasyShare.

Look! The rare gnuffle-bird, tending his nest!
12-megapixel photos bring out his best.
It’s a rubber rhinoceros. See how he bends?
Zoom right on in with your Variogon lens.
The nine-legged snake, such a sight to see
You won’t want to trust it to your memory.
The mighty gorilla-fish, a curious mixture -
Wait ‘till the folks back home see your pictures.

When the sun sets each night down Durambulus way
A mysterious ritual takes your breath away.
A flock of lula-kulas with many-colored feathers
Make a gigantic picture as they all sleep together.
Some nights they do Rembrandt, sometimes they do Weegee,
Sometimes a cave painting from the island of Fiji.
Keep a steady hand because it would be a real shame
If this spectacular spectacle was lost out-of-frame.

And what of the running of the two-headed buffabouth,
Who run north to the north, then south to the south?
Video of these creatures zigzagging would be swell.
Good thing this camera shoots HD video as well.
Animals like these ones you don’t see every day
Unless you’ve got your own photos of them tucked away.
All you need is a t-shirt, a trusty local guide,
And of course the Kodak Z-one-two-seven-five!

Warranty: 1 Year Kodak

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Features:

• Records HD quality video at 720p (1280×720) at 30 fps
• 12 MP CCD sensor that can print up to 30 × 40 in. (76 × 102 cm)
• SCHNEIDER-KREUZNACH Variogon lens
• 35–175 mm wide-angle lens
• 5X optical zoom and 5X digital zoom
• SDHC/SD/MMC card expansion slot
• Automatically selects from ISO 100 to ISO 3200 based on lighting conditions

Specifications:

In the box:

• Kodak Z1275 12MP Digital Camera
• 2 AA Batteries
• USB Cable
• Wrist Strap
• Dock Plate

The world is running out of water. Each day there’s a little less.
Some places have none, or next to none. And yet, somehow, a big puddle
in your basement just ruined all of your high school yearbooks. What
hath Neptune wrought?

Thankfully, the solution is easy.
First, head back to high school like the detectives in 21 Jump Street.
Then, once you get your new yearbooks, stick a Leakfrog close by. The
gentle yet obvious croak-alarm will warn you about water as shallow as
1/32 of an inch, and you’ll be able to stop that leak before it does
any damage. And maybe the water you save will go to someone who needs
it more. Every drop counts these days.

Warranty: One year

Features:

• Scratch resistant plastic housing - lasts for years
• For wood, carpet, tile, metal, concrete surfaces
• Test button
• Floats on deep puddles
• Runs on 3 AAA batteries (included)
• Water as shallow as 1/32″ will trigger the LeakFrog’s alarm
• Emits a loud alarm when water is detected
• Alarm duration: 48 hours (or until turned off by user)

Did you know:

• 40% of all property damage is caused by water
• 70% of toxic mold is caused by water leaks and plumbing failures
• 1 of 3 insurance claims is for water damage
• 63% of all statistics are made up on the spot (not these, of course)

LeakFrog can detect water leaks from any water source:

• Toilets
• Tubs
• Sinks
• Dishwashers
• Refrigerators
• A/C Drip Pans
• Wet Bars
• Hot Tubs
• Washing Machines
• Your drunk college buddy, Flounder

When you look at people like Lou Dobbs, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh
and Stephen Colbert, they all have one thing in common. They all spend
a lot of money to get a South American guy to make them coffee. Now you
can do it for less, with the Juan Valdez Pod Coffee Maker.

It
takes coffee pods, so you get one cup, no more, no less. There won’t be
any leftover for your housekeeper to steal so she can keep herself
awake as she studies for her citizenship test. She’ll have to stay
awake on good old fashioned willpower! And that’s something we need
more of in this country these days.

The Juan Valdez Pod
Coffee Maker also makes tea, if you’re a tea person. The removable
40-oz tank holds up to 8 consecutive servings, so you don’t have to
keep sending your man to fetch water. Trips like that are risky anyway,
as they can get you eaten by Shere Khan. Better to stick to the kitchen.

Warranty: 1 Year Salton

Features:

• Brews one 8 or 5 ounce cup of coffee or tea at a time
• Uses coffee pods, no need to measure, and very little mess to clean up
• Universal pod holder, accommodates tea bags and most other brands of coffee pods
• Quick and convenient way to make coffee or tea
• Removable 40-oz tank for up to 8 consecutive servings without refilling
• Adjustable spout to accommodate small to tall coffee mugs

In the box:

• Juan Valdez JVPM1W Pod Coffee Maker
• Pod Holder
• Pod Chamber
• Drip Tray
• Overflow Tray
• Water Tank
• User Guide

Once upon a time you’d be out at the club. Now Friday nights are a
chance for you to catch up on your laundry and shave your lower back.
It’s hard to reach that spot between the shoulders, why even bother?
But even old people need quality sound.

A pair of Klipsch
RF-35 Floorstanding Loudspeakers will make that copy of Under The
Cherry Moon sound just as good as it did when it was still not yet
released. The 125 watt continuous/500 watt peak will mean you can still
hear your OMD albums loud and clear, even from the bathroom as you remove nose hairs. Yeah, you’ll never get them all. Just accept it.

And
those stretch marks? You’ll forget all about them when you hear that
new Paul McCartney album. There’s a song about how it was to be a
Beatle on there. Aren’t those great? Soon they’ll be able to release a
collection of songs by The Beatles about The Beatles. And when they do,
the Klipsch RF-35 Floorstanding Loudspeakers will make them sound
wonderful.

