At the roundtable inside Fort Justice, the headquarters of the Super League of Heroes, today:
Nightwitch:
I sense a power rising in the East, a beast of many colors slithering
from the depths to usurp the trophy of power from the red-footed
titans. O deity! The beast is come!
The Green Bomb: And I still say you’re nuts. There’s no way the Devil Rays are going to win the division.
General Freedom:
Can we come to order here? We’ve kept our guests waiting long enough.
We’re here to choose the newest member for the League from these two
fine candidates. We’re not just looking for someone with awesome powers
and a strong jaw – we need a team player, too, the kind who won’t throw a fit when he gets a lame Christmas gift. Now, Captain Sensational II: can you sum up your case for us again?
Captain Sensational II: Well, as you all know, my late father, the original Captain Sensational, was a member of the League for many years.
Sunboy: But that was…
Moongirl: …on Pseudo-Earth, before they…
Sunboy: …retconned it away.
The Ogre: BBBHHHHGGGLLLLL!
Captain Sensational II:
Still, continuity aside, he did good work. I’ve managed to get his old
gravity cuffs working again, and I’m a couple of tweaks away from
fixing the force-belt good as new. Also, as an Urban City police
detective, I’m trained in crimefighting techniques, and I’m in
excellent physical condition. Last week, I made my first bust: a joint
effort by the Super-Krime Kabal and al-Qaeda to feed Urban City
schoolchildren radioactive milk and create a new generation of
super-jihadists. In short, although I still need some seasoning, I
think I’d be an effective and valuable member of the Super League of
Heroes.
General Freedom: You make a strong case, Captain.
The Retributator: His heartbeat checks out. He’s telling the truth. Or believes he is, at least.
The Ogre: RWRWRWRWR!
General Freedom: Now, we’ll hear from our other candidate for League membership, the iRobot Roomba Scheduler 4296.
iRobot Roomba Scheduler 4296: WHRRRRRRR WHRRRRRR WHZZZZZZZZZ VVVMMMMMMMM
Moongirl: What is he…
Sunboy: …talking about?
The Green Bomb: Hey Glinda, can you do anything with this?
Nightwatch: A translation spell…The floorboards gather dust, the carpet’s fraying…o spirits, let us hear what this vacuum is saying!
iRobot Roomba Scheduler 4296:
Uh, hey, guys. What I was trying to say was, my patented three-stage
cleaning system picks up dust, debris, and hair from wood, tile,
linoleum, and low-to-medium-pile carpet. My scheduler lets you set me
to work whenever, so you don’t have to worry about the place being
messy when you come back from fighting Infraworms in the Silicon
Dimension. The virtual wall will keep me from getting zapped by the
lasers in the training room, and my bagless debris bin is a cinch to
empty. Basically, I’m built for capturing evildoers, assuming those
evildoers are really, really tiny.
The Retributator: Would’ve come in handy against Particle Squad.
Sunboy: Not to mention the hairballs…
Moongirl: …a certain League member keeps leaving all over the place!
The Ogre: MMMMMMGRRRRRAWWWWLLL!
Captain Sensational II: With all due respect, I think I’d be a more versatile -
General Freedom:
Sorry, Captain, the time for statements is over. The League will now
retire to closed session to consider the proposed members. Uh, Roomba?
iRobot Roomba Scheduler 4296: What can I do for you, Cap?
General Freedom:
Before we head into the Inner Sanctum, could you have a run around the
room? The Ogre was eating Funyons at the last closed session, and he’s
not the most delicate eater.
The Ogre: GGGGHHHHAAAAAA!
Warranty: 90 days iRobot
Features:
- Case and color may vary based on manufacturer’s choosing. All units include Scheduler technology.
- The Roomba Scheduler cleans around your schedule, making it more autonomous than ever.
- Scheduling capability allows you to program your Roomba to clean at a preset time, up to 7 different times per week, all at your convenience.
- Scheduling remote allows for programming the cleaning of specific areas
- Scheduling virtual walls automatically turn on when you schedule your Roomba to clean.
- Advanced power system provides up to 120 minutes of cleaning power
- Active Dirt Response detects dirtier areas and automatically increases cleaning intensity
- Automatic stair avoidance system prevents falling down on stairs
- Automatic surface transitioning adjusts entire cleaning head for both carpet and hard floor
- Returns to charging Home Base when re-charging is necessary
- Edge-cleaning side brush grabs dirt and debris from walls and other hard-to-reach areas
- Low-profile design fits under beds, sofas, and other tight spots where conventional vacuums can’t reach
- On-board artificial intelligence navigate between walls and furniture legs and self-adjusts for carpet, tile, and wood floors.
- Multi-Surface Cleaning: hardwood, tile, linoleum, and low-to-medium pile carpet
- Max Mode: run the Roomba for the full charge of the battery to vacuum multiple rooms
- Spot Mode: intensely cleans one area of a room up to 3 feet in diameter
- Status Sensor: Roomba immediately detects when it’s stuck and initiates its careful escape routine
- Remanufactured to “like-new” condition; may contain minor cosmetic blemishes. 90 day manufacturer’s warranty.
In the Box:
-
Remanufactured iRobot Roomba (case and color may vary)
- Scheduling
remote
- Scheduling virtual walls (2)
- Home base
- 2 Replacement Filters
- Fast charger
- APS battery
Price: 99.9900