You’re not a college kid. Treat yourself! Get a
nice pair of Klipsch RF-35 Floorstanding Loudspeakers and enjoy those
old beloved songs all over again. You’ll be shocked how good they’ll
sound! But not too shocked, please. Are you okay? Here, sit down, I’ll
get you some water.

Warranty: 5 Year Klipsch

Features:

• 125 watt max continuous, 500 watt peak
• 6” square 90°x60° high frequency tractrix horn
• K-137 1” (2.54cm) Titanium dome compression tweeter driver
• Two
  Two K-1122-OB 8″ (20.32cm) cerametallic woofer cone in a cast polymer
  frame. Cerametallic is a combination of materials that produce a very
  stiff, and highly controlled cone movement
• 2 sets of binding post speaker terminals (connected via brass strap jumpers). Can be used for bi-wire speaker cable, or typical speaker wire

Specifications:

• Frequency Response: 37Hz-20kHz ±3dB
• Power Handling: 125 w max continuous (500 w peak)
• Sensitivity: 98dB @ 2.83 volts/1 meter
• Nominal Impedance: 8 ohms compatible
• Crossover Frequency: 2600Hz
• Tweeter: K-137 1” (2.54cm) Titanium dome compression driver
• High Frequency Horn: 6” square 90°x60° Tractrix® Horn
• Woofer: Two K-1122-OB 8″ (20.32cm) Cerametallic® cone / cast polymer frame
• Enclosure Material: MDF
• Enclosure Type: Bass reflex via rear-firing port
• Input Connections: 2 sets of binding post speaker terminals (connected via brass strap jumpers)
• Dimensions: 40.9” (103.9cm) x 9.25” (23.5cm) x 14.8” (37.6cm)
• Weight: 54 lbs. (24.5kg)

In the box:

• 2 Klipsch RF-35 Floorstanding Loudspeaker
• 4 Feet (X2)
• 4 Carpet Spikes (X2)
• Users Guide

This grill fork has a thermometer built right into it. Isn’t that
ingenious? It’s as easy to use as a prison shiv—you just jab the
copper-tipped tine into whatever kind of flesh-slab you’re cooking. In
three seconds, you’ll see a temperature reading on an easy-to-read,
backlit LCD in the handle of the fork. Neato mesquite-o!

The
idea here is that you’ll know exactly when and to what degree your
chicken, beef, pork or fish is done cooking—helping you avoid a repeat
of last summer’s mad cow fiasco, an episode your family now calls “the BSE BBQ.”

But
hear us now and understand us later: Just because we’re selling this
handy, useful meat-pronger doesn’t mean we’re assuming any
responsibility for the safety of your cookouts. After all, we don’t
know what kind of fast-and-loose food handling standards you use at
home. And for all we know, you could use this thing wrong, sticking it
into the bone, or into a fat pocket, and get a false reading, and come
down with botulism, or salmonella, or e. coli, or staph, or “the
squirts.” You have to be careful, see?

The Sharper Image heat-reading meat-sticker is rainproof, so you won’t wreck it when you
inevitably forget it outside in a shower. (The neighborhood raccoons
might wreck it, though, so you’re better off bringing it in.) It is
not, however, dishwasher safe.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Grilling fork with built in thermometer can measure the temperature inside of food
• Gives instant temperature reading on a backlit LCD
• Weatherproof case, can be left out in the rain but not put in a dishwaher
• Set
  specific temperature alarms, when your food reaches to a specific
  temperature it will beep, so you can grill your food to the exact
  degree of doneness
• 24 hour built in timer
• Reads temperatures between 32ºF and 212ºF
• Great for cooking with fish, beef, pork, and poultry

In the box:

• Sharper Image Rainproof Grill/Fork Thermometer with Rapid-Read Tip

Down here on the Delta, folks ain’t got much. They call me Late
Adopter John. I seen it all, you know. I seen Betamax, I seen 3D film,
I even got me a ViewMaster around here somewhere. Just got me my first DVD player last week. So imagine my surprise when my cousin got me a Sony Vaio 2GHz 15.4 inch LCD Laptop with Blu-Ray.

I told her I couldn’t take that thing. Blu-Ray is the latest home video technology. That HDMI
output brings out colors I didn’t even know existed. There’s something
between “lime” and “grass”. You know that? I didn’t know that. I didn’t
even ever want to know that.

She said I could just use it like a laptop, but there’s a 2GHz Intel Core 2 Duo Mobile Processor T7250
with 800MHz front side bus and 2MB advanced smart L2 cache in there.
Somebody finds out I got a processor that fancy, my reputation’s gonna
be shot. You hear that Late Adapter John has a 200GB SATA hard drive and suddenly you start thinking he sounds like a fake. I got an image to protect.

My
cousin says I should use that 10Base-T/100Base-TX Ethernet or that
802.11 a/b/g/n Wireless network support to snatch up
lateadopterjohn.com. She said to use the built in video camera and
microphone to make me some publicity movies. I asked her, who ever
heard of an online bluesman? She said it would be ironic and I’d get a
whole new audience. I don’t know.

I was happy with just two
cans and a piece of string. This new world, it’s all right, but it
ain’t the world for me. I’m thinking I might get rid of this Sony Vaio
2GHz 15.4 inch LCD Laptop with Blu-Ray and
spend the cash on a little party for myself. Some whiskey, a couple
ladyfriends, have me some old fashioned fun. Might use that Double
Layer DVD±R, ±RW, and DVD-RAM optical drive to make a few movies first, though. I still gotta figure out how my new DVD player works.

Warranty: 90 Day Sony

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Features:

• 2GHz Intel Core 2 Duo Mobile Processor T7250 with 800MHz front side bus and 2MB advanced smart L2 cache
• Blu-ray Disc support with HDMI output allows you to watch Blu-Ray movies on the laptop or TV
• 15.4” WXGA LCD with XBRITE-ECO technology, capable of 1280×800 resolution
• Double Layer DVD±R, ±RW, and DVD-RAM optical drive
• 250GB SATA 4200 rpm hard drive
• 2GB (1GBx2) DDR2 PC2-5300 667MHz RAM
• Built in video camera with microphone
• 10Base-T/100Base-TX Ethernet network support
• 802.11 a/b/g/n wireless network support
• Windows Vista Home Premium operating system

Specifications:

In the box:

• Sony VGN-FZ260E/B Notebook
• Power Cable

Hey there, you there, you look like a smart fella. I like your face.
I’m a good judge of character, and I can tell you’re a man of uncommon
intelligence; you have that look about you. You’re not gonna be taken
in by just any old flim-flam artist, I can see that, and I respect
that, and I’ll be honest with you, every once in a while I spot a real
rube, you know? Somebody with no real awareness of the world around him
and what’s happening in it. And, in a moment of weakness, when I see a
soft-headed character like that, occasionally I’ll try to exploit his
dull wits by engaging the poor schmuck in a financial transaction
that’s lopsided to my own benefit.

Look, the way I see it,
a guy like that, either he’s too dumb to ever figure out he’s been had,
in which case he lives out the rest of his dimwitted days happy and
secure in the belief that he got himself a good deal, or else he
figures it out after the fact, and in this way he learns an important
and valuable lesson about looking out for himself, and you could say
that I sold him something that was worth every penny he gave me: I sold
him an education.

But you, naw, you’re a smart cookie, I can
tell. You got a sharp eye; I can see you sizing me up, and you’re
saying “who is this guy? What does he want? What’s his angle? What’s
the set-up here? What’s the deal?” Well, I’ll tell you, Mac, honest
injun, there’s no set-up. I wouldn’t try to pull one over on a clever
fella like yourself. I got brains enough myself to be able to tell you
aren’t the type to get taken in by any kind of fast-talk, sure.

So
let me just lay it on the line for you. I came to this town, nice town,
by the way, real friendly people, but I came to this town for a poker
tournament I read about in a trade journal to which I subscribe. Now, I
play pretty good cards, but fella, this was the weekend my luck ran out
for good. Stay away from gamblers, friend, it’s a sickness, and it’ll
eat you right up.

So now I’m completely busted, cleaned out.
And I have to catch the next bus back home to Chicago if I’m going to
make it home in time to see my daughter in the hospital, which they
tell me she’s only got a couple days to live. And all I have to my name
is this 8-port Fast Ethernet switch that my Dad gave me when I was a
kid, and his old man gave it to him, and so on. And what it is, is it
instantly expands your network, ‘cause you can use it to link up to
eight PCs or Ethernet devices, and it auto-switches for fast
connections all the way around.

But what makes it really
special to me, and why I wouldn’t sell it unless I was really, really
desperate, is that it’s also got a genie in it that grants wishes in
sets of three, of which I only used one, so there’s two left, and it
kills me to sell it, but I can tell you’re the kind of guy who wouldn’t
squander that kind of awesome power; you’d make good use of it, which
is why I picked you out of everybody who’s passed by here to make this
offer to.

What’s that? Use a wish to get home, or better yet cure my daughter?

Hmn. Yeah. See, I knew you were sharp. You got a keen mind, it’s always working, I respect that. Well, see, the thing about THAT is, uh…

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 8-port Fast Ethernet switch instantly expands your network
• Link up to 8 PC or Ethernet devices with a fast, auto-switching Ethernet connection
• Supports Windows® and Macintosh® platforms at speeds of up to 10 or 100 Mbps over Ethernet cables
• Every port automatically senses the right speed and full/half duplex mode
• AutoUplink™ technology adjusts for two major types of connection cables
• Embedded plug-and-play technology—simply turn it on and it works
• Sleek, compact design

Physical Specifications

• Dimensions: FS608: 171×113.2×28.5 mm (6.73×4.46×1.12 in)
• Weight: FS608: 0.278 kg (0.614 lb)
• Maximum power consumption 7.5W DC operating voltage 7.5V at 1A input
• 8 auto-speed sensing 10/100 Mbps ports; Auto Uplink™ (MDI-MDIX) for connection to other hubs and switches without special cables

Standards Compliance

• IEEE 802.3i 10BASE-T Ethernet
• IEEE 802.3u 100BASE-TX Fast Ethernet
• IEEE 802.3x Flow Control
• Compatible with Microsoft® Windows®, Mac® OS, NetWare®, Linux®

LED Interfaces

• System power
• Link, speed and activity indicators for each port

Safety Agency Approvals for Power Adapter

• C-Tick, CE mark

Environmental Specifications

• Operating temperature: 0° to 40°C (32° to 104°F)
• Operating relative humidity: 10%-90% non-condensing

In the box:

• 8-port 10/100 Mbps Fast Ethernet Switch
• AC power adapter

Look out, ladies of West Oaks Shopping Centre. You have no idea what’s about to hit you.

I
may not have a hot car or a flattering hairstyle. I may not have gotten
my skin condition under control, or broken my Beef-A-Roni addiction
(although I’m down to four cans a day now). But when you get one look
at my Velocity Micro Ultimate Keyboard manufactured by Creative Labs,
well…don’t everybody throw me your underthings all at once.

See,
this keyboard is too fly to leave at home. That’s why I worked up this
battery harness, so I can carry the keyboard around with me wherever I
go, without losing a lumen of its shine. Just check out that ice-cool
blue backlighting, the glowing keys, those ultra-smooth ground effects.
No, I don’t mind if you bask in the glow. Bask away, baby. What, not
bright enough for you? I’ll just increase the lighting level on the
keys. It has four, you know.

Four lighting levels, I mean. Not four keys.

It
has a lot more keys than that. And five of them are programmable
M-keys, for gaming maneuvers beyond the capabilities of normal human
keys: continuous fire, weapon switches, and other special moves.
Speaking of which, ladies, I have a lot of special moves. And a couple
of them have nothing to do with video games.

They’re WordPerfect macros, specifically. The hottest WordPerfect macros you’ve ever seen.

So
when you’re walking through West Oaks and you get blinded by a blue
glow of sexiness, don’t be afraid. It’s just me and my Velocity Micro
Ultimate Keyboard. Anybody know where I can get some spinning rims for
this thing?

Warranty: 1 Year Creative

Features:

• Adjust the intensity of the keyboards per key ambient backlighting and ground effects
• Give
  swift commands on the battlefield using the five programmable M keys.
  Set up single, multiple and combined keystrokes for fast action when
  every second counts. Save precious time by letting the key run
  continuously with just one touch
• Pack your gear. It’s time
  to move out! Stow the cord away when you’re off to the next competition
  using the CableGuard cord manager. Plus, you can shorten your cable
  when a full length cord is not needed
• The Spectre packs all of its features into a tight compact design ideal for any sized desk or backpack
• USB 1.1 and 2.0 Compatible
• 4 levels of lighting intensity
• 116 Keys + 3 Lighting Intensity Keys

In the box:

• Velocity Micro Ultimate Keyboard
• Software CD
• Quick Start guide

And oh, how they laughed! The two-pack of Philips SHE2617 In-Ear
Headphones ran gayly through the fields of their childhood, positively
bubbling with joy! Bluery rode Bluepin’s back, and then Bluepin rode
Sam. Yet Sam never once strayed too far from the side of his master,
Bluedo. For there was still a great darkness about Bluedo, as though
his Neodymium magnets had ceased to function and his Flexi-Grip was
failing to make a strong, flexible connection. So it cheered Sam to no
end to see Bluedo with a smile upon his face, and his 15mm speaker
driver providing optimized comfort.

And why not? For the
four friends were together once more, two pairs, each side by side with
the life-partner with whom they most adored. Was it not Bludeo and Sam
who chose the path to Mount Flamer when no one else dared? Was it not
Bluery and Bluepin who ran off to the big city and became friends with
an hundred year old tree-man who paid their rent? And now, at last,
they were together again, just like they had been when they were
younger, like that day they ran naked on the lawn of a complete
stranger who lived in the middle of the woods without a care in the
world. The stories they told, the secrets they shared, oh, it was like
magic!

At sunset, the Philips SHE2617 In-Ear
Headphones sat on the old stone wall and looked at the rainbow, their
twin vents balancing the high sounds with the bass tones. They knew
that whatever came next, be it iPod, Sansa or iPhone, it was something
that two pack of Philips SHE2617 In-Ear Headphones would find a way to gayly overcome, just like they gayly overcame the day they were surprised by that bear!

But
memories were best shared around a fire, and it was growing dark. So
they skipped down the hill, hand in hand, Bluery and Bluepin, Bluedo
and Sam, Philips SHE2617 In-Ear Headphones
two packs all, off to a single room at the inn and a good night’s rest,
and, with luck, they would awaken feeling twice as gay, and be ready
for their next big, manly adventure.

Warranty: 1 Year Philips

Features:

• In-ear headphones with a balanced, and natural sound
• Neodymium magnet enhances bass performance and sensitivity
• Twin vents balance the high sounds and bass tones
• 15mm speaker driver optimizes wearing comfort
• Ear cushions improve wearing comfort and bass response
• Durable Flexi-Grip makes a strong flexible connection
• Works great with iPod, Sansa, or iPhone 3G

Specifications:

• Acoustic system: Open
• Magnet type: Neodymium
• Voice coil: Copper
• Diaphragm: Mylar dome
• Frequency response: 12 – 22 000 Hz
• Impedance: 16 Ohm
• Maximum power input: 50 mW
• Sensitivity: 106 dB
• Speaker diameter: 15 mm
• Type: Dynamic
• Cable Connection: Two-parallel, symmetric
• Cable length: 1.0 m
• Connector: 3.5 mm stereo
• Finishing of connector: Chrome plated
• Type of cable: Copper

In the box:

• 2 Sets of Philips SHE2617 In-Ear Headphones

Sharp LC32SH20U-R 32” LCD HDTV
Class of 2009
“God must have spent a little more time on you.”

Accomplishments
- A/V Club
- K100’s “Battle Of The Bands” participant
- 2 10 watt built in speakers
- 1366×768 native resolution

Voted “Best Eyes”
Voted “Most Talented”
Voted “Cutest Posterior, Men’s Division”

Sharp LC32SH20U-R 32” LCD HDTV is gone! Who can forget how many times he’s said that this year? Sharp LC32SH20U-R 32” LCD HDTV will be taking some time off to work with his band, HDMI With HDCP,
in an attempt to get a record deal. He’s already being courted by the
producer of the Backstreet Boys, who says he’s just the right age!
Maybe we’ll see you on VH1 some day, Sharp LC32SH20U-R 32” LCD HDTV.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty (30 Day Sharp Direct)

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Features:

• 32” 720p LCD
• 1366×768 native resolution
• Built in ATSC/NTSC tuner
• 60,000 hour lamp life
• 2 10 watt built in speakers
• HDMI with HDCP terminal, 2 S-video, and 1 component port
• Coaxial Digital audio output x 1 (PCM/Dolby Digital)

Specifications:

• LCD Panel: 32” Advanced Super View & BLACK TFT LCD
• Number of dots: 3,147,264 dots (1366×768 x 3 dots)
• TV Standard (CCIR): American TV Standard ATSC/NTSC System
• Backlight: 60,000 hours (at Backlight Standard position)
• Audio out: 10W x 2
• Input 1: AV in, S-video in
• Input 2: AV in, S-video in
• Input 3: Component in, Audio in
• Input 4: HDMI in with HDCP, Audio in
• Ant/Cable: 75 Ω Unbalance, F Type x 1 for Analog (VHF/UHF/CATV) and Digital (AIR/CABLE)
• Digital Audio Output: Coaxial Digital audio output x 1 (PCM/Dolby Digital)
• Output: Audio Out
• OSD Language: English/French/Spanish
• Power Requirement: AC 120 V, 60 Hz
• Power Consumption: 170 W (Standby 1W)
• Weight with out stand: 33.1 lbs./15.0 kg
• Weight with stand: 37.8 lbs./17.1 kg
• Dimension with out stand (W x H x D): 32 21/64×23 15/64×4 45/64 inch
• Dimension with stand (W x H x D): 32 21/64×25 9/16×11 9/64 inch
• Operating Temperature: +32°F to +104°F (0°C to +40°C)

In the box:

• Sharp LC32SH20U-R 32” 720p LCD HDTV
• Remote Control
• Power Cable
  

Tang. It means “the metal that extends into the handle”. It’s also a
drink that astronauts love. Astronauts who go up in rockets that were
partly designed by a man named Wernher Von Braun, who designed the V-2
missiles for Germany in WWII. And these “German Style” knives have full tang. See how easy that is?

We’re
all interconnected. A butterfly in China flaps a wing and a housewife
in Seattle picks up a boner. That’s right, Seattle loves the boners.
And they’re just as fond of the chopper, or the chef’s knife, or the
carving knife. But mostly, the boner.

If you’re looking to
cut something, but don’t want to pay a lot of money, the Perfection
“German Style” 11pc Knife Set with Cutting Board might be a good way to
go. If you’re just looking to dress up like The Devil for Halloween,
you’ll enjoy the giant fork. Really, there’s something for everyone.
Except the butterfly. Stop trying to control us with your wing,
jerkface!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• 11 piece knife set, helps you prepare almost any meal
• Sharpener allows you to keep your knifes sharp
• Made from stainless steel with reinforced rivets
• 13.5” by 17.5” wood cutting board
• The knife metal extends all the way to the butt for a full tang

In the box:

• Chopper
• Chef Knife
• Bread Knife
• Carving Knife
• Boning Knife
• Utility Knife
• Paring Knife
• Sharpening Steel
• Fork
• Scissors
• Cutting Board

Clear your mind. Still your thoughts. Look into my eyes. Subconscio
the Great, world-famous mesmerist, commands it! That’s it…relax…your
eyelids are becoming heavy. Heavy. In the literal sense, not in the
hippie sense. Yes, you’re right. Eyelids are weird when you think about
it. But that’s not what I mean. Stop distracting Subconscio the Great!

Now
you’re getting sleepy. Sleepy. That’s it…relax…you are now completely
asleep, yet you can hear my voice perfectly, just like being in class
on the morning after a Sig Chi kegger.

Listen to me now.
The next time you need 1GB of portable Flash memory for data storage
and transfer, you will purchase the Kingston FCR-MRB+SDC/1GB Micro SD Card & USB Reader. It’s a tiny 1Gb MicroCD card with its own USB-equipped battle armor. Subconscio uses one just like it when I walk the material world.

Also, the next time you smell the aroma of frying fish, you will immediately remove all of your clothing.

When
I snap my fingers, you will awaken. You will obey Subconscio’s commands
even though you will not remember them. Subconscio has disturbing
psychological issues that can only be addressed in the seemingly benign
context of hypnotic parlor tricks. You will completely forget how
creepy this whole thing is.

snap

You
awake now? Cool. Well, I couldn’t do much with you. Your mind is just
too strong for Subconscio the Great to push around. Yep, tough nut to
crack, you are. Hey, you wanna get some lunch? I’m thinking Long John
Silver’s.

Warranty: Lifetime Kingston

Features:

• 1GB of MicroSD flash memory
• Versatile — works with microSD/microSDHC cards
• Compliant — with USB 2.0, SD Specification Version 2.00
• Portable — easily fits in your pocket to take it with you
• Easy — plug-and-play into any USB 2.0 or 1.1 port

Reader Specifications:

• Dimensions — 1.29” x 0.60” x 0.30” (32.89mm x 15.3mm x 7.66mm)
• Operating Temperature — 0° to 60° C / 32° to 140° F
• Storage temperatures — -40° to 85° C / -40° to 185° F
• Weight — 0.137 oz (3.8g)

In the box:

• 1GB Micro SD Card and USB Micro Reader

The Compaq 6820s 17” Notebook PC is… hang on… YES, GRAMPA, I KNOW HEART IS FULL OF CRAZY WOMEN BUT I’M BUSY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry. The Compaq 6820s 17” Notebook PC is kinda old fashioned these
days, since it’s got a 2.0 GHz Celeron processor with 1MB L2 cache and
a 533 front side bus. It also has a 160GB 5400 SATA hard drive, and maybe you want something more for that when you… just a second… NO, GRAMPA, I DIDN’T KNOW THEY’RE GIVING ALL THE LICENSING MONEY FROM THAT SONG TO OBAMA BUT I DON’T REALLY CARE EITHER.
Sorry again. I was saying that it’s running Vista so that may not be
the best for you. But if you know how to tweak and it you’re giving to
someone who isn’t going to use it much, you might have a really good
Christmas… hang on once more… GRAMPA, I’M TRYING TO SET UP YOUR LAPTOP, I DON’T CARE WHO INVENTED THE BLACKBERRY OR WHAT “MAGIC MAN” IS REALLY ABOUT. So if you know someone who isn’t really going to be using that DVD/CD-RW combo LightScribe DVD±
RW SuperMulti with Double Layer optical drive to the fullest, you’ll be
okay with the Compaq 6820s 17” Notebook PC. Maybe it could even be your
wardriving computer. NO, GRAMPA, I DIDN’T SAY YOU WERE GOING DRIVING, JUST WATCH YOUR BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP VIDEOS UNTIL I’M DONE UP STAIRS. AND STOP BLAMING CAMERON CROWE, NONE OF THIS IS HIS FAULT. Sheesh.

Warranty: 1 Year HP Compaq

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Features:

• 2.0GHz Intel Celeron 550 Processor with 1MB L2 cache and 533MHz front side bus
• 2GB 667 MHz DDR2 PC2-5300 SDRAM
• 160GB 5400 RPM SATA Hard Drive
• DVD/CD-RW combo LightScribe DVD±RW SuperMulti with Double Layer optical drive
• 17 inch WXGA+ BrightView with anti-glare
• ATI Mobility Radeon X1350 (64 or 128-bit 4-channel DDR dedicated graphics memory) Microsoft DirectX 9 capable
• Windows Vista Basic Operating System
• Energy Star qualified with 6-cell (55WHr) Lithium-Ion battery
• External
  90-watt AC adapter, 6-foot (1.8-meter) power cord included. Total
  length including external AC adapter is 12 feet (3.66 meter)
• 3 USB 2.0 data ports
• Intel Fast Ethernet Integrated Controller (10/100 NIC) with 56K V.92 modem and 802.11 a/b/g wireless network support

Specifications:

In the box:

• Compaq 6820s 17” Notebook PC
• Battery
• Recovery Discs
• Power Supply
• Owners Manual

There was no reason to expect anything out of the ordinary that fateful day at the government’s mountainside remote-control research lab. As usual, an elite team of the best and brightest engineers from America’s top technical institutes were busy perfecting remote controllers, working diligently, knowing they were pitted against the Soviets in a top-secret race to develop better AV accessories.

Suddenly, and without warning, a radioactive meteorite crashed through the facility’s huge, beautiful but otherwise purposeless plate glass window! The impact was devastating! Fires broke out, destroying years of painstaking research! Toxic fumes filled the compound! The Wilhelm Scream rang through the halls!

That was years ago. The facility is nothing but rubble now, its precise location known only to a handful of high-ranking personnel. Military intelligence maintains that there were no survivors.

And yet, all across America today, citizens report sighting a new kind of remote control: A huge, mutant remote control, compatible with most major brands of AV components, and covered in enormous, glow-in-the-dark buttons.

Perhaps they are here to help us—replacing the various and sundry remotes that clutter America’s coffee tables. Or do they instead intend to exact deadly vengeance against the nation whose unchecked experiments helped create a race of giant-sized monster freaks?

No one knows! Dare you invite one into your home? DARE YOU?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Glow in the dark buttons
  
• Manages up to eight separate devices
  
• Compatible with most major brands of AV components
  
• Code search button discovers device codes automatically
  
• Programmable power OFF timer
  
• Extra-large soft-touch buttons for easy navigation
  
• Jumbo-sized—never misplace your remote control again
  
• Requires two AA batteries (not included)

In the box:

• Glow in the Dark Jumbo Universal Remote
  
• Instruction Manual

Looj spelled backwards is jewel. Isn’t that lovely? Once you clean
up the spelling issue. Jewels don’t come out of the ground all shiny,
you know. You gotta cut them down before they look good. So get off our
back, man.

Anyway, the iRobot Looj is a real treasure. If your gutter fits this template, you’ve got a friend for life. Like a long, thin R2D2, the Looj will snuggle through your gutters with a three stage auger that spins both ways at 500 RPM. That’s right, just like Lindsay Lohan. Allegedly. MAN, that’s hot.

As
autumn approaches, those gutters are only going to get more and more
fuller. Wouldn’t you rather spend your time learning proper English
grammar to avoid embarrassment at the Holiday Jamboree? Let the iRobot
Looj take care of the hard work.

Warranty: 1 Year iRobot

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Features:

• Makes regular gutter cleaning faster, easier, and safer
• Cleans dry and wet leaves, pine needles, pine cones and other debris typically found in a gutter
• Works with standard K-style, aluminum, copper, metal or vinyl gutters
• Can clean a 60-foot section of gutter in 10 minutes
• Wireless handle/remote, you control the direction of the robot and the 3-stage auger
• 3-stage auger spins at 500 RPM to break up sludge and clogs, lift out debris and brush your gutters clean
• Clean-up is fast and easy. Simply remove the handle/remote and hose off dirt and debris
• Looj fits in gutters that are at least 3-1/4” wide. Gutter straps must be at least 2-1/4” from the bottom of the gutter, as Looj is just under 2 ¼” high and must pass under the straps during operation. Measure your gutters and straps to ensure Looj will work properly
• Operates on a 7.2V Nickel Cadmium rechargeable battery, and lasts for 30 to 45 minutes depending upon the amount of debris and sludge clogging your gutters. (Battery life can be improved by only charging the battery when it is fully depleted)

In the box:

• iRobot Looj 120 Gutter Cleaning Robot
• Auger
• Handle/Remote (2 AA batteries required)
• Belt Clip
• NiCad Rechargeable Battery
• Battery Charger

Dr. Hometruth: Now, Eloise, what seems to be the trouble?

Eloise Skittish: It’s pronounced “el-waz”. It’s French.

Dr. Hometruth: Of course, el-waz. Now, how can I help today?

Eloise Skittish:
Well I was running up these steps to exercise my legs because I was
worried about gangrene setting in because I sit down at my job so much
you know? And I started not being able to breathe and I kept being like
well I’ll be able to breathe soon but I wasn’t so I started to panic
and you know when I panic I get all-

Dr. Hometruth: I told you last time, just because you get short of breath when exercising does not mean you have black lung.

Eloise Skittish: No no Doctor it’s my heart! MY HEART
doctor! I counted my pulse and I think I might have a murmur because
one minute it beat 75 times and the next minute I’m pretty sure it beat
77 times and I saw this thing on 20/20 about it!

Dr. Hometruth:
Well, that’s not exactly a heart murmur. Listen, why don’t we try this
WS-820Q Wrist Blood Pressure & Irregular Heartbeat Detector? Not
only will it help detect any signs of an irregular heartbeat well in
advance of any problems developing, it’ll also help you read and track
your systolic and diastolic blood pressure.

Eloise Skittish: My blood pressure? Why? Is there a problem?

Dr. Hometruth: No, no, of course not. It’s just an additional precaution-

Eloise Skittish:
Now that you mention it, I can feel it! I can feel my blood pressing on
my veins! Oh my God, my God, doctor, doctor! This is just like that one
Guiding Light ! How much time do I have left? Give it to me straight!

Warranty: Lifetime Mark of Fittness

Features:

• Irregular Heartbeat Detection – helps identify this precusor to atrial fibrillation
• 2-person, 30-time Memory with Date & Time and Average
• Fast, Accurate Readings of Systolic and Diastolic Blood Pressures and Pulse
• Clinically Proven Accurate
• IQ SystemTM measures in about half the time for better comfort
• Large liquid crystal display is easy-to-read
• Runs on 2 AAA alkaline batteries (Not Included)
• Includes carry case & tracking chart
• Instructions in English, French, Spanish & Portuguese
• Lifetime Warranty

In the box:

• Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor
• User’s Manual
• Quick Start Guide
• Wellness Tracking Chart

iiiiiPod! I got myself a little iiiiiPod!
And I gotta squeal omiiiiigod, what a lucky brat am I!
iiiiiPod! Can’t believe I got an iiiiiPod!
Mommy’s calling up the viiiiice squad ‘cause she thinks I must be high!

iiiiiPod! 30-gig video iiiiiPod!
Mom and Dad can be such tiiiiightwads, I didn’t think I had a chance—
To own an iiiiiPod! A fifth generation iiiiiPod!
I’ve got goosebumps over myyyyy body and I think I crapped my pants!

.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

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Features:

• 30GB of storage space for music, photos, movies, and typical computer files
• 2.5 inch (diagonal) QVGA transflective display with over 65,000-color liquid crystal display and white LED backlight
• 320×240 pixel resolution with support for display of multiple languages and characters simultaneously
• Upgradable firmware enables support for future audio and video formats
• Supports AAC (16 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Music Store), MP3 (16 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3 and 4), Apple Lossless, AIFF and WAV audio files
• H.264 video up to 768 Kbps, 320×240, 30 frames per sec., Baseline Profile up to Level 1.3 with AAC-LC up to 160 Kbps, 48 KHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4 and .mov file formats; MPEG-4 video up to 2.5 Mbps, 480×480, 30 frames per sec., Simple Profile with AAC-LC up to 160 Kbps, 48 KHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4 and .mov video file formats
• Built
  in rechargeable lithium ion battery that provides up to 14 hours of
  music, 3 hours of viewing photos, or 2 hours of video when fully charged

Specifications:

Mac system requirements

• Macintosh computer with USB port (USB 2.0 recommended)
• Mac OS X v10.3.9 or later

Windows system requirements

• PC with USB port or card (USB 2.0 recommended)
• Windows 2000 with Service Pack 4 or later, or Windows XP Home or Professional with Service Pack 2 or later

In the box:

• iPod
• Data Cable
• Ear buds

Please answer honestly and make sure your marks are heavy and dark.

1) On a Friday night, I would prefer:

a) To go out to a motel with a beautiful person of my preferred gender.
b) To stay at home and watch The Venture Brothers.
c) Both a and b.

2) If the opportunity presented itself, I would:

a) Take a free weekend trip as part of my business.
b) Stay at home at watch basketball.
c) Both a and b.

3) If existing A/V components and PC allowed me to stream my home HDTV or SDTV programming, I would:

a) Feel kinda dumb about needing to watch so much televison.
b) Be thrilled that I could watch Heroes on the beach.
c) Buy six and pretend I was Telstar.

STOP. If you have answered C to one or more questions, immediately purchase the Pinnacle PCTV To Go HD Wireless.

Warranty: One year Pinnacle

Features:

• Connect PCTV to go HD to your Cable Box, Satellite dish, Tivo, DVR then you can take your TV with you.
• Enjoy your home HDTV or SDTV programming wherever you are, at the office, a hotel room, other rooms of your home or anywhere there is an Internet connection
• Works with existing A/V components and PC technologies
• Allows you to pause, rewind and record your favorite TV shows
• No set-up or monthly service fees
• Watch and control TV in full screen MPEG-2 DVD like quality in and around your home on your PC
• Watch and control high-quality MPEG-4 TV content remotely anywhere in the world on an Internet connected PC
• Wireless set-up makes installation of PCTV To Go a breeze
• Control all your TV features from your PC – remotely change channels, Video sources, and even control your home Digital Video Recorder
• Wirelessly communicates to your existing network or directly to your wireless PC
• Pause and rewind live TV or record your favorite TV shows with the included PCTV To Go Player
• Works as a TV source within a wirelessly connected Microsoft Media Center Edition equipped PC (also compatible with Windows Vista Home Premium)

Minimum System Requirements:

• Microsoft Windows Vista, XP Home or Pro, or XP Media Center Edition w/ SP2 or higher
• Computer with minimum Pentium or Athlon 1GHz or higher (1.5GHz or higher recommended)
• 512MB RAM (1GB RAM for Windows Vista Home Premium and Ultimate)
• Disk space: 75MB to install PCTV To Go software; at least 500MB for time-shifting ; 10 GB recommended for recording
• Wireless LAN 802.11g adapter (for wireless configuration and operations)
• Available RJ-45 Ethernet port on PC or LAN (for wired configuration and operation)
• Wireless LAN 802.11g adapter (for wireless configuration and operations)
• DirectX® 9 or higher compatible sound card (M-Audio® or Creative® Audigy® recommended)
• DVD burner for creating DVDs
• CD or DVD burner for creating CDs

Hardware Inputs/Outputs:

• Component Video
• Composite Video
• S-Video
• Stereo Audio

Video and TV Sources Inputs & Outputs:

• Digital Cable Set Top Box
• Digital Video Recorder
• Satellite Receiver
• DVD Player/VCR/Camcorder

In the box:

• Pinnacle PCTV To Go HD Wireless hardware
• WiFi 802.11g Antennas (2)
• Composite Video and Stereo Audio Cable
• IR Blaster Cable for remote control
• AC Adapter (100-240V 50-60Hz)
• Pinnacle PCTV To Go Quick Start Guide
• Pinnacle PCTV To Go CD-ROM

Westinghouse SK-26H520S 26” Widescreen LCD HDTV
Class of 2009
“Control yourself, take only what you need from it.”

Accomplishments
- Supports all TV formats
- ATSC/NTSC/QAM
- Safety Patrol

Voted “Most Slim And Portable”
Tri-County Chess Mini-Grandmaster

We expect Westinghouse SK-26H520S 26” Widescreen LCD HDTV
to break down in tears as he leaves us behind. He’s been a fixture in
the halls since the day he put on his beloved sash. Maybe it cost him
some friendships, or some dates but his duty always came first.
Westinghouse SK-26H520S 26” Widescreen LCD HDTV
will be training as a Security Guard and hopes his first post will be
back here next September. We’ll keep the pizza under the warmer for
you, Westinghouse SK-26H520S 26” Widescreen LCD HDTV!

Warranty: 90 Day Westinghouse

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Features:

• 26” Diagonal LCD HDTV
• 16:9 aspect ratio
• 1366×768 native resolution
• Capable of displaying 16.7 million colors
• 2 HDMI ports
• NTSC, ATSC, and ClearQAM tuners
• DayBright anti-glare coating, perfect viewing in any lighting condition
• 8ms response time
• 800:1 contrast ratio with 75% NTSC color gamut
• 160° Horizontal 150° Vertical viewing angle
• Auto Source feature automatically detects a source and switches to it
• Spine Design allows for easy access to inputs, and keeps cables organized

Specifications: